r/ApplyingToCollege • u/OddBadger5990 • 1d ago
Emotional Support "Best friend" told people I didn't deserve to get into Cornell
Absolutely gutting.
Long story short, I got into Cornell for one of its more difficult programs RD after being deferred ED and it was always my dream school, and she knew it. After I committed, she told people that I didn't deserve to get in and that she deserved it more (I think she said something about me not working hard enough even though she's seen all the hard work I put into it for the past 4 years). She also said that I was "rubbing it in her and everyone's face" when I've been relatively quiet about it besides posting it on our school's Instagram commits page (others said I've been pretty humble about it).
It really sucks to have someone who I supported throughout this difficult admissions process invalidate and discredit my hard work. The admissions season didn't go that well for her and I understand she may be frustrated, but I've been nothing but supportive and feel really hurt by this.
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u/Choice-Classroom5479 1d ago
College admissions make people forget their friendships. It’s everyone for themselves. You’ll make better friends in Cornell. Congrats
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u/CaveatBettor 1d ago
Don’t feel guilty if you make closer friends in 3 months of college than 3 years of high school
And at Cornell, make meeting new folks a priority
It’s not creepy for freshman to sit with people they’ve never met and strike up conversations
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u/Useful_Device_8802 1d ago
You know who did think you deserved to get into Cornell? Cornell. That’s all that matters. You’ll find better friends when you get to college.
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u/Fun-Neck5918 HS Sophomore | International 1d ago
sounds like someone you don't want to bring with you into college. though it hurts, it's probably better to drop her. congrats on cornell!
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u/Ok_Experience_5151 Graduate Degree 1d ago
Your "friend" is an idiot, and also not your friend. Ignore them. Haters gonna hate. Pretty soon you'll leave high school and not ever have to deal with their bullshit again.
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u/ScholarGrade Private Admissions Consultant (Verified) 1d ago
Sometimes haters gonna hate.
No one knows more about the Cornell admissions process and what makes someone "deserving" or not than the very admissions committee who could have had anyone they wanted, and intentionally decided to pick you.
I'm sorry your friend is being mean. But it's not up to her, and her thoughts on this are just as useful as if she decided that Napoleon didn't deserve to lose at Waterloo or something.
1) It's over. It's water under the bridge. There's nothing she can do about it.
2) Her opinion is irrelevant. She wasn't there, had no stake it the events, and isn't directly impacted by them anyway.
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u/Choice-Classroom5479 1d ago
College admissions make people forget their friendships. It’s everyone for themselves. You’ll make better friends in Cornell. Congrats
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u/NiceUnparticularMan Parent 1d ago
As you are suggesting, people doing this sort of thing are almost always dealing with some sort of serious self-esteem crisis of their own. That isn't necessarily your problem to fix, but I definitely think you should not take it personally.
As an aside, in fact highly selective college admissions in the US are not awards given out to the kids who worked the hardest and therefore "deserve" admissions more in some sort of moral sense. These colleges are just interested in what you can do for their institution and college community as a student. And if you can give them what they want from you without as much effort as some others, great! That is less risk you will burn out on them once you get to college.
So again without in any way suggesting you are responsible for this person's behavior, I do think for your own purposes, you should adopt the attitude that yes, you did not get into Cornell as an award for good behavior. You got into Cornell because they think you are a good bet to be a student they will like having for four years. And that doesn't make you inherently more "deserving"--nor less--than applicants they didn't choose. That simply isn't the right question at all.
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u/Unteins 1d ago
I’m sorry your friend is saying this. I don’t know their situation, but it wouldn’t surprise me that in addition to not getting into Cornell, they also got no from other schools they really wanted. They’re probably having a hard time with that.
It doesn’t excuse them being mean, but it might explain it.
That being said, no one “deserves” to go to a school, including you. The reality is the schools pick who they pick and they can pick ANYONE who exceeds their minimum admission standards. There are admits who have much worse grades than the average. Working hard and having good grades is important, but so is having a good story and overall application file. And a little bit of luck.
College admissions are done by human beings who have their own biases, issues and bad days. If your application is unlucky enough to trigger someone on the committee you might get a no just because of that.
Congrats on getting into Cornell! Your hard work seems to have paid off for you. Have some empathy for your friend who wanted it and didn’t get it.
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u/JustTheWriter Private Admissions Consultant (Verified) 1d ago
She has adopted the child of grief and insecurity: envy. Christian theologian Frederick Buechner once wrote – rather sharply – that "envy is the consuming desire to have everybody else be as unsuccessful as you are." Hopefully she'll grow out of it, but some people make envy and resentment their entire raison d'être, becoming as poisonous as the sentiment itself.
It's always painful to lose a friend, especially in circumstances where there is cause to support each other through success and grief. I'm sorry – truly – for your loss.
