Those "look at how autistic I am" posts in other subs and groups that I will not name.

"Wow look at my huge obsessive collection of plushies."

"Wow, look at how particular I am about my food."

"Wow, look at how many stim toys I have."

I'm happy that they're happy but I cringe every time.

Sorry if this offends anyone, but I had to vent somewhere that I thought would be safe.

Please delete this if it turns out that it is unhelpful. Whenever I see people being late diagnosed with higher support needs levels, or people that claim to be higher support needs, with no apparent impairment, it boils my blood. This is because the effect autism has had on my life has been substantial.

I was diagnosed with ASD-1 recently. I have a good support system. My neurologist stresses that for me to meet my full potential, he recommends that I not live alone. Though I won’t die and can handle my ADLs unassisted, and generally with no prompting.

When I was a child I was in special ed classes. I was held back in first grade due to not being as developed as other children my age. As a result, I was slightly older than all of my grade related peers. I wasn’t able to listen, didn’t understand authority figures, and couldn’t make friends. I didn’t have speech delays. I stayed in some variety of special ed through my entire school career. My special interest is video games, hands down. Engaging in this interest was so disruptive that in middle school, my grades started to struggle significantly.

In High School I had a GPA of 0.75. I was poorly socialized and maintained 1-2 friends. I still paid very little attention in class. I did have brief relationships, but they generally would end due to not being able to keep up with the normal progression of romance, and I was broken up with. I never graduated high school and got a GED as a condition of maintaining housing at 19 years old.

Through my adult life I struggled with homelessness due to not being able to hold down jobs. My emotional regulation was poor and I would quit, have conflicts with coworkers, or get fired due to poor performance. People would routinely remark on me being odd, and in my younger years, my behavior wasn’t suitable for working. When I could stay with my oldest friend in the world, she reports that I would play the same game every minute of the day that wasn’t occupied by some demand. On several occasions she would literally make me stop for purposes of eating, or comment on my poor hygiene. I learned how to properly wash myself in my early 20s. At one point, while staying with my friend, she secured my house key to my shoe due to how prone I was to losing it. I literally would need to take it off to unlock the door.

Luckily I didn’t have a learning impairment. I was able to channel my special interest into the ability to build computers and understand how technology works. When I turned about 30, I was able to get a job in technology. In my job I’m able to take breaks often, and even do things like listen to music. I stayed on my friend’s couch during this time while saving to be able to rent a room.

I’m currently married and live in a 2 bedroom apartment because I consider it the limit for what I’m able to maintain despite my job paying well enough to even buy a home. I don’t believe that I would keep up with home maintenance if I were to buy one. My wife handles probably north of 90% of the house work, including all laundry. Even though she works, I charge her nothing due to the amount of work she does. We won’t have children because I don’t believe I’m capable of keeping up with them, and the notion of not being able to engage in my special interests causes me anxiety.

We got me diagnosed after a therapist both told me they felt I was “on the spectrum” and referred me to an autism specialist. During this time I was throwing fits at home about things like my sunglasses being put in the wrong place, and starting fights with coworkers.

I have strong difficulties with people that think differently from me, and I struggle with masking my annoyance. I end friendships with very little friction. I develop odd paranoia about what others think are random things. I hate elevators, I won’t take my socks off because changes in texture on my feet are distracting to me. My wife warns me when she grinds coffee or runs the blender because I might randomly be mean after the fact. I have no tolerance for hunger, or if I need to pee in the smallest detectable amount, I will immediately stop what I’m doing to go fix the issue, and if my wife doesn’t make coffee in the morning, half the time I just give up and go to the coffee shop. What the fuck is that?

After all of this, I am level 1. So when you tell me you’re level 2 or 3, and it’s not apparent, I just don’t believe you. Especially after I have struggled so much throughout my life. It hasn’t been all bad, as I’m married and eventually found my footing, but there have been serious limitations to my life because I’m autistic. Sometimes I miss social cues, but I’ve listened to level 2 and 3 people not even know what a social cue is. So if you have less deficits than I do, you should be careful about assigning yourself level 2 and 3.

EDIT: Apartment, not house.

