r/Jamaica • u/No-Bike42 • Jul 13 '24
Culture Beating kids
What is with Jamaicans and beating kids? Ik I'm going to get called soft for saying this but I don't see the point in it? Some parents beat there kids black and blue and the kid will still just go and do the same thing again anyways. One excuse I see people say is that "Ohh it takes too long to do naughty corner and different discipline methods" but yet they'll run up and down and beat there kids for hours. At what point does it start to be seen as child abuse? People will do wicked things like beat there kids with iron bars, wood. I've even heard this mad story that someone bashed their kid head against a wall and neighbours will say nothing since they're "disciplining their children". I'm not saying don't discipline your kids and let them rule you but surely there's a different way to discipline them. Kids grow up and laugh about it thinking it's ok, when it's not, at least not for me. They'll say they came out fine but not everybody has the same luck. It can mess up some people in the head. One thing I'll never do is beat my kids when I have them.
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u/Ok-Network-8826 Jul 13 '24
Grown ADULTS don’t get beat when they do something wrong . But a child who doesn’t know any better does ??? Kmt .
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u/Alarming-Wrongdoer-3 Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
If you beat on an adult you can be charged with assault. Beating a kid is somehow good "parenting" though
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24
Exactly it makes no sense 😩. I'm so glad I'm having people back me
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u/Alarming-Wrongdoer-3 Jul 15 '24
I had to share this story with you. I live in the Toronto area.
"Woman wanted after child allegedly assaulted in Toronto's west end"
I wish the village (public) in Jamaica, truly protected and raise a child this way.
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u/DantesFreeman Jul 14 '24
To be fair, grown adults can be thrown in cages with killers or even put to death for doing something wrong.
Parents know that and hit their kids to prevent them from becoming a statistic. Generally speaking anyway. So there’s definitely a difference.
Especially boys. I literally thank God my father whooped me to make me listen, because I wasn’t hearing anything else. And he kept me on the straight and narrow, when I could have gotten into real trouble.
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u/Awkward_Double_8181 Jul 15 '24
I think a whooping is a lot different from an actual beat down where the child is black and blue. A spanking on the bottom when absolutely needed versus banging a kid’s head on the wall…
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u/DantesFreeman Jul 15 '24
Correct and agreed. Flat out physical abuse on a child is obviously wild and off the chain.
I mean a controlled spanking. Not an unhinged explosion. We’re agreed there.
But this oblivious idealism I’m seeing on here genuinely shocks me.
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u/SnooDoodles837 Jul 15 '24
Ok I see the disconnect. You came on here defending controlled spankings but idk if your jamaican or not, or even read the full OP but we clearly talking about the over-the-top, unhinged explosion that is typical of a traditional jamaican parent. Our community gets crazy with it and it’s normalized, even championed.
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u/DantesFreeman Jul 15 '24
I wasn’t born in Jamaica, but yeah my great granddaddy was Jamaican and that Jamaican attitude lasts through a few generations. I can confidently say I’ve experienced a Jamaican style whooping.
And yes that’s what I’m saying. Hitting your kid like he’s an old donkey is atrocious and heinous. I think if you argue that point, you have issues as a human being.
I’m saying if you’re rationale, talk to your children, try productive means and their still acting ridiculous because they just don’t think you’ll do anything to them and they can just get away with craziness. At that point it, if you’ve considered and tried other things, I don’t think it’s inhumane to give a controlled spanking.
And not even enough to instill the fear of God into them. Just enough so that they know, hey it’s in my best interest to listen most of the times because eventually may be a consequence I really don’t want.
I’m not talking about drawing blood over here.
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u/SnooDoodles837 Jul 15 '24
Well yea it’s often no speaking. Or just as bad when the only talking is the mid-ass-whooping-speech. “I!” WHAP! “said!” WHAP “dont” WHAP “do that shit!”
Coupled with the invalidation of childrens’ feelings thats common in Caribbean households, i think this domineering approach does more harm than good. It produces mostly ill adjusted, emotionally unintelligent people that are in my experience usually a) cowardly/people pleasing, b) people you’d classify as thugs because violence is all theyve ever known. I dont know the exact numbers but i feel less than 20% of jamaican kids i know developed into well rounded adults without serious inner work/therapy
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u/BernieMacsLazyEye Jul 15 '24
Disrespect the wrong person and you’ll get beat. It used to be that way all around the world. Parents disciplined their children so others didn’t have to when they were grown. Currently, there isn’t much respect for anyone anywhere because people can say whatever they want with little to no consequences usually. That’s why people get shocked when somebody actually whoop someone’s ass. I see no problem with smacking the mouth of anyone who thinks it’s ok to be disrespectful for any reason. Call someone out of there name? Stand on that shit and dont cry victim if they decide to rock your shit. Most people don’t hit others for no reason
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u/Solid-Perception678 Jul 17 '24
grown adults got to jail or PRISON. and they get beat on in there. So they get get beat just a couple extra steps
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u/Ok-Network-8826 Jul 17 '24
I’m talking like if a kid late for school or fail a test - beating . But if an adult late ….
