r/Frat • u/Dash_717 • 3d ago
Serious Parents don't want me to join frat how do I convince them
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u/Flomar88 ΘΧ 3d ago
Just do it and don’t tell them, once you’re initiated let them know. If the fraternity you’re joining hazes really bad please don’t die. No life is worth joining a group of people.
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u/EarlyCuylersCousin ΚΑ 2d ago
I have a fraternity brother that still hasn’t told his parents some 25 years after the fact that he was in a fraternity. He just worked a job to cover his dues.
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u/Legendary101234 3d ago
Honestly just do it, you’re in college live your life man
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u/Mr_Hyde_4 ΚΣ 3d ago
I mean dues are dues; if OP can’t afford them and his parents won’t pay them it’s unfair to tell him to “just do it”
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u/varyl123 ΣΧ 2d ago
I mean if his parents are paying for the rest of his college he can get a job for dues. I was able to pay rent, and dues through 2 jobs, applying for scholarships and FAFSA/grants.
Tons of ways to fundraise also.
If he really wants it the money is a non issue
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u/Various_Classroom_50 2d ago
Big difference between asking if you can do it and asking if they’ll pay your dues if you do it.
I couldn’t imagine doing the second one
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u/DeepHouseDJ007 3d ago
You’re an adult. Do what you want. Being a pussy and living life according to what other people want is NF btw.
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u/StripedBass111 2d ago
Unless they are paying for it tell them to kick rocks. You’re a big boy now lol
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u/FuelAccomplished2834 2d ago edited 2d ago
Truly I think you should ask them what their concerns are with joining a frat. Then discuss what your comfort level is with pledging and what types of houses you are willing to join. There is a spectrum of houses out there and you can make the choice of which one suits you.
I don't think you need to lie to your parents. Parents that weren't in Greek life tend to be a lot more scared of it than parents that were. We use to have a lot of parents comes through for parents weekend that weren't in Greek life when they went to college. Their impression was always that we were a much nicer group of guys than they were expecting and were happy for their son to find a group of friends like us.
My own parents weren't too keen on the idea of my older brother joining a frat but they had no problem me joining after he had done it. Frats are very mysterious to those outside of Greek life or didn't interact with frats in college.
Alot of parents think their kid is going to join a house that is a stereotype frat that they see on tv or in the movies. Full of guys that they don't want their kid to be like or around. In reality, their kid usually joins a house full of guys just like their kid and his friends from high school. They realize then its nothing to be scared of and it's just the more grown version of the kids that their kids grew up around.
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u/Mysterious_Word5717 2d ago
Just do it. You just gotta do what people aren’t telling you to do it’s a small moment in your life that will be with you forever.
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u/Various_Classroom_50 2d ago
Are you asking your parents if you can do it or Are you asking if they want to help pay your dues?
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u/Minute_Use3472 2d ago
Just do it. I didn’t tell my parents until they realized how often I was going out
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u/slowtownhometown FIJI 2d ago
you’re a grown adult. it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. that being said, if they are threatening to disown you or some shit, then don’t push your luck.
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u/hockeydudekc 2d ago
If you have a bid from a fraternity then ask if they have an alumni advisor or parent of a member that would be willing to talk to your parents. They will do a much better job of convincing your parents than any of the members.
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u/TeaComfortable4339 2d ago
We bided a guy whose parents wanted him to join greek life more than he did, his mom contacted our rush chair for him and that somehow didn't raise any red flags with the committee. I had no idea this was the case, it was my first semester as an active and exec pressured me into taking him as my little without even meeting him. I knew within a couple minutes of talking to him that he wasn't a good fit but didn't have the heart to be the one to put him up for cut. His PC put him up for cut the second chapter meeting but exec overruled the majority votes including mine because "he already paid his dues". Another week passes, we end up getting put on probation because he was telling EVERYTHING to his parents and they ended up making a report. I eventually learn that the rush chair only bided him because he was legacy from another chapter and "his mom was hot". One look at the other chapters socials and it was obvious that his dad wouldn't have got a bid either. I'm sure plenty orgs have learned the hard way that parental involvement is a double edge sword, if they look like they share everything, you should assume that you are also bidding their parents.
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u/poofyDapyro 2d ago
fraternities can be some of the best social support network for men out there. A group of your peers who are working through and struggling with the same sorts of things can be an invaluable help to a college age student.
Parents are probably concerned about liability, dues and academics dropping in quality. Totally understandable with what people say about fraternities these days.
Does the group you’re looking to join have a good record in academics? Fundraising? Community service or local support? If not then it’s going to be easier to join and lie.
That being said, if the group if hazing you need to figure out what and how much. Lots of people here think you need to have some dumb shit happen to you to be a real fraternity brother-but I believe that life has hazed us enough
Fraternity men often have higher average GPAs, higher job placement and better understanding of what is needed to be successful socially than an equivalent geed. You can do it-reach out if you have questions and don’t let anyone treat you less than a person
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u/Brief-Ambassador-337 ΠΚΦ 2d ago
Like most people have said just do it, however if it matters a ton to you for them to approve you could ask the president of the chapter that’s bidding you to talk to them and sell the benefits. I did it for a few pledges when I was president
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u/tarheel_204 1d ago
One of my pledge bros was in this boat. He just did it and then told them while we were pledging. They weren’t crazy about the idea of joining a fraternity but that was about it.
He joined and immediately won them over when he brought them to a football tailgate. We got his folks in on a game of pong and from then on, they were all about it lol. Best way to win them over is join and then invite them to parents’ weekends, etc
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u/SeaBoysenberry124 2d ago
Sack up and just do it. You gonna tell your parents about every beer you drink too?
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