I recently did an assessment of how I interact with others and concluded that I am too quick to answer to people, especially random strangers. I don't have much of a social battery and given the amount of fake conversations I have with strangers daily (I work in retail), it gets exhausting feeling like I have to answer to it all. Most of it I really couldn't be asked to give a shit about anyways. Random people I have never met insist on doing everything from bitching about the price of eggs to using me as an impromptu therapist and telling me their whole life story. Maybe I just look approachable and I just don't see it?

Anyhow, I've been looking to learn how to ignore these other people. I'm not looking to come off as rude, I simply just want to do it because I can, and there's nothing other people can do about it. The only thing stopping me from doing it are the feelings of guilt that arise when I do. When I grew up, my parents didn't really consider my boundaries. They always expected me to answer to adults around me, whether or not we were familiar with each other. Sometimes I felt comfortable with it, other times not so much. Now that I'm grown I want to practice setting my boundaries and only answer people when I feel comfortable. Though now when I try, I feel bad afterwards and worry that I offended the person or hurt their feelings. I don't like hurting other peoples' feelings, directly or indirectly. I understand that in order to be confident and assertive, that's sometimes a risk you need to take. But how exactly do I get over this?

A practical example (in my opinion) of how not giving a fu*k works.

Someone at work made an anonymous complaint about concern if I work my full hours. I’m fucking salaried. It wasn’t my boss. She’s mad about it too. The complaint was unfounded and I’m not aware of making anyone mad. In fact I’ve been feeling great about my job. Now I’m paranoid and feeling like a child again.

How can I not give a fuck when someone is trying to make things harder for me and I don’t know why?

So I went inside and I buy a cheeseburger with fries, my wife told me to lose weight but I don't give a fuck.

Imagine this. You are down in the dumps. Your life sucks and you feel bad about your peers around you. You attempt to compete with them but it's impossible because you are creating false narratives about their superiority. Maybe partly naively believeing their exaggerated accomplishments through social media or in person. Or you belittle yourself very harshly for reasons 'to each their own'.

So you are feeling down. And as your peers seem to put on a happy face around you you take that personally. As them rubbing it in. So you want to return the favor. But obviously you can't attack your friends, they might leave you or even worse 'they don't take your insults seriously'.

So how do we deal with this mental trauma. Look at ourselves and deal with our insecurities? Nah f*ck that.

We go around our life looking for opportunities to unload our hatred on people who have bad issues already. Maybe health wise or mental wise. We attack those because they will give us the satisfying sounds of torment that we also suffer with. They aren't prepared for dealing personal attacks so they won't retaliate.

And all this stems from us not wanting to confront our inner deamons but still just not wanting to suffer alone.

This is why a simple smile hurts a bitter person to their soul. If a mere smile hurts someone, it's not your fault. Keep smiling.

Thoughts?

How do I navigate being myself when my jokes are taken seriously, and my attempts to fit in only make me feel more out of place? Am I the problem, or am I just misunderstood?

🔊Newsflash: You’re not a time traveler, and even if you were, do you really want to waste your one chance at time travel fixing that awkward thing you said in 2017? What’s done is done.

Learn from it, laugh at it, and move forward like the badass you are. If your past self could see you now, they’d probably say, “Damn, we made it through THAT?!” So stop hitting the replay button on your regrets—this isn’t Netflix, and nobody’s binge-watching your mistakes.

https://brendanjoki.com/the-best-ways-to-spend-easter-alone

We're in a relationship for a few months when I was younger around 15-16 but I'd like her from before and after the relationship we're on and off talking terms. But yeah she was someone I opened up to and could share anything with her. She was someone I admired and held in high regard. We're not in a relationship after that initial breakup but We're more than friends, We're each other's emotional support and helped each other get through times. But for some reason, she wasn't ready for relationship but I was okay with it till I get to talk to her. But after a while id say 3-4 years I broke off contact with her because I knew that if I stay longer id be more emotionally attached and will never move on from her. It's been 2 years from when I broke off contact with her, I still think about her. I don't why that is, I can't find someone else to date and I don't find someone else attractive. She was everything id hoped for my future wife to be. Yeah that's a big statement but I loved her too much if things were right, I would've wanted to stay by her side my life. But it didn't happen. And now I can't from a deep emotional attachment as I had with her with someone else. I don't know I think I was over her but sometimes I just keep remembering her. The things is when you know someone for around 7-8 years and have been in love with them for 4-5 years it isn't easy to get over. Also it wasn't like this was one sided it was mutual. If it was one sided it would've been so much easier to get on with my life.

So in short I just to get over completely and find someone else and not a give a fuck about her .

I feel like the main reason I’m behind in life is simply because I’m caring and fousing too much about what others might think of me. I think I’ve developed this mindset because of poor upbringing. I think I was constantly taunted and corrected by adults. Oh do this and not that. And in this mind, I’ve developed this people pleasing and never disappoint and disrespect others. I totally lost my true sense of reality. Now as an adult, I have no clue what is my identity. It’s so hard to being yourself because you don’t know how to act in this character.

I’m living in this stupid worries so much that anxiety depression sparked in my life. And my self esteem is gone. I feel like this weak person when walking in public because I don’t have any identity. My walk is without confidence. My voice is without projection.

I'm not going to repeat what I said but a year and a half ago I said something extremely stupid at my brother's wedding and I can't stop obsessing over it. I think about it almost daily. Any advice?

i know nobody cares and nothing matters and that everyone’s gonna die one day so just be yourself and don’t give a fuck abt what others think but this mindset only works when I’m at home I make up my mind to not give a fuck but the moment I step outside my home it feels like social suicide .. how do I implement this mindset outside in front of actual people

Hey guys. I wanted a little advice how to handle this. Sometimes I don’t text old friends back because I don’t have the desire to keep up with them. I used to have some good friends in my hometown before I spent 2 years traveling. During that time I got sober and had a lot of personal growth take place. I’m back in my hometown just working and vibing and have a new fiancé. Some friends (one in particular) don’t stop texting me to catch up, and seeing them pop up on my phone drains me mentally. One that does it a lot has kids now and is stuck at home and is in another phase of life than me. I have to run into her husband at work and he says “she talks about you all the time” blah blah blah. Anyway, what do you think? Do yall ever feel mean just ghosting old friends?

I grew up in a pretty bad home and because of it I was always the responsible one for my whole family. I've always had to be the stable one, the therapist, the one who helped everyone else no matter what it cost me. I've literally never done any major thing for myself in my life. I don't have an identity outside of being a tool for others, and now I have no one. So how do I live for myself now when I don't know who myself even is? I've spent so long catering to others I really don't understand how to just say "fuck you" to anyone.

So how do I stop caring about others and live my own life after having no experience with caring about myself?