r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/OkaTeluguAbbayi • 3d ago

Image A skeleton found in Bulgaria with some of the world’s oldest gold, at over 6000 years old

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45.6k Upvotes

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6.2k

u/Janhansivan 3d ago

Guy was so wealthy he had golden dick armor.

3.6k

u/ImportantPlane1767 3d ago

I have already told my family to wrap mine in aluminum foil.

1.1k

u/Trust_No_Jingu 3d ago

Dont you mean a gum wrapper 😂

360

u/TAoie83 3d ago

Minty

251

u/Charming-Flamingo307 3d ago

Use a 5 gum wrapper to bring him back to life

107

u/Background_Body2696 3d ago

Asking all the people on the afterlife if they know how it feels to chew 5 gum

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u/Lucky-Hearing4766 2d ago

I don't remember how it felt to chew 5 gum :(

2

u/SupermassiveCanary 2d ago

Now I definitely believe in ancient aliens….

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u/metal_muskrat 3d ago

Clearly you mean Big Red

25

u/tadpole_the_poliwag 2d ago

Mine will be fruit stripe. Cuz like the flavor I only last 5 seconds

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u/1dumbmonkey 2d ago

Fruit stripe so it lasts as long as him

1

u/theoriginalmofocus 2d ago

I mean were all practically getting paid fruitstripes at this point...

2

u/opticaIIllusion 3d ago

5G protection

1

u/PainfulBatteryCables 3d ago

Can't wake up!! 🎶

1

u/ButterscotchPlane988 2d ago

Use menthol wrappers. The vapours will do it...

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u/changing-life-vet 3d ago

Real men use Big Red.

25

u/FalseAd4246 3d ago

If you don’t chew big red then FUUUCK YOU

1

u/pdfrg 3d ago

Bubs Daddy

1

u/Celestial8Mumps 3d ago

That time of the month.

1

u/mademeunlurk 3d ago

Double the pleasure, double the fun with double mint gum!

1

u/changing-life-vet 2d ago

Pleasure is for sinners!!!! /s

0

u/Silver-Breadfruit284 3d ago

No, no… tiny Chicklets.

53

u/disterb 3d ago edited 2d ago

that’s why your mom always has fresh breath 😉

55

u/NOBOOTSFORYOU 3d ago

I use an M&M's mini's tube.

33

u/Volstadd 3d ago

For when the cylinder must remain intact.

27

u/he-loves-me-not 3d ago

A cylinder!

2

u/bologna_pwnyy 2d ago

I use a chapstick cap

5

u/WhiteUniKnight 3d ago

No... a small cylinder

2

u/Pvt_Lee_Fapping 3d ago

Yes, officer. This one right here.

2

u/spatialflow 2d ago

Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit

2

u/Puzzled-Package476 2d ago

place it just above the kneecap for good measure

1

u/Economy-Ad-3934 3d ago

Trident gum wrapper for me please, don’t want to be wasteful.

1

u/MariachiStucardo 3d ago

Chicklet wrapper

1

u/Defiant_Nobody_4172 3d ago

They don’t make them small enough for me

1

u/severoordonez 2d ago

Nah, the seal at the tip of a tube of tooth paste should do the trick.

1

u/truenorthrookie 2d ago

Ferrero Rocher foil

1

u/Several-Split-1495 2d ago

Bio degradable and safe 😂

1

u/royale_wthCheEsE 2d ago

One of those Dove chocolate square foil wrappers with a trite phrase printed on the inside.

1

u/Geno_Warlord 2d ago

M&M mini tube would last longer for the cylinder.

1

u/Gudakesa 2d ago

Cum wrapper

1

u/RogueAOV 1d ago

Thimble slips right on.

1

u/alextheolive 1d ago

What it do baby? It’s the dong man, Paul Balls

1

u/ekso69 15h ago

Thimble

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u/AllLurkNoPlay 3d ago

A dick wrapped in foil you say?

24

u/he-loves-me-not 3d ago

Well, that was a risky click! But, I do agree, definitely a dick wrapped in foil!

6

u/dartie 2d ago

Another four letter word starting with C wrapped in foil.

8

u/RED_BaronJ 3d ago

Not clicking that

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u/AllLurkNoPlay 3d ago

C’mon…. Do it. The risk is the fun. If you knew what it was it wouldn’t be fun, would it?

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u/getsome75 3d ago

Agreed

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u/WhoMD85 2d ago

I’m both a little disappointed but also relieved. However that is absolutely a dick wrapped in foil. Well payed internet stranger. Well played.

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u/RichardBCummintonite 2d ago

Jesus christ that comment section is scary.

19

u/Overall-Plastic-9263 3d ago

The golden chastity. Dude was the first recorded sub in human history .

