r/MadeMeSmile • u/sovalente • 10h ago
She get to know the baby she carried as a surrogate
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Cat_Mama86 10h ago
Soo sweet ❤️❤️! I wonder if the baby recognizes her voice?
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u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy 9h ago
Yes. Fetuses can hear in-utero after a certain number of weeks. Maybe 20? I can’t remember. But it’s one of the reasons why newborn sleep is so counterintuitive. You think they want a quiet, dark, calm sleeping environment but in reality that’s the environment they were awake in most often. When you’re pregnant and up during the day, the baby is sleeping thanks to the movement and noise. They are more active at night in the womb because you’re not moving around as much. That’s why I tell new parents to buy a box fan and put it next to the baby at night.
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u/SnooRegrets1386 9h ago
That’s why when my husband told his 15 yo to be quiet while our newborn was sleeping I corrected him. She could sleep through all the noises of life because it was noisy
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u/butjustwhygirl 9h ago edited 6h ago
People that want the house to be dead quiet so the baby can sleep are setting themselves up for failure because then they’re too scared to watch tv or vacuum or drop a bowl while doing dishes. Make alllllll the noise so the baby sleeps through it and you don’t have to tip toe around your own house.
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u/I_W_M_Y 8h ago
I grew up in a noisy house and I can't sleep well now unless there is background noise going on
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u/DangerousLoner 8h ago
My friends with large families and constant noise always used to fall asleep the second they walked into my house as an only-child, latchkey-kid in the 1990’s. It was like the lack of noise was too jarring
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u/Jibber_Fight 4h ago
Me too. There’s actually sleep apps that have the background noise of people talking. Like indistinguishable conversations and I love it. Grew up with three brothers and cousins and always something going on. It’s very much a comfort thing. Puts me right to sleep. Mix it with rain and I’m almost immediately out.
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u/just_a_person_maybe 8h ago
My baby brother needed the vacuum to fall asleep for a while. It wasn't a quiet vacuum either, it was an ancient Oreck dinosaur. It was taller than me but I pushed it around for hours, drawing pictures in the carpet just so he'd sleep. Our floors had never been cleaner lol.
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u/UsedAd7162 5h ago
But man oh man did those Orecks stand the test of time. I love my Shark, but nothing can compare to that dang Oreck.
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u/just_a_person_maybe 3h ago
I don't really miss changing the bag tho. Dumping a canister is way more convenient. And we were broke af, so sometimes we wouldn't even change the bag, we'd shake it out into a garbage bag and use a shop vac to vacuum out the vacuum so we could reuse the bag a few times. The whole process was annoying.
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u/ComprehensiveDoubt55 6h ago
I would literally vacuum when my daughter was an infant. Obviously not right next to her or anything, but around the house in other rooms. Her sleep hygiene has been paying off for nearly 16 years, haha.
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u/skyerippa 7h ago
Exactly this. I always played loud classical music when babysitting my niece so I could live normally while she was over and didn't get used to deaf silence
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u/Winning-Turtle 6h ago
I've always wondered if pregnant people who work 3rd shift have babies who sleep at night more than day and wouldn't need to switch their nights/days like most babies.
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u/somuchyarn10 5h ago
My mom always had a radio on when we were babies. She wanted to make sure we could all sleep even if it was noisy.
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u/lovelybliss 2h ago
It helps to be super specific with this kind of advice since newborns have really sensitive hearing. Honestly, living with a 0-3 month newborn is kind of like living in Bird Box you’re doing everything you can to keep things calm and quiet. Their hearing matures a little more around 5 months old.
A white noise machine, some gentle shushing, and blackout blinds work well. These devices create ambient noise that helps block out other sounds that might wake the baby.
Just a heads-up: sound machines should be at least 3 feet away from the crib and kept under 60 dB to protect their little ears. Invest in noise cancelling headphones with the straps to protect the baby’s soft spot. Super handy for when passing construction site or siren.
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u/SquareHeadedDog 4h ago
The Korean women in my family would 100% think you were trying to kill the child. No fans when you sleep!
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u/schmidt_face 10h ago
What a beautiful extended family.
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u/wuddafuggamagunnaduh 9h ago
Some days I feel like "we could all be like this, if we tried".
