Check In - April 05, 2025

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi everyone! How was your day?

[u/scurius]

Oof. Insecurity hit a new max on my mood tracker and have been feeling drained. Trying willingness at group therapy but it's kind of a really shitty position to be in. I've been stressed and numb and am going for a self care weekend. Trying duolingo, more time with Kai. I got a personal record this week in duolingo. 19something00. Mostly Hindi, but a lot of Latin and a good chunk of Ukrainian. I understood a Russian word I'd never seen before because of it. A German cognate, but still.

My mom is at a protest and I have meant to participate in civil disobedience, but if just walking the dog feels like awful kinds of seen, then being around 1000 people or more is definitely going to be nightmarish. I need to figure out how to restore my ability to contribute to my friendships. A lot still feels like deep despair, but I think I might be able to regain the capacity to provide more meaningful contributions to my friendships again before long. *knocks on wood*

Just roped my sister into paying the $1 more to go to hulu and I've been trying new shows, which has been nice. Firefly, The X-files, the mentalist again.

I miss talking to people and being put together enough to meaningfully contribute to my friendships. Group therapy feels like a hard line departure from safety towards disempowerment, disenfranchisement, and loss of self esteem. But it might also be an avenue to feeling healthy, full, and contributing. Well...after thank you sir may I have another stops hurting so badly. I feel exploited there and have numb achy sessions every day I come in of late. I feel so walked all over. I volunteer a great deal there and have been extremely generous with my cup to my peers there past a point of compatibility with self care. Robin Williams Therapist has been suggesting going to a higher level of care for the purpose of getting the hell away from what they're doing. I'm conflicted. I keep staying in group therapy places and going to other ones and feeling like none of it is an avenue to something healthy.

But good things too. I opened the window next to my bed this morning and Kai just snuggled and it was like new england autumn with a fireplace and a book and it just hit the frigging spot.

Wishing you good vibes, good tokes to the partokers, and love.

[u/inmygoddessdecade → u/scurius]

Contests on your duolingo personal record!

Sorry you didn't feel comfortable getting out to the protest. It's ok. Maybe next time. Or maybe you can find other ways to help. Write letters, make calls, etc. Wouldn't hurt to have something to do, especially when you're struggling. Helping with a cause is good.

We have Hulu with ESPN+ and Disney+ for I think $14.99 a month. We get the most use out of ESPN+ and then Hulu. D always has sports on, and we watch a show a night (unless one of our teams is playing). The thing that convinced me to get hulu was Futurama, we also watch Letterkenny and Shoresy (two funny Canadian shoes, Shoresy is about a hockey player who is a character on Letterkenny), and now you can watch Always Sunny on Hulu too. We just finished watching Interior Chinatown, it features 2 comedians and is a kinda sorta detective drama. It was interesting enough that I paid attention when it was on and I enjoyed it.

I like your good thing. What a nice moment to be a part of, I hope you enjoyed it!

[u/inmygoddessdecade]

There were a few snags in me getting those Minecraft movie tickets, as the Regal app wouldn't allow the tickets I got through my work website for the minecraft movie. So I had to buy all new tickets. We got popcorn and lemonade at the theate, they were all out of pink sheep popcorn buckets. Some of the lemonade went up my jacket sleeve. The movie itself was ok, the whole theater broke out into applause a few times during the movie. Once after Jack Black, who played Steve, sang a song. Bub really had a lot of fun, I think. I'm glad we went, if was fun to get out.

I ate tuna and crackers, popcorn, sour patch kids, and whoppers. For dinner I'm going to have some udon noodles I got from Costco yesterday. That's the plan, at least. As for exercise, I did a 10 minute yoga video. I'm on day 12 of the "Fit And Flexible For Life" program. Today was a choice of any of the injuries videos so I picked shoulders.

What else? I ran the robot vacuum in the bathroom and mopped. I also took a screwdriver and chipped away at the stuff growing between some tiles. I can't figure out any other way to make it go away. I've tried various cleaners and bleaches and magic erasers and they don't do a thing. Sigh.