Bad day 20 and have a date tonight.. should I reschedule?

[u/AdventurousWhile1502]

Help girls. I woke up with all the feels, sore joints, anxious, weak, and like I’m not well. Checked Flo and I’m day 20.

Slight cramping starting and massive spot on chin. No energy to get ready/ put makeup on. Have taken my zoloft and its still not helping.

Just want to rest and have a self-care day.

But I have a first hinge date tonight at 7 with a really nice guy. Do you think I should wait a bit and force myself?

Or listen to my body /pmdd brain and reschedule?

I want him to see me at my best.. but I don’t want to piss him off equally😪

Edit:

thanks to everyone for such helpful comments. I was in a flight or fight when I wrote this, and my zoloft kicked in a bit more after I had a shower which gave me the push I needed. Makes me realise without medication, I wouldn't be able to fight it. I'm so grateful I did this time, had a lovely night which led to a second date. Fingers crossed. <3

[u/wilksonator]

Listen to body/reschedule. It could be the best date Ive ever had but I wouldnt even enjoy it because I was forcing myself/in luteal so its a set up to fail.

Id reschedule. If he is the real deal, he’ll understand.

[u/AdventurousWhile1502 → u/wilksonator]

Thanks for this. Totally agree. I almost did but this time managed somehow to summon the strength and go. Probably if I were a few more days out pre-period, it would've been a definite reschedule. And totally agree if he is the real deal he will understand <3

[u/RahRahRah325]

This happened to me on one date that was with my (future) husband & I told him the truth, that I really wanted to go, however, I'm not feeling my 100% best & I promise I'm into him & will catch him on the next date. He was impressed & pleased to be reassured & considered when I couldn't show up. We also lived quite a bit of distance at that time. I lived an hour away from him so it was a lot to have to drive and do everything when I was doing most of the footwork anyways.

[u/AdventurousWhile1502 → u/RahRahRah325]

no way, thats so nice to hear that he understood. I feel it will be the same with this guy when I tell him. If someone really cares for you, they will understand <3

[u/blender-baby13]

I am an extrovert and when I have a PMDD episode I like to be by myself, however being with at least one person at some point during the day is a really good distraction for me. Especially if it’s a new person! I get to use my energy to listen to them, ask them questions, and be present with them. I usually will spend the rest of the day by myself doing self care things - reading a book, baking, being outside, etc. But if I am by myself all day, I usually will go deeper into depressed thoughts or anxious thoughts.

All this to say, you know yourself best and if you don’t have the energy, then it’s likely best to reschedule. However, he probably won’t notice the spot on your chin or how much makeup you wear. But if you are excited and engage in conversation then it could still be a really good time 😊

[u/AdventurousWhile1502 → u/blender-baby13]

Hey your comment helped me, when you said being with at least one other person being a good distraction, well i pushed myself and went. I listened to his stories, and tried to be as present as possible, it worked very well as I didn't need to give too much, and I managed it :')

Thanks so much again for your advice <3

[u/Maximum-Nobody6429]

What time is your date? Can you have a rest / self care day and go on a date tonight? Could going to the store and buying new makeup make it fun to get ready?

Play your date out. Can you see yourself being able to let go of your feelings for a few hours? (You can allow yourself sit with them and wallow and rot when you get home.)

IF you do decide to cancel, I think you have to be okay with him maybe not wanting to reschedule. Last minute cancellations aren’t fun. I’ve been on both sides myself.

—- also I just realized what I wrote is almost word for word what my therapist would say to me in this situation.

[u/AdventurousWhile1502 → u/Maximum-Nobody6429]

hey there, thanks for this. Your comment along with someone else's gave me the strength I needed to get up and have a shower. Afterwards, I got ready and said to myself, if I can just make it into town and can always leave if I'm still not feeling it. The important thing is to go.

Well I did go, and had one of the nicest dates ever, which led to a second. so thank you again. <3

[u/Maximum-Nobody6429 → u/AdventurousWhile1502]

awww, that’s awesome. I’ve learned that i can say to my depression “if you can give me this space for this event, I promise I’ll come back and rest and give you what you need later”. It’s HARD. but it actually works.