r/Mommit • u/Reasonable-Flight707 • 1d ago
For those whose husbands are gym goers, how does that look for your family?
What I’m asking is, how many days a week / when and for how long is your husband or partner going to the gym?
I’m asking because my husband used to go 3-5 days a week, now he’s been sick lately and has been going only 2-3 days a week, but still when he is gone, he’s gone for 2-3 hours and I find that ridiculous. The gym is 15-25 mins away depending on traffic so he’s there’s working out for 1-2 hours. He goes in the middle of the day and it really disrupts our days off together as a family.
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u/Dazzling_Emphasis633 1d ago
How many times a week do you get to go do any uninterrupted solo activity is the real question here.
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u/Reasonable-Flight707 23h ago
Never lol
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u/Dazzling_Emphasis633 22h ago
Not acceptable. He gets as much time for solo hobbies as you do, or no one gets any. How incredibly selfish of him.
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u/Honeycombcakes 10h ago
Yeahh I mean it's hard to ask for it as a mum but my husband does 3 evenings a week at the gym and I get to go to the gym or do anything whenever I want to really, which usually isn't 3 times a week but more than enough! :)
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u/Honeycombcakes 10h ago
Yeahh I mean it's hard to ask for it as a mum but my husband does 3 evenings a week at the gym and I get to go to the gym or do anything whenever I want to really, which usually isn't 3 times a week but more than enough! :)
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u/Dazzling_Emphasis633 10h ago
If you make time for him, he should be actively making the time for you.
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u/americanpeony 1d ago edited 4h ago
If he’s choosing to go midday on days when you’re all home, he’s using it to get a break from his family. I’m sure some people will defend this choice but it is, in fact, a CHOICE. That isn’t to say he doesn’t deserve a break sometimes, and so do you. But they should be openly discussed as such and agreed upon and you should both be given equal opportunities to do this.
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u/GingerSnap_123 1d ago
Holy crap - that's way too long to be gone, that would drive me nuts. My husband goes to the gym 3ish times a week and is gone for tops 90 minutes.
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u/Either_Cockroach3627 1d ago
Not my bf but me- I’m the gym goer. I go after work for an hour. If he is going to go that long he should wait until everyone is in bed or before everyone gets up. I do think it’s rude.
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u/turkproof How baby? HOW BABY?! 21h ago
I’m also the gym-goer! I go 2-3x/week for an hour - one PT session after dinner and two others, usually weekend mornings.
Really, the answer to ‘how much is too much’ is when it becomes dysfunctional for your family and resentment sets in.
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u/Either_Cockroach3627 21h ago
I agree, if resentment is starting it’s time to figure out a different routine. Maybe I’m jaded from posts but I’m reading this as - husband is leaving in the middle of the day leaving wife to take care of everything, not only that but wife never gets that kind of time to herself.
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u/GlacierStone_20 1d ago
My husband has his gym equipment in the basement which he works out every other day (often after the kids are in bed because when he comes home to then is just busy parenting). He goes to the Y like twice a week for the sauna directly after work for about 30 mins. 2-3 hours is so long to be at the gym that often, I'd be frustrated.
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u/Ill_Ninja_431 23h ago edited 23h ago
2-3 hours at the gym is just dilly dallying I’m sorry lol. And just really inconsiderate. 1.5 hr is more than enough time.
I’m a big fitness junkie, so believe me I get it. The gym is my therapy. But when you have a baby you make sacrifices and adjustments. Find a closer gym , make more efficient workouts, go to the gym super early or super late ect.
My hub workouts 1-1.5 hr 3 x days a week. Myself 1-1.5 hr 5-6 days a week. Between 5-6 am.
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u/bbnt93 23h ago
Get a gym with childcare and both go, its a game changer.
My husband has the odd extra 30 mins than me here and there to play tennis whilst I have a coffee
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u/splitzwhee 16h ago
Yes we drop the kids off at the childcare and work on our laptops in the common area or work out! My boys love it there and the staff is lovely!
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u/made_in_bklyn_ 4h ago
This is a great solution but it seems like he's doing it to get away from his family. It's a choice that he goes when they're all home together. He could do early mornings or after the kids are in bed but this seems purposeful
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u/AdvancedDirt2116 1d ago
My husband was going to start a gym regiment when I was pregnant. We had agreed every other day for an hour and a half. He did go for awhile and it was fine but he lost interest. He never gave me shit if I asked him for help or to miss a day. Likewise if he really needed to GTFO of the house I never gave him shit for going extra.
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u/Infamous-Doughnut820 1d ago
This is a good perspective. My dad has a sport he does regularly and he worked a TON but my mom always made it clear she wouldn't get in the way of him doing his sport, either in terms of time or money limitations, because it kept him healthy and in a good mood. So I apply that here! And my husband does the same in return.
