Yes. My 5 year old was randomly worried about dying today. I told her I would find her wherever she goes. I genuinely don’t think I would last long if something happened to my kids.
It's mutual. She's such a compassionate soul. I had a lot in common with her daughter so we talk about how she would have given advice to problems I'm having now. She was amazing. The world is a dimmer place without her light.
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My friend that I've been close with since high school killed herself about 3 years ago when we were in our mid 30s. Her mom and I were very close growing up. We are even closer now and check on each other often. She's definitely a second mom to me. I talked to her the other day and it's very clear she will never be the same. Understandably so. I'll never be the same I can't imagine what a parent guess through losing a child no matter the age.
My best mate from grade school lost his fight with addiction 3 years ago and I have thought about him literally every single day. I think of him and his mom and dad, his brother, his uncle, his fiancé and his baby boy that he won’t get to watch grow. I thought he had finally kicked it the last time. I got to talk on the phone with him the Saturday before, he was going to the park with his fiancé and son. I was going on a date with my then girlfriend - now fiancé. We made plans to get together so everyone could meet. The following Tuesday his fiancé called me at work. I have written so many messages to his father, never sent any of them though. We had a great relationship, but I dont want him to be saddened by my words. I want to tell him how I think of them all everyday, how I miss going over for dinner, how I miss his son. I hope they are healing. I hope they only remember the love they had for him and he had for them. I want them to know that their son made such an impact on the lives around him. Parents should never have to bury their children. Tonight huh your kids, hug your parents.
Thank you for this. I’ve been struggling with the will to live for a while and I’m almost 25. Hard to remember I’m loved sometimes, but I think it would hurt a lot of people if I left.
Please stay strong and fight that urge to take matters into your own hands I am currently 30 and had a tough childhood and was one finger away from ending it all and through the years I have been glad I didn’t hurt my loved ones and the new family I found along the way.
Remember you don’t need to fit the world’s standards of successful, you don’t need to fit a mold or an ideal. It’s okay to live a life that looks like yours. Also, finding meaning in something outside of yourself can make a big difference, like helping other people or animals :)
At my worst point, depression nearly convinced me that people in my life would be better off without me. I felt like all I did was make people worry or feel sad or have to take care of me etc. Luckily with meds and therapy, I was able to stop feeling that way.
What I learned having experienced the loss of a family member since then is that loss is its own burden, and one that is far worse. Any time you love someone, you take on their challenges and struggles. Caring for them and helping them is just that love with workboots on. Grieving someone and having to rebuild your life without them is a far heavier burden.
Thankfully I’m medicated and have been for several years. I’m trying new methods of therapy and had my first brain spotting session the other day. Bipolar sucks but I guess I’m stuck here for now.
I'm glad you're still with us, and especially glad that you came to understand that love is an expression as much as it is an emotion. Keep on keeping on, friend
Thank you! I was actually offered a job as a chef at a restaurant locally because of the penne alla vodka I made and if I wasn’t moving soon I might’ve taken it
Oh damn, that's awesome. I can barely boil an egg but love to eat, so people like you make the world go 'round imo. Being alive genuinely does suck sometimes, it's silly to pretend it doesn't, but you only get one chance to be you and leave your unique impression on the world. Please don't give that up, despite how things might be going at the moment.
Also, penne alla vodka sounds delicious. I'm a huge pasta fan. If you ever do cook professionally I hope I wind up in your restaurant someday.
Wherever you're moving to will need chefs too! If you've got a passion for it, go for it! Restaurant work can be a lot of fun, and you can meet a lot of people
I’m actually in college for accounting and I do taxes on the side until I can get a job at a firm full time. Cooking is a hobby for me, because then I can enjoy it. I used to work at a restaurant, granted it was a burger joint, but it was really stressful.
Ha, when I was writing "if you've got a passion for it" my inner thought was "hell you've got a passion for cooking and you know not to do it professionally" lmao. I've heard that if you love cooking just keep it a hobby. Accounting is definitely a more solid career choice. Best of both worlds
Yes, the numbers don’t change. Numbers are always numbers lol. As far as cooking goes, I just wanted to try new things, so I started learning how to make them and the rest was history.
The world is fucking tough these days. Sometimes it can be hard to remember the strikes when we've seen so many gutters. Its worth remembering though that not even the hard times will last forever. Drop my a dm if you ever need a friendly ear to vent to dude
It would absolutely impact more people than you think. You dont realize that you are a small happy size story in so many peoples storylines. In the vastness of thr world, being small glimpses of hope is a beautiful thing. I recommend finding a counselor that you vibe with. If you don't like the first then ask to try another. It won't hurt their feelings. Tell them you not only would.like to share but also learn coping skills. You are so much more than your bad days.
