r/AutismTranslated • u/[deleted] • 2d ago
Do many autistic people actually identify as having extra empathy than normal people?
[deleted]
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u/Lilsammywinchester13 2d ago
For me, hm it’s more I feel too much?
Like I can watch a Disney movie I’ve seen 100x and still cry at the part they lose their dad
If I understand the emotion? It wreaks me
This is also why I’m SUPER happy when I’m at an event
But the catch is, if I don’t understand why someone is upset, like truly don’t comprehend it?
I will either get confused and upset OR I just totally miss the social cue the other person expected me to react like and then they get pissed
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u/Accomplished_Dog_647 2d ago
You probably have high emotional and relatively low cognitive empathy. Me too…
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u/Doviathan_ 2d ago
Yup, exactly what you described more or less… I personally would say I experience the other persons emotions more… but the root of that is my fear of confrontation and awkward relationships, so it’s not all empathy I suppose
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u/Eternal_Malkav 2d ago
I have no idea if its less, more or similar. All i know is that its different.
The most extreme examples were the passing of relatives. There was a huge disconnect between me and everyone else. On hand the air was filled with sadness. I would say i actualy felt that "energy" and it made me cry. On the other hand i personaly was happy (maybe, not 100% sure that is the right word)...those relatives experienced serious periods of suffering and for me it was way better that this had ended instead of them suffering even more.
Less intense but similar with a lot of other things. I often absorb emotions from others. It is as if i had another type of sense for emotional energy. This works often without me even knowing what i experience or me understanding that feelings. Its not rare that it does not match mine and very likely that i have no clue about why people feel that way or what i'm actualy feeling.
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u/Shirebourn 2d ago
I'd point toward the study summarized here, which discusses how autistic people describe what they feel. It's quite good.
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u/Suesquish 2d ago
That's a very interesting little study. I'm not surprised it was conducted by OTs. I had a terrible time with psychiatrists and psychologists for 20 years, none of whom noticed I am autistic. The first OT I get, yep, thought I might be autistic pretty early on and then it quickly become apparent that's correct.
Emotions being complex and like a boldly coloured canvas sounds exactly right. I wonder how much this internal experience is affected by hyper and hypo emotional traits.
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u/kenda1l 2d ago
I understand and empathize with emotions and experiences I'm familiar with because I've had them. For example, I have horrible anxiety and often feel depressed so when someone is experiencing one of those, I feel them on a visceral level. Someone dealing with loss? I hurt for them in a way that is like losing something myself. Other emotions and situations that I'm not familiar with, I can still sympathize and understand from a logical standpoint because I've made it a point to study psychology and emotion. I'm fairly sure I can reasonably fake it, but I don't think that part counts as empathy, just understanding.
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u/Weird-Drummer-2439 2d ago
With me it's selective. I might be very moved by relatively small things, which most people would care at all about. Or I might watch someone die in a ditch and not feel an ounce of pity.
I don't know why.
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u/WebRelative8373 2d ago
My problem is that I have less empathy. It doesn't bother me when people are abused; I only care if something hurts my ego. I have fantasies of shooting certain people so they suffer and feel crushed and defeated.
I'm on the autism spectrum. I've been evaluated and monitored for two years. The problem is that my personality also borders on narcissistic and antisocial traits.
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u/Girackano 2d ago
The first experience I described to a psych that made him suggest i am autistic was how it feels going to the shops. Its loud, and i am overloaded with everyones feelings. I can feel the stress and mild resentment of the parent soothing their child having a meltdown, and i feel their childs distress. I feel the buzzing of the couple on a date, the person who has had a long day and is done with everything. Its everthing at the same time, and then add the chattering of everyone talking, and the music, and the lights.
The second thing i told my psych after he asked how i do in group settings, was that i prefer small groups or even one on one for very similar reasons. Its a lot to process really fast. Im not making eye contact very well but im picking up on everything all at once, and the less people there are the easier it is to interpret all that information my brain is getting.