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u/Chronophobia07 Jul 17 '24
You don’t beat kids that don’t know any better. You smack the kids who do know better and did it anyway for the 10th on the butt with a belt a couple times.
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u/baelienne Yaadie in Canada Jul 13 '24
Generational trauma, it stops with me ❤️
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u/AstralHugs Jul 14 '24
Me too!!
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u/Successful_Ad9037 Jul 14 '24
Me three.
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u/Euphoric_Metal8222 Jul 14 '24
Me four.
I’m 24 yo, parents both from JA, moved to the USA 2 years before I was born. It saddens me though how they haven’t learned a thing because they spank my neurodivergent cousin who is on the spectrum (he’s 2).
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u/Ok_Albatross_160 Jul 13 '24
I'm one of the few who is completely against corporal punishment. Jamaicans love beating their kids and you're just supposed to take it. I swear it's mostly because of slavery and plus a lot of Christians suppose it I don't.
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u/ZyberZeon Jul 13 '24
My Pops says it's also because of the harsh conditions caused by menial labor. My grandfather specifically worked on the railroad tracks, and it turned him into an abusive domineering asshole.
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u/stewartm0205 Kingston Jul 13 '24
The major problem with beating children is that you are teaching them that violence is how you solve conflicts. People wonder why the murder rate in Jamaica is so high when the answer should be obvious.
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u/Sonny_Legend Jul 13 '24
I still haven't dealt with the "beats" I got. Beatings for no reason, but the good thing that came out of it is that I don't beat my kids. They're now 21, 19, and 16, and haven't caused me a day of trouble in my life. There's a way to raise children without beating them
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Jul 14 '24
Same. I got serious beatings from my mother when I was a kid. I don’t speak to her anymore because of that (and many other reasons). I have 3 kids of my own; 17, 13 and 7. They are really good kids. Never beat them. It doesn’t actually teach children anything in my opinion. I don’t remember a reason/lesson for any time I was ever beaten as a child. I only now look back and remember being hurt and scared vowing that I’d leave as home soon as I possibly could.
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u/Sonny_Legend Jul 14 '24 edited Jul 14 '24
I got beat for things that might happen, like the time I took a shortcut to school and got beat with an extension cord cause I "might" rip my pants. The only reason I do still talk to my mom and not hold it against her, is that she had it way worse than me, she didn't deal with her trauma. I just decided to break the cycle.
I lived in fear of my mother for years, and even at my big old age of 47, I still can't fully relax around my mom, I'm always on guard, but with my dad I'm 100% relaxed cause he would never lay a hand on me, but at the same time was complicit cause he wouldn't step in.
Man, I can type for days if I had the time, unfortunately
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Jul 15 '24
I’m so sorry. I can certainly empathize with you. Very similar experience for me. My dad never laid a hand on me but he stayed with her for my entire childhood and I didn’t feel protected, so he was complicit for sure. I still have very visible scars on my skin at 32 from things she did. It’s something that takes a lifetime to work through. I’d never treat my kids that way. I am glad to see other people with similar upbringings are breaking the cycle. Our kids deserve better.
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u/Sonny_Legend Jul 15 '24
I am so sorry for your experience, and yes, we have to break the cycle going forward. We also have to try and heal our trauma, which is the hard part in all this, but as you said, it will take a lifetime to work through. If I can't heal, at least my kids didn't have to experience that life
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u/North_Manager_8220 Jul 14 '24
You are an amazing parent 🤍
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u/Sonny_Legend Jul 14 '24
Thank you. I really appreciate that. Of course, I had help from my wife lol, not gonna take all the credit lol
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u/North_Manager_8220 Jul 15 '24
An amazing parenting team ☺️ We need more parents like you both to undue the generational traumas!!!
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u/PsyrusTheGreat Jul 13 '24
I'm Jamaican and I've never raised my hands to my kids. I'm not a fool, so I can figure out how to raise-up a little guy or girl without abusing them. Stop abusing the kids like drunken assholes and use your mental acuity and parental skills to bring the kids up properly.
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u/dearyvette Jul 13 '24
This is child abuse. Period.
Physical punishment is abuse. It’s not “discipline”. It is assault. The only thing children learn by being hit is fear and humiliation. It creates trauma that lasts forever. It creates angry adults who become abusers, themselves.
Physical punishment is child abuse.
Physical punishment is child abuse.
Physical punishment is child abuse.
Physical punishment is child abuse.
Physical punishment is child abuse.