I can’t think of a single person who actually needs me or will ever need me, but thank you. I am appreciated and loved for sure, but never truly needed.
Mt BiL's mom was never the same after one of her boys died during a war. All she could ever think of or talk about was him. She was like that for 20 years.
My half bro/bestie who I knew from just after birth (hospital Bro's) died in my arms to OD, always was at his house and w/ his mom getting fed/having fun getting my ass kicked and then when he died, she got cancer and also died a few years after... I did get to say good ye to the mom and sad sorry for not trying more to stop him from doing all the drugs...
I'm addicted to weed to kinda mellow life, trying to get off but it's hard. I kickbox to get out negative emotions as much as possible and I luckily have a GF for 12 years who, sadly, was there when a lot happened so she has been a... let's call it trauma buddy .
I get it. I have a long term boyfriend that's similar. He's the same type of support. Best of luck kicking the habit. Take it one day at a time. Don't be afraid to talk to a Doctor to get aa prescription for anxiety medication if you need it.
The nephew of a friend killed himself when he was 19. The mum has never recovered from that. He was her only child and her marriage had already ended. She doesn't have a social life. She just mourns his passing every day essentially. It's been over 20 years. I don't know if I could ever continue past that.
Mom here who lost their 21 year old daughter a few years ago. Can confirm, we love hearing from friends!
Interestingly, when I was 18 I lost a childhood best friend and seeing her mom’s sadness was the hardest thing for me. I didn’t reach out to her enough because of this. Grief impacts everyone differently.
I have a patient who went insane after she backed up her vehicle and accidentally killed her toddler son. Overtime her mental conditioned worsen and she’s now mental retarded. It’s gotten to the point where she’s starting to break down and I think she wants to die.
This event happened around 50ish years ago she’s coming to the end stages of life.
It literally destroys your family. My sister passed when I was 19, mum has never been the same, lights candles every day for her - has a little bowl of water and flowers w her favourite photos and a candle.
It is a whole that is never filled, even w my children in the picture you can just see the pain, the what ifs, the wishing for her to be able to share in it all, have her own story to add
I get it. That's why I reach out. My parents weren't great so I have a gap there that she fills a bit. She is just a wonderful person. I will ask her what her daughter would have done in whatever situation I'm in and she gives me advice. I thought very highly of her. We were neighbors for YEARS. Every day I tey to be a bit like her. She lives every day fully and without regret. Should we all be so blessed.
A woman from my mother's church lost her 13 year old daughter to leukemia. It took ten years for her to stop crying daily about it. I have 2 young teens and I honestly don't know if I would survive losing them.
That's horrible. I would be crying for ten years as well. I don't have children yet since I'm still in university but I'm at the age where those kinds of thoughts terrify me 😭
Me too. The worst part about being a parent is how deeply you love this other human, and how much you worry about him or her. It’s the most terrifying feeling on earth.
I've tried to explain the fear to my girls (both in their 20s now) when we talk about things like this. I've never been able to put it into words, I feel get the point across. It's not a simple fear, of just the pain or loss. It's something much different.
It is an insane paradox. I would shut down if either of my two young kids passed away. I think how I brought this own worry and anxiety on myself my having them.
...but I wouldnt have it any other way because of the immense joy they bring too.
My son just turned 5 yesterday. He’s my first child & only child. I couldn’t imagine life with children before him. But now I can’t imagine life without him.
Do me a favor and give him a hug like you only can, when they are that age and size.. I was walking my dogs the other day and had this overwhelming feeling, I wanted to pick up my girls like when they were little, and hug them like I used too. I felt so hollow walking home, knowing I couldn't anymore.
My kid made a comment one day and I said, "well if you do, give me a few minutes to catch up to you" she paused then I could tell the moment it hit her and tears came to her eyes "don't do that dad". I wouldn't care for anything else enough to stick around. Shes made this struggle worth it.
My 5 year old has been doing the same since we talked about his dead grandfather often. Definitely hits me harder than it does him and I often find myself thinking about the Roosevelt quote after his wife and his mother died. "The light has gone out of my life" I've got 3 lifelines and if those are gone... I think I'd like to leave a Luigi sized legacy on the corporate world.
I was terrified of death when I was that age due to having had several family members pass and understanding just enough to know it meant they weren’t here anymore.
I wish my parents responded to my fears the way you did to your child. It feels like the best type of response you could give a scared kiddo.
Mine happened around 12-13 and never went away. I consider that as the first time I felt Depressed™️. Over a decade later I've learned to live with it, meds and therapy etc, but one of my biggest fears is being awake at night can't sleep and alone with my thoughts
I'm glad you're in treatment. Did your therapist ever send you for a sleep study? I had night time anxiety for decades, and I finally discovered I have sleep apnea. Once I started on the CPAP, it got significantly better. It didn't go away--I'm a human who lives in the world--but when I knew my insomnia and dread of being alone in bed was related to something physical, a lot of things suddenly made sense.