Hi, 20F here. Diagnosed at 17, suspected at 16. Did multiple testing, including psychomotor testing, ADOS-4, and video-recorded interviews. I was screened by different people. The person that ultimately diagnosed me is the professor in psychiatry leading my country's research team on autism and university degrees on autism.

That leads me to believe I am pretty much sure that this person knows what they're talking about. During the last appointment of the diagnosis assessment, they told me that it was pretty rare for them to give this diagnosis, given the amount of teens reaching out to them to have one. They usually redirect them to the proper structure. In my case, I was diagnosed according to the DSM-5 with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

There are early records of my behaviour. It took me long to get out of my bubble in kindergarten, I eventually did when I discovered reading. My parents, adamant that I was not autistic, still reported behaviours like me screaming and crying in public places with loud noises or people, or liking to hide and sort things when stressed around people.

Still, I don't feel autistic. I feel embarrassed. I feel like I was misdiagnosed, because now I am a rather successful uni student, involved in a lot of associations with public speaking and relations, I have a lot of friends. The only thing that's still there is the intense distress around people and noise in amphitheaters, parties, etc. Thanks to my diagnosis I get state aids, but do I really deserve this money? It helped me get proper soundproof earplugs for various situations (orchestra) and get alone seats in trains (costing extra), but the rest of the money feels unfair (not to the state - I am a med student basically working for free at the hospital thanks to budget cuts so this money allows me to live...) to more disabled people.

Anyone feels like me, or knows someone that could ?

I just wanted to encourage those of you who may lurk instead of posting, or post infrequently. It’s so nice to be around people who aren’t…well. Delusional to the exclusion of logic. Thank you.

I tend to have a lot of trouble prioritizing other people's emotional needs, and I don't spend time with people unless I have an interest in the topic we're talking about or doing. I've noticed I don't really feel that drive to hang out with somebody for the sake of hanging out. i remember I was once at the grocery store with my mother, I decided to go since I thought I would be able to pick out a notebook there due to a miscommunication. I was disappointed when she said I couldn't get one, since I really only agreed to go with her because I wanted something. When we got in the car she was crying and told me how upset she was that I was more interested in getting the notebook than spending time with her. I know this is going to sound really cold, but I remember wondering why somebody would spend time with another person unless there's an interest involved, especially at a grocery store. I did feel a little bad that she was crying over it, and at the same time I felt sorry that I couldn't feel the same way about it as she did.

I think a part of my autism is that I'm just inherently wired to care more about objects and topics of interest rather than other people. I can care about others and even like other people, but definitely not in a conventional way or in a way others will understand. I know it's not a desirable quality to have, but I'm very self focused. My decisions revolve less around others and more around my own thoughts and wants. I always pursue whatever's on my mind, and what's usually on my mind isn't the same kind of things a NT would prioritize or think about so often.

I think it is time discussion needs to happen why not only self DX/Diagnose is BS or wrong, it also has consequences as well. The reason for this is that people who find out it's a ok to self diagnose themselves with autism usually find out employment opportunities become limited and in the past I have referred people who self dx to a psychiatrist to assess and certify that do not have autism and one of the people who I referred to became very angry at me after they were assessed and certified that they did not have autism, the psychiatrist assessed them for FDIS (Factitious disorder imposed on self)/Munchausens and they met the threshold for FDIS, not only that they became very angry and when I mentioned to the person that self dx has consequences and they should be responsible for their own actions

I am 38 years old. Male. I live alone and have my own home. I am a senior business executive and am the top 10% of income. All that said, I struggle daily. I was divorced a few years back. That, combined with trying to date, made me seek diagnosis. I won't go into ALL of the details but my exwife left me because 'I was dead inside' and she had 'no real connection with me.'

After I started dating again I had multiple dates ask me why I wasn't making eye contact with them. I'm embarrassed to admit this but I honestly didn't know that I was supposed to? At 36 years old I was just learning about eye contact.

One women I dated encouraged me to look into diagnosis. She had friends on the spectrum and she said I reminded her a lot of them. This set me off on a research trail and I eventually scheduled a diagnosis with a phd psychotherapist. There was a six month waiting period and during that time I wrote up ten pages of why I thought I might be autistic. We met for 4 hours and then a few weeks later she gave me a report that said I was ASD1. I was, and am, skeptical of this.