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u/OkSteak8479 1d ago

I was going to say the same. Maybe was oldest member of r/PussyFreeCommunity

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u/mashiro1496 3d ago

Don't worry about that, ubtil you die the microplastics in your pp will fuse together to a big chunk of plastic :p

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u/RealEstateDuck 3d ago

Well microplastics are stored in the balls so you might be onto something.

16

u/elMurpherino 3d ago

The microplastics are suspended in the pee, which obviously is stored in the balls.

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u/RealEstateDuck 3d ago

Ah I see you're a gentleman as well as a scholar.

2

u/getsome75 3d ago

I knocked a can off a railing just the other day it’s like a 3d printer now

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u/lllIlIlIIIIl 1d ago

No, pee is stored in the balls.

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u/xpawn2002 3d ago

You rich bastard

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u/Jasranwhit 3d ago

A hundred years ago or something aluminum was more valuable than gold.

2

u/SteakJones 3d ago

Totally,.. and then put it in the oven at 375 for 20 mins.

3

u/ImaginarySeaweed7762 3d ago

“Reynolds Wrap armor plating it is.”

1

u/truthfullyidgaf 3d ago

Old school tic-tac box here. Cock and balls all in one.

1

u/DrPeterBlunt 3d ago

I'd like mine to be made out of wood.......because I'm poor, and enjoy a good double entendre.

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u/HereWeGoYetAgain-247 3d ago

Keeps it fresher for longer. 

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u/Abacus25 3d ago

Good idea, aliens can’t read what you’re really thinking.

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u/fubes2000 3d ago

and then bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

1

u/BuzzyBubble 3d ago

Great Value Aluminum Foil

1

u/StarMaterial1496 3d ago

Chrome spray paint here

1

u/Mollybrinks 3d ago

Are you that afraid of it sending signals to our extraterrestrial friends? Or do you have other concerns?

1

u/quaketoys 3d ago

Make sure they splurge for the non stick!

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u/Rough_Promotion 2d ago

Good idea. No need to take that 5G mind (dick) control into the afterlife.

1

u/Hyhopes 2d ago

Protect yourself from 5G beyond the grave… smart! S/

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u/TheManSaidSo 2d ago edited 2d ago

I always wrap the head in foil. I don't want the aliens to know what my dick is thinking. They might think I'm a perve or something.

1

u/ross571 2d ago

Aluminum use to be worth more than gold before electricity.

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u/0thethethe0 2d ago

Best I can probably manage is an inside-out crisp packet.

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u/ciaphas-cain1 2d ago

Ok cosmere

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u/halguy5577 2d ago

if they actually did manage to find aluminum foil 6000 years ago for the dick armor ... it would probably be worth more than all the gold on the body

1

u/dartie 2d ago

Mine already has

1

u/RUNNING-HIGH 2d ago

That'll protect you from the penis aliens

1

u/glowbetweenthestarz 2d ago

Also get them to come back 20 years later and move it down a few inches.

1

u/podcasthellp 2d ago

I told them we’re throwing it in the microwave

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u/StupidizeMe 2d ago

I have already told my family to wrap mine in aluminum foil.

So it matches your head? Good thinking.

1

u/Rage187_OG 2d ago

He bought the DLC and it came with cosmetics.

1

u/Wen_bee 2d ago

This. This is my favorite reply

1

u/AzraelChaosEater 1d ago

Gotta protect it from the government DICKWASHING.

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u/Newbs2u 3d ago

Lost his genitalia “in an unfortunate smelting accident”

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u/PerfectWaltz8927 3d ago

”schmelting”

20

u/DarthBrownBeard 3d ago

Circumschmelsion

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u/Regular_Passenger629 3d ago

It’s a movie reference friend, Austin Powers

5

u/DarthBrownBeard 2d ago

Yeah. I got it. Goldmember. "Aahh. Dass a keepah." <puts skin flake in a tin to eat later> i was just trying to Mashup shmelting and circumcision.

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u/fidgeting_macro 3d ago

"I'm Dutch! Isn't that weird?"

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u/locutogram 3d ago

Khal Drogo walks menacingly towards a guy in stirrups:

"A crown for a king"

2

u/ynet2k 3d ago

I love gooooooold.

2

u/svinpaelz 2d ago

Can't believe I had to scroll this far.

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u/Newbs2u 2d ago

I'm sorry, I got here as soon as i could

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u/HKLifer_ 3d ago

He had a... Gold member. Goooooold 🤣

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u/TheyCallHimJimbo 2d ago

ISHN'T DAT VIERD!? I LUF GOLLLLLLLLLLLD!!!!

7

u/DLowBossman 3d ago

Not a surprise, it was foretold.

