Their offices have got to be a madlibs dartboard at this point. Grab a handful of darts, throw them blindly, and it will still probably make more sense than what trump actually says.
They should start writing serious pieces, as in, how it should be. Today, when reality is satire, then satire is reality.
Like, DJT realizing he made a mistake, in order to improve stocks, has decided to remove tariffs from Canada, Mexico, EU, Australia [probably some more, can't keep track, and honestly don't care]. He has draft of new memorandums (not sure how its called), which will allow greater trade between these parties. As a result of his actions, US stocks have increased in average by 10%. He also made a strong commitment to no longer flip-flop on tariffs.
At this point The Onion should make a bizarro world where Donald Trump is sane and saying smart and kind things and nothing is wrong, but in an overexaggerated way that parodies sanewashing.
Apparently their bid was rejected by the judge because he was confused about the bidding being closed or open or something. I can't remember the details. It was stupid though.
Our Dutch version of TheOnion ordered our minister of immigration to stop doing what she is doing because she is making it impossible to write in satire about her - she's just that idiotic. They published it and everything. It was beautiful satire on top of references in said letter about other ''unfair market practices''. It was comedy gold.
They've got to have the best fact checking department of all the news agencies. Purely so they don't accidentally report on something that really did happen.
Heck, I'm pretty sure I've seen several older articles from them that eventually became legitimate headlines recently
They'll have to start writing sane things to shock people 😅 "Trump agrees he is not a king, nor a god, nor perfect, and does in fact make mistakes sometimes"
It's what our satire newspaper did when a green-party member and vocal critic of suspected purchase-of-laws type corruption of a gambling-related company switched to said company after the end of her political career.
That said, the "we didn't even have to make this up" type of statement probably doesn't work when it becomes the norm. At that point it is just sad.
The most unbelievable thing they could do is write about him being a respectable president. That’s the only thing that would clearly satirical at this point.
60
u/BeefistPrime 26d ago
The onion writing staff is probably just like "what the fuck can we even do" every day.