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u/Aegwyn028 1d ago
My partner goes to gym 5 times (Mon-Friday) he usually leaves around 6am- his gym is 20 minutes walk so he usually stays there 1-2 hours the he go straight to work, which is next to his gym
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u/Suspicious_Agency_28 1d ago
This. My husband gets up early Monday-Friday and goes to the gym before work. His work day starts significantly earlier than mine, so I would be with my toddlers solo in the morning regardless. I get about 2 afternoon runs/gym sessions in on weekdays when he gets out of work before I do. And I usually pick up one long run early on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Definitely took a bit to fall into this routine but it feels equitable now.
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u/nattybeaux 1d ago
When we belonged to a gym, we always went together and used the gym’s childcare. Now we have a basic basement gym set up. He tries to get his workout in during the workday or after bedtime so it doesn’t cut into his time with the kids.
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u/Scarvesandbooks 21h ago
I’m a SAHM. I was dying the first year my kid was born. My husband was into CrossFit and went 5x a week during the worst part of the day (3:30-5:45 pm) kid-wise. Most frustratingly, often he would come home early and nap for an hour and then go to his class. I was left to figure out childcare if I wanted to go to the gym or workout at home but he did not seem to understand that he wasn’t supporting my fitness goals while I was the default parent and he could come and go as he pleased. This was an extremely frustrating time in our relationship.
He ended up getting injured and requiring surgery so he stopped with this schedule. I soon started taking my kid with me to the YMCA where they have childcare and that resolved a lot of that issue for us. We have more balance now. I think 2 hours is more than enough time to go to the gym, workout, and return home. If it’s not, choose a closer gym or one that has childcare and he can take the kids sometimes.
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u/sweetparamour79 21h ago
My husband goes to the gym 5-6 times a week and goes for 1-1 5 hours BUT he tries to go during naps, work or after bed time. Maybe 20-50% falls into child tune and that is always prediscussed and approved.
I run but almost exclusively run before the household is up.
It's fine to exercise thay much BUT it needs to accommodate your family and you need to get the same "time off" if it is during kid time
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u/mindlessscrollingnow 23h ago
Two years ago my husband started going to the gym close to daily. Sometimes as few as 2-3 times a week. He is never gone more than an hour and a half (typically one hour) and 90% of the time it’s before my kids wake up. And as soon as he gets back, he’s very helpful.
If it’s possible for him to change to a closer gym and change his schedule to either first thing in the AM or late at night, your life will be a ton better!
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u/sweeeeetpeech 1d ago
My husband doesn’t go to a typical gym but does BJJ/Muay Thai 2x a week and that typically lasts 3-3.5 hours but he goes at night. So I’m with the kids for about 2 hours and then put them to bed.
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u/alpacaphotog 16h ago edited 16h ago
My husband goes to the gym 4-5 days a week after work. He’s gone for 1.5 hours total and the gym is about 10 min from our house.
I ask that he comes home from work first to give me a 1-1.5 hour break from baby (I’m a SAHM) so that I also get “me time”. I don’t go to the gym, but I do take that time to do whatever I want at the house and not take on any responsibilities for an hour.
On weekends he goes whenever it’s convenient for me, which is usually late afternoon.
He also meal preps for me every week so that I have 2-3 meals to eat everyday that I just have to heat up in the microwave, because it’s too much for me to cook food for myself while caring for baby solo. So he really puts in a lot of extra effort to make sure I’m taken care of.
I’m supportive of the gym because I know it is his “me time” away from work and baby, but it needs to be equal. If he gets 1 hour everyday, you should too.
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u/casperthefriendlycat 1d ago
My husband works out 3-5 days a week and is usually gone for 2-3 hours at a time. I also workout 4-5 days a week for 1-3 hours at a time. I don’t mind prioritizing the time for us because I get lots of support from him at other times and he supports my time as well.
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u/turkproof How baby? HOW BABY?! 21h ago
What does a three hour workout look like? I can’t imagine going that long.
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u/casperthefriendlycat 7h ago
Playing pickleball or it’s an hour run followed by lifting weights and stretching. I included driving time in that so it’s really more like 2.5 hours.
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u/randonneuse3 1d ago
My husband works out a few times a week and goes to play basketball one evening a week. The thing is when he works out it’s at one of those outdoor courses so he brings our kids along and it’s like a break for me lol
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u/nobaddays7 1d ago
Mine goes to a neighborhood gym or works out at home. Toddler goes to daycare. All workouts are done while she's gone, or during nap time if she's home. He's rarely gone much more than one hour.