I dropped the thought of me being autistic for a few years after that, because life got busy and i just didnt know what to think of it. Then i left a job due to burnout and it all hit me. My current psych believes i also am adhd, so i guess im audhd as he is able to give me the same tests a psychiatrist would and he is qualified to interpret them himself (he is also a neuro-affirming psych who is ND himself), but he cant officially diagnose me. So i am "confirmed" audhd but not on paper? (I am seeking official dx when i can afford it).
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u/stupidbuttholes69 2d ago
i don’t know if i do, but i worked with an autistic teen for a while who absolutely displayed this. for example, this was a church group (for some reason i feel the need to clarify that religion is not a part of my life anymore, this was a while ago) and every time someone would say a prayer concern she would just be absolutely devastated for the other person, offering them SO much comfort. i didn’t know i was autistic at the time and i also didn’t really know a whole lot about autism in general so just knowing how much she cared was the first time i realized that not all autistic people lack empathy.
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u/demeter1993 2d ago
I have too much empathy. I am not exaggerating that I cried every day growing up. I could literally cry over spilled milk. To this day, if I accidentally upset someone, I will cry. I can't help it.
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u/Cradlespin 2d ago
I have an exaggerated and toxic hyper-empathy from my autism. It’s why I take on false, or exaggerated feelings of guilt and responsibility.
I envy people who can “move on” and “self-care” and “put themselves first”… it sounds easy. But for me, it’s seemingly impossible…
Meanwhile, I’m worrying about the wellbeing of strangers online on **MySpace from 16 years ago when I was a teenager—some of whom I have found proof don’t exist! I was emotionally gaslighted/manipulated by fake stories, by fake accounts and because my empathy is too high my head can’t shrug it off—think of it like a starving person running a free grocery… that’s it.
Pretty much, I seem to constantly worry if people who weren’t in likelihood real are okay/dead 💀it’s like I have this guilt sponge inside my brain that takes on negativity and worries for others. I’m terrible in conflict and struggle with asserting myself (I cave for others easily too)
Therapy has helped a little—but not as much in the case of the above hindsight example
The only positive is I do seem to relate well to people and I can emotionally connect with people (when I’m not constantly worrying and anxious for them)—I’d give that positive up in a heartbeat to not care to the extent of neglecting my own life and wellbeing.
Caring too much is probably as bad as caring too little. It’s not nice for me being selfless; in my experience it’s not a virtue, or as well-meaning people tell me “being a good person” — ultimately I cruelly victimise myself
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u/acidic_turtles 2d ago edited 2d ago
Indeed! For myself and most of the autistic clients I work with. Every once in a while I’ll work with or meet an autistic who’s super emotionally muted. But people only judge based on behavior, not intentions or internal experiences. So a lot of the times even these people have such extreme emotion, we are often disconnected from our bodies (even more with trauma) and they either can’t express that emotion in a way that others can read or it’s too much to add to the intense internal experience of emotional overload
Edit: basically every “negative” oriented stereotype about autistic people is false and based on years of allistic people and researchers/psychologists/doctors speaking for us and creating criteria and social culture based only in the things they can witness with their own eyes. Many autistic people are and have been infantilized or our experiences dismissed by those in hierarchal positions of medical authority (and others). Always have to remember my own assumptions and biases based in my own autistic experiences, especially now being apart of the medical system as a therapist. Cue “If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person” quote hehe
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u/TikiBananiki 1d ago
I have seen people identify that way. Personally I feel a strong sense of concern but i’ve slowly come to realize that a part of it is just ME hypothesizing about all the ways someone could (or i would) be bothered/uncomfortable with something I did or something I’ve witnessed being done. It’s not necessarily an accurate assessment of how the subject in question is truly feeling. it’s a version of how someone COULD react or feel hurt, that i’m fixating on.
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u/Soft_Chemistry_6596 2d ago edited 2d ago
No, but sure I feel being less hypocrite and having a more solid inner moral (somewhat voluble at long term, since I'm constantly learning). Neurotypical folk prioritize the collective interests and expression of empathy over a consistent logic and set of values. Even if this sounds bad, it has advantages (fast communication, easier to get aided and listened, principally).
