Struggling with finding other autistic people annoying

[u/realbinzidinzi]

Hi, I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this so I’m posting it here. I feel like there’s an idea that as an autistic person I should get along with most other autistic people. And while I do get along easier with someone when I relate to them, I know a few autistic people whom I find really annoying, and sometimes because of their autistic traits. This makes me feel weird, like I have no empathy towards my own community. For example: when a person I know is very stressed because their routine got messed up, even though I can relate, I get pretty annoyed at them. I think the annoyance is more about how they express their stress, how they might take it out on others, but I still feel bad. I feel I should be more understanding because I literally understand what they’re feeling. But I just have a hard time. Can anyone relate?

[u/iamacraftyhooker]

You can logically empathize with someone, but still have a negative physiological response to them.

I personally struggle with other people's stims. They have a tendency to cause me sensory overwhelm. I understand the need for stimming, but I also have a need for a low stimulation environment that just isn't compatible.

That incompatibility means I'm largely going to avoid high energy autists for my own peace of mind. I don't hold anything against them, I just understand the best way to meet both our needs is to keep distance.

If we must interact I think it's reasonable to ask people to try and repress their stims so times, as other people must try to tolerate them.

[u/Real-Expression-1222 → u/iamacraftyhooker]

That part

[u/bingobucket]

No I totally get this. Does make you feel like a bad person but I can't help my reaction in my head it just properly irks me.

I think it's important we have spaces like this where we can share our experiences without being banned and labelled ableist. It's not like we don't realise it's a little problematic 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/SophieByers → u/bingobucket]

And that’s one of the reasons why I made this sub Reddit

[u/bingobucket → u/SophieByers]

I thank you endlessly ❤️❤️ I had been feeling so so isolated and pushed out of my own community for many years now. It has literally only been since I found this sub very recently that I found out there are others like me and the relief I felt was unreal. I was really convinced it was just me and I wasn't welcome in the autism community!

[u/SophieByers]

I completely understand how you feel! I had dealt with two autistic students in my college campus who were loud and disruptive. As my sensitive hearing and struggling with concentration due to my autism and ADHD does not help.

[u/Overall_Future1087]

I'm so glad we can talk about things like these in this sub. I feel like that sometimes, mostly when it's online and they say they're self-diagnosed.

I don't enjoy their suffering, but I also won't join the other users with comments that sound like toxic positivity.

[u/citrusandrosemary → u/Overall_Future1087]

The toxic positivity bullshit is so invalidating. We're allowed to get just as irritated with one another. We're not hating each other but it's just that some of us just inexplicably rub one another the wrong way. And there's nothing wrong in acknowledging that.

I can totally see people in the self-diagnosed community shouting ableism at voicing and acknowledging these types of thoughts.

[u/Overall_Future1087 → u/citrusandrosemary]

Yeah, I hate it. They act like just for having the same disorder we'll all be friends with each other.

[u/citrusandrosemary → u/Overall_Future1087]

It's like the assumption that all black people know each other or all gay people are friends. Insert a minority group here and state your stereotypical assumption.

[u/Overall_Future1087 → u/citrusandrosemary]

Yes! It's exactly the same

[u/PackageSuccessful885]

This is why I hate when people claim that autistic people have zero communication problems when talking with each other. Like nah hahaha I've met plenty of autistic people who are even more difficult to talk to because we have conflicting needs and can't accommodate each other

I think as long as you recognize that it's your own problem and not something flawed about that person, it's okay to have individual preferences in who you enjoy talking to

[u/Vivid_Meringue1310]

Honestly I’m the same way lmao and I hate that I think this way towards them. Since I’m autistic too I don’t want to be judgemental, but it’s more the way they act rather than the autistic traits. Like for example if an autistic person really likes making loud noises as a form of stimming or something, I get annoyed and wanna tell them to shut up because all I want is peace and quiet lol. I don’t actually say that bc I know it’s rude, but I just get so annoyed and irritated

[u/citrusandrosemary → u/Vivid_Meringue1310]

This is me. I have a friend who has ADHD and she fidgets so damn much. It drives me insane. There have been a lot of occasions where I've had to ask her to please stop bouncing her leg or tapping her toes. I'm a little ashamed to say that there have been one or two times where I've actually seriously snapped at her because I just couldn't stand her fidgeting anymore.

