r/MMFB • u/EmiliaDurkheim11 • 4d ago
Fear of Dying during Operation (Even Though It's Low Risk)
I'm having an operation soon and I'm scared. I have frequent hallucinations and an anxiety disorder, as well as PTSD due to abuse I went through due to my mental illness and ableism from family. I'm getting an operation in 2 weeks to prevent me from having children that I won't be able to care for and who will likely have the same psychiatric conditions (1 in 2 chance per kid).
I'm hearing voices saying that I'm going to die and God is going to punish me for wanting to have sex or for other things I did. I have therapy in a week and am going to support groups but does anyone have any suggestions for me?
1
u/allenahansen 4d ago
First, knock off the "god" shit. Also "karma", "fate", and anything else that implies external retribution; it's non-sense. Literally, and it's not doing you any good at all.
Second, realize that if you DO die, you'll never know it and you'll finally get a good night's sleep. (You do like to sleep, don't you?)
Third, you're just getting your tubes tied and it's no biggie; presumably, your doctor has performed this procedure numerous times before and under supervision. You'll be fine.
It's natural to fear the unknown, but having had numerous surgeries under general anesthesia ever since I was a wee tyke (and I'm now approaching the end of my own years) I can assure you the anticipation is far far worse than the reality. So spend the next week enjoying April, taking walks to see the trees and tulips in bloom, giving yourself a cinema week at the movies, petting a kitty or an old dog, reading a good book, and when the time for surgery comes, take a deep breathe, walk in that clinic door and . . . jump.
It will all be over before you know it and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you've done something life-enhancing for yourself.
Cheers, dear. And here's a cyber hug from Grandma. (U)
2
u/EmiliaDurkheim11 3d ago
Thanks Grandma :)
I will probably avoid the trees and tulips due to seasonal allergies though lol
And yes, the chances of dying in a car accident every year are 10x the risk of dying under anesthesia, and it's a way worse way to die
1
u/tarltontarlton 4d ago
I'm really sorry to hear this. That sounds brutal. I think it's natural to get scared, no matter how minor the operation, that something really bad is going to happen. I could go into a hospital to get two stitches and I'd probably still be afraid I'd die. And I don't think i'm particularly anxious. I can only imagine how much worse it must be with your condition.
I'm sure you know pretty well how to respond and deal with hallucinations and voices after living with your condition for a while.
I'd just add these three facts that might help reassure you:
- When you go into the hospital, you're actually much safer than you are outside the hospital. In the hospital, you will be literally inches from the smartest, best-trained and most competent medical professionals that have ever existed in human history. And all of those people, and all of their incredible equipment, is focused on one goal: Making sure you don't die.
- Doctors generally don't lie. If they say an operation is high-risk, it's high-risk. If they say it's low-risk, it's low-risk.
- If you're worried about God punishing you for this or that, maybe keep in mind that if the almighty creator of the universe wanted to punish you for something, he or she would already have done it. If God wanted to smite you, you woulda been smote: hit by a bus, fried by lightning or poofed in a wisp of smoke. Why would God have to wait two weeks to shank you with a scalpel when you're unconscious? So that no one catches him? Who's gonna catch God? I'm no theologian, but the fact that you haven't been smote suggests that God does not want to smite you.