That's it. I'm just missing those mundane little texts from my mom and thought maybe I could ask for some here.

Mom, how have you been feeling? Are you working on some new art or trying a new show right now? Did you hear some good gossip lately? What did you have for lunch today? (Anything at all like that. Or any other little thing you might have to update your faraway son about.)

Thank you. If you feel like throwing in some emojis that you don't necessarily understand but nevertheless feel fitting to you, that would be a nice cherry on top ♥

EDIT: I really can't tell you how grateful I am for the response to this. I think I cried myself dry over these yesterday. It's such a privilege to get to respond to mom texts again. I'm in and out but please feel free to keep updating me. You know even when it takes me a while I always answer your texts eventually, Mom!

Hey mom, I don’t feel like a good mom, I work a lot, when I’m home I’m tired and distracted but I try my best, I mess up and yell but I apologize and try to fix it with my kids.

My daughter writes me these notes a lot. I can’t tell if she wants more time and attention from me or if she has what she needs and we’re good. I want to just to be a mom who lives in the moment and just basks in the sweet messages but I have this fear she needs more from me.

Some background, my mom and I aren’t great. She is selfish with some narcissistic tendencies, she loves me how she can but I always wished for the mom everyone else saw her to be and not the mom I lived with. I just don’t want to do that to my kids.

I (22F) got married to my now-wife this past weekend. None of my family came to my wedding. Not my mother, not my dad, not my brother, not my grandparents, not any aunts or uncles or cousins. No one came.

Some of it was unavoidable circumstance—one of my uncles had an emergency hospitalization and a few close calls, so two of my cousins who were going to come had to fly across the country to be with him—but the rest of it... wasn't.

My brother chose not to come... because we're lesbians. I'm convinced my mother persuaded him to not come. My mother scheduled a trip to Europe just before my wedding so any change in dates (flight delay, rain check) would overlap enough to keep my dad from coming. Guess what happened? Yeah.

It was not easy to be at the altar, see my wife's entire family up to her great-uncles seated at the ceremony, and know that not see a single family member of mine was there. But I did it, and I did it with a smile, because I love my wife.

Now, after I've slept, all the emotions are hitting me. None of my family came to the wedding. What do you even to do with that?

EDIT: Thanks everyone for your kind words and support 🤍 I'm sobbing right now so reading all your replies is really really helping

I was a child prodigy and I skipped grades and graduated very young. I am now bed bound and mostly immobile.

I always knew my daughter was gifted too but this week at school they’re running tests on her. My husband is going to go and meet people there to judge her grade level. I doubt they’ll send her anywhere ahead of grade one because she’s only four but I don’t want her to skip any grade.

It really messed me up mom. Skipping grades and not being able to save you and not fulfilling any of your dreams. But maybe it wouldn’t have weighed on me so hard if I’d just stuck with my age. I don’t want my daughter to go through anything like that. She’s just a little girl.

This is what I sent:

I’ve been writing this text message for 10 years in the back of my head building up the courage to actually write it and send it.

In that 10 year journey I’ve also realized that I am exhausted of doing all of the emotional labor for you both constantly. If I have to tell you why this text is coming, it’s because you have refused out right to do any of the work required of you to be healthy, available parents.

Because of that, I’ll just get right to the point. The pain you have caused me over the years has become too big to ignore. I asked myself recently if a friend had done to me just a few of the things you did to me as a child what I would do. The answer was that I would no longer have them in my life. So, because of that and 10 years of research and therapy trying to figure out why you treat me the way you do, I have chosen myself and my well being over our relationship.

Please do not contact me via text or phone or social media ever again. If there is an emergency, you are welcome to tell me through Nathan or Danielle but I will not be answering the phone for any other family member’s name and I will be blocking your phone numbers and email.

I am exhausted but I am finally standing up for myself. Your behavior during my childhood and especially during my teenage years was and is unacceptable. I’m done with our relationship for the foreseeable future.