But then I read the news.
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u/TwoGuysNamedNick 7h ago
It’s hard when it seems like it should be this simple for all of us. Why can’t we all just see the humanity in each other and love each other?
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u/SumoNinja92 8h ago
You're almost there. Which party benefits from separation and you have the true reason.
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u/kingOofgames 6h ago
The news is just a reflection of very narrow events that happens rarely for most people. And some obnoxious loud mouths of course.
I think we see more similarities between people irl and online because people feel the need to emulate what they see on tv and online, but we just need to not worry about it too much.
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u/Read-it005 3h ago
No worries, until it's too late? No worries, because it wasn't about me? Until they do come for you and there's no one left to stand up for you.
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u/DainichiNyorai 4h ago
Most people ARE like this. Just some are very sucky. Reading recommendation: human kind by Rutger Bregman. It really changed my life.
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u/thestashattacked 6h ago
My coworker's husband had a saying when he was still alive: "Barring abuse, family should only get bigger."
Everyone close became family. Their 5 kids became dozens because they included their friends. The parents of those friends became aunts and uncles. They have simply decided to expand their family by drawing bigger and bigger family circles around the people they care about.
When he finally passed this year in September, there were easily 300 people at the funeral. And hanging there in the church were posters made with things he said often. Including that one up top.
There was one other I loved: "He drew a circle that shut me out. But love and I had the wit to win. We drew a larger circle that brought him in."
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u/Outrageous-Bat-3321 9h ago
I follow the mom (Sarrah Strimel Bentley) on IG. She is a breast cancer survivor who cannot have children of her own. They had only one embryo they could transfer, and they were successful! I love that they have such a good relationship with the surrogate.
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u/ivenotnothin 7h ago
Just saw this before I replied with my very lengthy explanation of this post LOL . Bless you
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u/ivenotnothin 7h ago
I followed this creator for a while on IG. Her name is Sarrah and she is a beautiful professional dancer, wife, and mother. If I remember correctly… She was diagnosed with breast cancer very early into her relationship with her now-husband and had to undergo chemotherapy. She went through fertility treatment before chemo while starting a new relationship . They only got one embryo. She underwent chemo, losing the ability to carry or produce more children. This embryo was her and her husband’s one Chance. They went through the surrogacy process and had some heartbreak before finding this angel, who I believe is named Whitney. I may have her name wrong which is a shame because she is an Angel. They had one Chance to have a baby with Angel Surrogate…. And it worked. I highly recommend looking up their reaction video because it ends with me in tears every time. Sarrah and her husband hold their surrogate close to their hearts and treat her and her children as family. Sarrah and her husband also named their miracle son… Chance. I probably butchered this story and you can find a better telling on her IG Sarrah strimel Bentley
Editing to add— I think Sarrah runs a foundation for women diagnosed with cancer for surrogacy/fertility issues.
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u/mittensofkittens 3h ago
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing their story! That smile never left her face.
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u/nicolenicolson 9h ago
The couple in the background keep looking over and smiling 🥹
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u/RowAdept9221 7h ago
I couldn't help but feel sad when I saw the okder woman's smile. Kinda like she misses her own kiddos 🥹 they are so cute
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u/Rightbuthumble 9h ago
she remembers the birth mother's voice, heart beat, and the sound of her birth mother's children....mercy sakes. that is beautiful.
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u/kallisteaux 7h ago
I love that "momma sway" she got instantly holding the baby. Love this so much!
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u/TheDankYasuo 5h ago
I was born from a surrogate and call her every birthday I have! Been visiting her ever since I was a child as well. She is awesome!
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u/rapidpeacock 8h ago
Baby’s yawns at a second momma time to rest I already got one of those no big deal. A sister and brother now I am awake and interested. Don’t got those.
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u/HighComplication 9h ago edited 9h ago
This is my favorite thing I've seen on the internet today ❤️. I needed it. Thank you!!! Edit: My whole point was to say thank you for posting it and I left it out *
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u/Tweed_Kills 6h ago
What a beautiful family! Hell yeah, I'm adopted, and have an open adoption. I love a non traditional family. I just see my own in all of them.
