r/RoastMe • u/chickenn5951 • 2d ago

Roast me

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112 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

215 comments sorted by

122

u/merrymelon99 2d ago

You can hear what happened tomorrow

7

u/Lost_Opinion_1307 1d ago

Bro can hear next year

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72

u/TheSnoFarmer 2d ago

Everyone drew you as a kid.

10

u/Mech-merc93 1d ago

And needed extra paper for the ears.

174

u/No-Abbreviations2288 2d ago

46

u/Zipper67 2d ago

They're his superpower!

18

u/doggeatdawgworld 1d ago

He can eavesdrop radio signals with his ears

7

u/Flamingo_Ornery 1d ago

This guy can hear your inner most thoughts

4

u/SH00T2K1LL- 1d ago

he looks like someone who works here.

54

u/myemuisablackbelt 2d ago

You look like they let a make a wish kid work at a construction site for a day.

8

u/Skdph 1d ago

I was just thinking he looks like a Victorian orphan lol

3

u/luridweb 1d ago

Lmaoooo

30

u/Savings-Permission96 2d ago

That hard hat will get more head than you ever will.

25

u/ThugosaurusFlex_1017 2d ago

He looks like he bought a Ram 2500 diesel to push away the gay rumors.

42

u/writeandgobroke 2d ago

bro can hear himself die a virgin.

8

u/UnhappyProfessor7658 1d ago

The best part will be if God created him deaf after this ears shit

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15

u/IndependenceMean8774 2d ago

I'm sure your family has given you an earful.

15

u/musketoman 1d ago

Im not gonna write a roast here, just gonna say it out loud, with ears like that im sure you'll hear it

5

u/chickenn5951 1d ago

Damn i did hear it

2

u/born_again_tim 1d ago

Underrated. golf clap

8

u/Mermaids84 1d ago

You send indecipherable text messages because you dropped out of your continuation high school to go work with a bunch of fat white guys & mexicans all day. You have a solid energy drink addiction but lately you’ve been dabbling in Zyn pouches as well. You will likely impregnate a dumpy local girl you went to high school with after a night of tying off one too many Miller High Life’s with your cousins Colt, Dusty and Gunner.

6

u/Flaky-You9517 2d ago

Your Otolaryngologist is a fucking hero!

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11

u/Typical-Bill1098 2d ago

Did you fuck your cousin with those ears?

12

u/chickenn5951 2d ago

not yet

10

u/mullahraheil 2d ago

You fuck with your ears?

9

u/shinysohyun 1d ago

Not yet

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9

u/Fearless-Cherry-4587 2d ago

Never roasted an elephant before

5

u/TheSideburnState 2d ago

Neck of a giraffe and the ears of an elephant.

7

u/Character_Dance_5054 2d ago

Animal kingdom: human edition

3

u/Alison0910 2d ago

Thanks for all the goddamn nostril shots

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3

u/zuck_my_butt 2d ago

Everyone's ripping on your ears, but based on how tightly you keep your lips closed in every picture I just know you've got some fucked up teeth you're hiding behind there.

4

u/Lettuce_Farmer 1d ago

You look like someone that shits in the shower, and waffle stomps it down the drain because you aren't smart enough to shit before you get in.

3

u/MeanAF4noreason 2d ago

Got those Forrest Gump 300’s🔥

3

u/Prestigious-Loss4604 2d ago

Look like the kind of guy to try and get a date at a family reunion

3

u/ElegantReaction8367 2d ago

You look like the reason they have 5 minutes of chorus in “No Scrub”.

3

u/No_Tailor_787 1d ago

You must walk real slow with those speed brakes out all the time.

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3

u/onefellswoop70 1d ago

He heard about Val Kilmer's death all the way back in February.

3

u/Zestyclose_Event_762 1d ago

You can hear my fingers as I write this.

Also, Stop listening to me shit. That’s my time.

3

u/Longhaul-shortbus 1d ago

You get screamed at on the job site.

3

u/Snoo_61544 1d ago

is that a tissue from the orange box in the back? shameless!

6

u/FatFKingLenny 2d ago

If Michael Phelps had a baby with an active fentanyl addict

3

u/CustomerOK9mm9mm 1d ago

This boy needs 4000 calories of cum every day he’s in training

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4

u/Evening_Bench_7006 2d ago

Your partner calls them ears love handles!

2

u/mullahraheil 2d ago

He has a partner?