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Jul 16 '24
I agree with this almost entirely I think. The question is what exactly qualifies as physical punishment. Does it imply exerting a force upon someone? Or is a timeout in the corner without any toys or things to do also physical punishment because you’re forcing them to physically stay somewhere? What about washing a kids mouth out with soap? I don’t have kids so I can’t really speak to how I’d raise them but I was never abused/beat/assaulted imo as a kid. I was spanked, given time outs, and had my mouth washed out with soap. Furthermore, it was always in response to me doing something bad like swearing, being repetitively disobedient, or hitting my brother or mom or dad. At this point I consider myself fairly well adjusted and I despite wanting to be to get physical with people sometimes, I’ve never engaged with someone like that despite technically recognizing physical discipline as a kid. Interesting thing is, I had serious anger issues as a kid probably under 10yo. But as I grew up I became a lot more serious and mature and my anger just receded heavily. Idk, like I get what you’re saying but there has to be a point where doing something physical is a requirement to try to get a kid to realize what they’re doing is wrong. Should it be the first option, no. And there’s a big difference between getting spanked for punching a sibling and getting spanked because the parent is a pos who looks for minute reasons to exert discipline.
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u/dearyvette Jul 16 '24
I suppose the overriding answer to your questions would have to include: what are you trying to teach them right now?
If I punch my sister because she broke my phone, and my dad beats me with his belt, what am I really being taught? It’s OK for Dad to assault me? My sister needs to be protected from violence (and me), but I deserve violence? Dad loves my sister more than he loves me? What about my phone? I should fear Dad because he’ll hurt me if he’s mad? Since Dad is the natural relational male model that my brain will call upon, for the rest my life—because that’s how it works—does this mean that my future dad models can harm me, when I “deserve” it? Is this what love looks like?
What am I supposed to be learning, when you’re using a belt, instead of words? Are you conveying the message you think you’re conveying?
How am I supposed to learn empathy, accountability, penance, fairness, and conflict resolution from a belt? And if you’re not trying to teach me these things, how have you not failed as a parent?
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Jul 16 '24
That’s a very good point. And there are so many circumstances that can surround a situation that it’s hard to postulate generally. In your example, did your sister break it on purpose or accidentally? How warranted is your own anger, not necessarily you hitting them? Has you dad explained this once before or 50 times? Have you been given opportunities with rising consequences that have not yet made you change your actions. I think that kids are different to the point it extends to how they mature and what consequences work on them. Maybe verbal or visual consequences are necessary so they can understand. Just saying something might not be enough. The biggest issue I see is that if you take a very passive approach to consequences and just correct your child verbally from age 1-17 then when they do something in the real world on their own there are going to be physical consequences to their actions. Another interesting idea I just had is what is the relation between the severity of a kids actions and what that translates to. Like is a kid who regularly fights and only gets verbal corrections and NEVER stops this behavior will eventually do that in the real world where they’ll either hurt someone or get their ass beat. Ofc you have to consider how infrequent that is but….
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u/dearyvette Jul 16 '24
Oh, I’m not espousing a passive approach. I’m saying that striking your child teaches them nothing.
It doesn’t matter what they did, or why, physical violence cannot teach anyone anything but fear.
In fact, fear makes it impossible to learn. The sympathetic nervous system—the activator of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn that tries to protect us from threats—prevents us from thinking. If you want someone to learn, you need to activate different parts of the brain.
There is nothing in this world that justifies beating a child.
Physical punishment today cannot help them in life. It’s not a tool they can use. It doesn’t teach them the skills to argue fairly. It doesn’t teach them how to use their intellect to solve and resolve issues. It teaches them to avoid being caught, without any of the character-building that ensures that they not do bad things, to begin with.
Physical violence against your child in response to your anger is doubly egregious, IMO. A child is not the outlet for your anger. Consequences are supposed to be instructive…it’s supposed to be for them, not you.
Physical violence against a child is child abuse.
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Jul 16 '24
I’m curious about what you would define as physical violence. Does it extend to uncomfortability? Like a time out for an hour in the corner or having to walk to school while you follow in a car. I feel like saying any physical act to teach them something is abuse is way too broad. What if you tell you kid to play outside and stop doing something on their phone or on the tv and play outside but they don’t want to. Is putting them outside an act of physical violence? I just worry about the breadth of that statement. Plenty of kids would say their parents are abusive when they’re just stern. Especially if the kids pissed off.
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u/dearyvette Jul 16 '24
What does the word “violence” mean to you?
Is standing in a corner violent?
Is walking to school violent?
Is playing outside violent?
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Jul 16 '24
Not to me, but that’s an issue because some people might feel that they are/were being physically imposed on and are interpreting as violence. Fundamentally I agree with your belief that you shouldn’t even be violently physical to your child. Should you push them to do certain things that might not feel good so they can better themself or learn a lesson, yes. Problem is some people don’t see the value in certain things.
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u/dearyvette Jul 17 '24
I’m an equestrian, an old ballet dancer, a scuba diver, and I do heavy, strenuous, physically challenging things, all the time. Physical activity is good for the mind and the body! Doing hard things is important for all of us, I think.