If anything changes for me, I will reach out to you. If you attempt to contact me any further I will simply ignore any contact. I am moving very soon so please do not send any mail or show up at my old place.

I strongly encourage you BOTH to seek medication, help, and therapy to heal your own trauma and pain, so you can stop hurting others.

2 hours later she showed up at my door sobbing. I ignored her.

Just her being here sent me into a panic attack and now I’m on the floor. This doesn’t feel real. I just want my space.

Edit: A good friend came over last night and we had dinner together and relaxed. Then I sobbed and read all of these responses. Thank you so so so much for this support. I'm not crazy. I'm standing up for myself. I've decided not to read the letter she wrote. I'm going to take pics of it to save in case I need a reminder in the future and also burn the original. I can't keep up with comments, but just want to say THANK YOU. I feel sane, I feel seen, I feel heard. I wish the best for everyone on this journey.

My boyfriend just broke up with me because he got a promotion which gave him more pay and relocation. I have nothing holding me back from going with him, but instead of talking that through, he told me "I was 100% about being with you until I got this promotion offer. Now I can't see us being together." He had asked me to elope with him in March, but I can see where his priorities are at now. In a way, I am thankful I got to see his true colors, but it still hurts. I hope someone will love me for real one day 😢. Please send virtual hugs.

Edit: Didn't realize I would get so many responses! Just want to thank all of you for your support.

Hello everyone my name my name is Alexa I’m 26 years old. Last Wednesday I came home from work and found my girlfriend and future wife Emma on the kitchen floor dead. She was 28 years old and it was determined that she died from a brain aneurysm that ruptured. I don’t know what to do she was my everything we had been together since high school she was my person. We had just gotten engaged the last Saturday before she died I took her out to dinner and proposed to her. I don’t have anybody to talk to about my feelings at all. I was a only child I don’t have any siblings my parents kicked me out and disowned me at 18 when I came out as a lesbian. She was all I had Emma was my rock loved her more than anything. I haven’t been able to sleep very well at all being by myself at night just doesn’t feel right. Any advice would be appreciated.

Dear Moms,

I need a mom hug.

I'm so happy and excited! My partner of 13 years proposed to me! Her family is so wonderful, and they were there to see the proposal. I'm so blessed to be welcomed as part of the family by them.

I feel kind of conflictingly sad though because no one in my family was there, nor would they have wanted to be. (NC because they can't accept a same sex relationship, among other things.)

I guess I just wanted to feel some happiness and approval from my side too.

Thanks!

Hello Mom, today is my birthday I'm officially 23 years old and I wanted some motherly attention and maybe a happy birthday if you want to.

Have a good day and thank you for reading my post.

Mom, I need a mom because my real mom would not be supportive here. My ten year old casually told me she is bi last night. I have always been open and supportive of LGBTQ+ but I didn’t expect the feelings I’d have when my own child told me she is bi. I reacted perfectly and I’m proud of that, but when we got home I cried into my pillow. I don’t know what I’m scared of. I don’t know why this has upset me. She’ll never know I’m scared. She’ll only know love from me and support. But I need help navigating my own feelings. I don’t want a harder life for her. I don’t even know if this is a real thing or if it’s just a trend she’s seeing with others at school, because she’s only 10. And I also worry that makes me a bigot which is the farthest thing from what I want to be. I wish I had a mom to talk to.

I came out of the closet a few years ago and my Mom stopped inviting me to Christmas, wrote me a very unsupportive letter, and defended my Dad when he stopped talking to me. I've worked hard to build community, friendships, and chosen family. But nothing fills that hole in my heart all the way, and sometimes it hits hard. I always daydream about my Mom being proud of me. I daydream that she invites me to Christmas early and wears cheesy pride t-shirts in June because she's wants the world to know she loves her son. I know that will never happen though. When I heard that this sub existed my heart jumped in my chest.

I could really use some Mom love right now.

** Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to all the Moms who reached out 😭 This is such an outpouring of support and its making me cry. I wish I had the time to thank each and every one of you individually. Your words really made me feel warm and healed in a way I never thought I could.