I reached out to other medical professionals for validation. I talked to a doctor out of Maryland who ran an ASD practice. While she couldn't diagnose me as I was out of state she looked over my diagnosis and gave her input which all but confirmed my diagnosis. I, being me, was still skeptical so I started going to therapy with an ASD therapist at an ASD clinic. I went to weekly sessions for six months with her. While I did not get diagnosed by her, as it cost $3,000, she did all but confirm it to me.

It hurts me to admit this but I struggle daily. On the outside I am a large male, former bodybuilder, and business executive. I make a good living and keep to myself. I work in business intelligence, e-commerce, and software analysis. I'm happiest when I can put headphones in and work on formulas or numbers.

Throughout all of my life I have never fit into a group. I mean never. I've had some friends in school but it was a small group and come to find out, they were either ADHD or ASD. Even with this selection of friends I could never do groups of people. At most I can do 2 people, anything more than that and I get overwhelmed and will find any excuse to leave.

I work remote out of my home. Work has always been an obsession with me. I typically start my day at 5 am and end it at 4:30 or 5:00 PM. I'll get up and walk around sometimes but other than that I'm at my computer.

Before my diagnosis I had all of these processes setup to make things easier. I had assumed others did this as well, but I guess not? I have 8 copies of the same shirts and pants. I eat the exact same breakfast and lunch every day. No deviations.

During work I typically have headphones on and listen to the same songs on repeat. The songs vary but I'll get in a mood and listen to one for days. For example, last week was 'Cowgirl in the Sand' by Neil Young. I listened to it all week while working.

Work typically absorbs all of my energy. During my divorce, to get away from the house, I would cycle. That hobby has stuck and after work, if the weather is nice, I'll cycle deserted roads. Again, I can't do groups or other people. I need the emptiness to reset.

The days repeat in this pattern. My routine is everything. Anything that is outside of my routine does NOT get done. For example, half the light bulbs in my house are burnt out. The dishwasher has been broken for 3 years. There is wood rot in multiple areas outside the house. Four of the interior doors are coming off the hinges. I have no idea how to deal with these problems.

In the past I have dealt with problems like this with money. I throw money at people to fix or do things for me. Someone takes care of my yard. I have a handyman I can call for XYZ. Etc. However, after all of that and the $4,000 a month I pay my exwife I have no money leftover. I have no savings and just started a 401K over again at 38.

I have never lived alone before. I moved out right into an apartment with my ex-wife 20 years ago. I never realized how much she did for me. Having to do all of this is so daunting. My strategy has been to double down on work and make as much money as I possibly can so I can pay others to help me.

I don't socialize... with anyone. Ever. I've been trying to improve this. I joined a DND group about a year ago and I was only able to go to a few sessions before getting overwhelmed. I recently joined an ASD support group in my local area and I couldn't really identify with a lot of them. If anything I felt guilty and bad for being there because who am I? I have a house and a job. I don't struggle like they do. I don't want to minimize anyone.

One bright spot I should mention is I met my current girlfriend on Hiki. We've been dating for six months and she is like no relationship I have ever had before. I don't have to hide ANYTHING. She accepts me for who I am and I accept her. We parallel play for hours next to each other. There is never any judgement from either of us. We can just be us. It is amazing.

I apologize for the rambling post but I wanted to give you all a picture of what my life is as a late diagnosed ASD1.

Basically any post that ‘mocks’ ASD being in the DSM-V with trying to pull a reverse with ‘Neurotypical Disorder’ or whatever.

Firstly, neurotypical is not the opposite of autistic. Allistic is. Plenty of non-autistics are not neurotypical so it’s completely wrong in the first place.

Secondly, these posts/memes are only posted by people who think ‘autism isn’t a disorder and/or disability’. But what they are doing is making being non-autistic seem like the disability. It’s still othering and demonizing a group of people. They’re better off saying no one’s disabled and leaving it at that, because they’re still stating one is ‘wrong’ and the other ‘right’ (which also makes it Aspie supremacy).