Be very well. ❤️
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u/Myridinn Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
When ever you raise a hand and turn to violence for an answer, you know you are a psychopath. People are not ready for kids and yet they have 5 of them, seen it multiple times on the streets. Lucky enough my Jamaican partner is way different, she’s telling me it’s sad that it’s normalised.. Until you find your partner that you trust, until you get a solid career, until you a financially ready , don’t have a kid it won’t solve your problems… Generally speaking * not mentioning anyone specific *
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u/LooseChange06 Jul 13 '24
My father was brutal. My sibling won't even speak to him anymore, going on years. We grew up in the US, so when we would go to school with bruises and the teachers would see it and my father even ended up getting arrested behind it. Still didn't stop him though. He grew up in Kingston with his Uncle (my GMA left to the US to make money and left him in JA to be raised by her brother) and got beat daily as well, so I know it's a generational trauma response. Fun fact, this Uncle was security for Michael Manley and had a character in the Bob Marley movie lol
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24
Yeah, it's normally a generational thing so they don't understand why they should do anything different
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u/myob4321 Jul 13 '24
Because they’re too impatient to actually explain and draw things out to kids. Terrible and sorry parenting if we’re being honest
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u/cleankids Jul 14 '24
growing up and eventually beating their ass back since it isnt a big deal or that serious >>>>>
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u/Lolita-Ren Jul 13 '24
I think the only people who will call you “soft” are the people who don’t understand how trauma works. I try to hold space for people who decide to “gentle parent” their kids as well as the ones who have beaten their kids once in a while. I know that beating never ever worked on me. I was generally a “goody goody” child in my actions, but I had an attitude. That irked my mother to no end & she was a single parent with problems of her own, who took it out on me in the form of making me go for the belt to get beatings often. That made me hate & resent her for years even after I became an adult. She was abusing me. There is a difference between abuse & once in a while you get a beating. I swore I’d never hit my kids. But now, I can see how it happens sometimes. But I cannot condone parents using beatings as their main punishment. That’s just abuse. Especially when they are hitting their kids all over with all sorts of apparatus. Most kids can be reprimanded in non-violent ways.
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u/MackKid22 Jul 14 '24
I still don’t think kids should be beat even “once in a while” because aren’t gonna be whipping yo ass unless they want to catch a case
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24
Yep, you said it well.
I can see how it happens sometimes. But I cannot condone parents using beatings as their main punishment.
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Jul 13 '24
Terminology such as institutionalization and transgenerational trauma come to mind. It only takes one generation of suffering to institute a cyclical process of self immolation in any insular community. That’s why it’s important to teach young people they can and should want to be more than the sum of their parents.
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u/mcabeeaug20 Jul 14 '24
This is so beautiful. I teach in rural Alaska, and I understand this all too well. If I may ask, may I use this in my classroom credited to you, of course? This is just something my students deserve to read. 🩵
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u/Technical-Job-1349 Jul 13 '24
I thought it was ok receiving it growing up bcos it was normal but then when i was older & i witnessed it, it was horrible to watch bcos it was almost like a violent energy release for the adult, they couldn’t stop themselves - like a rage/trance & it just felt off, esp when you grabbing whatever stick or leather belt & throwing stuff. Maybe this is an extreme person or example but what’s when i realised that person couldn’t recognise the line between the “discipline” they meant to give and straight abuse
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u/Technical-Job-1349 Jul 13 '24
And let’s admit that jcan parents are irritable and easily triggered, theres only soo little you can do to NOT piss them off, surely that’s trauma
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u/dearyvette Jul 14 '24
I forget what stupid thing I’d done to “deserve it,” but my mother punched me in the face and gave me a black eye. When she ran to the garage for the extension cord she meant to use as a switch, I realized she had NO control over herself, and I understood in that moment that I was going to die.
I was frozen in place, when she came back with the extension cord and a hammer. BLIND with rage, she whipped the cord at me, and it split open the skin on my arm. When she raised the hammer, I ran, but the house wasn’t large, and I had nowhere to go. When she caught me, she raised the hammer again, and I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed to God.
This all happened in minutes. I was 11, a little girl. I’d never committed a crime or harmed anyone or anything, and this sort of thing happened semi-regularly,” until I left home at 16.
My choosing never to have children was an open-eyed, conscious decision. My mother raised me as she was raised, and I needed to break that generational chain of trauma forever.
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u/MackKid22 Jul 14 '24
Omg I’m so sorry that’s horrible your mother was abusive. Do you still talk to her?
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u/dearyvette Jul 15 '24
Yes, I loved her very much. It was a very complicated relationship. She was all I had.
She died many years ago. It took a lot of time to understand and unravel. Life works like that. I miss her every day.
❤️
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 15 '24
This is what I'm talking about and people don't believe stuff like this happens and parents will still claim it's because they love us and not a fit of rage taken out on a poor, defenseless child 😒😮💨😓
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u/Jammm88 Jul 14 '24
Man, my brothers and I had to walk on eggshells around our parents growing up, especially our mom she was always angry and never smiled. We still talk about the shit they did and SAID to us growing up. Jamaican parenting culture needs serious evaluation
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u/Jza_45 Jul 13 '24
Me and my sisters have never beaten our kids.I think as Jamaican’s that when you tell people that they’re shocked but I think the beatings(which my parents have apologised for now)are pointless and don’t teach your children anything of any kind.I(M46)have two sons(9 and 19 years old)and I’ve always joked that once my voice starts hitting certain decibels then they need to fall in line and it has always worked.My parents love that we don’t hit our kids,they’re glad that that cycle of discipline is over for our family.