3

u/born_again_tim 1d ago

The kind that requires a bicycle pump.

2

u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 1d ago

Fat chic magnet.

2

u/DAMNthe7orpedos 1d ago

I bet you do a real good job emptying the dump buggies on site. BTW, I need you to move the laydown and sweep up these shavings.

2

u/Illustrious-Item-337 8h ago

No secrets in the room when you're around, eh?

2

u/slidinsafely 2d ago

main character in 'reddit the game'

2

u/Expensive-Safe-6820 2d ago

You are adorable but women don't want adorable

1

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1

u/yourpancakesmiling 2d ago

Loved you in Dumbo the live action movie!🍿

1

u/RoastMaster47143 2d ago

Anorexic Wooly Willy

1

u/Ok-Data-3962 2d ago

If Golovkin turned out to be a loser.

1

u/ColdoneTallone 2d ago

“Hear that? It’s the sound of a Wyoming virgin, sounds like an elk just without balls or direction.”

1

u/detox02 2d ago

With them ears we can tell no secrets get past you

1

u/fbi-surveillance-bot 2d ago

There's gotta be a way to generate electricity for free with those flaps 🤔

1

u/GenPandaRojo 2d ago

You look like you commit crimes, just to get sent to jail for CNC scenarios

1

u/Certain_Painter_3126 2d ago

You look like you had to get a construction job because Trump pulled funding from PBS and you could no longer be Diego in the live action Dora the Explorer.

1

u/Future_Parsley740 2d ago

He's part of the village people tribute band. He's already gay so it's an easy job for him

1

u/wombraider__213 2d ago

If Starlink was a boy virgin.

1

u/Sidehugsam 2d ago

Ears so big you can hear the future.

1

u/Far-Paleontologist49 1d ago

I like how you have earbuds to talk to nobody

1

u/ElvisCresposblanket 1d ago

I liked you in The Tale of Despereaux!

1

u/cosmicswordfishes 1d ago

Bro you look like a car driving down the road with both doors open.

1

u/tyhad1 http://redd.it/buq2i9 1d ago

I thought there were 2 clocks behind your head.

1

u/mama_roasts 1d ago

That's how big my ears were after ur mum made me go down on her

1

u/Powerful_Ad9868 1d ago

I was going to, but looks like God beat me to it

1

u/OG-BigMilky 1d ago

Someday you’ll be a man, Timmy!

1

u/Lord-Doobury 1d ago

This guy can hear a squeaky fart in the future.

1

u/Necessary_Layer_6944 1d ago

He can detech B2 with his ear

1

u/Helpful_Tea_6951 1d ago

You should be looking for ways to get hurt on the job. It's the only contribution you will ever make.

1

u/IWillIPOYourMom 1d ago

Little bros lookin like the tip of a penis

1

u/lbvn6 1d ago

you look like your mom and dad are siblings

1

u/DarthRamious 1d ago

"Don't worry. You'll grow into your ears."

Your ears: "Bet."

1

u/Ok_Tomatillo_3811 1d ago

Its like your ears are trying to go their separate ways

1

u/Weekly-Marsupial624 1d ago

You look like you can hear sounds from other dimensions

1

u/ThePh33rless 1d ago

You must be the guy that even the new guys send up in the bucket truck. Built in parachutes in case of fall.

1

u/Equivalent-Bath2132 1d ago

With ears like that, he looks like he’s still waiting for his big moment at the freak show — like Dumbo before the flight, minus the charm. Honestly, it’s hard to tell if he’s about to take off or still dealing with a brutal case of mumps that left permanent damage.

1

u/Equivalent-Bath2132 1d ago

With ears like that, he looks like he’s still waiting for his big moment at the freak show — like Dumbo before the flight, minus the charm. Honestly, it’s hard to tell if he’s about to take off or still dealing with a brutal case of mumps that left permanent damage.

1

u/Dafoopinz 1d ago

Are you white asian hispanic or a caveman

1

u/xAMARU87 1d ago

No need. Your face did it for me.

1

u/digitheart11Xx 1d ago

How's Malcolm and Reese doing these days?

1

u/Longjumping-Log-8744 1d ago

Your birth defects just represent a burden to the taxpayers

1

u/D4m0n619 1d ago

You have the ears of a cabbage patch kid

1

u/Warp-10-Lizard 1d ago

The product being advertised on the wall behind you was involved in both your conception and fetal development.

