r/WallStreetbetsELITE • u/Dark_Arts_ • 14d ago

Shitpost Elon at the Comedy Club (w/ audio)

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1.7k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

116 comments sorted by

165

u/NYGiants181 14d ago

What in the flying fuck is he talking about?

105

u/notouchinggg 14d ago

basically tesla wants to be uber and no one buys their cars anymore. u just order an autonomous taxi cab when you need it.

“you will own nothing and be happy”

27

u/oops_banana 14d ago

Fucking Davos shill

14

u/No_Cook2983 14d ago edited 14d ago

Look— in Elon’s defense, this is a fantastic idea and has great potential.

The problem is, he’ll never stop babbling about the ‘vision’.

He’ll stall six months at a time for ten years, get distracted by deep-sea Cyber-farming®️ or Giga-copter®️projects and not do it.

Then he’ll endorse human sacrifice or some other pointlessly provocative bullshit and alienate his user base.

Then he’ll shamelessly buy his way into winning another absurd vanity contest. He’ll bring home a Mr. Universe trophy and act like he won it in a totally fair bodybuilding competition.

Or if he somehow does do it, he’s going to fundamentally fuck it up.

He’ll do something obviously stupid like release a transparent glass taxi on steel tank treads and enable a competitor to steal the ball by bringing a halfway-normal product to market.

Meanwhile, Elon will be arguing about his bodybuilding trophy, his deep sea crops will fail, and he’ll be arguing with sock puppets about the virtues of his cannibalism diet.

I have no fucking idea why Tesla stock is trading above $12

8

u/UBSbagholdsGMEshorts 14d ago

If by “the vision” you mean a Ketamine induced K hole, then yes.

After that is when competition either steals his idea, or kicks him off of the board lol.

6

u/Windbag1980 13d ago

Well, people have figured it out. Musk did a great service to our culture in the 2010s by making us believe in technology again. And then he proved, definitively, that he isn't the man to actually make it happen. Over and over.

How many Starships have blown up now? Will that thing ever fly? It turns out that they were cutting corners on fuel systems tests - shocker. How much of SpaceX's success was in spite of Musk, and what percentage of the aerospace engineering labor force will want to work for a company headed by a man who thinks it's OK to do the Nazi salute at an inauguration?

He does NOT deserve my pity but I cannot help it, I pity him. Imagine being the world's richest man and then pissing it all away because you couldn't control your ketamine addiction. Because you couldn't handle fathering a transgender kid. Because you were so worried that you couldn't live up to your public image that you cracked under the pressure.

He got this far by fooling some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time. But now he's in politics and that would require fooling all of the people all of the time. Woops.

2

u/Cane607 13d ago

The drug is just the tip of the iceberg and just exacerbating things for him. He grew up with the narcissistic parents, his father was a domineering asshole who was hyper judgmental towards him and a mother who was coddling and showered him with excessive praise and aberration by being an extension of herself. Result you have a screwed up kid with extreme self-esteem issues who doesn't know who the hell he really is as a person and has not confronted and dealt with his childhood trauma in a way that's healthy. Plus having all that money and power has really just gotten to his head and is protected him from consequences of his actions up until now. I don't believe him about the whole transgendered stuff, The guy has an extremely distant relationship with his children and doesn't really care about them as people. Add to the fact that pretty much everything he ever says about himself is an exaggeration if not an outright lie. Interestingly he actually signed off on the procedure even though he claims he himself was misled about it.

6

u/Ella-W00 14d ago

😂🤣😂🤣 you’re an excellent storyteller!

1

u/[deleted] 13d ago

Saw all this happening in my mind.

1

u/abuhaider 13d ago

I like your comment

9

u/[deleted] 14d ago

Let ZEM eat Tesla's!!

1

u/47Kittens 14d ago

Also, I think he’s implying that your car can make you a few quid while you’re at work and/or asleep

1

u/C4Dee 13d ago

It will happen, just more like 5-10 years before the governments allow it on mass (at the scale he wants), and roads are prepared. The teething problems will delay it buy years (eg: 5-10 autonomous cars from different companies in a traffic jam), or people having sex in driverless cars putting off passengers.

2

u/cashew76 13d ago

Will need LIDAR and will need a support contact for situations where an actual human remotes into the car to help in a situation. And it will be called Waymo

17

u/RandyChavage 14d ago

“Hang on to your stahk while I get out the back door”

16

u/jfwelll 14d ago

What (I think) he means is he will create a network of cars, that after the update finally permitting fsd (if ever), will be shared by people and that each car will replace 4 to 5 cars owned by people. Everyone will be using elons sfd teslas and you will call them in and out whenever you want so 1 of his does the job of many cars.