Loss aside, your hard work is irrevocably (unless you start flunking classes) validated and credited by your admission. Congratulations. Make the most of it.
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u/San_uc-25 1d ago
Congratulations on your well deserved admission there. 🎉🎉 also congratulations on learning a life lesson.
Not every ‘best friend ‘ want your best.
I am sure you and your friend had great times together and it’s kinda uncomfortable now and you feel like hating her
For now, if you can, be the BIG human there and forgive her It’s jealousy and her own disappointment at work. Try to enjoy your moment with family and friends who are happy for u. She will come around some day. For now pls don’t feel guilty at all.
You deserve to celebrate every moment 💕💕🎉
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u/toxichaste12 1d ago
Good thing your entire friend group will change in college. That break enabled you to decide who from HS you stay in touch with.
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u/Vampire-y 1d ago
Hey so you got in to Cornell for a reason and they didn't. Clearly Cornell believed you deserve to be at Cornell. College apps make people forget who their friends are put of jealousy. Hopefully you'll make better friends at Cornell.
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u/Im_Here222 1d ago
People get really jealous. That doesn't make it okay to bash someone just bc they're insecure. It's normal for ppl to feel jealous abt not getting into a prestigious school other someone else, but hurting you doesn't make it any better. Your friend needs to grow up.
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u/Secret-Bat-441 1d ago
Who do you think knows what you deserve, your “friend” or an ivy league admissions committee that is trained to review applications from people across the world?
Tell her to kiss your ass
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u/alfalfa-as-fuck 1d ago
Get ready for a long life of people resenting you for your success.
Of course you deserve Cornell. They didn’t accept you for any other reason.
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u/SportingDirector 1d ago
Looks like you dodged a bullet. Enjoy the next 4 years at Cornell - you'll make friends more genuine than her, better than her.
Don't worry. For every fake person in the world, there will be a genuine one.
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u/Outrageous_Dream_741 1d ago
I'd say just stop talking to her. Maybe she'll come to her senses and apologize, and you can decide whether to forgive her. Maybe it will be this year, maybe only after college admissions season is over, or maybe not until next year.
Don't hold a grudge, just wait.
From her perspective, the fact that you two are friends might be part of why it hurts for her.
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u/National_Basil_9058 1d ago
You were admitted for a reason, please don't worry about her unkind comments. Congratulations on Cornell ❤️
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u/lsp2005 1d ago
First, congratulations! You deserve it and we are all proud of you. Sometimes you have a friend for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. This person was a friend because you were forced together by virtue of attending the same high school. This season is closing. You can place this friendship in the high school season of your life and shut the door behind you. They are not your friend. They are jealous. Let them stew. It is painful when you realize the person you thought was your friend is not really your friend. That is okay. You can fade them to the background. Once you graduate you can purge them from your social media accounts and keep moving forwards. Also they are an idiot, because you could have been part of their social network, but their jealousy prevents them from understanding that. You will make friends in college. Focus on yourself.
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u/No_Name_3469 1d ago edited 1d ago
College admissions can bring out the worst in people. Came close to doing that to me, but luckily it didn’t. With that said, I’ve recently became increasingly paranoid and distrustful towards almost everyone in my school out of fear that they will try to ruin my college admissions thanks to this fact.
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u/BugAdministrative123 1d ago
Congrats on your admit to Cornell !!! You deserve it….the people on the adcom felt your application was deserving a spot in the Cornell class. Not your friend. Her opinion of herself notwithstanding. How she feels about it is her problem. You cannot control her thoughts or feelings about it but you can certainly control your thoughts and reactions. You don’t have anything to feel bad or feel upset. If anything, Be proud of your achievement. You did it on your own steam. Onwards and upwards !! That’s something you need to be proud about. People will always talk. The jealous and petty ones, even more so. The grapes of jealousy are always sour….
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u/DeliciousAd1294 1d ago
Congrats! When people show you who they are, believe them. GL with the future, ur going to do great! Big up c/o 2029! 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
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u/Acrobatic-College462 HS Senior 1d ago
it sounds like shes just taking out her jealousy and frustration on you i wouldnt take it personally. Youll have new friends at cornell soon enough
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u/Ornery_Platform_9662 1d ago
Good friends encourage each other. This looks like a juvenile behavior that you can do without. Congratulations.
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u/Holiday_Command_5423 1d ago
Wow what a crappy friend im sorry you're going through this. I think you'll make better friends at Cornell, I went through much of what you experienced when I got into college and I've made better friends now so it fr gets better.
