r/ADHD • u/fried_biology • 24d ago
Success/Celebration My ADHD daughter outsmarted herself this morning
Last night I packed her a veggie try for lunch today. She got up and went to school, then called her dad and texted me asking us if we could bring her lunch as she left it at home. Unfortunately her dad was already at work, and I had a full day of calls, so I sent her some money for lunch. 10 minutes later she text me back saying she found her lunch. She had put it in the trunk with her school bags so she didn't forget it in the car when she went into school, then forgot she put it in the trunk.
I'm going to count this as a win, despite the panic when she thought she wasn't going to have lunch.
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u/1Corgi_2Cats 24d ago
Ugh, those kinds of things make me irrationally annoyed with myself. Like I was so smart that I went full circle and landed back at dumb? What is this??
Usually after the fact I can laugh about it. But in the moment the anxiety/stress gets to me and I just want to stomp my feet and cry like a toddler for the dumb of it.
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u/vButts 24d ago
Omg that was me today! I switched cars with my husband and went to the climbing gym. Realized i forgot my gym bag in my other car, but i remembered i had put extra shoes in the trunk for this exact reason! Dig through trunk, can't find it, drive home cursing myself. Can't find it at home. Realized it WAS in the trunk all along, but I just wasnt searching in the right spot 🤦🏻♀️
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u/grassman76 24d ago
Saturday morning, I had to go to a viewing, so I had on nice clothes. I brought work clothes with me to change so I could head to my grandmothers house that we're cleaning out to get the floors scrubbed after the viewing. I went to change, and realized I left my boots at home. I wasn't about to destroy my dress shoes crawling around scrubbing a floor, so I had to drive 20 minutes back the wrong direction to get them, then a half hour south to where I was going. After I did so, I realized I could have worn my old backup pair of boots that I leave in my truck. I even picked them up and moved them, while looking for my regular boots in the first place. Didn't even occur to me that those would work just fine and save me an hour.
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u/moxyfoxys 23d ago
This , air tags/tile are saving me 15 min a day Not looking for my keys and phone, I need more one that I can put on my head would be good
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u/clock_project 24d ago
But I love the fleeting hope that this will turn into a habit of being on top of things. Emphasis on "fleeting"
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u/weirdwolfkid 24d ago
yes me too I get so annoyed about it because its my own fault. I put my car keys on top of anything I dont want to forget. Sometimes that even means in the grocery bag with my lunch in it in the fridge.
Sometimes I forget I have this habit and then make myself late looking for my keys which are in the bag I already removed from the fridge
or I put my water bottle by the door so I dont forget but then because it isnt in the normal place, I walk right past it and spend my whole work day drinking water out of a coffee cup >:(
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u/RedesigningWoman ADHD-C (Combined type) 24d ago
I thought some people might be interested in a take on why this happens, and how to potentially fix it. The problem is essentially with both working memory and executive function. If you make a written reminder that you must act on, that makes up for the deficiencies. For things I’d typically forget, like my coffee in the travel mug, and my phone, I’ve used a checklist on the front door with those items. You can use a Post-it or set up a whiteboard or mini chalkboard. Note to self: make a new front door checklist (since I’ve recently moved back into my house after construction)! Another idea I have, and need to test: when you put something in a “special place“, take a picture and send it to yourself.
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u/-AllCatsAreBeautiful 24d ago
"And here's my keys by my bed, and here's my keys in the fridge ... Oooh, look, keys' first day at the beach! (Awww!) And here they are down a drain! They're so cute at this age!"
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u/slhnicholson 23d ago
I use an app called finch and put these things on my goals list so I remember. I do it for so many things
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u/ranmachan85 24d ago
Like when I think I'm going to be better by putting my medication on my nightstand so I won't forget to take it, only to rush through the morning routine so I missed them because they weren't in the kitchen, then panic because I'm out of the house and may not get back to take it, only to find out I never took out from my bag the travel pill box with extra ADHD meds after a trip I took months ago, because whenever I saw it at the bottom of my backpack I thought about putting them back but then I was like "wouldn't it be crazy if I needed this on emergency?" So I procrastinated taking them out of my bag but then I actually needed them so everything was ok.
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u/Accomplished-Pin3391 24d ago
I take one pill out and put it on my bedside table to take when my alarm goes off, but before I have to get up. If I have to try and reach for the bottle and fish one out while I'm still asleep.... it's not happening. Important note! I have had to stop myself from taking it immediately at night because it's in my hand with my water nearby! So far, so good.