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u/Qu33N_Of_NoObz_ 7h ago
Kudos to the people willing to do things like this. It would be too emotional for me to carry a child that isn’t mine and hand them off to their real family. Then living the rest of my life wondering how they’re doing and never letting go of the fact I birthed them.
Same with donating eggs, I can’t bring myself to do it despite how good the payout may be. Living the rest of my life knowing someone else is raising my child and I can’t intervene or have any legal custody over them.
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u/These_Department3599 4h ago
Its called economics, not love. A Black woman carrying an upper class white woman's child, in the richest country, on earth due the black woman's economic need, which is largely due to a generational and calculated lack of wealth amongst black Americans, continually orchestrated by white Americans for centuries, is next level fucked up.
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u/18thcenturymadonna 3h ago
It generally baffles me how people view having to sell your body to pay the bills as an act of kindness.
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u/NullaCogenta 4h ago
Your disrespect of the surrogate, presumption regarding her situation due to the color of her skin, and denial of her agency & emotion is breathtakingly ironic. No doubt there can be economic exploitation, but no details support your read of this situation, and you clearly know nothing about the surrogacy process as it is reputably conducted.
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u/18thcenturymadonna 3h ago
Surrogacy deserves no respect. It’s inhumane and anti women. Having to endure pregnancy for economic gain is no different than being forced into prostitution. In a just world, impoverished women wouldn’t be organ mules for the upper class.
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u/abbyonee 2h ago
Then don’t do it yourself. Let people just live and have autonomy, it’s her choice. That’s great you would never do it. Don’t assume and stfu if you have a negative opinion of it.
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u/NullaCogenta 3h ago
Please, do tell how you know that every surrogate is forced to "endure" pregnancy because they are motivated by "economic gain" ...?
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u/18thcenturymadonna 3h ago
Did she do it for free?
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u/NullaCogenta 3h ago
It would be ironic indeed if that was your proof of lack of exploitation... but perhaps not more so than the preemptive disrespect, with no knowledge or consideration of the particular circumstances, of the agency of women who choose to be surrogates.
I give blood. I don't do it for the rewards the blood bank sends me, but neither do I send them back. Curiously, people can have multiple motives, each of varying weight, that support a particular decision. Do you imagine that there are no women who enjoy being pregnant -- or that surrogates are, as a class, impoverished?
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u/Qu33N_Of_NoObz_ 4h ago
…I was just talking in general about the whole process being emotionally taxing for someone like me to not want to go through with it…
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u/Advanced-Breath-2844 5h ago
Look in the very beginning when she was first being given the baby, she was shaking her legs with pure excitement and the way she just cradled the baby so perfectly to her neck…. she was genuinely full of so much love and excitement to see her baby she birthed. Really makes you see the humanity and spirit in people, no judgement just pure love. We need more of this. Beautiful
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u/AndromedasLight17 9h ago
That baby is surrounded by a whole squad of lovelies that brought him into the world!
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u/kittyblanket 5h ago
I'm so glad the family wants to keep close to the surrogate. I hope they can remain a happy extended family in this child's life.🥹
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u/scrodytheroadie 5h ago
I only know 47 seconds of this woman's life but now I love her and want nothing but the best for her.
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u/ExaminationWestern71 4h ago
She's such a natural mother and has sweet kids of her own. What a wonderful surrogate.
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u/X_XRadarX_X 3h ago
That unexplainable bond tho 🥹. No words. You can see how they are one. Wow. That's so the mother. It's so utterly awesome to see how they are different races but one bonded body for eternity
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u/These_Department3599 5h ago
Minority women needing to be surrogates for white women out of economic need is next level dystopian shit
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u/UniversalFarrago 4h ago
And then making it all cutesy that they get to be “introduced” to THEIR BABY THAT THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
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u/Pale_Row1166 2h ago
How is it her baby? She is not biologically related to this baby, they share no DNA. If you stay at a rental property for 9 months, do you own the home? No. You have nothing to do with that home once your lease is up. Even though you slept there, pooped there, and took shelter there, it’s not your house.
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u/Idislikethis_ 4h ago
That's what you got from this video? You have no idea what their story is, why she did this for them. Kind of weird you would assume the black woman only did it because she supposedly needed the money.