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u/NoIndustry5736 1d ago
My husband goes to the gym 5-6x a week for 45-60 minutes (gym is maybe 3 minutes from our house) - he always tries to go either early morning before our son is up, during his nap-time, or after he is down for bed in the evenings.
I would be frustrated if his gym time was interrupting our family time - can he change what time he goes?
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u/DueEntertainer0 23h ago
He goes before work so he leaves home around 5:30am and gets home around 6pm. When our babies were really small, he didn’t go quite as much because we were both too tired.
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u/MiserableDimension17 22h ago
My husband made a home gym so he can stay home to hang out with kids more often. I use the gym so it works out nicely.
He does his workouts at night when baby is asleep.
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u/404errorpage- 11h ago
Completely unreasonable. My partner goes to the gym 5-6 days a week, wakes up at 4am everyday to go BEFORE his blue collar job so the little time in the evenings and weekends he does have at home is spent with the family. Even Saturdays he’ll wake up before the kids and I, go to the gym and be back home before we even start the day.
It is okay he wants to have a hobby that is a good, health positive thing but the problem isn’t the gym itself it’s the time he’s choosing to go. If it’s really about the gym, he’ll make it happen at any time. If he’s unwilling to hear you out on why this time slot isn’t working he’s giving you all you need to know about it.
If he’s unwilling to budge I’d pick a few days a week say Tuesday, Thursday or whenever his days off are and leave the house for 2 hours. Leave him home with the kids… you don’t even have to go do anything just take a nice walk around the mall, grab a coffee, sit in silence for a bit (hahah) but that will give you a much needed break and maybe put things into perspective for him a bit as well.
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u/mknight44 23h ago
Are you 100% sure he’s at the gym?
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u/name2muchpressure 17h ago
For real. I had a parent become a gym bunny like this when I was 9-10. Turns out they were also seeing hookers on the side so … yeah
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u/Any_Cantaloupe_613 23h ago
My husband and I are both gym rats. Our workouts themselves are an hour max (weight lifting).
What's your husband doing at the gym for that long? 2 hours is reasonable if you include travel time, getting changed and a quick shower. More than that means he's just wasting time. Also, can he go at a time that's more convenient?
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u/Far-Conflict4504 1d ago
My husband and I both go to the gym about 3-4x a week. We trade off days, so he goes Monday evening, I go Tuesday, he goes Wednesday etc. We are usually gone about an hour and a half each. The gym is 15 minutes away. 3 hours is quite excessive I agree. Hell, if I didn’t have obligations at home I would definitely take 3 hours too, to get a full workout in. But because we have obligations back at home, we each rush through our workouts and head home quickly. Sounds like your husband is really taking his time lol.
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u/trauma-drama2 1d ago
My husband does CrossFit 5 days a week he goes when he gets off work 2 days and then the other 3 days he goes before work. His workouts are about an 1 hour add the shower and commute and he is usually gone 1.5hours
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u/mama-ld4 1d ago
My husband goes to the gym for 1-2 hours, but he either goes for 6-7am and is back by 8-9am or he goes around 9pm and is back around 11pm.
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u/Southern-Yam-1811 1d ago
I do a 1 hour class on Saturday mornings. I am gone 2.5 hours between driving there (20 minutes away and I leave 30 minutes before), getting set up before the class, cleaning up equipment after class. I can see it if you do workout for 1.5-2 hours.
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u/Zoocreeper_ 1d ago
Husband and I both go 3 mornings and 2 evenings. ( the day and who goes when changes each week depending on schedules )
Luckily our gym is open 24/h.
So typical day. I leave to be AT the gym 6-7:30am, home 7:45am, husbands awake/showering doing his stuff 7:30, works 8:30-5pm.
I leave for work 3pm home for 9:30pm.
Husband is waiting for me to get home, he leaves for the gym.
Or the opposite , he will go to the gym for 5:30/6am he showers and all that at the gym and goes straight to work. When he’s home at 5:15,we do dinner and all that. Kids in bed for 8:30. I go to the gym 9pm
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u/ohKilo13 23h ago
Not the gym but my husband plays hockey 2-3 times a week but usually does 6am or 7pm and maybe a weekend day. He is gone like two hours but since it’s early morning or toddler bed time it isn’t terrible. Since he travels to work i just do those routines when he goes to play. When he does the night one he plans it for his non-bed time/bath day so he tries.
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u/lilcheetah2 23h ago
He goes to 5 am class every weekday and 7 am on weekends so he’s home before we wake up
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u/QuietUptown 22h ago
When our 1st was born, I told my husband that if he wanted to work out everyday we needed to join a gym with childcare. Now (4-ish years later) we belong to the local YMCA and it’s awesome! He works out 5x a week and I get a little break too. It’s also nice that the kids can do things like swim lessons or gymnastics through the Y so we save a little money that way.