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u/Early_Divide_8847 Jul 16 '24
Beating does teach kids something. Taught me how to not trust. Taught me resorting to violence is normal- even with those that “love” you. Taught me to be afraid of men in the workplace too. I have kids now and would never ever lay hands on them. The thought of doing that makes me sick to my stomach. I’d rather die than to hurt them or anyone.
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u/NoKindheartedness08 Jul 13 '24
What I’ve come to understand from reading the responses in this thread is that many people in this community believe children are lesser humans than adults. I’ve always internally felt that many of the adults in my community believe that children are not full humans deserving of respect and understanding, but the justifications for beatings that I see here pretty much confirm that my suspicions were correct.
The arguments used to justify beating children here would never be used to justify beating adults, and if one were to harm an adult for similar reasons it would be considered domestic violence. Kids are learning how to be human beings and, of course, are going to make mistakes along the way. Sometimes big ones. I’d venture a guess that very few of the adults here, all of whom make mistakes daily, would agree that another adult has the right to beat them to teach them a lesson following ANY transgression. Yet, it’s somehow okay to beat kids to teach them a lesson instead of just teaching them the lesson.
I’m choosing to break the cycle of violence in my family line and I hope the rest of you choose to do the same.
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
Exactly 👏🏽! They treat kids like animals at times. That might be a bit of an exaggeration but at the end of the day they are just humans all the same like adults. The only thing we have over kids is our ages which we shouldn't use as a reason to conflict physical pain onto them as well as emotional pain while we're at it. This is literally a case of "pick on someone your size"
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u/Impossible-Guest624 Jul 13 '24
Have to tell you. I am severely messed up from all the emotional and physical abuse I received as a child and teenager. Trying to piece it all together, one day at a time.
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u/Early_Divide_8847 Jul 16 '24
Therapy helps!!! Do it before having your own kids.
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u/Impossible-Guest624 Jul 16 '24
I’ve gone to a number of therapy sessions, it’s definitely helped. Truthfully, it’s a battle against my own mind and negative thoughts which I think is something I have to work on myself.
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u/ddhard65 Jul 13 '24
Beatings by parents is bad I'm not sure how many times I was slapped in the face with an open hand. That is one of the most humiliating things you can do to a child, which was done to me countless times. To be honest, I never recovered from the trauma that it caused.
It made me nonviolent and nonconfrontational. One summer my wife and I were hosting our nieces and nephews for the summer and when it came time for the discipline to be dealt, I wouldn't do it, I couldn't do it, and at that time I knew I wouldn't have children.
Parents, please be careful with your blessings. Treat them well because one day they'll have to take care of you.
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u/North_Manager_8220 Jul 14 '24
You have a beautiful heart. ❤️
I work with children everyday and am not sure I will have my own. But as disrespectful as they can be…. The idea of any of their parents beating them at home sends me into a RAGE. 😔
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u/DantesFreeman Jul 14 '24
I don’t know about everyone else, but if my father wouldn’t have beaten me I would 100% have been off the chain.
This assumption that kids getting whooped doesn’t stop them from doing bad things is far removed from the reality of basically everyone I know.
If you’re an unloving and un-present parent and you whooped your kids, then ok that may not work. But if you’re present and love your kids and they know you love them and they’re acting straight up wild, then they may benefit from a little spanking.
I’m not talking about drawing blood or straight harming the child. But a little fear and some decent pain is ok for them in limited and controlled circumstances.
Also, I’m a guy and have two brothers. May be a bit different with girls.
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 14 '24 edited Jul 14 '24
I agree but it depends. What sort of things kids are getting beat for and how they're getting beat and there is loads of ways your kids can fear you without beating them.
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u/DantesFreeman Jul 14 '24
It definitely depends . But all these comments saying it’s full blown immoral under any circumstance and you shouldn’t have children if you ever do it are outrageous and not based on actual reality.
I know b/c I remember how I was as a kid and many other kids were like me. Especially boys. Lol we would literally talk about it.
But yeah I mean whomping your child because you’re impatient or for trivial reasons is straight wrong.
Whomping a kid b/c they’re out of control or belligerent and other methods haven’t worked, fair play in my book. Under the circumstances I mentioned in my first comment of course.
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 14 '24
Yes, this is I agree with. If they did something very bad but not as a everyday form of punishment
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u/Original_Pineapple97 Jul 14 '24
My family stopped beating me once I started throwing fists
I got fed up. I will not deal with this barbaric way of life only for the sake it is my “Caribbean culture.” I will not pass this generational trauma onto my own, either.
Nobody does corporal punishment in my family anymore after my reaction. I regret it but it had to be done to spare the new generation.