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u/1-21GWs 2h ago
I've heard stories in Canada where that's what happens... women of color are literally flown into the country to be a surrogate mother and then dont get to even see the baby and are simply kicked out to where they came from. The law is weird there apparently you can't pay someone to be the surrogate but you can give her money for her "medical procedures" and so they have no legal protection.
Im just writing this off the top of my head I should reread the articles that were sent to me but surrogacy can be a pretty fucked up thing.
In this case they seem all chill and as you say we don't know theit story but I think the other commenter's opinions aren't that outlandish. He could've presented them in a better way that's for sure.
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u/Double-Mastodon-4671 6h ago
Am I the only one who thinks this is actually sad?
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u/ahndrijas 4h ago
No i agree. Might be all smiles on the video but I would imagine that there are some trauma behind carrying a baby for 9 months only to be separated after birth.
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u/ahndrijas 4h ago
No i agree. Might be all smiles on the video but I would imagine that there are some trauma behind carrying a baby for 9 months only to be separated after birth.
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u/Various_Stop8209 3h ago
Completely agree. Not a woman, but I can't help feeling you would somehow bond with a human you grew - you kept alive. It must be difficult handing that over, even if everyone knew what was going on.
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u/Commercial-Housing23 5h ago
O sweet fuckin Jesus. That is th3 sweetest goddam thing I have seen all day
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u/Angelea23 4h ago
Aww, that’s so heartwarming the family decided to keep tabs with her. I always thought they just didn’t interact much.
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u/TreacleFit3847 7h ago
forgive me im dumb but how is the baby that white when the surrogate mother is very black?
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u/redvelvet-cupcake 7h ago
The embryo is made with the parent’s egg and sperm and then implanted in the surrogate’s uterus. None of her DNA is used.
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u/vertibliss 7h ago
they used mom & dad’s embryo and sperm. surrogacy in and of itself typically just means carrying the baby. a lot of times they will implant fertilized embryos into the surrogate, and she brings the baby to term
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u/TheGrapeSlushies 6h ago
You’re not dumb, it’s kind of confusing. His biological parents are white and for whatever reason his biological mother didn’t carry the pregnancy. This woman had his fetus implanted into her uterus and she carried the pregnancy for his biological parents :)
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u/Why_Teach 3h ago
Not dumb at all. The surrogate mother was a “gestational carrier” and didn’t provide dna at all, just a hospitable womb.
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u/curiousbabybelle 5h ago
Aww this is so heartwarming. The surrogate mother seems so sweet to the baby. Really hope she stays in touch with the family because she played a big role in bringing the baby into this world.
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u/PurasPinchesFallas 5h ago edited 5h ago
Man, I really needed to see something that made me smile like this, today! Lately, it seems like everything is going to shit, and seeing something like this, give me some sort of hope!
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u/EyeCatchingUserID 5h ago
Kid just wants the adults to go away so he can play with the other kids. Look at that laser focus on the little girl. She knows when the jokes over and she's supposed to give his nose back.
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u/susannahstar2000 7h ago
Babies aren't commodities, to be traded, bought and sold. I don't care if people disagree.
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u/FancySchmancy4 7h ago
None of this happened. That’s not how surrogacy works. Read a book.
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u/susannahstar2000 6h ago
Wrong and wrong.
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u/jennj99738 4h ago
What baby was sold , traded or sold in this story? The embryo was created by mom and dad. This amazing woman offered to gestate the embryo for mom because she couldn't carry the pregnancy herself because she became infertile due to cancer treatment. Why should a woman not be able to provide that incredible service on the condition that her rights are protected through a valid contract that protects her interests and is mentally cleared to be a surrogate.
I agree that there are issues with surrogacy where the surrogate also provides the egg but that doesn't happen anymore. There are also issues with using foreign surrogates from poorer countries but again, that isn't what happened here.
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u/Mountain-Computers 4h ago
Surrogates should be illegal
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u/1029394756abc 3h ago
Why?
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u/aggravatedimpala 2h ago
Just a guess, but they were probably bothered seeing a blue eyed, blonde, white child that shared blood with a black woman. You know, since they're so obsessed with blood and things of that nature.
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u/1029394756abc 2h ago
What are you taking about? Who is they??
