r/MadeMeSmile • u/mindyour • 7d ago

Wholesome Moments You can tell how much this meant to him.

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

74.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

622 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

57

u/ABzoker 7d ago

Yeah, I feel attacked. I've been spending my birthdays alone for last 8 years now. Ever since I moved to a different city for a job. It feels very strange for me when people make birthdays a big deal.

12

u/DaegurthMiddnight 7d ago

Nah, enjoy if others are happy, and get sad if other people are feeling down because they lack something even if it's something you usually don't like

That's called empathy, I recommend it, try it

19

u/ABzoker 7d ago

Oh, I share the emotions and the celebrations. I just don't give it the same importance as others do.

2

u/DaegurthMiddnight 7d ago

That's the neat part, you don't care. That's the whole point of empathy.

I also don't do birthdays since 10y ago, but I would cry my tears out if some friend or family is this happy, more so if I were able to be part of the effort. Its a reward.

And maybe if someone put this effort in doing a birthday to me, even so I told myself that I don't like it NOW , I would be so fucking grateful to it.

So again, have empathy, you seem to lack a bit of it.

Remember, it's not about you.

7

u/leela_martell 7d ago

Maybe this is just me but “nothing is sadder than spending a birthday alone” reads more pitying than empathetic.

The women in this video seem genuinely nice though I wasn’t referring to them but this Reddit thread. I’ll definitely look up this Airbnb I’m Finnish and would love to visit Lapland one of these days I haven’t been up North in over a decade.

1

u/DaegurthMiddnight 7d ago

Both words are not mutually exclusive i think? You can feel pity and be empathic as well

Or maybe in my language both words are kind of related but in english not?

4

u/Skenghis-Khan 7d ago

You're right, I think this is a projection of pride to be honest, as pity is literally feeling bad for somebody else's misfortune, the reason you feel bad is because you empathise with them. But a lot of people will take pity in a negative way. Emotions are subjective too so maybe people feel insulted because somebody feels bad when they don't and instead of thinking why they may come across as such, they think it's their scenario actively being attacked in a negative light and become defensive about it.

2

u/leela_martell 7d ago

Not necessarily, but you can feel pity without feeling empathy and you can feel empathy without feeling pity. No one wants to be pitied so expressing that will just make the other person feel worse if they do feel bad to begin with.

Pity also includes varying degrees of "phew glad I'm not a sadsack like that person".

0

u/DaegurthMiddnight 7d ago

That's.. What not being mutually exclusive means

But yeah

2

u/leela_martell 7d ago

I didn't claim it does

0

u/KrampusPampus 3d ago

"That's called empathy, I recommend it, try it"

That's an incredibly rude and arrogant thing to say.

1

u/pyro073 7d ago

I am much the same way. I don’t have any of my family close by and not really any super close friends. So up until I met my now wife several years ago. Birthdays were just another day.

Her family is pretty big on birthdays and for the week or two leading up to it I constantly get asked what I want to do for it. Even though we have been together 5 years now I still get uncomfortable with it and usually just choose to have us all go to dinner at a place they like (her and her dad are kinda picky). Seeing them get together and be happy is celebration enough I guess.