1

u/ConanK00 1d ago

We don't need to roast you, I'm sure the real hands are doing plenty of that

1

u/Sensitive_Jicama5655 1d ago

u look like something like a weird mix between a rat and a chewed bubblegum

1

u/ChaosOfOrder24 1d ago

You can hear in 3D

1

u/it_is_me_123 1d ago

it must be annoying having to walk through doors sideways

1

u/Finger_my_cock 1d ago

You'll make your cousin very happy one day

1

u/InsideOutRat 1d ago

I said my roast out loud. I know you heard me.

1

u/wombats_in_the_attic 1d ago

You look easy to molest

1

u/ETxRut 1d ago

Can you hear me?

1

u/kissedbydementors 1d ago

Do you go anywhere without a hat? Stop holding those hair hostage.

1

u/Wise-Beyond-2317 1d ago

I can smell the vape smoke from here

1

u/civilprocedurenoob 1d ago

Coming soon to a truck stop near you.

1

u/Outrageous-Tell-3171 1d ago

You seem like you harass women on only fans

1

u/GenuineHuman- 1d ago

Yikes, I really thought Dewey Wilkerson was going to college... now he's selling vapes to 16 year-olds.

1

u/CustomerOK9mm9mm 1d ago

Lookin like the road crew waves you around to direct traffic.

1

u/CustomerOK9mm9mm 1d ago

When people whisper in your ear, they really whisper in your ear.

1

u/Key_Shine3895 1d ago

Bro simultaneously went from goofy white kid to Mexican laborer

1

u/pigeonsarecuteaf 1d ago

Elliot that you?

1

u/ButterscotchJade2025 1d ago

Dime store Dumbo

1

u/Historical-Bike4626 1d ago

Temu Barron Trump with a coupon

1

u/rsgriffin 1d ago

You look quite useful as a paint stirrer. Hook a drill to your feet, insert your head in paint; bingo. Perfectly blended paint

1

u/Awkward-Cry2625 1d ago

Jesus H Christ!!!! Can you hear me laughing with those ears?!?

1

u/Oderikk 1d ago

Monkey ears

1

u/Drago_727 1d ago

Nah, I'd rather you just roast my sandwich so I can get on with my day.

1

u/ABH2187 1d ago

Bro can hear through walls

1

u/Dangerous-Record9064 1d ago

Your hat says CAT and so do your ears.

1

u/UpstairsCrow6653 1d ago

God, you’re ugly!

1

u/faucetpants 1d ago

Aww man! Fix the fuckin angle here. No one wants to stare up into those huge ass nostrils. I'm just waiting for thomas to show up.

1

u/Quantum_Robin 1d ago

If I talk my roast from across the pond, do those dishes pick up what I'm putting down?!

1

u/Waks4f 1d ago

Watch out it's windy outside

1

u/Humble_Community4727 1d ago

A heavy gust of wind could break your neck. Safety first.

1

u/HenritheGhost 1d ago

Bro invented the term "hear me out"

1

u/dumbas21 1d ago

Free HBO is pretty solid in these days

1

u/Masta_jewgway 1d ago

Do those things get the nfl package?

1

u/DrgnFly5 1d ago

Bro definitely hears ALL evil.

1

u/Master_Reveal_8027 1d ago

You look like you jack off to anime

1

u/Ok_Boss_1695 1d ago

No need to type the comments guys. He can already hear them coming

1

u/hachirokurs 1d ago

The epitome of vanilla and white bread

1

u/dusura 1d ago

Wingnuttin'

1

u/supadupaxxx 1d ago

I know he hear things in his sleep

1

u/Previous_Ocelot5340 1d ago

New Starlink biomechanical implants.

1

u/Infinite-Warthog2344 1d ago

bro you look like my grilled cheese after i left it on the pan to long

1

u/3BlindMonks 1d ago

Mind if I call ya Goober?

1

u/Dietzy42 1d ago

Picks up Japanese radio with those ears…

1

u/GS1969 1d ago

Head like a golf ball looking for a club.

1

u/Mech-merc93 1d ago

You've suffered enough with them damn car doors in the side of your head. Holy shit bro. Do you turn sideways to enter doorways?

1

u/southrgv1384 1d ago

Do people have to whisper around you?

1

u/Strange_Common54 1d ago

Bro lookin like he just lost an argument with a stop sign.