I'm not gay either, not bisexual, not pan. I'm aroace. I'm also not a boy, I'm non-binary. I had prepared a PowerPoint to explain, but, I lost it.

I've been hiding this for a while because I didn't have the energy to constantly explain who I am. Also... It would be nice if you called me a they...

I'm just kind of freaking out and need some support.

I won't skip my grandfather's funeral; he was a one-of-a-kind man and the world is darker without him in it. At the same time, I'm so worried that mom will try to use this event to talk to me or "reconnect" or something, and my pregnancy will be her perfect excuse.

She was extremely neglectful and psychologically abusive in my childhood, so there's no way I'm letting her back in my life. Her strategy was always woe-is-me, single-motherhood-is-so-hard attention seeking (think Mother Gothel), so a public confrontation about how I'm keeping her only grandchild from her is right up her alley. And it's no-win for me. If I don't engage, she can ruin the funeral for me and my saying goodbye to my grandfather, and if I do engage, then she can make the funeral about her. Oh, and she may have some heirloom handknits to pass down, which I may have to leave on the table, even though I do want them, and that's upsetting as well.

I'm just so scared that going is a bad idea, but I live so far away and I couldn't get time off to say goodbye while he was in hospice and I know I would regret not going.

I'm just kind of a wreck and I will take any advice or support you can spare. Thank you in advance.

Update: per many folks here, I have recruited a friend who is aware of the history, and willing to run interference, to attend with me.

Can I have a hug please

Edit: thank you to all of you. It’s weird that the moments I’ve felt the most love is here. I really wish this was happening to me for real. I’m glad I get to have a hug one last time even though it’s virtual. I appreciate you all. I cried reading every single one. Yes I read every single one and screenshotted a lot of them to come back to and read later. I love you all.

threw away 3/4ths of a large ham I made for Thanksgiving. We've talked it out and it wasn't out of malice or anything, and he's very apologetic, but I don't know how to let the stupid ham go. I've been on and off crying angry over it for over 7 hours, and every time I think about it I just get angry all over again. I can't ruin my relationship over a ham, but I can't let the ham go. I think half the reason I'm so upset is because I had planned and told him about how I was going to use it to make soup like my Mom's, and now I can't and I'm upset and I wasted money on that ham when we're band now have to come up with different meals to make instead and how to I stop sobbing over a freaking ham? I just want to stop being angry at him and stop obsessing over it, and the more I am upset the more he gets angry at me and the more I just wish I had never bought this stupid ham

Edit: I appreciate everyone's comments so much. Thank you all for the support, advice and nice things. One thing I phrased badly in my original post is the anger part- my boyfriend did not yell or actually get ANGRY at me. He was very apologetic and I understand his reasons for throwing out the ham after we discussed it, i was not clear enough about my plans and he had his own reasons, the issue was that I could and still can't stop being angry about the ham, and that let to the hours and hours long meltdown, that then made me freak out about not being able to calm down which was making him understandably exasperated, which made me more freaked out about him being angry at me and just circled and spiraled. I am not good at phrasing things, but this really wasn't anything malicious on his part and we have a great relationship, which is why me being unable to let the ham go became and is being a big strain.

Some of you mentioned how it's a straw that broke the camels back situation and I really do agree with that. The ham isn't the world ender I feel like it is, it's just what my brain has fixated on as a bandaid. In my mind, if I had the ham everything would be fine, but more than likely I would have just had this breakdown farther along the line over something less serious to me.

He offered to buy a new ham but that's not the point. I want the ham really bad, I really liked having it, but I don't want a new one. The whole reason I was so excited for meals with the ham was because it was saving and stretching money and I wanted to recreat my Mom's post Thanksgiving meals (she did pass) and getting a new ham just brings me back to square one of more sunk cost, more preparation, and just ruins it for me. This is where I think me and him hit a wall. He doesn't understand why getting a new ham won't fix it and I'm not eloquent enough to explain why it wont.