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u/Comfortable-Crab6972 1d ago
I tell this to everyone THE WORLD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN HIGH SCHOOL. You are going to a place that will have so many people to meet from all around the world. Friendship breakups are incredibly painful and gutting. My mom has told me that her friendship breakups have always been more painful than romantic relationships and I’m sure a lot of people feel the same. You are just beginning your journey to Cornell, and don’t let her take your excitement away. You got in to Cornell!!! That’s amazing and when you get there you are going to be in a place where you have so many opportunities to meet friends. There are only a few months left of school, soak in the fun parts of being in 12th grade and understand most people forget most of their high school experiences. You can do it OP even when things are hard. You will get through it. Best wishes from a stranger on the internet 😘
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u/MRLONELYSLEMONADE 1d ago
your “best friend” doesn’t deserve cornell if she was being an ahole like that. i love cornell so much it is my absolute DREAM. i quite literally have a ‘famous’ tt acc and have built a whole personality around my obsession with cornell. i legit got interviewed by my school bc of it. unfortunately i was gut-wrenchingly rejected a few weeks ago and guess what, one of my closest friends got into cornell. i am nothing but absolute happy for him, he deserves it and i made this clear many many many months ago. it may have been my dream, but i still can’t be anything but happy for him. your friend is no friend and defo not worth cornell if they can recognize this.
goodluck at cornell go big red forever❤️
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u/cchikorita 1d ago
I'm sorry OP but that's not a friend, let alone a best friend. I can understand if she can't help but feel like she deserved to get in as well but vocalizing it to other people is another thing entirely.
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u/International-Exam84 1d ago
ok this happened to me but when i got a scholarship i was literally praying for bc it covered a year of studying abroad.
DROP HER.
I dropped that btch and I feel sooo much better. I realize how much bad energy she had, she was constantly jealous I was doing more than her and had more ambition.
You’re going to a new college!! You’ll meet loads of people like you who are supportive.
For me, I was sad, but I also was thankful that I noticed how egotistical and rude she was and was able to set myself free from it now rather than later. We were friends for 8 years so I understand how it feels. It’s been 1 year since and life couldn’t be any better.
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u/Rach151111 1d ago
Well clearly the Cornell Admission team thinks you deserved it more than she did. She didn’t impress them and you did. That’s how I would respond to her and any other hater. And the whole “rubbing it in her and everyone’s face.” Even if you did more than post it on the Instagram commits page, you should be proud of yourself. You got into an Ivy League!! You know what a big accomplishment that is?!? One of the hardest parts about growing up is realizing that there are many people who you think are your best friends but in reality are not and don’t want to see you succeed. I lost friends that I grew up with because of this. Never be friends with somebody who looks as you as competition and doesn’t want to see you succeed.
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u/Connect-Kangaroo5739 1d ago
it sounds like this person isn't a true friend and their behavior is incredibly hurtful. college admissions can bring out the worst in people unfortunately but you deserve better. focus on celebrating your accomplishment and finding people who genuinely support you at cornell.
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u/Sharp-Literature-229 1d ago
Your friend is jealous and bitter.
They feel you have “ advanced “ past them and they are burning with jealousy. They now feel “ below” you do they are making those nasty comments.
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u/BehaviorClinic 1d ago
Jealousy. Lol so pathetic and obvious. This person has no shame.
I remember landing prestigious internship and my "friend" was visibly upset and kept trying to put me down. These losers have no self-awareness and are incredibly selfish individuals.
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u/Substantial_Pace_142 1d ago
Fuck the haters she just jealous, don't hate her for it either, have a real talk w her tho.
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u/profitguy22 1d ago
I generally agree with others that you can drop her as a friend assuming she keeps behaving badly.
But alternatively, you might want to just ignore it, spend less time with her, and let time go by - by Christmas break, her current behavior will likely be replaced by the excitement that one often has for their own college experience and the things she has said now will be well behind both of you. And maybe at that time, you can re-engage in a healthy way without feeling typecast in her current view of the world.
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u/Wild_Literature_4452 1d ago
College admissions cycles are like the hunger games because competitiveness is all there is especially in toxic groups.That girl is not your friend and her jealousy is really off putting.
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u/deej_011 1d ago
It’s a great time in your life to move on from people who clearly don’t give a crap about you. I don’t talk to most people I went to high school with and I actually LIKED them.
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u/Advanced-Fennel3632 1d ago
Jealously is one of the strongest emotions that humans have
its what makes us human, very few other species in the animal kingdom have it
you should be proud that your friend is a human, not an animal
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u/Acrobatic_Cell4364 1d ago
she is not your friend. Drop it, get over her and move on. You have a wide array of opportunities ahead and will make friends with other people who are likely to be more genuine.
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u/sideyard19 1d ago
Your friend's parents should have taught her that a person of integrity does not say things about someone that they wouldn't say directly to that person's face. The question is what's going on with her parents? Why have they not taught her properly?
Most likely her parents are having some kind of personal problems (e.g. alcohol, depression, employment issues, relationship issues) that have prevented them from doing their job as parent/coach with your friend.
At the end of the day, you will have an opportunity to find mature, self-aware, caring friends once you get to college.
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