Plus, if the majority of the world is has ‘neurotypical disorder’ (not autistic), it’s the default, so isn’t the disability. Also, ‘neurotypical disorder’ doesn’t prevent people from functioning, so therefore isn’t a disorder… these posts are trying to do a ‘gotcha!’, but do the total opposite.

While I did have friendships and even one close friend at times (not anymore), I've never had a relationship and have no real experience when it comes to love. I always wanted to find love, but it hasn't happened. Normally, I would expect things to work for the same for most other autists. Yet most autists I know (who have a diagnosis afaik) have had girlfriends/boyfriends. Sometimes, they even had relationships while still in school. Of course I am happy for them and don't feel vengeful or anything like that...

I just feel like the way it works for others is so incosistent with how I would usually understand it to happen. I feel like I must be much more impaired or worthless, when apparently even most of the autistic people I know have much less trouble finding love and friendships. There must be domething wrong with me, but I cannot even work with what I've got, since autism really dhouldn't prevent me as much as I would have believed. I don't understand how loneliness isn't part of their lives. I talked to my therapist (who works with autistic people) about it and her other clients were able to find love too, apparently.

So I just don't get it. I wish I could understand how it works and that I wasn't this defective. So what is going on? Can you relate?

(I don't think it really should matter and this absolutely isn't about my sex in any way, but as a background: I am in my 20s and male, but was diagnosed very late and would probably fit more into the stereotype of "female autism".)

I see that a lot of people here feel very negatively about their autism. In many ways I do too, but in others I actually feel very positively about it. Overall I'm aware I'd definitely be better off if I didn't have it, but I feel way too attached to some aspects of being autistic for me to even conceive the possibility of no longer having it (if that were even possible).

In regards to ADHD, it's not that I don't feel positively about it too in some ways, in fact ADHD'ers are by far the group of people I tend to get along the easiest with, I find very appealing the disinhibited personalities they tend to have (on the other hand in regards to those of us who are "AuDHD'ers" our personalities tend to be a chaotic mixture of disinhibited & inhibited traits in constant tension with each other lol).

So in many ways I feel very attached to ADHD as well, and as I've said ADHD'ers are the people I vibe the most with (yes, even more than with other autistics, sorry lol), but living with executive dysfunction is so awful, I'd gladly get rid of it.

And let's not even talk about the awfullly addictive personality I have thanks to my ADHD...

I know that not everyone has access to healthcare, or parents that care enough to notice, or even get to go to school at all. But this constant refrain that “diagnosis is a privilege” seems to completely miss the fact that some of us, even with lower support needs, could not have been “missed” as children.

I did receive my autism diagnosis a bit later than my ADHD, dyslexia, and dysgraphia diagnoses, but even then it was obvious to anyone who spent any time with me that something was “off” with me. The entire time I was in elementary school there was a constant debate about whether I needed to be pulled out of the “normal” classroom.

My mom was poor and on state insurance. We didn’t have a lot. I got diagnosed because I had a developmental disability and wasn’t hitting my developmental milestones — everyone could tell there was something going on for me. There may have been a question of exactly “what” precisely that was, but there wasn’t a question whether I met the criteria for something.

The real privilege is having your symptoms be so minor that no one can tell.

Edit: Just to be clear, my point is less about diagnosis and more about """masking.""" That people could tell that I was disabled, even if they didn't have the right label or doctor to tell them what I was disabled by. I couldn't get dressed by myself or use the bathroom until I was older. Or write with a pencil in school or do my homework. That's not something you miss.

Please report comments and don’t just downvote if mod action needs to be taken, we’re as vigilant as possible but things do slip sometimes, and thank you for those of you reporting for honest reasons and helping us keep this community safe

 I was diagnosed when i was 4 or so, the exact age of diagnosis isn't really known, and i was told when i was a little bit older and might have been able to understand the news of my having autism. 

My parents sat me down on the couch one night and told me of my diagnosis, while they used videos of a Canadian hero to drive home the point that autism is a superpower. The guy had cancer, not autism or it was simply speculation. Then, literally, that was it when it came to my having autism. There wasn't any more details.

