Feelings and experiences on social disconnection.

[u/Xvultrex]

Hey guys, I just wanted to share my current problem and maybe get some additional insight.

I havent had a real "friend" in an incredibly long time. Last i can remember i had any sort of connection with someone was in middle school. I have had some online friendships but It didnt really feel like anything. So fragile and easily broken over a few time lapses in communication.

I think I have finally made a connection between why and how this is happening.. and its sort of embarassing. Knowing this is only halfway, however, and fixing it is going to take a lot longer.

I believe I have spent my whole life mistaking my feelings of connection with infatuation/obsession. I have spent a lot of time, anxiety and energy avoiding this feeling, because it felt wrong. When i did go with it, i took it only at a romantic/sexual level and most times I would end up ruining what could have been a friendship. I only realized this recently.

Such a simple mistake makes me reflect on missed opportunities and mistakes. I didnt feel an immediate romantic attachment for these individuals, rather, I wanted to get to know them and felt like maybe they could understand me.

I dealt with feeling misunderstood for so long because i was distancing myself out of fear of being too obsessive... and now I dont even know how to approach or behave someone im interested in. It feels like im a child compared to the social skills and abilities others have.

I guess ill ask: Where do i even start recovering from this? Am i even right in this assumption? Im coming to realize i am more emotionally driven than I thought, and my anxiety is the only thing keeping that in check... So I dont even know how to advance. I starve so much for a connection and the feeling of that is just building and making it harder. ADHD and anxiety makes my thoughts race and take over all my ability to act.

Thanks for reading.

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[u/Chokinchocobo23]

I have the same exact problem. I recently found someone that I really like talking to and feel like I have more in common with them than anyone else I've met. I obsess over talking to them and when they don't respond I feel like I did something wrong and it just makes the anxiety worse.

I found a post from another subreddit yesterday that made me take a step back and realize what was going on. We tend to fixate on the connection and want them to respond the same way. However, everyone's different and some people need space.

Even if we can be available to someone all the time, that doesn't mean they want to spend all their energy on us. We tend to take it personal when in reality they probably just have other things going on. If they want to communicate with you, they will, when they're ready to.

Nobody hates you. Everyone else is just so wrapped up in their own lives, sometimes they have a hard time connecting back.

Best thing we can do is to focus on ourselves and let things come naturally. We can't force connections and jump head first into our feelings. It will usually smother the other person and push them away.

I'm still learning about my social issues and doing my own thing has helped me a lot. Surround yourself with hobbies and things you enjoy doing. I find that the more nonchalant you act, the more people are drawn to you. If they start showing the same feelings back then you can ease yourself into the romance thing. Just never start with it too strong.

Hopefully this all makes sense as I'm bad at explaining things in my head.