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u/Artashyr 24d ago
I have had to do a complete separation of past and current self. I have no control over what past-self did.
Sometimes im surprised by how smart past-self was. Like "Dang, i dont think i would have ever thought of that".
Other times past self is a total moron that i have to clean up after. This keeps me from self deprecation, but the flip side is that I sound insane.
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u/serenalese 24d ago
I once locked myself outside on my deck because I was trying to be conscientious in two ways that cancelled each other out- prop up the locking bar for my sliding door so it automatically locks when I close the door after coming back inside + closing the door while I'm outside to keep the cold out = automatically locking myself out with the cold
Thankfully I had prepared for locking myself out and was able to get in through my garage, but I had to climb down off my deck and walk through the snow in my pjs and slippers, laughing at and cursing my smart stupidity
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u/Lukario45 23d ago
One time when I was leaving for work, the disconnect lever for the garage door failed and the door slammed down. The crash knocked some of its wheels off the tracks.
The door has the tendency to open on its own, so I forced myself into the habit of locking the door to the house BEFORE I even open the garage.
I spent about 20 minutes locked in the garage in panic and rage because the door wouldn't budge.
I had to lay on my back to use all my leg strength to move the door up a whole 4 inches, propped it with a brick, then gave a hefty horse kick to knock it back on the track.
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u/matbrummitt1 23d ago
I once tried to be organised before we left for a holiday abroad. I was at university and put my passport in the inside pocket of my jacket a week ahead of time. Made the three hour trip home and then had a major panic because I thought I’d left my passport at uni. My father in law set off on the three hour journey to collect it for me… when he couldn’t find it where I said it should be it dawned on me to check my inside jacket pocket and there it was.
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u/Ohshiznoodlemuffins 23d ago
Like I was so smart that I went full circle and landed back at dumb?
Put that on a hat bc I'd buy it. 😂
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u/tatydial 21d ago
I feel this so heartedly! The worse is when I'm putting stuff I'll need the next day in my car the day before to make sure not to be late... and end up late because I spent half an hour searching for said things at home before leaving 🙃
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u/SpokenDivinity 16d ago
I am in a vicious cycle of this with my sunglasses. I remember to put them in my car so i don't have to look for them every morning, then forget I put them there and spend 15 minutes searching anyway.
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u/Minutemaid95 24d ago
I thought you were gonna say she fibbed about forgetting it bc she didn’t want to eat a veggie tray for lunch lolol
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u/HoledUpHoleUp ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 24d ago
Ah so this is what the start of “I put it in a safe place” looks like.
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u/sammiboo8 24d ago edited 23d ago
I do this kind of stuff all the time even as an adult 😂 The worst is when I put something in a “special protected spot” in my bag so it doesn’t get messed with/forgotten but then the spot ends up being so damn protected I can’t even figure out where it is.
As a former ADHD child, now full grown, I can’t even begin to count the number of times I texted my parents the dreaded “i forgot my…[meds, sports uniform, lunch, homework, etc]” when growing up. SO, thank you for your service in supporting your forgetful, scattered daughter 🫶
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u/-AllCatsAreBeautiful 24d ago
God, no texting for me in the 90s/00s. Just getting home like, well I don't have a coat any more.
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u/doktor_drift 18d ago
The amount of umbrellas that I sacrificed to the gym floor or classroom cubbies...
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u/-AllCatsAreBeautiful 17d ago
Umbrellas are more notorious than Houdini. And like Seinfeld theorised, I believe they organise their escape with the socks, phone chargers, & scissors the night before...
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u/Soliterria 23d ago
The house key. That was my mortal enemy growing up. We tried lanyards, wristlets, keychains, etc. I lost sooooooo many house keys especially in high school. I was grounded more often for needing a new key than anything else.
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u/Drevvska 23d ago
I was going to type how it's messed up that you got grounded for your disability which is not your fault, but then I started looking back on all the times I was grounded for things my adhd caused... well shit, IT WASN'T OUR FAULTS! lol
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u/Soliterria 23d ago
Right like I get being upset from the standpoint of “safety issue” but at the same time- stop directly giving me the key!!!!!
We could’ve hidden one somewhere like magnet it to the mailslot or whatever but noooo let’s keep handing the kid that loses everything a new key.