Everything made sense afterwards. I don't think i was able to understand, or connect the dots, whenever i was told but i started to understand why i was put into another school and into this room for the whole day as i grew, or after every single day. And why i was in ABA therapy every half day when i was younger than i was told i had autism.

And afterwards, i only saw autism through myself. Meaning that i knew autism made you a bit stupid, for lack of a better word, and very aggressive to the point of being secluded and needing to be restrained by either one or two aides during meltdowns. I know now that isn't the end all be all presentation of autism, but back then that was how i saw autism as. 

Because of how i saw autism, i attempted a lot to fake being normal and to fake not having a disability. Basically, i attempted to mask the things that made me autistic, such as the meltdowns and the fact that i was delayed in some academic areas like Math and English. I isolated myself from the rest of my classmates as much as i could because teachers were forcing me to socially engage with others in my class and make friends. 

Now, i think it was because i was dealing with something called internalized ableism, for lack of a better word. I also think it worsened because i was getting bullied and teased for my meltdowns during daycare by kids who were also either autistic or had ADHD. I felt shamed after learning about them because i felt worse than they were because of their autism. 

Nowadays, i am just very neutral about all of my diagnoses. I don't know if i would like a cure or if i would turn it down because i weirdly like having these diagnoses, they're very interesting. 

I've noticed a trend lately that people keep on Conflating the two, Like they are similar at all

I really do not understand it

In my case, I am bisexual. Yet i genuinely cannot see how being bisexual is in anyway similar to being Autistic

Sure, My sexuality can cause me issues in life, but that isn't because i am disabled by it in any case. That is genuinely due to people around me. Not my sexuality

But autism? That's a life long developmental disorder that causes me problems regardless

I also do not like the fact people conflate them as it implies Autism is an "Identity" or a "Label", And conversely implies being queer is a Disorder of some kind

All of it is just so stupid to me

​

Edit: Okay I'm gonna take an L on the use of the term "gatekeeping haters" in the title. I wasn't clear what I meant. The problem (((in my opinion))) is that the way people on this sub address the problem of self-DXing is so vitriolic it comes across as gatekeepy even though the argument itself is sound. I.e. saying "self-diagnosing isn't valid" instead of "believing you have autism isn't a guarantee that you do" or something that has the same message but doesn't sound so similar to other, much more questionable and definitely gatekeeping statements.

Tl;dr: You can acknowledge self-DXing is problematic and nonvalid without being a complete jerk about it. And every post on this sub doesn't need to be about self-DXing; it's annoying and all the negativity is exhausting. (If you're gonna try and argue with me about this, though, please read the whole post first.)

Yes, self-diagnosis is problematic and bad. I don't support self-diagnosing; "self-suspecting" is the term I prefer for people to use. If you think I support self-diagnoses after reading my post, then either I haven't communicated my stance clearly enough, or you misunderstood it. Also these are my OPINIONS, not necessarily fact, even if I think it is. I acknowledge other people have different opinions.

We all get that self-DXing is a problem, but I came here to connect with other autistic people in a sub that acknowledges that autism is a disability that makes my life harder. Instead, I'm met with a sub where almost every popular post is about self-diagnosing.

It's honestly starting to feel like a hate circle-jerk, especially when someone posted about a "self-DXer" and everyone hated on them in the comments. Their crime... being a woman who wanted to get retested by a new doctor?? Getting a second opinion is NORMAL for anyone, especially when you're a woman, because we often have to go through a whole laundry list of different doctors before you find one that won't say you're overreacting (and this applies to physical symptoms like pain as well as believing one might have a mental illness).

The amount of negativity on this sub is exhausting, and I think the only way we'll ever move towards being a more positive sub is to acknowledge that not all people seeking a diagnosis are toxic self-DXers. That's why we have such a terrible reputation as haters to other autism subs; if somebody who legitimately believes they're autistic (even if they're being stupid about it and playing into autistic stereotypes) posts in an autism sub and you comment on their post going "Self-diagnosis isn't valid!" or otherwise get angry in the comments, you're not being helpful. At all. You're honestly not even advocating for autism in any useful way, you're just making us look like gatekeeping jerks.