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u/Early_Divide_8847 Jul 16 '24
Damn. Ok. I hate the violence but I wish I was big enough/ strong enough to fuck my dad up when he was hitting us.
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u/Original_Pineapple97 Jul 16 '24
I’m barely 5 feet haha. I got my ass kicked but I still got my licks in. It’s scarier when a little woman like me starts flipping tables and slacking jaws.
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u/AstralHugs Jul 14 '24
THIS. I have never understood this and absolutely hated it. It’s not discipline it is abuse and when it happened to me I just remember thinking my parents hated me and I started to resent them at the time. I will never beat my kids, that lifestyle will stop with me.
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u/chief_yETI Jul 14 '24
I didnt start getting angry and violent until I started getting beat by my parents lol
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u/North_Manager_8220 Jul 14 '24
No one wants to talk about the correlation!!!!
You are living with TRAUMA. I pray you find healing one day. I’m so sorry friend
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u/Alarming-Wrongdoer-3 Jul 15 '24
They beat you and also teach you "if someone hits you, you hit them twice as hard". Then wonder why there is so much violent people
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u/ifxckraw Jul 14 '24
I’m American born to Jamaican parents and my mom and dad used to hit me and my brothers to the point where I look back and it was straight abuse. Now my mother has dementia and I don’t feel a bit sorry for her because I feel it’s her karma for how she treated us as children. I have kids now and I wouldn’t dare bring them how my parents did. Barely even talk to my mom and haven’t had contact with my father in about 10yrs. They can both die today and I wouldn’t feel anything.
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u/Glass_Competition397 Jul 15 '24
i say it all the time. children getting beaten all round the clock and the behaviour is the same. Fear is not the way to discipline. let me give an example, my cousin keeps troubling the cat so my parents beat her. in the span of maybe 30 them beat her 5 or 6 time. them ask why she still doing it. You can guess the brilliant idea they come up with..lets beat her again. You can also guess if she stopped troubling the cat. My sister getting beaten all her life and her behaviour just gets worse. I myself only stopped misbehaving around 16. Not because of respect or fear but because i couldn't care for myself (money, food, etc). At one point i hated them, I didnt want them to look, go near, touch or talk to me. Thank God for healing but when will it end?
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u/Dulcinea18 Jul 15 '24
I was born in the States, but my parents are Jamaican and I feel the beatings I received was actual child abuse. My grandfather beat my grandmother, and in turn my grandmother beat her kids, and my mom and aunts beat me. As I am the oldest I got it the worst, and now they lie and claim it never happened and make me into a scapegoat for speaking out. I never had children(I am 44) for fear of the parent I would become. I’m happy to see these responses, and I breathe some sigh of relief that these attitudes are changing.
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u/Austriak5 Jul 16 '24
When I was a new parent, I remember a moment when my kid did something that made me want to spank them. I realized that spanking was more of me wanting to take out my frustration rather than disciplining and changing their behavior. I’ve never spanked since.
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u/raspberry_ice-pee Jul 13 '24
I was always told "spare the rod, spoil the child" as a kid. That was always the explanation I received when I asked why myself and other kids were beaten. Sometimes over silly things. I think my parents and other Jamaican parents I grew up around genuinely believed it had to be done because the bible says so apparently.
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u/Educational_Baby3590 Jul 13 '24
The Bible says many things why choose that particular verse to act on?
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u/dearyvette Jul 13 '24
The Bible also says that women who wear pants are “an abomination unto the Lord” and that we should stone to death women who are not virgins when they marry. (Both are in Deuteronomy 22.)
So at least we’re lucky for some of the cherry-picking. Lol!
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u/Technical-Job-1349 Jul 13 '24
Also whistling was an abomination & i got thumped on my mouth anytime i did it
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u/dearyvette Jul 13 '24
Really? Do you know where? That’s hilarious. (The Bible, not the thump!)
God actually whistles a lot in the Bible, himself, as a way of calling his people from wherever they are. If I remember correctly, there are 5 or 6 verses about this, throughout the text.
I love our elders, but…man…
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u/AfricanInfoGatherer Jul 14 '24
Bro read Old Testament should never take Old Testament as word there’s a reason why the New Testament exists.
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u/RaynRock Jul 14 '24
The whistling woman and crowing hen thing? My grannie had a conniption and swore i was trying to damn her entire lineage to hell 😀
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u/North_Manager_8220 Jul 14 '24
Till this day I still get annoyed with my mother when I think of her nagging about whistling.
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u/Glass_Competition397 Jul 15 '24
thats funny cause one thats not what the verse is saying and many quote verses arent even belivers
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u/DestinyHasArrived101 Jul 13 '24
Alot of them have kids young so it's a natural reaction when you haven't matured.
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u/OblivousOverthinker Jul 13 '24
If I have kids I have no intention of beating them. Still I'd say there are levels to the type of beating kids get in Jamaica. Some beatings a tame (light slaps) others are far worse and cross the line into abuse like you describe. I generally wouldn't trust people to know where that line is and wouldn't be upset if as a society we agreed that beating kids is unacceptable.