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u/flojopickles 2h ago
Pretty sure it’s not whatever the above person said. Surrogacy is controversial because it’s often rich women who don’t want to carry a baby for whatever reason using their wealth and power to mess up someone else’s body. They pay some poor woman without a lot of resources to do the labor and physical part of giving birth while the rich woman just gets to pay money for a baby that’s biologically hers without any of the sacrifice or danger that comes with pregnancy.
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u/NullaCogenta 1h ago
Amongst my cohort of people who had children by surrogacy: most were gay couples, and most of the rest were infertile couples. The screening process was intensive in both directions, and I very much doubt anyone either seeking to avoid sacrifice / danger or purely motivated by compensation would have been matched by our agency.
I'm sure exploitation occurs under disreputable circumstances, but there's no evidence that's the case here.
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u/immisceo 5h ago
This is so sad. She’s that child’s mother.
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u/jennj99738 4h ago
Uh, no, she's not. She's not biologically related to the child. She provided an incredible service voluntarily to the mother of that child. Are mothers of adopted children not their mother because they didn't physically birth the child?
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u/Critical_Repair_792 6h ago
How is she so happy? She carried him for 9 months and probably will never see him again. Thats a depressing thought to me
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u/DoctorofFeelosophy 6h ago
Apparently this particular family maintains contact with the surrogate and treats her as one of the family, so she'll probably get to see the baby grow up.
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u/Critical_Repair_792 6h ago
I doubt they’ll let her be as involved as shed liked to be
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u/desacralize 5h ago
It looks like she has two older kids already, so this kid isn't her one chance to experience the joys of motherhood. She gets to be the fun auntie/godmom who can cuddle baby and then hand them back to bio mom and dad when they poop their pants.
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u/Pale_Row1166 2h ago
Surrogates are screened for psychological issues. See those two kids? Those are her biological kids, that’s a requirement of being a surrogate, you have to have had your own kids. That way you understand what it means to carry a baby, and that you still choose to be a surrogate, knowing the bond that you have with a baby you carry. It’s a very heavily vetted process in the US. It’s not like the Indian surrogacy farms, which were outlawed a decade ago.
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u/Personal_titi_doc 9h ago
I know nothing of this. Genuine question. Does the baby's dna determine how the child looks? Or does the surrogate contribute to it?
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u/I-have-no-life-XD 9h ago edited 9h ago
Generally not. The DNA of the baby is determined by the sperm (father) and egg (mother), who are usually separate from the surrogate. The surrogate only carries the embryo (a fertilised egg).
As the embryo develops inside the surrogate, she can contribute her own effect through hormones, diet, stress etc. This can change how the baby's genes are expressed (basically how "activated" those genes are) but does not change the genes themselves. For example, a surrogate cannot change the baby's hair colour but she may be able to slightly change the baby's height (a few cm) or propensity to certain diseases.
An exception is where the surrogate is also the egg donor. However, this is generally rare. Even when there is no mother (e.g. single dads or gay dads) or where they mother's egg are not viable, the egg will often then come from another third party.
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u/eliz1bef 9h ago
Depends, sometimes the surrogate provides an egg, but this generally considered ill advised for legal and emotional issues. Most often, it's invitro, sometimes with a donor egg or donor sperm, depending on the fertility issues of the couple looking for surrogacy. The surrogate, unless also donating an egg, does not determine any genetic issues (though there are some studies that indicate that the genes of the surrogate may have some effect in how genes are expressed, but I haven't seen any further information on that so it may be incorrect).
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u/DeanKoontssy 7h ago
I pretty commonly hear on reddit that surrogacy is literally human trafficking and exploitative and should be illegal.
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u/Proof_Evidence_4818 2h ago
There is something so wrong about all this.
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u/mIkeYyYY1 2h ago
The only thing wrong here is you buddy, go touch some grass and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you ❤️
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u/Rinkus123 2h ago
Weird af
Surrogates should not be as accepted
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u/mIkeYyYY1 2h ago
You're the one who shouldn't be accepted if thats your opinion
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u/Rinkus123 2h ago
Paying someone to bear your child is really really weird and abusive of the financial necessity of that person.
Just adopt. Getting a surrogate is weird shit.
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u/grumpymuppett 10h ago
That baby be like “I don’t know you but I know that heartbeat….hmmmm”