Wishing I Didn't Need To Talk

[u/AmethystDreamwave94]

So I'm not nonverbal, and while I know that's ultimately a good thing, I genuinely just wish I wasn't expected to verbally speak, at least not all the time. I articulate myself way better when writing, so I feel like I'd be better off if I could just use text-to-speech to communicate with people. I'm neither deaf nor nonverbal, though, so that's not something I feel like I can really get away with. And I don't even always mind verbally talking. Sometimes it's nice, especially if my brain isn't scrambling to try to piece my thoughts together into something coherent and I already know what I want to say. I just wish I didn't have to do it all the time, I guess.

(I don't think this is something I've felt my entire life, by the way. I used to apparently be a pretty talkative kid according to my parents, though I'm assuming that was rather early in my childhood because a lot of my childhood memories involve me either not wanting to engage with people, or longing to engage with people but not knowing how, wanting to do entirely different things from the people around me despite still wanting to hang out with them, and/or not thinking people really wanted me around in the first place.)

[u/dumb_reason]

I understand that feeling very well! Trying to articulate yourself through words can be very challenging. I'm also not non-verbal, and I can communicate verbally quite well, but I typically don't prefer to.

Also, unless you ask for what you want, you won't ever get it. If you assume people won't accept what you or what you are asking for, you will literally never get it. What I have found is that people are typically far more understanding and accepting of things that I ask for and need than I think they will be. And this is coming from someone who is 36, wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 33, and I have had to educate my family on what being autistic even means.

So don't feel bad, or continue to push through something like speaking when you would really rather not, just ask for what you need. If/when you get it, you will likely find that you are spending less energy communicating, and you can feel happier and more relaxed.

Hope this helps!

[u/AmethystDreamwave94 → u/dumb_reason]

I turned 30 a few months back, and I don't have a diagnosis at this point. The last time I brought any thoughts that I have either autism or ADHD to my mother, she said I was tested as a kid and nothing came from it. Between that and knowing how likely I am to get diagnosed with just about anything other than neurodivergence anyway as an AFAB person of color, I just don't know if there's any point, especially since I'm not completely certain yet if I am neurodivergent or not. My close friends, most of whom are ND, seem to think I am, but I'm just not sure.

I do get where you're coming from, though. It's generally better to have expressed a need and not gotten it than to just suffer in silence. It's just a matter of getting past my brain telling me "It didn't work last time and the odds are stacked way too high against you, so what's the point?"

[u/ThereseL569]

I know people who use tablets to communicate and it works just fine. People are very understanding about it.

[u/AmethystDreamwave94 → u/ThereseL569]

It's honestly more a matter of explaining it to my mom. She already doesn't think I'm neurodivergent in any capacity, and I don't know if explaining to her that I simply just would rather not verbally speak sometimes would really get me anywhere with her cause, unless I lose ability to talk for some reason, she's probably not going to think I need to do that.

[u/CalicoCrazed]

I was thinking this same thing yesterday. I had selective mutism up until high school and even though I was too anxious to speak, it was just easier. Now days I feel like everything I say is wrong. Like every time I speak at work I regret it.

[u/efaitch]

I have got myself in trouble at work talking too much. I was quiet as a child. I'm hyper verbal and talk too much when I'm nervous/anxious.

I wish I could just not talk so much. Either by speaking or text :(

[u/kenda1l]

Hi, are you me? I could have easily written this post myself, so I totally get what you mean. Sometimes talking, finding the right words and phrases and then pushing them out of my mouth, is legitimately exhausting, especially with people who don't know me or don't have the patience to wait for me to get things out. I have a select few people who really get me and won't try to hurry me up, and are able to get what I'm trying to stay when I trail off mid-sentence because my brain literally blue screens part way through and I lose my words. Even with them it's sometimes still too exhausting. I honestly love when the person I'm talking to is a chatterbox because it means I can have a conversation with very little actual input. Sometimes it means they talk over me when I do have something to say but I'd much rather have that tbh.

[u/AmethystDreamwave94 → u/kenda1l]

I think we might be the same person, yeah. 😂

I'm lucky enough to particularly have a partner now that tends to be able to guess what I'm trying to say if I trail off midsentence, and most of the people I regularly hang out with typically won't try to get me to speak if I don't feel like doing so. And I love it when I make friends with people who talk a lot for literally that exact same reason. The less talking I have to do in order to carry a conversation, the better.

[u/SaintValkyrie]

I have this issue so so so much. I do better with writing and feel like i can actually articulate and speak!

Verbally i just always miss my points and struggle so hard. It helps for me to write down specific things, but gets exhausting to organize and remember to read off of.

Sometimes i wish i didn't have to speak and could just communicate differently. One time I went mute for a whole year and spoke only in writing or with a notebook I carried around. Everyone was so fucking nice ti me and I felt so understood after that. I felt like I could speak normally. Now I always feel clumsy, and no one wants to communicate important stuff over writing