7

u/warthog-cartography 3d ago

Bulgaria is fuckin weird bro

1

u/FaZeCow29 3d ago

Bulgarians weren’t in Bulgaria until 4500+ years after this guy

1

u/ECHOHOHOHO 2d ago

Who was?

1

u/GabrDimtr5 2d ago

His descendants were likely assimilated by the Thracians who were then assimilated by the Slavs who became Bulgarians.

2

u/anon_lurk 3d ago

And pretty good dental it seems

2

u/Senzafane 3d ago

That was probably worth more than some people had throughout their entire lives, and he put it on his dick to be buried with it.

Chad.

1

u/Willing_Television77 3d ago

The golden helmet

1

u/SRNE2save_lives 3d ago

And the golden marbles for the asses.

1

u/madhattergm 3d ago

It might protect him from disease?

1

u/Little-Ad3220 3d ago

“I was in the pool!”

1

u/AGENT0321 3d ago

He bought the DLC

1

u/Immaculatehombre 3d ago

I loooovvveee gooooollllllllllllddddddddd. Maybe he lost it in a smelting accident?

1

u/ovensandhoes 3d ago

They’re some nasty demon wenches in Bulgarian hell

1

u/Graythor5 3d ago

Just for the tip though

1

u/Little-Swan4931 3d ago

I want to buried with my bong in my arms and a golden sheath over my dong

1

u/vincecarterskneecart 3d ago

this is normal in bulgaria

1

u/TheCrystalDoll 3d ago

I was like is that a fkn golden pee pee cover?!?!

1

u/Inevitable_School789 3d ago

I bet Elon is watching this thread intently.

1

u/CelebrationFit8548 2d ago

that some 'flexing' right there, not even alive and having a 'golden dick helmet' to show how awesome you were.

1

u/Brizar-is-Evolving 2d ago

Sounds like the premise for a prehistoric spy thriller.

The man with the golden butt plug.

1

u/Doom_Cokkie 2d ago

Question is was it for defense or offense?

1

u/Reperdirektnoizgeta 2d ago

Bulgarians, they never change

1

u/blitzkreig90 2d ago

Just the tip

1

u/DrWoodstock 2d ago

When is Bethesda dropping that DLC?

1

u/Few-Emergency5971 2d ago

Well here's something I never know I needed or existed. Gunna have to get it sized way the fuck down though because apparently this guy was hung. Unless he told his people, just slide it down a bit man, stop trying to make me look bad

1

u/CheekyCunt42069 2d ago

A pre-historic condom, if you will.

1

u/lord_dude 2d ago

+10 Charisma

1

u/MyMoneyJiggles 2d ago

This made my morning

1

u/Awe3 2d ago

I love goooold

1

u/justbrowsinginpeace 2d ago

Prevents criticals 

1

u/Xikkiwikk 2d ago

“I love gooooooooooooooooooold!” -Goldmember

1

u/shontonabegum 2d ago

Seems like he also had armour for his acne

1

u/Adorable-Tip7277 2d ago

Adds new bucket list item......:::::furiously::::

1

u/bentmonkey 2d ago

"Honey! Where is my golden dick cap?"

"Where did you leave it?"

"I had it and then i put it somewhere have you see it?"

"Check the hamper?"

"Found it!"

1

u/elguaco6 2d ago

I was hoping I wasn’t the only one thinking that’s a gold knob sleeve

1

u/Opening_Ad5479 2d ago

Came here to comment on that lol....nothing says gangster more timelessly than a Golden dick sheath lol

1

u/No-Raisin-6469 2d ago

Waiting to find a mummy with a butt plug

1

u/TomThanosBrady 2d ago

Ancient cuckold.

1

u/Sticky_Gravity 2d ago

That’s how you know he was rich! Some of the people now can’t even buy $10 box of rubber armor.

1

u/FluffyRogue 2d ago

Goldmember

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u/GravyBoatCap 2d ago

Not THAT wealthy as it appears to be just the tip

1

u/ZeroTrunks 2d ago

Reward for the 100th moneyshot

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u/Oldestswinger 2d ago

gold willy warmer😃

1

u/RedditThrowaway-1984 2d ago

I’ve unlocked a new career goal.

1

u/H010CR0N 2d ago

Gold is anti-microbial. Dude had a golden condom.

1

u/Top-Conversation-663 2d ago

What’s the crafting recipe for that? Same as a helmet but with nuggets?

1

u/G19Jeeper 2d ago

It's almost midnight and I laughed out loud at that

1

u/The_GeneralsPin 1d ago

Or it was a golden condom

1

u/Witty-Arugula-6331 23h ago

To distract the piglins

1

u/redundant_ransomware 19h ago

Is that a Minecraft dlc?