I would be the exact same. Sombre yet beautiful way of phrasing it. Since becoming a parent myself things like this hit very different.
My daughter has some health issues that, while not immediately life-threatening, make my anxiety always wander into thinking about the worst case scenario. I don't know if I could go on if anything were to happen to her.
It’s morbid to think about but there’s absolutely no reason for me to be here anymore if my kids aren’t. I can’t even imagine the pain of this child, much less the pain of his parents having to watch him go through this
What would there be left to do? Yeah there's a life without kids for those who choose not to have them and yes I was happy before, but after once you've chosen to have and known your little life buddies. Heartbroken and a shell of a life.
My 5 year old had this same existential crisis two days ago and I said the same thing and we were both crying lol I pulled it together though and I said he won't need to worry about it for a really really really long time.
I'd probably cry myself to death of anything happened to either of them.
My infant son died last year, but I have two beautiful stepchildren who need me and I absolutely adore them. They are my heart and soul. I do my best to get out of bed every day and show them love.
I only have one kid, my 5 year old daughter. If she died I wouldn't be around much longer. If I had multiple kids I believe I would somehow pull myself together for the remaining kids. But if my only child died? Nope, I know myself well enough to know I'm not going to be able to handle that.
It's soooo sooo hard when kids understand the concept of death/ or the idea that death is inevitable... all my three kids went through it differently but it came with worry, with fear, with tears some time. I had conversations with them , I hugged them , I told them that whenever that happens I will be there even if I'm gone.
I have a 17 month old who is so full of life, character, and a beautiful soul. If something ever happens to her my life would literally lose all meaning.
I feel absolutely HORRIBLE for any parent who has to see their child suffer or worse.. I know a few who have.
Nothing is more beautiful than the love for your child.
I have elementary/middle school kids and as an experiment I tried to think about that the other day, my mind basically blanked away from the idea, like it couldn't focus on it. There's no way I'd be the same person afterwards.
Two of my friends who are twins had an older brother who got killed in a car accident when he was 21. That was 8 years ago, and she’s still in despair every day. I feel horrible for her.
Not the same thing at all, but I've said this exact thing to my dog, verbatim.
My dog had a pretty close call 3 years ago with an ulcer in her large intestine, up all night from 12-7 puking. After the vet and being treated as if my dog was gonna die, being allowed in during COVID (which uh, I wasn't supposed to be there) we get meds etc etc. My mom asked me how I was doing after the worries were done, once my pup was clear. I looked at her and said "I'd have followed her, not even a second later" and she asked me why. "She's only ever known me! I'd have to catch up and grab her leash and show her the way! She'd be so scared without me." And then my mom sobbed and we don't talk about that anymore.
If I had a kid in this situation? I know as the parent you need to be brave for the kid, but dear God, I'd be inconsolable.
Oh yeah it would ugh I’d like to think I’d end it pretty quickly but no idea. No clue how anyone survives the loss of their child, their world, their reason for living.
Anytime I hear or see a story like that, this is exactly my thought. I'll go just to make sure they wouldnt be afraid if there is any reason to be afraid wherever we're going
I'm glad you had your other kiddo to hold you down. You still had (& still have) so many beautiful things to experience. I'm very sorry about your loss, though. I cannot imagine.
There was a bluey episode about this. They didn’t explicitly talk about the word death but in context it was about if Bingo saying she had to go away in her dream because she was big girl now. Her mom told her “I’ll always be here for you even if you can’t see me.”
I never knew a kid show could make me cry so damn much.
Can confirm, unfortunately, the pain is unimaginable. I would've joined my child if I could've.
We went to a historic theater in New Orleans to watch the final Harry Potter movie when it came out. The owner closed off the balcony for us. It was a nice time, but the scene where Harry sees his parents before he meets with Voldemort in the woods was heart-wrenching to watch.
They know. They stayed with you instead, and now they're with me too. The energy firing across my neurons just thinking about them will exist until the end of the universe. The ones in your mind have an entire universe of their own, just for them.
I can't begin to imagine what would go through a kids head when they have to come to terms with dying in the next week/month/year and then finality of it.
Take what simple joys you can from your short time here.
When my infant son was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I vowed I would not outlive him. My husband agreed. How you phrased this is exactly how it feels to me.
This is exactly what my wife and I have agreed upon if anything happens to our son. I can’t imagine these poor parents and kids. We spent a day in the hospital while our son was fighting the flu and croup and it totally destroyed me.
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u/GH057807 Mar 07 '25
I can't imagine it.
I'd probably go with them just in case they need me wherever we go.