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u/thecrocodile44 22h ago
My husband goes before work. He gets up at 4 AM, heads to the gym, then goes to work. Doesn't disrupt our life at all.
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u/ceci_nest_pas_un_cat 22h ago
My husband uses a YMCA and it has a daycare. It’s a great opportunity for him and my kids have lots of friends there as well. Sometimes he goes just to get the kids away from screens for a bit into some imaginative play with other kids. It becomes a whole family outing sometimes with all of us going. The older kids will occasionally work out with us and the younger her kids get to see their friends.
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u/Aivellyn 22h ago
I'm the one who has a weight lifting regimen at the moment, but I do it at home with adjustable dumbbells and a bench. 3 times a week after work, it takes me about an hour. If my partner is home he's playing with our son during that time, if he's not (traveling for work etc) - I just do it with the kid around (it took some time to get him used to that, but now it works most of the time).
In general we both have a hard time sustaining healthy diet/exercise, so there seems to be an unspoken agreement that if one of us wants to exercise, the other is like "YES ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD GO"
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u/Hogarth_el_Fantasma 21h ago
Hi in my family im the gym goer I go 4x week for 1hr max and I wake up early so that im back before my 7 year old is awake. 3 hours is ridiculous. My father was a body builder and would often be in the gym for hours and I can tell you that he spent a lot of time chatting with folks and just trying to avoid being home with my mom.because I go to the gym regularly I’m there with the same chunk of regulars and I often observe men like this who hang out there chatting up younger women or other men and will be there well before I arrive and still there after I leave. I think for some people the gym is an easy place to socialize and a safe way to avoid home responsibilities.
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u/happygrapefruit3337 21h ago
I’m a gym mom and I go 5 days a week from 6:30-7:30am. It works because I go before the day really starts swinging. My husband would (understandably) be MISERABLE if I did for a couple hours in the middle of the day. No way is that a cool or appropriate thing to do to your partner and family.
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u/littlelivethings 21h ago
I’m a gym goer, and even with the gym being 5 minutes away, my workouts take at least an hour, usually more like 75 minutes, and I go 3-4x/week. I have to drive there, drop my daughter at the childcare, put my stuff in a locker, put on my sneakers, warm up and stretch, do my ~50-75 minute lifting routine, then retrieve my daughter and my things. I like to use the sauna and often shower at the gym too, which brings it to a full 2 hours (the limit on our childcare). We joined a gym with childcare so I can take those two hours. I also take dance classes 1-2 nights per week after my daughter goes to bed. That drive is ~15 minutes each way and an hour long class. If class gets started late or we chit chat after, it can take two hours.
My husband has a weight set in the garage and uses that most of the time and goes to our gym when the weather is bad. His workouts only seem to take like 25-35 minutes.
I think if he used gym childcare or had your own thing that you do for 1.5-2 hours a few times a week, you might feel differently. Those workouts are super important for me. Just one example of how this plays out…I was at an Aquarium today with my daughter. She was too tired to walk but didn’t want to be in the stroller either. So I spent most of our time with her sitting on my shoulders, going up and down stairs, etc. Super glad that I can squat 5 reps of over 150 lbs because spending the day with a 30 lb toddler on my shoulders is a lot.
That said, I think the problem is he goes in the middle of the day on days you want to be spending time together as a family. Have you talked to him about that? I think that wouldn’t be an issue if it was during nap time, but if there isn’t nap time, you should work something out so he goes in the morning or night, or all of you go together.
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u/jessibobessi 21h ago
I go to the gym a couple times a week, but they’re 50 min classes and it’s 5 min away. I try to go at 6am or during my lunch time.
When I was at a regular gym without any responsibilities besides myself, I’d go for 2ish hours because I’d be waiting around for equipment. I would never do this now though lol, I feel guilty enough leaving for an hour.
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u/EnvironmentalBug5789 21h ago
My husband goes 6 days a week about an hour and half before he goes to work and is usually back by 830ish on weekends. We have a 2 year old and I like when he works out because he’s up and energized and ready for the day. Once we have a newborn again I’m sure I’ll be annoyed though lol
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u/Specialist_Rabbit512 20h ago
I’m a SAHM and my partner works from home. I do Pilates 4-6x a week. I try and book the 6 or 7am classes. I’m only gone for about 80 mins, including the drive. My boyfriend starts work at 8:30am, so it works for us. He works out in our garage gym during the day whenever he likes, but I’m usually out doing stuff with the kids by that time.
