r/Filmmakers • u/expudiate • 2d ago
Question How do you get your 'spark' back?
After graduating film school about a few months ago, I have found myself in this weird limbo where I am simply unable to come up with anything, i can mostly pinpoint it to a sort f disillusionment i got with the process starting in my fourth year where everything became process with a purpose of getting the desired results for your faculty head, and my post graduation festival circuits where the tendency to always come close to winning and juuust coming close to getting that validating medal or trophy was always out of reach, i believe this is where the motivation really started to wane. the mode in which i have come to interact with the process in a directorial capacity has sort of lent a technicality to it without much room for 'artistic intent', most of the time nowadays I'm just running gigs for guys willing to pay, it keeps the lights on but in general I am not finding the 'it', that once a time was such a driving force that compelled any measure of creativity i had. have adopted some unhealthy coping mechanisms and i generally think the reason is because I have kinda lost 'it'. it's a bit scary for me rn because this is exactly what i dreamed of, but maybe i was being a little immature in thinking it would turn out different. i'm thinking it's a slump, how did you ever get out of it ? i'm i overreacting or is this just the way things are? Did i set my bar of expectations too high?
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u/MaterialPace 2d ago
This might sound like a weird comment but hear me out. You need to get over the need for validation, start the healing process, and regain your authenticity. Give yourself a few months of intense healing and self acceptance. You’ll find your answers and your stories through that process. Humanity doesn’t need more ego driven award winners making award winning films. We need to bear witness to truths that are beyond us.
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u/expudiate 2d ago
not a weird comment at all, i get you, i really do, just need some pointers on the how. like even trying to come up with something authentic to do as you say, my thought process is immediately trying to form a means of how i can get it seen, possibly by many people lol, i know it sounds childish, egotistical and a little needy, i'm asking for a kind of 'restore default settings', button, if there is sucha thing
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u/MaterialPace 2d ago
You need to practice focusing more on your internal world rather than the external world. Be an observer of your thoughts and patterns rather than being driven by them. Even your mind/thoughts, body, and emotions are part of the external world. The only thing real is what is left: you as the observer in the present moment. You need to engage fully in the present. Drive the human machine. Don't let the human machine drive itself on autopilot. You're not really expudiate; you are the one who sees expudiate. It's easy to start to drift off into the past or the future. But your main duty is to recognize when you drift and reorient yourself to the present. It's actually your only task. The rest will take care of itself.
The reason why you have a hunger to get your work seen is because you feel yourself unworthy until you accomplish something. With this mindset, you'll always be unworthy. You'll never gain enough praise, awards, achievements to fill that void. These beliefs stem from childhood and how we had to put our authentic selves aside in order to please our parents, teachers, and peers. We put aside our authenticity in order to be accepted. It was the death of creativity.
You need to foster the joy of just simply Being. And you can do this now at this very moment. Focus on healing and engaging fully with the present moment and soon you might find yourself saturated with inspiration.
Read: Power of Now by Tolle, Myth of Normal by Mate, The Creative Act by Rubin.
Not just read, but reflect and practice.
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u/AlternativeOdd9277 2d ago
Have you ever heard of the Artist’s Way? A little hippie dippie, so it’s okay to cherry pick what works for you, but the process helps you nurture that inner artist and find the fun and joy in it again.
But also it just sounds like you might need a break until the desire comes back, which is totally normal. Go on a road trip, do something different, shake up your brain, write bad poetry in a journal. Get out of your old routine and start a new one for a bit.
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u/blappiep 2d ago
my spark almost went out several times after film school. keep faith that it will return and keep reading and watching things that inspire you. only make things that speak to you. it takes time to recalibrate your process and expectations from film school to the real world.
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u/Cerulean_IsFancyBlue 2d ago
If you lost your spark before you finished film school, that’s a tough one. Did film school push you away from the kind of work you wanted to be doing? Or did film school maybe make you realize that your passion wasn’t exactly what you thought it was in the first place.
Another possibility is that school provided a safe structure, and as you reach the end of that, you are looking around for a structure to work within. Not every person has to be the “auteur”. It’s possible to carry a spark for some aspect of a project.
Have you thought about working on somebody else’s film as a specialist of some kind? Offering to do a very specific and constrained project for an organization like a school or a charity?
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u/expudiate 2d ago
i'm rn doing local gvt psa's lol and those cringy political ads you see on tv, for some reason, they have to be flat and boring, other times i get lucky and put together a music video for some aspiring artist with the dough, the sets are always fun on those. i would say film school built the work ethic and removed the why to a great degree, i have become very pragmatic in my decision making and that's good? i suppose. i used to be able to come up with shit, rn it jis simply impossible, and that's what's bothering me. i can deliver on a project, i can't make the project, feels like sth is slipping away. i think i may need to get 'Sawed' or sth haha
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u/MutinyIPO 2d ago
I remember being in a similar place. The trick is to realize that you don’t actually know how to make something other people will like, because no one does. Even reliable steady-hand filmmakers are making what they would like to see, people who go squarely for what their idea of a public audience would like are typically known as hacks.
It sounds almost too obvious, but people lose sight of this principle - make something you want to watch. Don’t try to imagine what would win awards at a festival, imagine what would be your personal favorite.
I don’t know how much you watch, but unfortunately I’ve found many of my students don’t watch much at all apart from their favorite TV and the occasional new release. Watch a lot. Like, a lot a lot. You need real influences. Watch the entire They Shoot Pictures Don’t They Top 1000, and parallel to that make a sincere deep dive into modern international cinema.
I really cannot stress enough that the “secret trick” for 9/10 great writer/directors is that they try to make what would be their favorite movie of the year. Never, ever make a conscious effort to impress people, that will lead you to make artificial choices.
If time keeps passing and you still haven’t thought of anything you like, then maybe you’re not a writer. There’s nothing wrong with that, plenty of great directors don’t write their work.
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u/sfad2023 2d ago edited 2d ago
what prestigious film school did you go to.
NYU, UCLA, USC, AFI or?
How much did you spend what did you get done ?
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u/expudiate 2d ago
nothing prestigious really, i'm actually gravitating to them with the masters applications im sending out rn in the hopes to 'restart my engines', but now i be thinking it may not be a good idea.
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u/flicman 2d ago
if you make movies to win awards, I suspect you never had a "spark" to begin with.