People are generally more open to changing their opinions if you present your opinion in a calm and friendly manner, especially if it's one that's still inclusive. You can advocate for seeking testing instead of seeking a diagnosis, and referring to oneself as "self-suspecting" rather than "self-diagnosed", without being a hater. Explain that you think we should move towards the idea of acknowledging people who believe they have autism as possibly autistic, rather than definitely autistic, because it's more respectful to diagnosed autistic people and helps avoid clout-chasing behavior. This still allows self-suspecting people to participate and be treated as part of the community, instead of it looking like you hate them and want to get rid of them. I'm not saying that's what you meant, but that's how it might come across!!

Here are some points I believe we all need to understand and acknowledge, because I think a huge part of the issue on this sub is people not fully recognizing the situations of other people.

• Chances are, most good-faith self-diagnosed people would probably be open to learning how to be more respectful of autism. Not everyone knows others find self-diagnosing offensive. Some who do don't understand why because they haven't had anyone try to kindly explain it to them, or they're autistic and it's harder to understand why other people think/feel a certain way! Just because it's obvious to you, doesn't mean it's obvious or easy to understand to someone else--and that applies to allistic people too.
• It shouldn't have to be our responsibility to educate allistic people, or anyone else that disrespects autism, on how to respect autism. However, there's no one else that can, and others can't educate themselves on things they don't know exist or are problematic. For example! When I was about 15, I commented on how surprised I was that my black friend had managed to grow long hair from basically nothing in just a week. Obviously, she was just wearing a weave, but I didn't know those existed. My friend was in no way obligated to explain to me what a weave was, and she didn't. (I think she honestly had no clue why I thought she'd grown a ton of hair lol.) But additionally, it wasn't my fault I didn't know what a weave was, because I can't know what I don't know! When I later learned what a weave was, I explained the mistake to her, and we had a good laugh about it even though I basically committed a microaggression (even if it was a very unique one haha). Now I know better, and that was that. That's the approach I think we need to take towards educating self-DXers. Plenty of them are just legitimately seeking support.
• Autistic women legitimately have a harder time getting recognized, and are frequently misdiagnosed. The article I linked is by the National Autistic Society; I don't know how they are viewed by the community, but I think this specific article is a good one. I don't fully agree with their opinions on self-diagnosis presented at the beginning of the article, but I think the article does a great job of going over all the reasons why autistic women struggle to be diagnosed. Tl;dr: it's sexism + autistic behavior presenting differently in women or being better masked + the faulty belief that autism is something only boys have.
• Women (and other minorities too) are often treated in a dismissive manner by medical professionals. Not being able to trust doctors is commonplace for us, and by itself it's not a sign of toxic self-DXing behavior. Linked is a short paper (6 pages if you don't count the bibliography) on the subject.
• Medical professionals can be wrong. It is OK for anyone to want a second opinion on any sort of medical results, autism or otherwise.
• We should be arguing "being self-suspecting doesn't guarantee you have autism" rather than "self-diagnosis isn't valid". It's the same message, really, but the first one treats other people way better.
• Some people will refuse to change or be more respectful. That's not a good reason to dismiss what I'm saying, though, because clearly yelling "self-diagnosis isn't valid!" into the void isn't doing anything either. Being friendly might.
• Everyone's situation is different. People who would get a test if they could, but can't for various reasons, don't deserve all this hatred just because "the self-DXing movement is problematic". They're not trying to be toxic. Some reasons include: Not being able to afford testing; being a minor whose parents won't get them tested; living in a country where a diagnosis would restrict your rights (for example, in Russia, autistic people are not allowed to drive); and so on.
• People looking for support on the road to getting tested are not self-DXers.

If you've read this far, then thanks.

I will leave you with my final statements:

"But self-diagnosing is problematic! Even the good-faith ones are still bad because they're supporting a problematic ideology!"

Of course it's problematic to participate even if you're trying to be respectful. But maybe we'd make some actual progress if we told people that in a clear and genuine way instead of yelling at them.

"I've tried being nice about it. It doesn't work."

Then why are you letting them live rent-free in your head? As I said, angrily criticizing someone pretty much never works, and if being nice isn't working either, then there's nothing you can do about it. Just ignore them so they don't get your clicks, and go about with your life. If you let things you can't change bother you constantly, you're just gonna be miserable.