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u/Drevvska 23d ago
or like sew it into your backpack or jacket
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u/doktor_drift 18d ago
At one point I was tempted to get a nipple piercing just to attach a keychain to
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u/billymillerstyle 24d ago
If I ate lunches I would have a designated place to carry my lunch. I would do it the same way every day and in such a way that I couldn't miss it. I'm tired of losing and forgetting things so I have to be extremely careful.
I bought a nut to replace one that fell off my bike the other day. I bought two in case it happens again. I haven't figured out where the spare will go so it's been in my pocket ever since. I change clothes and continue to carry it. Until I figure out it's home I'm going to keep carrying it. If I set it down IT WILL DISAPPEAR. Im tired of losing things. I don't f around anymore.
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u/weirdwolfkid 24d ago
May I suggest: A general tool box, kept under the kitchen sink, for well- tools but also nuts and bolts and such. Put specific things into a labeled bag. IE 'Spare bike nut' or 'extra screws from couch'
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u/-AllCatsAreBeautiful 24d ago
Yeah, so the opposite of a junk drawer, you say? What are you, a wizard? 😜
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u/billymillerstyle 23d ago
I have something like that but it's at my apartment and my bikes are in my mother's garage. I think I'm going to find a small baggie to put it in and keep it under the seat on my bike. That way it's always where I need it.
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u/DrStalker 24d ago
Tape it to the bike so when a nut falls off the replacement is right there waiting to be used.
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u/xeq937 24d ago
I have learned to think "Where would I look for this later?" and then put it there. Instead of asking "Where is a good place to put this?" and then never find it again ...
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u/-AllCatsAreBeautiful 24d ago
That's a good tip that I've seen shared here a few times. Basically, keep stuff wherever you first look for them when they're missing, rather than in the place where they're "supposed" to go. If that means your sunglasses live on top of the fridge, then so be it.
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u/RedesigningWoman ADHD-C (Combined type) 24d ago
That was me yesterday… I was driving across town to the doctor’s office and wanted to call and to say I was running a little late, but then I couldn’t find my phone in my purse. I walked in and they told me they were just calling me to make sure I was coming, and I said I wouldn’t have gotten that call because I forgot my phone. I even joked that I didn’t have to worry about turning off my phone during the appointment.
On my drive home, I found my phone in my purse.
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u/chilled-chaotic 24d ago
This sounds like what I did last month with my work stuff. On a friday I carefully put them in a "safe" place, was so happy going home knowing everything is in order and rewarded myself with a snack for my "Careful and smart" planning only for my full circle dumbness to kick in and have me in full blown confused meltdown on Monday morning when nothing is where its supposed to be. I started planning to get fresh supplies only to open my "secret" compartment and find everything carefully laid out. I outsmarted myself twice 🤣
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u/BufloSolja 24d ago
Ah the old Bilbo Baggins technique.
Just don't panic drive to deliver something, had a relative who died that way and it had a big effect on the kid.
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u/ServantOfBeing ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 24d ago
Do smart thing, forget about smart thing. Make yourself look dumb.
Yup, thats about right… Its only when they become part of the routine that they are incorporated correctly.
It takes me a about a week or so to incorporate new things.
So i give myself some leniency in these type of events.
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u/radrob1111 24d ago
Anyone have too much trash in their passenger seat floor area?
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u/curvy_geek_42 23d ago
I've started dumping it out at the gas station when I fill up my tank.
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u/radrob1111 22d ago
Hahahaha same. It’s typically a Wawa too. When’s the last time you actually got your car washed?….. it’s been years
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u/airysunshine ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 24d ago
This is why I always shove a couple granola bars in my bag the night before so I always have a snack 😂
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u/RedesigningWoman ADHD-C (Combined type) 23d ago
You must remember to have granola bars on your shopping list then
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u/loralynn9252 24d ago
Honestly, encourage this thinking! This is how I survived undiagnosed into my 30s without realizing it. Example: I think of the first 2-3 places I'd look for my keys if they were lost and find a way to make one of those their home location.
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u/wellimnotdeadyet 24d ago
My daughter literally did this same thing today. Except she made her own lunch last night. Then texted me for 10 dollars for lunch today. I asked about the food she made last night for lunch? She thanked me profusely for reminding her, because otherwise it would have "rotted in my truck".