Not that of a bad idea in itself but tesla dont believe in lidar, not so sure people want to share their cars, could work as ubers and taxis, but ive also seen lemons video where hes balancing his spoon or shit and looks totally high so not sure it will ever happen even with all the help from his billionnaire buddies and govt backing.

19

u/PantsMicGee 14d ago

It is a bad idea by itself. It will increase congestion significantly. Right now your car sits in your garage when not in use.  In his fantasy land these things are just out there circling because they're constantly called on. So now you have riderless, empty cars 50% of the time.

PLUS where the fuck is the insurance coming from here? 

10

u/Snowedin-69 14d ago

Especially since Tesla insurance will be increasing after the last 2-3 weeks of fires.

4

u/jfwelll 14d ago

Pretty sure ai could dispatch to some extent so that someone uses it by night and morning keeps it then during the day someone else got it but I understand the logistic challenge.

Not saying it would work but also not saying its a bad idea and I dont care enough about lemons utopia to put much efforts into thinking everything through.

Not defending the idea like saying its an instant win but could be some sort of taxi business model in the future.

Not sure if they couldnt get them properly dispatched so that they dont sit empty 50% of time and im pretty sure owned vehicles are sitting empty like what 90% of time, 95%?

Tesla provides their own insurances I believe?

But elon lost trust of most his potential customer basis so yeah....

Anyway i respect your opinion and I hate lemon, but I only wanted to translate what I think he said, I also speak regard at times.

5

u/PantsMicGee 14d ago

I respect you too :)

3

u/Icy-Lab-2016 14d ago

I can't drive, so something like that would be useful for me instead of getting an actual taxi if its cheap enough. Having said that, I would sure as hell never use a tesla robo taxi.

2

u/NYGiants181 14d ago

Ok got it. Yea sounds great but don’t know if that will ever happen lol

4

u/jfwelll 14d ago

Idk I wouldnt want to participate in anything that will give this guy more power but I think thats what he meant. The only thing I could make out of it. I could be wrong but thats the only thing that makes sense

3

u/NYGiants181 14d ago

Yea I mean I def won't be using them or ever stepping in a Tesla again, so he can fuck off with whatever he's babbling about.

3

u/jfwelll 14d ago

Yup same here. Not someone you want in charge and hes already has way too much power. He can hyperloop his ketamine ass to mars

2

u/One-Helicopter-4242 14d ago

It is a horrible idea if Elon would create a monopoly when he manufactures the cars,sell them,sell insurance and provide ride hailing monopoly when he can decide the price and who can use the service or not. Don’t forget how he treats people on X. He would be able to track the passengers every trip with camera and mic opposition politicians,activists or whoever he wants. I really hope this shit will never happen. Not even talking about their fake “FSD” that disengages seconds before the crashes so it won’t appear in the crash report.

3

u/MsRachyBee 14d ago

He will talk like it will happen, but it won't. He's been saying we can turn our Tesla's into an income source (taxis, etc) for a long time now. Then he had to make a new car line for his taxis, the insurance isn't available in every state and people hate it. Now his popularity is plummeting, this laugh track is accurate for my reaction watching this video the first time.

1

u/jfwelll 14d ago

Like i said, i wouldnt support it for many reason and I already stated the issue with giving too much power to this nutjob and the fsd issue aswell. But I get the idea and its not 100% bad in terms of efficiency or service. Wouldnt be a monopoly but would still give way too much power to one company so I dont support it but I can understand the thinking behind it to have a network of vehicles dispatched efficiently that could cut the cost of transport and reduce waste. But its an utopia and would end up a disaster where the corps would still drain every penny from the users and use their power for their own interests.

Lets put it in an hypothetical scenario where the corps want whats good and would do it for a better society, you still think the idea itself is bad? I dont. But we dont live in unicorns world so thats why Im totally against it.

Anyway all I wanted to do was trying to explain what this cringe dude meant

7

u/MaestroGena 14d ago

A software update will solve all the issues. Just trust him bro

4

u/Janina82 14d ago

Shit, he is talking shit, and lying his ass off. If you did not notice: that's kind of his thing.

3

u/Long-Blood 14d ago

He and Trump are 2 peas in a pod

5

u/Dark_Arts_ 14d ago

Ketamine rant

1

u/Importantbox100 14d ago

"It's all computer"

0

u/PalpitationFrosty242 14d ago

it will be an age of abundance

67

u/PreparationFrosty936 14d ago

Need to add the Seinfeld theme

23

u/Dark_Arts_ 14d ago

Yeah, missed opportunity made this a little to late last night

5

u/NYGiants181 14d ago

Someone did it. And it’s great. Can’t find it though.

1

u/Big_Quality_838 14d ago

Seinfeld is smart, the comparison doesn’t work. Sorry.

64

u/Dark_Arts_ 14d ago

This post was removed from WSB by the piss baby mods

22

u/Available_Bar_3922 14d ago

Snowflakes the lot of them.

