weAreCooked - r/ProgrammerHumor

119

BREAKING: All devs must now declare public static final AMERICA FIRST before importing anything

23

u/safadimiras 1d ago

My compiler is screaming at me because it’s useless.

15

u/nzcod3r 1d ago

That's cause it's some commie bs compiler. You need a domestic production compiler!

178

u/adnaneely 1d ago

Tariffs announced on LeetCode & VibeCode

84

u/Firemorfox 1d ago

Tariffs announced on linux due to relevance to penguin island

28

u/adnaneely 1d ago

Those penguins had it coming for all the containers they're shipping on the interwebs.

93

u/zenos_dog 1d ago

I’m more worried about a tariff on coffee.

20

u/Poat540 1d ago

I’ll have to quadruple my estimates..

10

u/zenos_dog 1d ago

We use Fibonacci numbers so they get big quick.

2

u/wraith_majestic 1d ago

Can you use the infinity symbol on a card during sprint planning?

10

u/Dotcaprachiappa 1d ago

*covfefe

2

u/misterguyyy 1d ago

True patriots drink Yerba Mate, the official beverage of Javier Millei

1

u/redballooon 5h ago

Time to pump up the US coffee farms.

Or just annex some smaller middle American countries.

43

u/circuit_buzz79 1d ago

Still cheaper than AWS.

13

u/Thor-x86_128 1d ago

Opo iki

9

u/boon_dingle 1d ago

Noooo, now Oracle will reciprocate and write in-house solutions as opposed to importing my shitty utilities. There go my retirement plans.

12

u/misterguyyy 1d ago

Meanwhile NPM is stuck in customs while agents frantically recalculate tariffs every time a dependency updates its version

7

u/slipry_ninja 1d ago

I switched to Python a long time ago.

23

u/Final_Ad173 1d ago

Python has import too so they can decide to add tariff too.

7

u/slipry_ninja 1d ago

OK the we go back to COBOL.

2

u/Not-the-best-name 1d ago

We will just have to be more careful with our import deficit. Maybe add a linter warning that calculates the per module import deficit.

1

u/Final_Ad173 1d ago

Most IDEs can remove unused imports so need to use it now.

1

u/sdc0 1d ago

Dreamberd has exports instead of imports

7

u/Speedy_242 1d ago

I am on kotlin already. And I dont live in the cheto land

2

u/OnixST 1d ago

What would we be without Java libs? I love Kotlin, but it's not exactly a popular language outside Android

3

u/misterguyyy 1d ago

Java libs are getting OWNED

3

u/rng_shenanigans 1d ago

Tariffs on npm imports go brrrrrrrrr

2

u/JAXxXTheRipper 1d ago

JS-Devs financing the whole damn world by themselves.

3

u/SowTheSeeds 1d ago

Yeah, but Java was already taxing.

2

u/GreatGreenGobbo 1d ago

I'm doing a big prod data import for my project. Do I need to do a PCR for extra budget?

2

u/magicwombat5 1d ago

The tariffs is only for c-borne freight.

2

u/horror-pangolin-123 1d ago

JS devs sweating bullets

2

u/Plus-Weakness-2624 12h ago

My node_modules folder 💀

2

u/SoulWondering 11h ago

The C ecosystem is next, I just know it!

3

u/ShadowNinjaDPyrenees 1d ago

I switched to programming in Rust… Now even my bugs are memory safe! 🦀💻🔒🐞

1

u/FrostWyrm98 1d ago

Cooked? Nah we're thriving with that one, chief

1

u/Awfulmasterhat 1d ago

Never!!

1

u/InconspicuousFool 1d ago

Not much of value was lost

1

u/RocoMarrano 1d ago

Excelent! 😹😹😹😹

1

u/Fuzzy_Reflection8554 1d ago

For a second I thought this was referring to the actual Javanese people or something until I realised what sub this was

1

u/kvakerok_v2 1d ago

Even worse when you find out that it's programmers' #1 fuel: coffee.

1

u/DiamondIcyCross 1d ago

He need to put a tarrif on that toupee! 😆

1

u/entrophy_maker 1d ago

Isn't it odd there were no tariffs on imports with Russ... I mean Python?

1

u/SokkaHaikuBot 1d ago

^Sokka-Haiku ^by ^{entrophy_maker:}

Isn't it odd there

Were no tariffs on imports

With Russ... I mean Python?

^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ⁱⁿ ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ⁱⁿ ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.

1

u/Unhinged_Ice_4201 1d ago

We need tariffs on imports in JS given how many shitty libraries exists there

1

u/Kevdog824_ 1d ago

MFW I statically import every member of a color enum😳😳😳

1

u/kusti4202 1d ago

import * no longer viable confirmed by trump

1

u/Prudent_Move_3420 1d ago

Does docker count as container imports from penguin island?

1

u/IntrepidSoda 1d ago

As usual Python gets away with importing all kind of shit

1

u/jamiejagaimo 1d ago

Ironically, tariffs on code imports would force people to learn to code.

1

u/dexter2011412 1d ago

Me using C++ with import std;
"Oh no, we're next"

1

u/Outrageous_Plastic_2 1d ago

I have python 3.13

1

u/MaffinLP 1d ago

If it wasnt too specific for his feeble small world Id actually believe it

1

u/Chamiey 6h ago

I'm ready to pay 10% of the price I pay for that import. Damn, even 25% of that zero!

1

u/redballooon 5h ago

No worries it’s taxed in percentages of 0

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