ADHD Wasn’t My Excuse — It Was the Answer

[u/PopAway8653]

A few years ago, I was chronically online, broke, constantly doomscrolling, and convinced I was fundamentally broken. I'd be up at 3am crying to subliminals on YouTube, posting essays on Reddit about how much I hated myself, and expecting someone to say something magical to make it stop. No one did. Honestly, I wouldn’t have known what to say either.
What finally changed? After hitting rock bottom (again), I started working with an ADHD coach. At first I was like, “I don’t need help, I just need discipline.” Nope. I needed help. Real help. Coaching saved my life - not in a dramatic, movie way, but in the slow, painful, boring way healing actually happens.
Here’s what I learned from a year of professional coaching and reading like my life depended on it:
- You're not lazy, your brain is in survival mode.
- Emotional spirals come from unmet core needs, not character flaws.
- Constant self-criticism = internalized shame = brain freeze.
- Nervous system regulation is more important than motivation.
My ADHD coach also threw a bunch of book recs at me, and honestly? Reading these changed everything. I stopped doomscrolling, started reading 20 minutes a day, and my self-talk did a full 180. These books helped me rebuild my self-worth from scratch. They weren’t all sunshine and manifestation. Some punched me in the gut. But they helped me stop spiraling into misery dumps and start living again.
Here are the 5 tips (and books) that helped me climb out of the hole:
- "The Mountain Is You" by Brianna Wiest This book is about self-sabotage, and it slapped me in the face in the best way. Wiest dives into trauma, subconscious programming, and how to rebuild your identity when you feel like a failure. It’s the best “how to heal when everything sucks” book I’ve ever read. 10/10, cried multiple times.
- "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson This is not just a parenting book. It teaches you to recognize where your inner voice actually comes from (hint: it’s not you), and how to reclaim your inner authority. Gibson is a clinical psychologist, and this book made me realize I wasn’t crazy - just emotionally neglected. Game changer.
- "The Myth of Normal" by Gabor Maté Maté is one of the most respected trauma researchers alive. This book will make you question everything you think you know about productivity, health, and what’s “normal.” It’s dense but so validating. If you’ve ever felt broken for not being able to “just do it,” read this.
- "Stolen Focus" by Johann Hari Insanely good read. Hari goes deep into the real reasons we can’t focus (spoiler: it’s not just our phones). He blends neuroscience, personal stories, and social critique into a page-turner. I couldn’t stop underlining. This is the best book on attention I’ve ever touched.
- "Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff Legit saved my mental health. Neff is a pioneering researcher in self-compassion, and this book helped me finally understand that being kind to myself wasn’t weakness - it was medicine. If you think “self love” is just toxic positivity, read this. It'll shut that voice up fast.
If you're scrolling this sub hoping to feel better, maybe it’s time to log off and pick up a book. No one here can fix you. But you can start showing up for yourself in small, non-aesthetic ways. Healing isn’t a vibe, it’s a practice. And it’s messy. But it’s worth it.
Read something that speaks to your pain. Reflect instead of react. Stop outsourcing your self-worth to strangers on the internet. You’re not too far gone. You’re just starting. Let that be okay.

[u/HotelSquare]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I really needed to hear this. I'm at rock bottom as well, having the number of a psychologist in my pocket who sepcializes on ADHD. Was recommended by my psych, but so far I haven't gotten in touch with him. I think now I will. Like you, I'm wondering if I really need help. After reading your post I'm sure I do! Thanks again!

[u/Captain_Sterling]

Thanks. I've bookmarked this :) And I've ordered some of the books already.

Two questions.

How did you find the ADHD coaching? Are there any things that you'd recommend when looking for one? I'm not sure if it's regulated so I'm wary of charlatans. I'm also AuDHD so I'm wondering if ADHD coaches have the experience to deal with both.

Secondly, You have links to a site, BeFreed I've never heard of. Did you find it good? I'd be afraid that if I didn't read the book I'd be missing out on key info

[u/LateToThePartyND → u/Captain_Sterling]

If in the USA I found mine through https://chadd.org/professional-directory/

[u/PopAway8653 → u/Captain_Sterling]

I was connected to my current ADHD coach through a referral from my therapist, and it’s been really effective for me -- though I agree, being cautious is absolutely wise. From what I know, you can also find ADHD coaches through directories like CHADD, the ADHD Coaches Organization, ICF, or ADDCA -- all great starting points to reach out and see who feels like a good fit. As for Befreed, it’s a reading tool I’ve been using that offers audio summaries and key insights from books, which helps me grasp the core ideas quickly. It even has a funny mode that turns summaries into something more playful — super helpful for me, especially since I used to struggle with sitting down to read. Befreed’s made reading feel way more doable.

[u/La_LunaEstrella]

Thanks for sharing, I've kind of hit rock bottom and need to try something different. I'm putting the books on my reading list. I'd love an ADHD coach, but they're not subsidised and a bit beyond my means right now.

[u/Temporary-Raise-2314]

Thanks for this. Definitely going to read those books. I sending that the Stolen Focus is a great read or in my case a great listen when i am also trying to focus on driving

[u/daisy-duke-]

Same. 💯 same.

[u/faerie7girl]

Thank you for the book recommendations, I am on the wait list at the library for The Mountain is You. Always reading watching researching myself... will try to remember to come back to this post later on.

[u/r0sy-on-the-1ns1de]

Because I don't see it mentioned -

CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Is also an incredibly powerful read, especially after growing up undiagnosed until 25.

I hope it helps many more people the way it helped me ❤️‍🩹

[u/Background_Ad_4998]

Im struggling too I’m sorry 😢 your going through this I wish you all the best! Take care of yourself!

[u/Coffee-N-Cats]

Thank you for writing this!

[u/Acrobatic-Type8372]

Fantastic post. I have been taking this path already and this helps hugely. So thank you for pushing for authentic and educational advice.

[u/Rosa-Pastel_7]

Thank you for sharing!! 🧡🧡

[u/magnolia_unfurling]

Good recommendations