r/Christianity • u/Not-really-here000 • 1d ago

Finding it hard to forgive my dad

Growing up my dad was always an angry and violent man. I watched as he would abuse my family in many ways (mentally, physically, finically). I am now at a point in my life where I do not want a relationship with him anymore nor does he want any relationship with me. Anytime I have tried to talk to him about the hurt he has caused and try to build a relationship, he is adamant that he never did anything wrong and the conversation's would end in me being hurt. He even said that he is happy that I am no longer wanting a relationship with him.

I am trying to get closer to God now. My dad has made this point in my life incredibly stressful. I am in a very depressed mindset and I have turned to God after years of being lukewarm. Ive been reading my Bible more often and the "Honor thy mother and father" is stuck in my brain. How do I truly forgive him? I feel guilty for wanting to forgive him after all he has put my mom and siblings through.

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u/gribgrib Christian, discovers Jesus through the Bible 1d ago

I cannot imagine how this must feel for you, but just reading about it hurts. It’s really hard to forgive people that don’t acknowledge that they are wrong. How much harder someone who is supposed to be so close to you and someone you look to for validation and encouragement?

For me, the only times I am able to forgive other people is when I am convicted of my own sin, see my own mistakes, and realize how much Jesus has forgiven me of. Also, when I think of God and his power and authority over my soul, I fear him. And this fear leads me to also forgive others because he says that if I do not forgive others he will not forgive me (Matthew 6:14). Ultimately the forgiveness is a surrender, letting go of hatred and hurt I have by giving it to Jesus.

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u/crownjewel82 United Methodist 1d ago

Sometimes honoring your mother and father means removing their ability to harm you. Forgiveness usually includes reconciliation but sometimes it can't.

And sometimes forgiveness starts with examining what might have caused them to be like that. That understanding can help you figure out how to break the cycle.