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u/NegotiationGreat288 Jul 13 '24
The only person that confronted my mom about beating me was a Jamaican lady who ran the daycare I was in as a child ♥️. So glad to see so many saying it's wrong to hit kids .
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u/Likklebit91 Jul 15 '24
To Each Them Own. I'm not going to argue with anyone about beating my pickney. Bare licks she gets when she doesn't listen. When she does something bad and I get that belt, the fear in her eyes when the likkle gyal runs! She's a tween. They know better and should be doing better. I don't beat her wild crazy like some parents would do(keep in mind we live inna foreign, NYC). Whatever works fi dem household
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Jul 15 '24
Not Jamaican but i’m black American one side & Afro Latina & Caribbean the other side and I can say black people beating their kids stems from them not having control in their lives and wanting to be in control of something. Also, the fear that their kids will go out in the world and “act up” and be faced with the reality of being black and making a mistake. My mama told me later in my life “I was just trying to prepare you for the world.” and I get it. She didn’t need to beat the shit out of me 24/7 to do that, and I don’t forgive her for it, but I get where she was coming from. An explanation is not an excuse. I’m glad more black people are waking up to other effective ways of disciplining their kids cuz beating ain’t it.
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u/Master_DJedi Jul 16 '24
I think corporal punishment is not useful for some children and not a one-size-fits-all. As parenting can be in general. Though I'm not a parent myself, there are some kids that simply want to do the opposite of what you say when you're truly trying to give them good advice in loving way. They are simply obstinate and extremely stubborn. Some kids do listen and don't have the issue of being difficult just to be difficult. I've seen kids that should never be beaten and it's very sad when you see it. And I also see kids that need to be beaten and I find that also sad when I see a child that lies cheats and steals, is also violent to others, and only gets a little slap on the wrist.
Keep in mind that just because a child is not physically beaten, it doesn't mean that they are abused. I was never beaten growing up but I was definitely emotionally abused, and I can't say for sure which one was worse.
Nevertheless, proper parenting depends on the maturity of the parent themselves. Sometimes use of force is necessary and sometimes it isn't. Use of force is not the same definition as violence. Violence is wrong, but Force used under the correct circumstances, no matter how extreme it may look, without understanding the circumstances, it is important not to immediately pass judgment. But to reiterate again and this is very very very very very important as a general rule, corporal punishment, especially towards children, should be considered a last resort and I support caution towards not using it rather than opting for liberal usage.
Immature, non-empathetic, unwise parents that lie, cheat and steal themselves, will overwhelmingly make mistakes either way whether they use physical force or not.
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u/Prestigious_Law_4421 Jul 16 '24
All of the anti-spanking & "if you raise a hand to a kid..." should be able to make a fortune in helping the public education system in the US. How to make kids be respectful, engage in their schoolwork, & not be disruptive. The anti-spanking should let us know what strategies to use when a child is extremely defiant.
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 17 '24
Take away privileges (Phone, TV, video games), ignore their bad behaviour if it's something like mocking you this will show that you're not going to give them attention for stuff like that. If they are 10 and under you can do the "Naughty corner" it works if you're consistent with it. Be sturn and stick to your word then your kids will take you seriously. Ground them, tell them they can't go out to any events that they wanted to go. I mean there's loads of things to help parents with defiant children. Watch super nanny lol, I know it's reality TV but I've seen her tackle some awful children.
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u/Microwavableturd Jul 16 '24
It’s something that is has been conditioned and passed down generation to generation, but tbh it’s 2024 you would think people would try to evolve some do others don’t. To me it says “i lack the proper skills and tools to deal with you”
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u/Comprehensive-Owl264 Jul 17 '24
My parents tried their best raising me but I wasn't the best kid ever, being asian my parent woop my ass, especially my dad he's a bit abusive. I can list all the ways he would torture me and I don't wish that upon any kids but fuck did it taught me to respectful human being 😅 yes ma'am yes sir lmao
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u/Red_Red_It Jul 18 '24
Saw and heard about Jamaicans and beating kids from the XXXTENTACTION Documentary.
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u/Ilovehugs2020 Jul 21 '24
The kind of beating that Jamaican parents give seem like it’s derived from enslavement be abuse it’s violent and brutal.
I noticed a lot of my relatives became very angry and violent adults who also beat their young children. Beating is not the answer!
I noticed three generations of violence in my family accomplished nothing. I’m so glad the cycles is being broken, finally.
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u/NativeAddicti0n Sep 11 '24
I agree with you 100%. My best friend lives in Jamaica and she spanks her son who is seven, and my son is five, and I’m American, and America people pretty much don’t spank their kids anymore because we’ve found out through decades of research that is harmful to their mental health, makes children always feel unsafe and on edge like they are not secure anywhere they are, because if they can’t feel safe around their parents, then who can they be safe around? I am a marriage and family therapist in the US, corporal punishment of any kind is ALWAYS correlated to negative outcomes, never positive. It makes children angry and feel unsafe. I can’t imagine how spanking my son would be beneficial and absolutely anyway shape or form.