Even if this sub is against self-diagnosing, it's taken over anyways with how everyone here can't stop talking about it. We spend more time thinking about them than actually supporting each other.

P.S.: I know this is long and people on Reddit are notorious for responding to posts without actually reading the whole thing. If you say "But what about X?" and it's something I clearly addressed in the post, I'm just going to tell you to read the post. If you just don't understand something I said, or missed it, then please just make it clear you read the whole thing in your comment for my sanity.

as the title says, i don't understand why people want to identify or say they're autistic and have autistic traits, if they then don't want to be assessed?? part of the criteria is that you have impairment, and if you think you don't "need" an assessment because you aren't impaired then technically you don't fit the criteria????

I've seen this both online and irl and just. ugh. I really suffer from my traits and I tried to ask my mum for an assessment but she's adamant that I'm "on the spectrum" but just need to "try harder" to stop being sensitive and rigid and anxious. my mental health has been plummeting for the past 4 years because I don't have access to the right kind of care. my school counsellor has said she thought it was worth being assessed, which is the reason I told my mum.

however I have a friend (?? idk, we're friends I think) who says she's autistic with ADHD, and yet she doesn't want an assessment. we've been having mock exams recently and she brought in a fidget thing - I'm in the UK, and bringing in objects that aren't allowed is STRICTLY prohibited and can result in failing ALL A Level exams, not just one. I told her such and probably came across as a tad excessive since I'm really a stickler about rules, and told her if she wants to have accomodations like that she can talk to our SEN coordination about being assessed through school. she straight up looked at me and said she didn't want to.

I'm SO confused because if you need that accomodation, why don't you want to be assessed so you can get it?? I've been trying to get assessed because using ear defenders during an exam and having extra time to process things would be beneficial to me, but because of my mum I can't. she just?? doesn't want to?? and we were discussing assessments another time and she said "if I wanted to I'm sure I could get one but I don't want to". like it's not a CHOICE for me?? it's something I need to help my mental health lmao

I don’t really use TikTok much because I’m an old millennial who had MySpace back in high school in the mid-late 00s 😅 but every time she comes up on my FYP I see their videos of get called out (Paige uses she/they pronouns) by autism parents (particularly those with high support needs children) and those autistic TikTok users that have low support needs. She is everything I hate about AutismToks. Also, I’ve seen her get called out for her misinformation on ABA, and I have seen her DD her videos that are problematic after they get sitched and use autism as an excuse to be racist. Paige is literally everything wrong with AutismToks.

Also, Gillis Williams IIII @That Autism Guy is a much better and more enjoyable and entertaining AutismToks so not all AutismToks are bad 🤓☺️

Rant over and happy Tuesday 😁

Also, I have been switching back and forth to decide the most appropriate flair for this post because this definitely falls under all three blunt honesty autism in the media and controversial

This was originally a comment on a thread elsewhere on Reddit. It was well received by autistic people until the OP deleted their account (they were called out for bullying autistic people and I guess they didn't like that).

I am archiving what I wrote here, but will not mention the subreddit or name anyone else involved in the deleted thread just to be safe.

Feel free to leave comments, corrections, additional points I didn't include, and critiques of my writing.

ORIGINAL POST TITLE (paraphrased):

Why would diagnosed people not validate my self-diagnosis? They're like dictators!
I self-diagnosed as a child because I just knew! It's all their fault I can't access a diagnosis so how dare they be so mean to MEEEEEE?

COMMENT:

Are you willing to listen, or do you just want to shame diagnosed autistics out of this space?

If you're willing to listen, read on.

(If you're trying to shame diagnosed autistics out of this space, then that's an issue for the moderators should they want this space to include actually neurodivergent people.)

This has never been an issue with self-suspecting autism. It's an issue with the spreading of misinformation about autism and autistic people within our own spaces.

Let's start with defining autism so we are all on the same page.

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a disability listed in the DSM-V. This book is used internationally to define and diagnose autism, alongside many other psychiatric conditions.

