r/AutisticWithADHD • u/TattedTurnip • 22h ago
😤 rant / vent - advice allowed The overwhelming weight of being audhd in the modern world
Hey guys! I'm f 17 and I got diagnosed with autism about a year ago but have had adhd in my ring for a while.. Recently the weight of everything has been crushing down on me and I really need advice on how others deal with this feeling? I know there's no way to undo being audhd and generally I'm pretty proud of being neurodivergent! But lately I can't handle anything, I'm tired of being in some sort of physical and mental turmoil. my bf constantly is asking what's wrong and I just shrug and say idk im over stimulated or I'm just "not feeling good". It's genuinely making me depressed again (I've been diagnosed with depression for years.) I also got diagnosed with bipolar but I don't personally relate at all and feel closer to bpd . Anyways I've been so emotional and stressed and idk how to keep going. I'm usually pretty good at masking and coping with my symptoms but lately the more I get them the harder they are to control. I've never really been a physically violent person (I don't think I physically could do to my small frame) But I've started melting down in my room and throwing things that don't matter at the wall.. (and some hitting my skin) I know it's not ok I just get into this mindset and the more often I get upset the worse it's gotten and it's honestly embarrassing. How do you guys deal with being audhd and not exploding..
(sorry for the long post I needed to get it out)
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u/3ThreeFriesShort 18h ago
I study myself, and those around me, as a way to... I am not sure what to call it. It's similar to dissociation and detachment but I remain fully in the moment. I got my water shut off because I forget to pay the bill again? Well that's not horrible and frustrating, its funny and interesting lets make an observational report about this moment. By analyzing the difficulty and absurdity of calling the water department to say I just made a payment so they will turn the water back on, helps me actually make that phone call.
That's what I do, which you asked. But specific to your situation you are externalizing, seeking advice-- something I would not have even thought to do at your age. You are working the problem, and that usually helps over time. I believe in you.
I also highly recommend absurdist humor.
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u/sleight42 13h ago
2 months after my adult (51M) autism diagnosis (a few years after my ADHD diagnosis), I don't explode. I used to. 10 years of therapy fixed most of that. There is a world of trauma from living with undiagnosed autism and ADHD for decades: internalized ableism, unrealistic self-expectations, unrealistic expectations from others, etc.
I remember 17. I was a giant fucking mess. I felt like an alien life form who just happened to look human, spoke the language, understood few of the customs, and was routinely angered and saddened to have such difficulty forming meaningful relationship much less romantic ones. I remember schoolmates as generally indifferent at best and unkind as the norm. Teenagers love to punch down on other teenagers who are suffering.
Anyway, at 51, while I'm not exploding, I am routinely emotionally and physically exhausted, since my diagnosis. I'm told that this may be "sensory unmasking"—that my brain has largely stopped filtering sensory input that it has been hiding from me for decades. This aligns with how I find light sounds (and voices) and bright lights even more annoying than I've found them for most of my life!
It helps to have non-violent ways to relieve the overwhelm. I've been discovering new ones, mining experiences of other autistics. What may work for you depends on what kind of autistic you are. For me, I don't register a lot of sensory input unless it's intense. What this looks like is that I routinely get bruises and small cuts without any idea where they come from, I knock things down often when I'm cooking, and, in some ways, am a klutz.
What helps me is:
- a weighted vest (like hard core healthy people use when exercising) with 20 pounds of weight in it. When I'm really wiped out, I lean back on a couch, plop that down on my chest, and space out to TV
- brushing the skin of my arms and sometimes my chest and belly with a firm bristled brush. Look up "brushing protocol" for more
- covering my eyes with a sleep mask, putting on my noise cancelling head phones, playing music that I find relaxing, maxing out the volume, covering myself with a weighted blanket in a dark room alone, and chilling for a couple of hours.
It's not much of a list.
Learn how to autism seems a lot harder than learning how to ADHD.
Wishing you well. It's a tough journey. But others have done it. Maybe it won't stay awful for either for us.
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u/W6ATV WB-B2024152 my first VIN 20h ago
You are in a very tough and challenging situation. Autism and ADHD are big challenges, and depression and related conditions can just multiply things. Now, add in being a teenager, in the 21st century (and my opinion there is, that is --much harder to handle-- for you and your peers than teenage life was for me, decades ago, and mine was already a dungeon and cesspool in its own ways).
I do hope that you have a doctor or doctors who are working well with you to find the best ways to deal with your conditions. In my case, depression medicine has been a big help. I had "I feel awful right now, even though I know I have good things in my life, now I feel even worse" thoughts often, and getting better with those was like a foundation to prove that things -can and will- get better.
You are at a point when so many things are hitting you all at once, but you have already got this far. (14, 15, and 16 were probably not really that much better, were they?) For me, at my lowest/hardest points, I got into some usually solitary activity for a while, where I could control my environment and avoid the constant mental noise and attacks from the outside world. (I love to read, maybe you have comparable things you can choose?) Or, I would (and do) find something peaceful or encouraging such as time with my cats in the back yard, or maybe volunteer activities where we are appreciated, or even just walking in a park (-without- looking at my phone, putting it on totally silent mode for a while).
I wish you much happiness and success in your future (and right now, too!).