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u/NinaLaAsesina 20h ago
My husband has been a gym rat for 15 years before we married. When we had our son last December the 15 min drive to the gym, hour and a half half session and 15 mins back became to be too much for me especially while we had a newborn. So guess what, he made a gym at home so he could always be there to support me. It's not cheap I'll say but he made sure to accommodate me first and still figure out how to workout.
Edit he does workout 5 to 6 days a week by either doing it after baby goes to bed or he specifically wakes up at 5am and after that grabs baby so I could sleep in longer.
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u/itsallinyourheadbabe 20h ago
My husband goes every weekday afternoon and he’s gone from about 4-5:30 so I do daycare pickup and he’s on dinner duty as soon as he gets home. It works for us, he’s happier when he can workout regularly, and he’s in great shape so it’s a win-win-win.
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u/atangentialtree 20h ago
My husband goes to the gym 3-4 days a week if he can and leaves at 5am and gets home around 7-8am. I don't mind because it's before everyone wakes up so it's ok. I would not be ok if it was in the middle of the day though.
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u/LookingForMrGoodBoy 19h ago
I'm the gymgoer in my family and I now go anywhere from one to four times a month because I'm too busy with either the baby or the house to go more often than that or I'm just too exhausted. When I do go I go for about 1.5 hours at 6:30 or 7:00 am.
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u/girlgonemild 19h ago
My husband goes to a crossfire gym about 3 times a week, knly on weekdays. He goes to the early morning class 5 a.m. to 6 a.m. it works perfectly for us.
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u/heeeeeeeeeresjohnny 19h ago
My husband goes for 1 hour in the morning before work, 4 days a week. which means he leaves the house by 4am. This also means he is in bed by 8 which sucks because we don't get a lot of us time but he is awake and present for dinner and bedtime with kid.
In zero world would I be okay with my husband being gone for 3 hours/day on our days odd unless previously arranged and I got an equal amount of personal time.
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u/Elect2Toss 19h ago
Husband and I each go 5 days/ week on weekdays. I go from 6-7:30a and he goes from 8-10:30. It works perfectly for us. He works from home and I'm currently working part time.
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u/KeyAccomplished4442 19h ago edited 19h ago
We have both being regular work out goers!! He goes to the gym, 3 times a week and swims twice a week, the gym is about half an hour away from where we live now, but we are building our house due to be completed in June, so his gym is no where we are building, so once we move will be about a 6 min drive away. The pool where he swims is near his office so he usually does that on his way to or from work.
I did reformer Pilates 5 days a week, but I just have a c section. 5 days a go so Pilates is on hold at the moment, I’m only walking at the moment, in-fact just came home from a walk, with baby, hubby and our dog
I’m not sure how it’s going to work at the moment.. with his gym, but he can be flexible and works for himself, he has workers and his hours aren’t set as long as he’s contactable so I’m sure it can work.. at the moment he’s doing the 1amish feed and the 7amish feed and I’m doing 10pm and 4am ish, we’ll work it through in the coming months,
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u/ilikedisneyland 19h ago
My husband is a big gym guy. He goes 6-7 days a week for 1-2 hours, BUT he goes in the morning before we are even awake at like 6am. It would be a problem if he was going in the middle of the day, for sure.
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u/PoorDimitri 18h ago
My husband and I are both gym people. He goes at 5am on Tuesday and Thursday to play basketball until 6:30ish, and again on Saturday morning to play ball from 6-8am. Then we go as a family on Wednesday mornings (our gym has childcare) and he and I lift weights and stretch and get some kid free time in the hot tub, we're usually there from 8ish to 10ish.
I go to a martial arts class on Wednesday nights (40 min drive each way, 1hr class) at 6:00, and Friday mornings (my day off) at 10am, plus I've just started taking a morning kettlebells class at 5am on Monday and Friday, and I have a friend I lift weights with 1-2 mornings a week at 8am, definitely on Fridays and then sometimes Wednesdays as well.
So a LOT of our gym time happens when the children are asleep, and we get home before they're up for the day. One night a week he does dinner and bedtime with the kids while I go take my class, and one morning a week I do morning routine and breakfast with the kids to get them up while he's playing basketball. And the rest of our gym time happens when the childcare center at the gym is open so we can bring them along, or they're in school.
I was going to my martial arts class two evenings a week but I felt really bad about missing all of those bedtimes and missed getting to tuck them in.
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u/TheDresa 18h ago
My husbands a gym guy and he’s a talker. He goes to the gym everyday religiously, I’d say 1.5-2hrs depending how crowded it is, whether he does cardio after he lifts weight, and if he’s just chatting with everyone. I don’t mind because he’s a stay at home dad, and that’s his time 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Decent-Dingo081721 18h ago
I’m in the gym 5-6 days a week and I’m there for a little over 2hrs. An hour of cardio and an hour of lifting. On days he works (M-Th) I will either go before he and the kids get up or I’ll go after the kids are asleep.