Thank you everyone

I feel stupid to be upset by Reddit comments.

I saw a comment of someone complaining about a 15-year old guy who didn't know how a washing machine works. I commented on him, saying that I was 18 and didn't know it too, and that it's maybe a cultural thing to learn to do the laundry at such a young age.

Someone told me 'it’s just incompetence sorry. 18 and can’t learn how to use a washing machine? Really dude?' And I don't know why, but it hurt me. There was also someone who said he knew how to do laundry at 10.

My mom hasn't taught me how to do it yet, and that's alright. I'm not planning on leaving my parent's house soon, and everything works fine with my mom doing the laundry. I'll learn how to do it when the time is right.

I feel really stupid by that first comment. Is it really that weird to not know such a thing at 18? If I'm right, it's normal to learn it at 16-19 in my country

I know it’s stupid, and it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. I think it looks great, and I’m so excited to be making headway on our baby’s room - this is where our little baba is going to grow up.

I asked if they liked it. Dad left me on read, mum said ‘No comment’.

I’m 30. I’m about to be a mum. This shouldn’t bother me, but why couldn’t they just pretend to like it or say something non-committal like ‘Another step closer to ready for baby!’.

EDIT: I didn’t include photos originally because even though the paint is done, there’s no carpet or furniture yet! But since everyone’s asking to see it, here’s photographic evidence of my apparently terrible taste (for the record, me and my husband love how it looks!)

Feeling really lonely today, so I thought I should reach out to you.

hi! It’s Cherub again, Mom. I wanted to talk to you about something important. Something that I haven’t been super open about.

I don’t know how else to say this but….I’m intersex. This means I wasn’t born as a perisex man or woman. I am not AMAB or AFAB. I was born….differently. My body produces too many androgens so I look very masc despite also looking really feminine!

It’s bought me a lot of shame in the past.

I grew up being bullied heavily as a boy who looked a bit too feminine. My biological relatives put me on E for a long time and I was raised as a woman while still looking masculine. It brought me a lot of isolation from my peers and even my own biological family.

I began finding myself as an adult and eventually found intersex spaces. I had heard the term before and knew how it described me but also….wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure I even belonged. In reality, me pushing against that uncertainty would change so much.

Ever since I’ve found intersex spaces and the community, I’ve felt so at home. Finally, my existence and those odd moments growing up….it all made sense. I’ve made friends and have even gotten interviewed recently for a grad student’s paper on intersex variations!

Now that I’m an adult and left my biological relatives behind, I decided to embrace my intersex identity.

My existence is not some weird secret to be hidden nor is it something I should never discuss. I’m open and proud to be me- intersex traits and all.

I hope you’ll be proud of me too, Mom. My bio matriarch didn’t understand. If anything, she was really against me ever talking about this. About me.

I just….hope you still love me too. 💖 -Cherub

Hi moms! This is my first post, so I hope everything in here is okay to say.

I've always struggled a lot with my relationship with my own mom, especially lately. I've been guided to this sub from another post about my mom, so I thought I'd go ahead and meet everyone here and be apart of the family.

I'm trans.

I've been out as trans [FTM] to my family for multiple years. I thought I'd go ahead and come out to everyone else, even though it was a hard decision. My family's not really the best, especially about accepting me as a man.

Sometimes my parents leave me feeling like there's something wrong with me because of it. The only people who make me feel safe and accepted are my husband and his family.

I just want to be able to be myself without being judged, I want to be able to know that it's okay

Edit: I didn't realize how emotional I would get over this. Thank you all so much for your kind words <3

I am a trans girl in my mid 20s, and I came out to my folks about a year ago. It went horribly wrong and now no longer speak to them. My birthday passed last week. Can I get just a couple of happy birthday messages? I'm needing mom energy badly right now :(

EDIT: OMG I'm so overcome with all of y'all's love and kindness 😭😭😭 thank you all so much!