Every single label within the DSM-V is unified by a single criteria- a certain combination of symptoms must be present over a sustained period of time, and those symptoms must be severe enough to interfere with healthy day-to-day functioning.

There is a lot of harmful misinformation online about autism.

This includes claims that:

• Autism is NOT a disability, but rather a difference that is only held back because we are the minority (not disabled means not autistic)
• Not all autistic people struggle with social skills as described in the DSM (this is a core symptom and lack of it means not autistic)
• Not all autistic people have the rigid behaviour patterns and fixations described in the DSM (this is a core symptom and lack of it means not autistic)
• People other than little white boys may not meet the DSM-V criteria even if they are autistic (the criteria is universal and not limited to any gender, age group, or race)
• If a professional diagnoses a self-diagnosed autistic with something other than autism, it is probably a misdiagnosis
• An autistic person can mask well enough to fool a trained professional into thinking they're not autistic during an assessment (this demonstrates social ability beyond that of an autistic person)
• There is no such thing as "high functioning" and "low functioning" autism, and to suggest such a thing is ableist
• An autism diagnosis causes more harm than good for the affected person
• Self-diagnosis is as accurate or more accurate than professional diagnosis
• Those who self-diagnose are less privileged than those who are professionally diagnosed

This misinformation is harmful because:

• It minimizes the struggles of actually autistic people, especially those who are lower functioning.
• It makes actually autistic people feel misunderstood and unwelcome in our own spaces online.
• It discourages actually autistic people from getting a diagnosis that might actually help them.
• It gives neurotypical people the wrong idea about who we are, what we experience, and what to expect of us.
• It dilutes the meaning of the word "diagnosis", which is disrespectful and irritating to many diagnosed autistics.
• Self-diagnosis is used to bully and shame diagnosed autistic people. Self-diagnosed people keep posting things like the above post.
  Diagnosed autistics defining their disability is NOT an attack on self-diagnosed people. To twist it as such is to show manipulation skills beyond that of most actually autistic people.

Most of this harmful information about autism is spread by those who are not diagnosed with autism.

OP, maybe you're correct in your self-assessment. But maybe you're not. The same goes for every single person who self-suspects or self-diagnoses autism.

We DON'T want to exclude self-suspecting autistics from autistic spaces.

We DO want to exclude misinformation and bullying that harms us.

Big difference.

Btw, this is not meant to be you know what sub this is an autistic CC’s thoughts on self diagnosis, go follow him he has some good videos on the topics as well as Aspie supremacy

So like 10 years ago, it would be something special to hear from a woman on the autism spectrum. But this topic really has been done to death now. And yes, I understand that women and minorities are underdiagnosed. But every fucking time I open a Youtube video about autism, it's either made by a woman with autism, or it's about the 10 autistic traits in women or something. The shock effect is completely gone. It's just repetition at this point. I feel like women are underrepresented in real life, but overrepresented on social media, if that makes sense.

He unplugs my bass speaker and once I didn't even know he did it. He unplugged something behind my TV once and denied it even when I saw him playing around back there. The TV wouldn't work for 3 days. My relatives were mad.

He seems to think the world revolves around him. He gets angry at people for chewing fruit gum. He says he gets paranoid when people are behind him in line. I don't like that feeling either but I manage it. He also didn't do a standing ovation when everyone else was at a concert because he didn't want to. I wanted him to. He doesn't follow medical advice. The weirdest thing is when I said I'd want to camp in the desert and he said he'd put his needs aside for me(he doesn't like sand). He's giving me 3 years to get married. I don't think I'm doing that. Im terrified that I'm gonna really break his heart. I want to be his friend a lot. I enjoy talking to him but I just don't think we're gonna get along as a married couple. He wants children right now because he's older. He's a bit delusional imo. We're both broke and he gets annoyed when I mention that.

I feel like I'm leading him on. He told me dating wouldn't ruin our friendship but if we break up I'll lose him plus other friends. We have a good relationship but I don't think I can handle some of his idiosyncracies. He's also autistic and kind of proud of it. It makes me upset and invalidated sometimes. He's self diagnosed. I do believe he has it. I don't want to hurt him.

Just saying…in case anyone says otherwise 😁🤣🤣