20

u/Dark_Arts_ 14d ago

Bag holders

48

u/Big_Quality_838 14d ago

Netflix is literally giving anyone a special

27

u/Pedro748 14d ago

The only proper response to this shit after all these years of “promises”

-21

u/WashingtonRefugee 14d ago

Elon is doing exactly what Elon is designed to do, make people obsess over him. He's there so regular people have someone to point their fingers at and say "that's the bad guy".

10

u/Accurate_Stuff_365 14d ago

The richest man in the world is definitely just a pawn and distraction from the truly powerful!

5

u/wafflesthewonderhurs 14d ago

to be fair Peter Thiel is far scarier.

at least in part because he knows how to shut the fuck up, ever.

1

u/Comfortable_Goal9110 14d ago

Poor guy, I really hope his Vice President Trump stands up for him!

1

u/Grimour 11d ago

You are way too deep into what hellscape you identify as a functioning society. Elon is a con artist of the highest order and to say one of the founders is a scapegoat is absurd. The twitter lady he ordered to play the leader is a scapegoat. Every time Elon talks about the vandalism of his brand he lies and says he had done nothing wrong. You are getting conned.

1

u/WashingtonRefugee 11d ago

I'm being conned by recognizing that Elon Musk is a character you see on TV?

1

u/Wonderwhile 8d ago

You’re saying he’s a pawn while he bought out the literal president of the United States. That’s what they’re refering to.

He’s not there to take the blame. He doesnt want the blame. He’s just a narcissistic piece of shit with no redeemable qualities. 

He has literally limitless possibilities and this is what he chose to do.

1

u/WashingtonRefugee 8d ago

Yeah, it's easy to take your position going off what your screen tells you to believe. That's the entire point. If any of the big media outlets talk about something it should be considered propaganda. It's crazy how yall literally let your screens tell you how to think and behave. Y'all trash shit like MK Uktra while willingly allowing yourselves to be brainwashed by a hand held device.

1

u/Wonderwhile 7d ago

The richest guy on the planet who owns a social media is a victim. Thank you for informing me about the truth!

1

u/WashingtonRefugee 7d ago

Me: Musk is a manipulative propaganda tool.

You: So you're saying he's a victim?

19

u/karlelzz011 14d ago

Jajajajajaja jaja jajajjajajajajajaja...😂🤣

19

u/Atactos 14d ago

The dude's brain is totally burned.. needs rehab immediately

6

u/PhuckNorris69 14d ago

No. Let his downward spiral pick up steam

5

u/mr_evilweed 14d ago

"You can push an update to millions of cars and give them new functionality. Nothing like that has ever happened before."

Uh... you mean like software updates on cellphones that have been happening for decades?

0

u/m0nk_3y_gw 14d ago

Exactly like that... if your cell phone cost over $30k and it could transport you places.

18

u/Big_Quality_838 14d ago

Bet he tries to write a joke around how white guys can’t use the N word.

3

u/itsmymedicine 14d ago

WhaAaAts the deal with gatekeeping the N word pass??

3

u/Big_Quality_838 14d ago

“I’m sorry, but if an NWA song comes on, I’m not, NOT going to sing along, ok? I grew up in Africa, I’m more black than most Americans at this point. You know what I mean? Anyone? Sir, here in the front with the Biggie shirt on, you feel me right? Sir, I’m talking to you…he’s looking at me, but not responding. Sir! Oh, I get it, because I’m white”

10

u/st0350 14d ago

Haha that one woman got me

0

u/marcusalien 14d ago

It's not laughing at your dumb jokes elon, it is just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds...

5

u/Odddjob 14d ago

Audience loved that bit

5

u/Snowedin-69 14d ago

This was hilarious. I saw this without the laugh track yesterday and was dumbfounded.

With the laugh track I could not stop laughing - it was a great routine - his comedic delivery was near perfect.

4

u/CashFlowOrBust 14d ago

Sycophants, all of them. Just on their knees praying for a squirt of recognition.

4

u/frickprick 14d ago

Leon is so delusional. He thinks people are going to just let their private cars drive around FSD taxiing people around. The cost of charging, liability insurance, wear and tear, and the fact they will have to undercut Uber by at least 25% will make this a nonstarter for most people. He thinks people are going to depreciate their Teslas even more to make $6 and have shit stains on their seats? It's going to take over a thousand rides to just break even on the $8k additional FSD cost.

4

u/yipeedodaday 14d ago

Meanwhile China are deploying chargers capable of charging a car in 5-8 minutes……

3

u/annie_yeah_Im_Ok 14d ago

With 700 mile range, for $15k.

