r/ContraPoints • u/HoraceIG • 1d ago
Envy: Envying other activists
I'm already part of socialist revolutionary group, they have helped me feel confident, have same values, we done demo, supported strikes,petitions, held a united front events and talked to community and even though we have theory we don't have dogmatic gatekeeping of "know this person and you join us" and I have been really happy being part of it. They treat me like a comrade and hope to see me excel
But I still have hard time to let go of Envy. I know people who are more experienced and much are confident than I am who can step up easily and they already working on their own talks. I'm slowly building confident but Due to my mental health it takes a lot of energy , still have I sort of self loathing that I get envious that activists are much more able to join the cause. Even another comrade points out comparison isn't healthy for me, and they are Honestly the most healthiest and encouraging group who even give me suggestions on what I could do I just get weirdly pathetic and anxiety prone who thinks he isn't good enough for leadership. I should really learn to stop being envious
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u/Borigh 1d ago
The difference between envy and admiration is that envy comes with self-loathing comparison. Paradoxically, admiring people who do things that you wish you could is probably a better path to doing those things yourself, so the negative motivation aspect of envy is arguably self-defeating.
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u/dephress 1d ago
I second the suggestion to reframe your feelings of envy as "neutral" without judging yourself for them. I also suggest that when you see others doing things you wish you were doing, try to reframe the situation in more of a collaborative and supportive way. Like "Heck yeah, Brit's going to lead a talk! It's her second time doing that, I'll ask if she wants help prepping or if there's anything she'd do differently this time, or if she'd be up for telling me a bit about her process." This kind of thing doesn't always work depending on the actual specifics going on, but I think I'm urging you to try and focus on 1) consciously positive responses when feeling envious, and 2) deliberate involvement with others who are doing the things you want (if possible/appropriate).
I'm not sure how much sense I'm making but in my experience, feeling out of your depth like this can be very isolating. You feel like you should just be able to step up and do the thing (and do it well), and if you're not ready it's because you're missing something others naturally have. But you can build up to that point through involvement in other things first. Maybe you and someone else can do a talk together, so you'd have someone else to write with and prepare and bounce ideas off, so you're not just doing the whole thing alone. Or whatever the thing may be. Find ways to collaborate and get incremental experience with lower stakes!
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u/Delicious_Bake_3713 11h ago
You shouldn’t feel envious considering how many other orgs are actually controlled by tankies.
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u/turtleben248 1d ago
What if, when you felt jealousy, you didn't shame yourself for it? What if you thought if it as a natural part of being human? The particulars of envy will depend on context, but its natural for you to want to be able to do more. Instead of getting down on yourself when you experience desire for what others have, just let the desire come, recognize that you want things others have, and consider how much effort you want to put into acquiring those things for yourself.