About the eye contact, maybe, but I feel it has more to do with how we process the data from senses (perception), eye contact is a strong body language and it captures and demand a lot of attention and raw emotions, I feel easy to get disrupted by it and that's why I naturally avoided it until recent years, it unconsciously made me feel insecure due to my feeling of loosing control of my attention and self-regulation.
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u/TLJDidNothingWrong 2d ago
Depends on how hard I’ve been dissociating, tbh. Sometimes I’m too worried about masking or my skin staying on to put much energy into it beyond canned platitudes.
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u/Fabulous-Influence69 2d ago
Eh direct eye contact is intense. For a standard encounter I will typically look in their direction, with the odd look directly at their eyes. That usually seems sufficient.
I have a strong hunch it has more to do with dominance, than anything, but it's not like I can back it with scientific evidence. I just know from personal experience, part of my trauma involved being forced to make direct contact as I got very intensely screamed at. Not a great time.
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u/Christsolider101 2d ago
Some have high empathy some don’t. It’s either they have highly sensitive personality or alexythymia.
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u/ForeverHall0ween 2d ago
I would say I went from being a fairly unfeeling person, people would be experiencing inteese emotions and I just couldn't understand, all I could do was stand there awkwardly and be polite, offer a pat on the back maybe, but it was super uncomfortable for me.
Then my dad died in my late 20s and everything changed. That night I cried for the first time in years, my grief, the depth of my despair was so deep. Anyways, this was like five years ago. I've been in therapy since, the first few years were intense - spent many months doing nothing but crying. Around this time is ironically when I was diagnosed.
I really see my dad's death as the catalyst that made me seek therapy, understand oh dang emotions, intense emotions are a normal part of the human experience, part of what it means to be human. I found myself being on the other side, trying to really spare others from my intense emotions and how awkward that'd be.
Yes, I avoid people mostly now because it's really hard to control what I feel, how I express what I feel, and also to conserve my own capacity to process emotion. I don't avoid people completely but, I'm pretty stingy with connecting. I just can't really handle how much I feel lol. I think some amount of repression is probably actually healthy, but I can't do that anymore. Neurotypicals seem to have it figured out but, I just see it as another thing that's hard as an autist to understand how much is appropriate.
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u/Liquid_Feline spectrum-formal-dx 2d ago
Outside of a few specific emotions, I generally don't empathize with others.
I've learned how to perform empathy. I don't consider that insincere since i genuinely do that from a place of care and wanting to make others feel better. I'm still not actually feeling their feelings though.
For eye contact, direct eye contact just feels aggressive to me.
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u/Oragain09 2d ago
So for me the eye contact thing isn’t related at all to empathy. Prolonged eye contact feels intimate to me. It feels like I am allowing someone else to see me vulnerable and naked when they are a stranger. At the same time I feel that when I force eye contact, I lose all ability to listen to what you’re saying. I’m using all of my energy and focus to keep “appropriate” and “normal” eye contact (trying to make myself look away at natural appearing intervals so as to not be too intense). It’s exhausting. It also makes me feel like I am performing/“being seen” which is a very uncomfortable feeling for an autistic person!
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u/Sensory-Mode3113 2d ago
Yes. That’s me. Too much. I know too much. I can sense emotions especially. Hear thoughts sometimes. Def don’t want intense eye contact.
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u/greyACG 2d ago edited 2d ago
I grew up in multiple environments where I had to quickly discern the emotional state of people that could harm me. I developed an eye for negative patterns in people from an early age, to the point that it was my default belief that other people intended to harm me. Although I try my best to accept others and make genuine connection with the small percentage of them that I can, I still lean heavily into this assumption. When someone that I was excited to build a strong connection with suddenly shifts their attitude, even if only for a day or an hour, it heavily reinforces to me that people will always intend to find ways to hurt me, and that they are just allowing me to believe that they are safe in the moments that I feel I could develop trust with them. It destroys any belief I may have previously held of being able to trust and allow them to view my true self. The excitement to show myself withers and dies alongside the hope that I could ever trust them.