The weekends, I go in the evening. This way, I’m not missing any time with the kids and not inconveniencing my husband.
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u/lazyinbed0504 17h ago
My husband goes M-F for 45 mins to an hour, it’s a 5 min drive there and back. He goes at the end of the day when I’m done working and our boys are settling in for the evening. He comes back and even does bath time.
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u/glittery-lucifer 17h ago
Mine goes to the gym at night. He leaves at 7, bedtime is at 8, so I'm only solo for an hour. Then I get quiet time between bedtime and when he comes home. 3 times a week.
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u/Moonriverrunning 17h ago
My husband leaves for the gym at 4:30am and works out 5-6am with a buddy then he’s back home to shower and head to work. He does this 5 days a week.
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u/joycerie 17h ago
I'm the gym goer and I go to the 6am CrossFit class 3x or more per week. I'm home by 7:15 and my husband has our boys up and dressed then we work together to get everyone fed and packed up for school. It works because everyone else sleeps in to 7am so no one notices my absence.
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u/LeighToss 17h ago
When you’re a parent, gym is an activity you work in around your other commitments.
My husband works out (gym or local run) 3-4 days a week — and it’s always a question to see if his suggested timing would be appropriate for the family that day. Sometimes it’s in the middle of his workday. Sometimes it’s 5:45 AM. Sometimes it’s after the kids are in bed at 8 PM. He’s never gone more than 2 hours and doesn’t skip out on family activities for gym time.
Sounds like your husband is escaping, and you’re not getting any escape. Schedule in some personal time if you can and leave him with the kids. Doesn’t have to be the gym, just something for yourself.
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u/nicestpossibleway 16h ago
It is so validating to see other moms who struggle with the gym issue. No matter how many times I brought it up or the different ways I tried to word it, he refused to see how selfish it was that he got so much guaranteed uninterrupted time to himself and I got none.
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u/veryjudgy 16h ago
I go to the gym three mornings per week. I go early and am back home by 7:30am for the morning routine. My husband does the same on different days.
If it's a weekend morning, he may go a little later, but makes sure to be back in plenty of time for whatever we have planned.
Going for hours in the middle of the day is just inconsiderate.
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u/pleasebuysoap 16h ago
My husband gets up at 6:00am and is home by 8:00am to help me get the kids breakfast and on the bus. He does not go on weekends. This week was spring break and he still stuck to his schedule because he refuses to sacrifice time with the kids & me.
Edit to add: my husband is also a runner. If he is in marathon training he does take time on weekends to run, but tries to time it to minimize interfering with anything else we have going on. I am currently training for a race so he is taking time off from racing to make time for me.
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u/doctoryt 16h ago
We both go after our kid gets picked up by the school bus. Then on the way back 2 hrs later we pick up daycare kid.
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u/howdytherrr 16h ago
My husband has a garage gym, and he works out in the early morning when I’m asleep. He takes a baby monitor with him, so he gets the toddler when she wakes up. He works out 6 mornings a week.
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u/ecofriendlyblonde 16h ago
Our gym has a daycare. When I tell you our gym going has skyrocketed since having kids…haha. But we are limited to 90 minutes which is enough for weightlifting, cardio, and a nice hot tub.
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u/Peanuts-2959 15h ago
My husband goes before work at 630am. He knows it’d be unacceptable to work from 9-6, then gym, then be home by 8pm. This way, he can get it out of the way before work while baby and I are sleeping. It works best for us and he can spend as much time there as he wants!
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u/Amor0706 15h ago
Some people work out for more than one hour at a time. I am one of them. I’m the gym goer and spend 4x a week at the gym and feel guilty. However, my husband reassures me every time when I ask if I’m spending too much time at the gym. He knows it makes me happy and less stressed. Here is my f40 weekly schedule:
Mon & Wed 2 classes 530- 750 Tue & Thu 2 classes 430 - 630 Fri, Sat, and Sun No gym lol.
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u/TheSorcerersCat 14h ago
Mine has a gym at work. So he is only gone from home an extra hour or two and tends to do it in the morning so he can help handle evening madness.
He's been doing physio once a week, so he's home a bit later on those days. But he tries to schedule it such that he does a shorter work day on physio days so he's still home just around dinner.
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u/hereforthehotfries 14h ago
Time for your husband to either get up before the kids are awake and get his workout in, or workout at home in their presence
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u/Murky-Fruit-4844 14h ago
My husband works from home, works out at home, and still wakes up at 5 am to workout before everyone else wakes up. 2-3 hrs in the middle of the day is entirely too much.