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u/RegaliAngel 24d ago
I once tricked my self into finishing an assignment a week early by purposely writing the wrong due date in my planner knowing I’d forget the real date and that I’d written the wrong one. I was both impressed and annoyed with myself
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u/keriously 23d ago
I always encourage looking out for your future self, even if your future self forgets 😂
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u/Sparrowrose22 23d ago
Sometimes I put my car keys in the fridge so I have to actually open the fridge to get my keys and my lunch. One time I forgot I put my keys in the fridge and I couldn't find them and I called my bf having a complete meltdown because I thought I lost them and I had client keys on the same ring. He just said "check the fridge" and I was like "Why the fuck would they be in the fridge....oh right"
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u/mijolnirmkiv 23d ago
Panic searching for my sunglasses before getting in the car, saying “fuck it, I’m late”, getting in the car, finding my sunglasses in the cup holder because past me said “I’ll want these next time I drive.” The one time that guy did me a solid and I didn’t believe him…
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u/blahblahgingerblahbl 22d ago edited 22d ago
this is why i have multiple pairs of sunglasses.
i’ve also just bought a lanyard with an airtag holder, because i recently LOST lost (as opposed to misplaced temporarily) a pair of prescription prada sunglasses 😭
probably going to fucking strangle myself someday - i have lanyards for my glasses, my phone, my hat, and i wear shokz headphones - its got to be a hazard
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u/Disastrous-Pie-7092 24d ago
I'd do the same thing. How old is your daughter?
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u/fried_biology 24d ago
She is 19, started cosmetology school last month, and I'm so very proud of her!
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u/Rosamada 24d ago
This explains so much ... I was picturing elementary-age and I was so confused as to how she got her lunch if she left it in the car lol
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u/Dream__over 24d ago
You seem like such a sweet mom for packing her lunch and supporting her while she gets thru school even tho she’s 19! I’m sure that means a lot to her :) most parents would be like heck no you’re buying your own lunch haha
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u/EarthenMama 24d ago
Ohhhhhhhhh dear. I do that to myself ALL the time. Bless her. And she eats her veggies, so that's a WIN!
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u/Both-Economy1538 ADHD-C (Combined type) 24d ago
I’ve done that sooo many times, especially with my phone. One time I had a magnet handle on the back of my phone and I thought, hey! If I put it on the fridge, I’ll stop losing my phone cuz I’ll know to look there! Welp.. I lost it many times not remembering the fridge situation lol
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u/i_binged_your_mom 24d ago
When I pack my lunch early or have leftovers I plan on taking to work I put my keys on them in the fridge so I can’t forget to take them.
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u/missladyface 24d ago
Whenever I do that I say “thank you evening missladyface, I knew you were a cool bitch”
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u/Alive_Culture_2325 24d ago
I relate this on so many levels and I can’t wait to hopefully relate to it with my kid who has adhd one day ha
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u/DarciaSolas 24d ago
Here I thought that you were going to praise her for having lunch and also getting some money for free.
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u/Cerrida82 23d ago
Been there! When I finally got to the point where I completed assignments early, I would still have that moment of panic where I thought I forgot to do it. I still get those moments at work, but more I have notes and systems to help me remember.
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u/Dangerous_Wing6481 23d ago
This is why I never take snacks out of my bag. I love getting to say “thanks past me!”
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u/Select-Macaroon-3232 22d ago
I literally mentally scold myself for these things, it's like unsettled impatience Inside your chest. Overtime that's not very healthy. Maybe check in on that if you don't already 👍
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u/MaggieMae68 ADHD with non-ADHD partner 22d ago
*sigh*
I have a particular trackball mouse that helps with wrist pain. I pack it to take it to the office with me every day. About a week ago I unpacked my backpack to work at home and it wasn't there. I searched my home office. I searched the car. I checked everywhere. I even asked security at my office if it had been turned in as a lost and found item.
I bought a replacement ($75).
Yesterday I found it in the trunk of my car. I never put my backpack in the trunk, so I have no idea how it got there. But now I have two of them. (I mean, clearly I put it in the trunk at some point and the trackball fell out. But ... ugh.)
*sigh*
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u/fugitive-bear 20d ago
I once lost a debit card. I locked it and after a month or two I called the bank asking for a replacement card. Once I received the card, I decided to place the card in a safe place in my wallet that is hard to guess and…. There was my old lost debit card! 😐
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u/goody-goody 19d ago
I do this fairly regularly. It’s very frustrating because forgetting whole events and chunks of time is unsettling.
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u/FancyGeologist4145 17d ago
As someone with adhd, I have two minds. The one that’s productive, and the one that isn’t. The one that is productive can set up situations for the other guy to force him to be productive, but otherwise will just regret his lack of productivity after he procrastinated an entire afternoon away
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