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u/TryingKindness 2d ago
I’m definitely not always perceptive. Sometimes, but eh. But I have always physically felt the emotions that I think others are feeling. For years it was overwhelming, but in 2020 it went bonkers and I had a few months turned totally off, like apathy. I am returned, but I can dampen the feelings now thank god
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u/Geminii27 2d ago
I mean, it's not part of my self-image per se, but I can definitely switch off the shields, as it were.
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u/OnkaAnnaKissed 2d ago
I've said for many years that I feel like I'm too sensitive for this life. I've always been incredibly empathetic and sensitive to the ills of the world. Regarding the eye contact thing, I find it uncomfortable most of the time. For those I want to make eye contact with, it feels like I'm trying to draw out everything about them through their eyes. This could make people uncomfortable, I reckon. For most people, though, including my family, when I have to make eye contact, I look at people's forehead or in-between their eyes. I used to practice this and smiling in front of a mirror for years. I'm in my mid 50's now, and I still practice smiling, but now in front of my phone. I'll always feel REALLY uncomfortable making eye contact, the same as I'll always hate the touch of most people, again, including my family.
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u/Tismply spectrum-formal-dx 2d ago
For me, it is feeling more and understanding less. I experience lots of empathy but cannot express it. I am overhelmed by emotions I cannot identify. Seen from the outside, I have extremely low empathy, but extremely high empathy from the inside. Probably not more or less empathy than others, but different empathy.
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u/UVRaveFairy 1d ago
Double Empathy Problem.
Feel like I get more than that when surrounded by strangers more than friends, and then it's the "Crowd Empathy Problem".
Don't get the same vibe when involved in a gig, stepping up to the decks / control when doing a set in front of people, have a decades old "the Artists Face" on by then and a different trip.
It's weird looking at hundreds / thousands of people and kind of feeling them all at once, it's not that same thing at all though, bit easier for some reason, no idea why.
/sigh /facepalm.
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u/LilyoftheRally spectrum-formal-dx 1d ago
Eye contact is not my natural instinct and I do it with people I don't know well to mask my autism.
I feel worse when I hear about certain kinds of animals being mortally wounded or killed (differentiated from sick pets having to be put down) because I empathize so much with the animal. I can't watch ASPCA commercials, for instance. Starving children in poor countries just don't affect me that way.
If I am prepared for the emotions beforehand, I can attend events like the annual Disability Day of Mourning, to memorialize disabled people murdered by family members and caregivers (fail-givers).
Pro-autism-cure rhetoric (which has led to murders like those mentioned above) makes me more angry at ableist parents than sad for their autistic kids.
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u/The8uLove2Hate_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
I definitely do. My empathy doesn’t depend on what level of social/economic/professional status you have, or how much of a relationship I have with you personally, or any of that other subjective bullshit NTs get so wrapped up in. My empathy is distributed based on what you did, how much power and knowledge you had in a given situation vs the other players, and standards for right/wrong behavior that I don’t grade on a curve that increases the higher up the metaphorical food chain you go. And yet, people will say I’m less empathetic because I don’t have the same priorities and criteria as them, and I won’t perform the empathy I do have to their satisfaction.
ETA: I also think a lot of performed empathy is purely performative, which makes it selfish. A true show of empathy is if you’re willing to put your own shit on hold to help someone else solve their problem, even if it’s inconvenient, or they might resent you (ie you have to break the harsh truth about something to them). That’s the way I prefer to show I care in general.
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u/stephen_changeling wondering-about-myself 1d ago
I had a very traumatic childhood so I am super sensitive to negative emotions. If someone doesn't like me, I know immediately. The trouble is, I am no good at identifying positive emotions. If someone is teasing me, I tend to assume they are insulting me in order to hurt my feelings because they feel contempt for me. I tend to walk on eggshells around people and it often annoys them and kills whatever liking they might have developed for me.
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u/RohannaFem 2d ago
I think its important to keep in mind that many of us have some level of trauma or CPTSD from just existing as an autistic or undiagnosed child - which will make many of us prone to emotional monitoring as a defense mechanism and still carry that with us very much today.
I used to think I was emotionally attune to other people, but most of it is just trying to predict other peoples moods out of fear they might change or switch