I don’t collect either, but I went to university with a ton and they were all super sweet. Except Nick. Nick tried attacking me with a knife. We all hate Nick.
Edit: Not his real name, because I’m not heartless.
My car battery died and the first person that stopped to help was Nick. I was grateful but he hooked up the jumper cables backwards to steal the last bit of juice out of my battery and drove off laughing. fuck nick.
Jokes aside, hooking up jumper cables backwards can be catastrophic, if anyone was curious. Still a great joke but wanted to add a disclaimer for anyone who thought this would be a clever prank.
Nick would download ungodly terabytes of porn from his home computer in our shared bedroom while he was at work. He left the screen on so my suite mates took to watching the titles flash across the screen. My favorite was “The Milkman Cometh.” That and the knife thing will always be how I remember him.
He was a larger man, nothing wrong with that, except his designer underpants were too small and the elastic separated from the cloth. He would put them on and store them separately.
My freshman roommate strangled five women and hospitalized my other roomie, so Nick wasn’t too bad in comparison. I had a truly, horrifically nightmare roommate every year. No more attempted murder though.
Sophomore roommate owned ten identical shirts and cargo shorts, and when he somehow appeared around a corner in a slightly different color of the same shirt, I didn’t recognize him at first. He was perhaps the largest person I’ve ever known (nothing necessarily wrong with that; there are plenty of explanations for weight gain), but also colossally tall. He broke our couch by sitting on it and bent his metal futon to the ground. He had a monumentally mean mother and equally unpleasant girlfriend and was just a generally unfortunate person to be around. Super rude and clingy at the same time, and never paid rent despite making more than all of us. Ended up $3,000 in debt to our other roommate, my boyfriend, which I doubt he ever paid. But he had an inexplicable posse of lady admirers I could never explain.
Senior year was from a very wealthy family and enjoyed flashing hundreds of dollars at poor college kids. Also a serial cheater and very likely rapist.
So no more attempted murder and fortunately I always had much more pleasant people to be around.
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u/TheAndorran Feb 10 '25 edited Feb 10 '25
I don’t collect either, but I went to university with a ton and they were all super sweet. Except Nick. Nick tried attacking me with a knife. We all hate Nick.
Edit: Not his real name, because I’m not heartless.