Possible TW idk:

I thought my ex was going to murder me in my sleep when I refused to have sex with him. Luckily I've been able to break up with him pretty early on. Despite that, the damage has been done and I wish I had never let him touch me.

I remembered this deep cut a few months ago when I walked in front of the TV while my husband was watching basketball. Something exciting must have happened at the exact moment I was in front of the TV because the crowd cheered, and my whole body spontaneously readied itself for a beating. For my dad, it was boxing.

I told my husband about this and he acted like it was the wirdest thing in the world to get mad about something like that.

And Thanks to abuse even if i do gain the energy my viewpoint is forever changed by the experiences I went under.

Going through severe abuse as a child, surviving several “attempts” as a teenager, overcoming several addictions, recovered from an eating disorder, learning mindfulness and stoicism, being completely sober and turning 21. Got me noticing that everyone my age is either abusive, immature, emotionally volatile, self destructive or childish… im 21 but i feel 80, i feel like an old man, worn and weathered and everyone my age are children. Im tired, i dont relate to any of them, i just want to pigeons at the park and drink my herbal tea.

No but seriously why?? Is it relatable??

I mean, I've been living ok for most of my life, pretty functional, doing all the stuff, so I must be ok..?

Psych would not sedate me; rude... I cope with memes, I am fine.

I guess I’m just wondering if this is the right space for these experiences. I haven’t felt a genuine connection to my mother (and in turn to the rest of the world) in years, it feels hollow and now it feels like I’m missing something inside of myself. I guess I’m looking for someone to say they understand? Maybe someone who’s gone through this and has advice? Someone who could just say I wasn’t alone in these things. I’m so emotional all the time, I feel like everyone hates me as soon as they really get to know me, I’m jealous at how easy it is for other people to make friends with others, and I just… don’t like myself. I’m constantly disappointed with how I am as a person, wishing I could be anyone else. Is this CPTSD? Please, if other people could share their stories I would appreciate it so much and would love to read every word of whatever you’re feeling - just to feel like I’m not the only one putting on an act all day to hide how much I think I’m constantly messing up all the time with people.

As a kid my parents would take me to the Waterpark. I was not allowed to swim or play with other kids there. I would sit there dry as a bone as my parents just sat there failing to be patient enough to work on a tan.

Now as an adult I sometimes want to go to the Waterpark, only for the realization to hit that I can't just go play like I've been wanting to for several years.

I grew up. It's too awkward. There's no adult waterparks. I can't go back. I can't be a kid. I grew up before I could finally complete that promise I made to myself a long time ago, that I would one day go to the Waterpark all by myself and play as much as I want.

I want off this loop. I want out. I am gnawing the bars of my enclosure. Send help—

I tried to excuse it as my autism getting in the way (taking stuff to literally and then making a fool of myself) but I think this is the reality. Maybe not to the fullest extent but it was probably there all along.

Can talk about everything traumatic like nothing. But give myself a compliment? Dang