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u/0runnergirl0 13h ago
I went for a 3 hour run today in the middle of the afternoon, so I don't really see the problem here. Health should be a priority.
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u/Unlikely_Ability_131 13h ago
Invest in a home gym and I think you’ll discover that unless he’s training for a specific event (marathon, triathlon, Iditarod), that time will be cut in half. I was guilty of it too: after getting in my regular work out, I would wander around, talking to friends, watch tv, even just stretching took too long. Covid killed my gym going experience and I honestly don’t think I’d go back until kids are much older.
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u/Brave_Appointment812 13h ago
That isn’t acceptable behavior from your husband. Being gone that long from the family and you not getting the same amount of time to yourself is completely unfair. My husband works out 3-4 days a week. Some of those days he leaves the house before 5 am, which does leave me to do mornings solo and 1 or 2 days he will workout on his lunch break (his work has a gym on site). I prefer to workout at home and do so on my lunch break on days I work from home or I will work out in the living room in the evenings while our child is playing nearby while he makes dinner.
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u/mydogfinnigan 11h ago
My husband goes 2ish times a week, we take turns putting the kids to bed so he goes when it's my turn to do bedtime but is always back no more than an hour later.
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u/ilovetheinternet21 9h ago
My husband was leaving all bedtimes to me to work out or he’d leave midday. It pissed me off so he built a home gym in the garage and he works out on his lunch breaks and when the toddler is asleep.
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u/blondie-96 8h ago
Mine has just started, he’s going 3 nights a week with mates but will go once our kiddo is down And then he runs twice a week during the day while he’s at work (we both work full time so it’s not disruptive to us) I want to start going too, so I will go on the nights he’s not going and maybe once a week during the day when I wfh
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u/Xzid613 8h ago
We both go to the gym, so I do get the same 'privilege'. Kids are 4 and 9.
He usually goes straight after work, and comes home by the time dinner is ready and homework is mostly done. He also tries to go during extracurriculars so he does drop off-gym-pick up. I really don't mind being home 'alone' with the kids, and he can't cook to my standards, so I'm happy with the arrangement. I usually go after dinner so he'll do dishes and bedtime.
On the weekends our gyms have limited opening hours so ideally only one of us will go per day, preferably during the youngest naptime. If we have plans we'll both go on the same day, one after the other. We take around 1,5-2 hours for a workout but will cut short if it logistically makes sense. Gym is only 5-10 minutes away though.
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u/made_in_bklyn_ 4h ago
My husband goes twice a week, for one hour, which is more than enough time. He goes during his lunch break at work so he doesn't take time away from us
3 hours is a lot; esp during your family time.
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u/EfficientBrain21 4h ago
My husband does cross fit. He goes to the 5a class 3x’s a week and I have 2 days a week to go if I’d like too. We have found early in the morning works best for up because it doesn’t mess with the flow of the day once the kids are awake. We have from 4:30a-7:45a on our mornings to do what we want and then jump in once our toddlers are awake.
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u/Shrimpheavennow227 4h ago
The gym was a huge thing for my husband. We ended up building a full gym in our basement because we live pretty far from things and gym memberships are bananas expensive. Before we built the gym it was like a minimum of 2 hours every day and it just felt super unfair to the family unit as a whole.
He missed out on either time with me or with baby and I was left feeling either overworked or lonely in the evenings or mornings.
We slowly saved and purchased things on sale or from Facebook marketplace and were lucky enough to have basement space.
Now it’s much better. He just gets up a little earlier and is done when we’re doing our morning routine.
It’s not an option for everyone but you’re not alone in the frustration of the whole thing! It’s great that he’s being healthy and he absolutely deserves time to take care of himself, but you are also a person and deserve to have a present partner and sometimes because of the capitalistic hellscape we live in those two things don’t jive.
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u/CupcakeCommercial179 4h ago
My husband and I both go to the gym 4 days a week- but we do so on our lunch breaks at work MWF (typically 45 min in total there, 1 hour ish with the drive) so that we don't mess with family time after work, and then Saturday or Sunday, we take the kids with us to the gyms childcare. It also is no longer than an hour.
If either of us were, say, home with a sick kid, neither of us would leave the other to deal with it solo midday... if that happens, my husband would either go at 5-6am before all the kids get up, or would go right after bedtime.
Maybe he could try going early morning before the kids wake up OR after bedtime?
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u/Em_sef 4h ago
My spouse and I trade off every weekend morning. We take 90 min-2 hrs each but i usually do 10 min steam after and he has longer workouts because we only get those 2 days in. We don't dawdle but we're not pressured to race home either.
We don't go on weekdays even though the kids are old enough for one parent to manage kids and dinner.
