r/PMDD • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Relationships Anyone else feel trapped in their relationship during luteal?
Please no judgement, I need to rant somewhere safe and I’m feeling a little lost.
I know what a lot of people think and would probably say - why are you still together ? If I’m honest, it’s because I’m not financially independent right now and we are living at his parents due to irrelevant life stuff.
Yes I haven’t been the best to him during my luteal, lashing out, being nasty, raging and ranting. This was largely before I knew or realised I had pmdd.
He’s been the most part understanding but there’s still that little niggle there - rolling his eyes, that huff, telling me to keep my composure to help myself and others around me in a really REALLY patronising way etc
Never doing any research, never listening to me when I’m calm, always avoiding talking about anything that involves my emotions because he thinks his are more important
I used to wallow in the feelings of overwhelm and become paralysed with the ‘why me’s’, I still do but internally now and not so often. I’ve started exercising more and eating better, started talking to myself kinder - however - no matter how much I look after myself, have things that help me regulate, I am reminded every month of how emotionally immature he is.
His lashings out, his reactiveness, me treading on eggshells about mentioning anything he does that upsets me. Yet the understanding he wants from me, I do not receive.
There’s a lot more and I probably could have written this more cohesively but I am feeeeeeeeling yano
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u/LydiaPiper 9h ago
I’m not judging you, BUT it is 100% your responsibility to yourself and your relationship to slightly keep your shit together when you know you’re in luteal. My fiance knows when I’m in it and gives me extra grace, but also holds me accountable to my actions and words in that time. It’s made me so much more mindful even when I want to rip my hair out and run away. His rational, grounding nature is one of the reasons I know he’s the one. And it sounds like financial instability is your reason for being with him, so maybe it’s not luteal completely, but your own gut feeling and subconscious coming out?
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u/regrettableredditor 1d ago
It is a normal feeling…. But in my experience I should have ended those relationships much sooner and what I felt in Luteal was more on point than I realized. Perhaps seriously explore these feelings on paper. Give yourself examples, write down your thought processes. maybe you’ll read them back to yourself and immediately think “well that’s a tad dramatic”, or you can wait to re read these thoughts when you’re feeling your best, and see if they still sound reasonable. If the SAME gripes come up every month… perhaps there’s more to these feelings than your luteal phase.
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u/guineapiggyitout 1d ago
Do you have anxiety in general? OCD is a type of anxiety, and relationship OCD (ROCD) is another category under that. I personally experienced a lot of this myself, and in waves as well. Sometimes it lined up with luteal phase but other times it was due to certain triggers from his behaviour etc.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this! I remember how it felt when I went thru this and it was like being trapped.
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u/Elegant_Ad8564 1d ago
This is my life!!! You’re not alone! Everytime I’m in Luteal phase I’m ready to leave my boyfriend
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u/Trick-Profession7107 1d ago
I’m feeling this right now too. I think it’s both. I think luteal amplifies the shitty behavior that I otherwise tolerate. But during luteal I can’t stop thinking about the red flags and I’m convinced I’m done. When I’m out I reconsider and stay, but in the back of my mind the red flags are still there. It’s hard because I know my mind in luteal, I’ve rage quit jobs before too. But I think all in all these situations are in fact toxic. But we NEEDED that job, or relationships take work and I want to put in the effort. Does a perfect situation actually exist? If we don’t put up with bullshit will we just be alone forever? I don’t know what the right answer is.
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1d ago
Thank you, I’m starting to think it may be a mixture of my luteal and his unhealed behaviours
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u/Mermegzz 1d ago
I’m not in a relationship and haven’t been for some time so I don’t know how I’d feel during luteal. But I can tell you I feel like there’s a few of these posts in here every week so it must be a normal feeling. I have rage quit jobs before though, and almost always hate my job during luteal and feel like I need to rethink life. So it might be normal to want to run away from everything
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u/dutchvonrabbit 42m ago
What I'm hearing is you're not with him because you love him but because it's convenient for you right now and reading between the lines once you're "independent" financially you will probably break up with him.
You've treated him terribly during your relationship, nasty, raging, lashing out , and ranting (your words not mine).
You're angry at his reactive/coping behaviour to how he's been treated in the relationship.
You're angry that he isn't completely focusing on your emotions/condition.
The whole post is about what he's not doing for you how he's not stepping up.
Yet there isn't anything about what doing for him or being a good partner.
If your partner treated you exactly how you treated him, how would you feel about the relationship?