That hard hat sitting on his head like it’s afraid of commitment.

Expression says “I finished the job... emotionally.”

Safety glasses on the helmet like he’s prepping for a surprise science experiment.

High-vis vest louder than his enthusiasm for being on-site today.

That seatbelt ain’t protecting him from life’s disappointment.

But hey, salute to the grind though. Blue-collar grind got more backbone than most people’s Wifi. Keep up the good work. With love and peace

Edit: I won't roast your ears cause I know you already heard about it

1

u/GlitteringLook3033 1d ago

I'd rather your ears full of $1 bills than a stack of $100s. Holy shit, they're massive

1

u/here_forthelolz 1d ago

Diddy Kong?

1

u/Dickster0351 1d ago

I bet he flies to work

1

u/TwoHamsDeep 1d ago

I bet you tell girls you work in construction, but you’re really just flagging traffic.

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1

u/Far-Paleontologist49 1d ago

Are you familiar with Mad magazine?

1

u/Winter_Common6056 1d ago

It's like im looking at an alternate timeline, one where Michael Phelps was born talentless and in a trailer.

1

u/Retro_F_Studios 1d ago

No need, you can hear what I'm saying anyways

1

u/landshark9991 22h ago

Those aren't earbuds they are subwoofers

1

u/TheMerchantOfVenom 22h ago

With those ears, you look like a car with the doors open

1

u/GaonOfBayonne 21h ago

It’s Obama‘s illegitimate son!

1

u/Professional-Yak2343 21h ago

Cesar from plant of the apes has really let himself go.

1

u/Professional-Yak2343 21h ago

Caesar from plant of the apes has really let himself go.

1

u/ViolentRifle 20h ago

You look like you celebrate Amber alerts.

1

u/Squirrelpack 19h ago

Does your company get a tax break for hiring a special needs employee or do you know the owner?

1

u/LilRed2023 17h ago

Trust me the skate park says 🛑 and the Hood says Ah hell NAW

1

u/LilRed2023 17h ago

You will never be deaf ever with those ears. If you ever fall of a building or a roof or a cliff just flap them and you will be just fine. You are the boy that can fly you just don’t know it yet 😂

1

u/Agile-Ad-9402 17h ago

Trailer park Adam Driver

1

u/CDavis10717 16h ago

Voted “Best Listener” in your high school equivalency class before dropping out to be a hand model getting lots of hand jobs.

1

u/OurWeaponsAreUseless 13h ago

Good evidence for evolution.

1

u/Short-Obligation-704 13h ago

You failed shop class twice

1

u/Glass_Hair_817 12h ago

Your so ugly that your family left you

1

u/AristotlesNightmare 12h ago

You’re the only person who actually listens to their heart

1

u/Ok-Comedian5174 12h ago

Bro can pick up starlink signals

1

u/darrsaun 11h ago

Why does the internet need to roast you? It looks like genetics already did a decent job of that

1

u/Explosive-Turd-6267 11h ago

I bet you can hear my phone vibrating as I type this comment.

1

u/Eric_Ducote 11h ago

That CAT hat is the closest you will get to having some pussy.

1

u/Ok_Yogurtcloset_5239 11h ago

Bro doesn't need to set an alarm in the morning; he can hear the sunrise

1

u/Natural-Ad-4084 11h ago

Aryan Viet Cong

1

u/Life-Departure6656 10h ago

Dude can hear a mouse fart

1

u/omaygot-steven 10h ago

This man can hear us through the screen

1

u/Ghoul_1984 9h ago

You look like you're about to get yelled at by Major Payne

1

u/Soft-Procedure5583 9h ago

1980s tribute act Ears for Fears

1

u/JusthereformyPP 7h ago

How many days until suicide

1

u/Vegetable-Movie-2311 7h ago

Boi new his career path from day 1. Danger detector: can hear an OSHA inspector coming from yesteryear.

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1

u/JazzlikeSherbet1104 7h ago

Like, Zoinks Scoob! A skinwalker stole my identity!

1

u/No-Dependent-1084 4h ago

Dewey, that's not your family

1

u/Zestyclose_Clock856 4h ago

you look like calliou living in the present time

1

u/AvenuesFred 4h ago

Do you want me to type it out or just whisper it?

1

u/HelicopterParking552 1h ago

You finally escaped the basement and this is where you post. The lotion goes on the skin.