It works for our family, but we are both on board with it.
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u/impyfrog 4h ago
My husband is also an avid gym goer - however I am as well. We typically spend anywhere from an hour to two hours at the gym. I should note the gym is within our apartment complex, so it's a relatively short walk. We used to go at different times, but decided to go together and turn it into '"us" time. We typically go 4-5x a week in the evening. We don't have kids so we don't have to consider child care during our workouts.
I could see where middle of the day workouts are disruptive to the day - maybe talk to your husband about a time that works best for both of you? Early mornings, late nights, ect ...
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u/TeenyMom 3h ago
How old are your kids? Because I feel like that impacts how long anyone should be away from their family.
My husband isn't a gym goer, but I am training for a marathon, so I'm the one gone for long hours running. I currently run 5 days a week but plan most of my runs while the kids are at school. Depending on the run, I could be gone anywhere from 1 to 3 hours. My minimum run is 5 miles which takes a little over 40 mins. I do my long runs while the kids are in school and my husband is at work. I also have to do strength training 3 times a week for an hour, but again, I do that while the kids are in school.
How much time away do you get to make his time away balanced?
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u/Reasonable-Flight707 2h ago
The kids are babies lol, almost 3yo& 8 months old. I work full time and so does he, I don’t want to be away from them any additional time 🥺
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u/swaldref 3h ago
In this situation, I am the gym goer. I wake up before LO does and go to an hour long class at 6:15am a few times during the workweek. Her wake up time is 7:15 so I get home and get her. Sometimes husband will get her if he doesn't have to work. On the weekends, the classes are a bit later and I like to get one long workout in so I'll go from 7-8:30 on Saturday. The gym is 4 minutes away from my house. I literally go to this place because it is so close.
My husband has a peloton and will workout sporadically on it. But he ALWAYS does it in the middle of the day. Drives me crazy. But since it's sporadic and is usually only 30ish minutes I be supportive and go with it.
If he were leaving for hours I would be livid. There are ways to be physically active without completely screwing over your partner.
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u/canadamiranda 3h ago
Middle of the day? Nope. My husband is a runner, and loves to go on long runs at different trails. He makes sure he’s out of the house while we’re all still asleep, and I’m also aware so I’m up when the kids are up. On weekends it’s chill as we have nowhere to be but during the week he makes sure he’s back in plenty of time to help with the morning routine.
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u/icanseethestupidline 3h ago
My husband is a gym rat and goes everyday, early am. Gym is close so it’s usually not terribly long. It’s his thing that helps him destress, whatever. I do make sure that I get some me time like a pedicure or solo shopping or whatever too, not everyday, but when I do it’s for at least a few hours
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u/DarthRBG 2h ago
My husband goes five days a week, first thing in the morning. He wakes up at 4:30 and is back by 6am to help get everyone ready for the day. He’s done this since we were dating and it’s never been a problem for us. But, he purposefully timed it out to when it made the most sense for the family, and he sacrificed his mornings to do it. Our daughter and I sleep until 6 anyways, so it works perfectly in the end.
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u/bam0014 2h ago
My husband is the kind of person who needs the gym for his mental health. I can workout at home but he needs to be in the gym lifting heavy weights. He wakes up at 4 am and is home by 6:30 am to help get our kids up at 7:00 for daycare. This doesn’t impact our family in any way. He can get tired in the evenings after the kids go to bed but I like to go to bed early so it doesn’t change much. He goes 4-5 days a week. I actually think he’s a better parent when he does go to the gym because he’s super alert when they wake up and just has more energy overall
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u/mylittletoaster 57m ago
I give my husband a few options, he can sacrifice sleep and go before work (he starts work at 6:30 am so he’s not a fan of this option), if he goes after work he has to be home before 5, he can co after we put the kids to bed, and on the weekends he can go after we put them both down for a nap.
I’ll be honest, as a stay at home mom, I fucking hate that I have to make time for him to go to the gym because it’s a “health” thing even though it’s 100% a hobby & something that should be considered his use of free time.
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u/Repulsive_Bagg 22m ago
My husband was just at the gym for 90 minutes. I am now going shopping (not for groceries) with my free time. We both get time out of the house. If we can't handle the house alone for whatever reason, neither of us leaves.
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u/PurpleArugula5766 1d ago
My husband just started a gym regiment after being off for a while, and committed to himself to get up super early to make it to 6:30 classes so he could be accountable to a group of people if he skipped, and he wouldn’t disrupt the family’s schedule. He goes 3 days a week and I’m on morning duty by myself those days, but he’s back by 8ish to get kids to school, and the rest of the day is not disrupted. 2-3 hours in the middle of the day is a lot, in my opinion.