[u/elhazelenby]

I find I have clashed with many other autistic people and it's a common thing I think. Especially if there are opposing traits such as someone needing to make noise to soothe sensory needs versus someone who is noise sensitive. Me and my younger brother clash at times.

Sometimes other autistic people are just jerks like everyone else. I've had some other people say awful things to me or make me uncomfortable when they know how it makes me feel because I've clearly told them since I am usually quite direct.

[u/citrusandrosemary]

Honestly, and I think you guys can understand this, speaking to each other online is fine. In person? Not so fine.

Interacting with other autistic people in person seems to grate on my nerves. There are exceptions here and there of course, but I feel like some of us have certain cadences in our speech certain gestures certain pitches in our voice and a lot of times it tends to rub me the wrong way. I think we can be just as off-putting to one another as we can be to people who are decidedly "normal".

There have been a few autistic people that I have met in person that I do seem to automatically click with because we both seem to mentally operate on the same wavelength if that makes sense.

[u/No_Sale6302]

sometimes someone's symptoms can just happen to manifest in a way that clashes with your own. I haven't spoken to my mother in years because we just never got along, we had a lot of similar issues but incredibly different ways of dealing with them. I think it's just like, when your personality clashes against someone to the point where friendship isn't an option, just a natural thing but the autistic version.

[u/duchyfallen]

Me too. Some autistic people argue every time I try to attribute any negative behavior to autism and I think it’s a lack of understanding of the disorder on their part. For me, I refuse to be friends with people who talk past me and never directly acknowledge my statements unless prompted. If I’m going to be ranted at with no response back to what I say I might as well be journaling my thoughts alone because socializing is already extremely stressful for me and I get no satisfaction from being talked at. I’m sure some autistic people would refuse to be my friend too.

[u/Icy-Platypus-9548]

I really relate to this. I also think I have a hard time with it because I will then think about how other people must get annoyed with me in the way that I am getting annoyed with them. Like I am constantly aware that a lot of my autistic traits are frustrating to those around me, but when I myself am frustrated with someone else with autism, I get even more aware of that, which makes me feel more shame towards myself… I also for some reason often feel some level of embarrassment when I’m around other autistic people which I don’t understand. My therapist says I have a lot of internalized ableism, which I don’t disagree with, and that too makes me feel like a bad person.

[u/DesignerOffer2275]

I agree, I’m more of a closed off very quiet independent person, but most of the ND at my school are very bubbly and loud and sometimes rude, so I don’t talk and I find them really annoying to be around.

Like there’s a girl who I hang out with (only known her for a few weeks) and she says we’re best friends, but I don’t feel like I’m on the same level as her with friendship. I find her a little annoying since she just shares everything with everyone, even things I’ve said and just talks it to the teachers and things. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or anything but she is just annoying me. She’s also moving in a few weeks and her parents are strict, so I won’t have any contact with her.

I like being by myself and alone, I prefer it rather than being with others since I get very awkward since there’s so many social norms I have to follow and it feels demanding.

[u/OppositeAshamed9087]

Yes. Other autistic people can cause me meltdowns and vice versa.

They find me loud and annoying, unempathetic - 'sociopath'.

I find them loud and annoying, emotional - 'crybabies'.

Not everyone is meant to get along. I just think it's higher in autistic people with differing needs.

[u/Curious_Dog2528]

I have two new friends who are also autistic they quote movies or tv shows very often and it drives me crazy

[u/Practical_Ear3237]

Sounds like you may have internalised ableism against yourself for being autistic?