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u/thebamcastpodcast Jul 13 '24
It’s one of those things passed down in the form of “well it happened with me and I’m fine/it’s how I was raised” until someone in the family line comes along with some sense. It also just teaches the kids to solve their grievances with violence which we can all agree is a big part of the issue in our society today.
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u/MackKid22 Jul 14 '24
I’m not Jamaican but I’m Black America with Caribbean roots on my fathers side (Grenada/Trinidad/Martinique) and I never understood this ever.
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Jul 13 '24
Beating is an international experience, not limited to Jamaica.
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24
But it is still something that is notoriously a Jamaican thing
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u/North_Manager_8220 Jul 14 '24
Jamaicans are not ready for the conversation about how these beating come from slavery……, and how slave masters hijacked the Bible to give us reason to believe that beating people half to death is okay.
If you cannot raise a child without beating them so hard they have lash marks you deserve to be in jail.
All child abusers deserve jail.
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u/rottywell Jul 14 '24
They are not “fine”. They just don’t know what “fine” is.
Like many children who were beaten heavily when they should not have been. They followed the “i have a roof, a bed, 3 square meals, getting an education, and two parents in the home, i must be grateful”.
Bull. You did not have your emotional needs met and they primed you for an abusive spouse. You’re now a people pleaser or learned the same abusive style from your parents. Jamaicans will have their culture and the bible to support them in destroying their own families. Do not beat your child. You will regret it.
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u/tcumber Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
Is not uniquely a Jamaican thing. Not even just a black people thing either. Hence, I question the manner in which the question was raised.
Singapore. Kenya. China. Mexico. Brazil. Even parts of the USA.
It deh all bout. It doesn't make it right, but it is unfair to consider it a Jamaican problem.
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u/NoKindheartedness08 Jul 13 '24
Just because OP asked about Jamaica doesn’t mean or even imply that the issue only exists in Jamaica. They had a specific question about a specific country and asked it.
Further, this is a Reddit community about Jamaica. Why would OP ask a question about Singapore, Kenya, or China?
Edit: spelling
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24
Wdym?
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u/tcumber Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
"What is it with Jamaicans beating their kids" is what you posted, as if only Jamaicans did it. So, I take issue with that.
It is a general GLOBAL issue that needs to be addressed. Look up UNICEF and corporal punishment and you will see.
EDIt:
Unicef states 400 million children are subjected to "violent discipline" or corporal punishment.
Jamaica has less than 1 million children 16 and under.
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
Yes, but I'm Jamaican and it's something I've seen commonly happen in Jamaica
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Jul 15 '24
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u/No-Conclusion8653 Jul 18 '24
My father chased me around our front yard to beat me with a razor strop. It was both horrifying and comical, but I mostly turned out okay.
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u/Cocofloww Jul 18 '24
Beating does nothing good for the child, it actually makes them worse and definitely more sneaky. As they get older they will resent you, and possibly do things in the community you would never think they would do…. The revenge comes when the parents get older, if you think the kids you use to beat black & blue will take care of you in old age, sorry to say they won’t. They will put you in a home quickly & if you don’t have the insurance to do so, you might just be on the streets.
Take care of the kids so the kids can take care of you..
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u/backfrombanned Jul 18 '24
That's why Gen Z and younger act like shit birds, needed their asses whooped... Little buddy
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 18 '24
As if millennials didn't act like idiots when they were young as well 😆
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u/backfrombanned Jul 19 '24
The thing is GEN X raised them. I remind my friends all the time, that's your kids your griping about...
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u/Similar-Hospital3603 Jul 13 '24
Nothing wrong with a lite butt spank for spray painting the side of the house red and yellow
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u/No-Bike42 Jul 13 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
Yes, that is no big deal, really but it's when you are trying to take out all your anger on the child through relentless beating which I don't like.
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u/Similar-Hospital3603 Jul 13 '24
My mother grew up in Jamaica she told me about all sorts of canes and straps and hard devices they used on her.
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u/Similar-Hospital3603 Jul 13 '24
I Qwit drinking alcohol 2 years ago now and sometimes I take my anger out on my family and get in mood swings. But I never use physical violence I’m 35 and it’s hard sometimes. I remember getting the wooden spoon also the belt both I haven’t used on my son just a good old fashion hand slap
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u/dearyvette Jul 13 '24
This is a really brave thing for you to say. Congratulations on your sobriety. I hope you have a good support system.
Everyone struggles sometimes, but verbal violence is still violence. It is also abuse. Until you figure out the root cause of your anger, it will continue to rule your life and hurt the people you love the most.
They don’t deserve that. And you deserve peace and love and support, while you find your way.
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u/MuddaFrmAnnudaBrudda Jul 13 '24
Beating a child is a sign of an adult failing as a parent and a person. If you cannot find a way to discipline your child without resorting to violence (and that's exactly what it is) then don't have any. My parents were beaten and they did the same to us. Even in adulthood, I still see them as abusive and wrong.