Could My Daughter Have ADHD?

[u/mes_os]

Hey everyone,

I’m a dad trying my best to stay ahead and ensure my daughter gets the support she might need.

I’ve heard ADHD can present differently and more subtly in girls, especially younger ones (around 3-5 years old). I really don’t want to overlook anything important, and I’d love your thoughts or experiences.

I’ve noticed a few subtle things that got me thinking:

• She often starts activities or crafts enthusiastically but rarely completes them, switching quickly from one thing to another and leaving behind a little trail of unfinished tasks.

• Sometimes she appears to be listening carefully but struggles when asked to repeat back simple instructions or conversations we just had.

• She frequently loses track of her items like hair clips, crayons, or even her favorite stuffed animals, seemingly forgetting moments later where she placed them.

• Routine instructions (like “put your shoes away”) often slip her mind, even though we’ve repeated them consistently.

• Waiting her turn in simple games or activities can be challenging; she tends to interrupt, gently but regularly.

I want to be careful not to misinterpret regular childhood quirks, but also don’t want to overlook genuine signs of something that could affect her later.

Could you share your insights or experiences? How did you differentiate between typical childhood behavior and subtle ADHD signs in your daughters?

Ultimately, I realize consulting a professional might be necessary, but I’m cautious about unintentionally influencing the doctor’s perspective and possibly causing a misdiagnosis. If that happened, I’d feel like I’ve let her down as a parent.

Thanks so much for your help and understanding!

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[u/Future-Translator691]

It would be important to know the exact age - as some of this is still fine let’s say at 3/4 years old, but when it starts going away from that age then it starts becoming more of an issue. So it seems like your daughter is at that critical stage that you can’t really be sure if it’s developmental or ADHD.

With my daughter it was “easier” in a sense, because she’s the 1 in 3 girls to have a more “stereotypical “ ADHD - loads of hyperactivity - she will drain the life out of you in an instant with her high energy and low sleep needs (and I say this in a very lovely way because obviously we love her and she’s amazing but it made us feel - as parents- like we were failing her because we couldn’t keep up). And she’s been this way since she was 3 months old - so very consistent for her - but I know not all people with adhd are like this (I’m not).

The big sign for us was emotional disregulation not improving with age - probably worsening around the time she got to 4 yo. We also have other younger children and that provides a good comparison of what is “normal” behaviour. I also started seeing things I have as well - like a lot of anxiety for seemingly fine things, specially social anxiety although then she “looks” fine (masking) when on an activity. I was only diagnosed myself after she was - but it all made sense then.

We had a teacher express concern for her inability to sit down in pre school - we then had a development paediatrician appt when she was 4.5 - the paediatrician said she had behaviours consistent with ADHD and recommended formal assessment at 6yo (minimum age for diagnosis). But she also recommended having OT input, parenting support for the emotional disregulation and lots of strategies for both school and home. Which we did. Then formal assessment at 6yo - when we got the diagnosis.

If you are concerned - specially approaching 6 yo you should definitely get an assessment for her. It can impact them in ways we don’t see (self esteem, anxiety, etc) which will impact school and general quality of life. In the meantime you can search strategies for ADHD and try to implement and see if it helps.

[u/thuchuong_huynh]

I don't have children, but I just wanted to say this was exactly me as a kid. My mom got me diagnosed and proceeded to ignore the medication prescription and never tell me anything at all. I was so upset when I finally got diagnosed as an adult, and she casually told me all that. Thank you that you are to attentive and ready to help with caution. It's hard to walk that thin line.

I think if you are unsure, you can get multiple opinions/diagnoses. I think what helped me in the past was adopting adhd friendly strategies to my problems even without assuming I had adhd. One example is I sing a song every time i leave the house to list and check all the necessary items. I've been doing that for years before my diagnosis. If your daughter is too young to get any diagnosis, maybe you could try to teach her the tricks and strategies without mentioning/treating her as if she has adhd.

[u/Thadrea]

It's certainly possible she has ADHD. All of the things you listed are common traits of people who have ADHD, and every single one of them is on the current list of diagnostic criteria. Without knowing how old she is, it's key to recognize that some of these issues are common in young children regardless of whether they have ADHD or not.

In general, ADHD children whose parents are present and attentive to their challenges tend to get diagnosed some time after they have started school (depending on when symptoms first become apparent). While not unheard of, diagnosis prior to starting school is less common as diagnosis requires symptoms to present in multiple life settings, and if she is very young there may not actually be multiple life settings to evaluate their presence in.

You are probably not at a significant risk of "poisoning the well" and causing a misdiagnosis if you select a qualified clinical psychologist who performs a thorough evaluation. Your thoughts and observations are only one data point the provider will consider, and it will be up to the provider to corroborate those thoughts with other evidence. You're your daughter's parent, and it's your responsibility to bring her to the psychologist and share your observations and concerns. If you share that you are concerned she might have ADHD, the provider should ask why you think that. They're not going to diagnose ADHD if, after reviewing the evidence, of which your story is only one piece, it is clear ADHD is not the correct diagnosis.

I'd also ask--though you do not need to answer--whether anyone else in your family has ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or is suspected of having either based. While not every case of ADHD is driven by hereditary factors, around 80-90% are. Presence of several the genetic factors linked to Autism have also been shown to increase risk of ADHD, even if the person themselves is not Autistic. So if either of these is present in your family, the probability of ADHD being present goes up considerably and you should factor that into your thought process of how long to wait before seeking support of a professional.