3

u/B12Washingbeard 14d ago

This is outstanding

2

u/Equivalent_Air7488 14d ago

Wow dude is up there saying a bunch of nothing 😆 and some ppl will believe it.

2

u/Staufen007 14d ago

This is your president Our idol The genius

2

u/AhhhSureThisIsIt 14d ago

So a Tesla for almost evey adult in America.

Im sure that's possible and not another lie to desperately stop stakeholders from selling.

1

u/annie_yeah_Im_Ok 14d ago

It’ll be a cold day in hell when I get into one of those death traps.

2

u/jfernandezr76 14d ago

Ha haha hahaha HODL U SUCKERS!

2

u/muxcode 14d ago

The only fallback for a self driving Tesla's is user take over. The is no instrument to fallback on to provide ground truth and escape corner cases when the AI prediction fails. The AI will always fail, the same reason all AI's fail, its built in to the vision technology. So you literally cannot have driverless cars without lidar to be ground truth on vision failure, or some other system.

2

u/tomcsvan 14d ago

Prompt “list all the trendy tech jargon”

Read them autistically line by line

2

u/Resolution-Honest 14d ago

Waymo is decades ahead of Tesla in terms of how trained their AI is and also uses lidar. Tesla only uses camera and can't really map it's surronding safely. This will cause it to think that huge white surface during the day or black surface in the night is empty space and drive you straight to it. Still, even Waymo isn't fully ready for the roads, even though it is like 10 times safer than Tesla.

2

u/manicmike_ 13d ago

This is the funniest fucking thing I've seen in my entire life.

Thank you for your wonderful contribution.

1

u/neutralpoliticsbot 14d ago

Could have done a better job with the audio

1

u/YusoLOCO 14d ago

I suspect he is talking about that FSD update that's has been one year away since 2017

1

u/Efficient-Ad1659 14d ago

Space Karen on a good one! 😆🤣😂

1

u/haydenmilk1987 14d ago

We need dolphin lady laughing in the backround

1

u/Apprehensive_Bit4767 14d ago

He's no Nate bargatze but I would watch an hour of Elon bombing on stage

1

u/Smartimess 14d ago

"Tell us some jokes about your black servants!"

"Hey Elon! Grimes or Crimes?“

"Cybertruck or Cybercuck?“

1

u/asspajamas 14d ago

must be at the comedy mothership.

1

u/Prudent_Falafel_7265 14d ago

I’m here all week. Try the veal!

1

u/Dino_Spaceman 14d ago

Doesn’tTesla openly talk about how to get FSD most cars need their new hardware computer package? So if you gotta upgrade the internals (which can’t be cheap) — how is that an OTA software upgrade?

1

u/Merciful_Bliss 14d ago

Someone please add the Seinfeld intro song to this.

1

u/boybitschua 14d ago

i was doing some chart analysis on what to trade long this coming week and TSLA seems to be a good candidate for a quick long day trade on 250 breakout. After watching this I now have second thoughts lol.

2

u/macruffins 14d ago

Do not buy Tesla, all cybertrucks just got recalled AGAIN. & this man is driving the US into the ground, if anyone needs to be detained by ice it’s him

1

u/slimycrumbs 14d ago

You see, all he needs is a platinum chip then it’ll all upgrade

1

u/AS-Gman 14d ago

Whole audience is bought an paid for

1

u/Shine_4970 14d ago

Say what

1

u/Due_Statement9998 14d ago

This is like some sort of creepy twilight zone episode…

1

u/Warvio 14d ago

Such a tweerk

1

u/macruffins 14d ago

I truly cannot watch this man speak but I love the comments and am pleasantly surprised

1

u/HollisFigg 14d ago

Andy Kaufmann was doing this sort of thing over 45 years ago. There's no new ground being broken here. Now, if Elon wants to smash a watermelon with a giant hammer, then you might have something. You have to stay fresh and on the edge, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

1

u/No_Emphasis_2011 14d ago

Add the Seinfeld riff, and it'll be perfect

1

u/memberflex 14d ago

Funnier than Seinfeld stand up

1

u/Crammit-Deadfinger 13d ago

This video made the laugh track funny again

1

u/Infinite-Window-8725 13d ago

He'll pay you 100 bucks to keep your shares...

1

u/gibson531 13d ago

Add the Seinfeld song over this. Haha

1

u/trogdor1234 13d ago

And who is going to be riding in these? I can only imagines how many times people are going to shit in them.

1

u/BigdaddyPost7 13d ago

He so badly wants to be funny and cool. But he will forever be a fucking dork. Money can't change that.

1

u/Amdvoiceofreason 13d ago

Adding the laugh track was hilarious 😂

1

u/Kingstoncr8tivearts 12d ago

In the food industry, I believe they call that "buttering the bread."

1

u/One-Management8057 11d ago

WHERE IS THE FUCKING LIDAR ELON