r/autismlevel2and3 • u/adriiaanz High Support Needs • Jan 07 '25
Help Stimming is bad??
Hi, I (17) live with my mother and I am typically very embarrassed by stimming, which is very anxiety inducing because I end up stimmimg more. I wanted to include my mum is some of my activities because we've been working on our relationship, which includes doing things such as humming and hand flapping/shaking at the store or listening to music and rocking with her, because I wanted to show her that Im working on trusting her. But she told me that those behaviors aren't acceptable and I shouldn't do that because it's not normal. I thought I was helping myself, because I used to cut and that's discreet, but very harmful because I end up in the hospital. I've been able to actually listen to myself recently without putting other people's views over my needs and it kind of hurts when she says that I must be lying or something about being autistic (I am diagnosed by a docter) when I struggle with basic things and she ignores it.
Long story short, is anyone else embarrassed to stim or engage in self soothing behaviors?
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u/cheesecakejew Level 2 Jan 07 '25
i definitely get embarrassed stimming, especially since many of my stims are quite obvious (such as arm flapping), because of my parents’ (and others’) judgment towards it
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u/Seren8954 Jan 07 '25
I have always masked my stimming so that I generally "only" look fidgety, but my son does the whole flapping, hopping and verbal stims, and if anyone ever tries to tell him not to they have a very angry Dad to deal with. As someone else said, if it isn't actively harmful to yourself or others it is perfectly fine, and is actually healthier for you to stim than suppress it or turn to other, more harmful outlets.
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u/CLOWTWO High Support Needs Jan 07 '25
Stimming isn’t bad at all. Most people understand that autistic people do it. My assumption is your mom is just embarrassed, doesn’t want people to know she has an autistic child
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u/iiiiAbbyiiii Jan 07 '25
Maybe by explaining it in a lens of somatic therapy might help her if she’s more likely to believe things that are also beneficial to neurotypical people too. Idk. Also the Spectrum comic helps me explain things to others that just completely are so far from understanding what the lived experience of having autism is like. https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/ If all else fails, I highly recommend reading “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” (my therapist recommended it to me) I feel it may help you to realize that you are not the issue and you are doing very wonderful things to regulate and create a life that accommodates you in the best ways. Nobody can know you more than yourself! You’re doing great and I’m here if you need support. ❤️
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u/HeidinaB Jan 07 '25
Now, my daughter (11 years) wouldn’t pass for normal even on her best days, but I think her stimming is kind of cute. If it helps her to relax and stay in the situation, the better. But mostly, she does it when she’s happy and excited. ❤️
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u/MrsLadybug1986 Jan 07 '25
I can relate to this, because my parents used to tell me my stims (hair twirling, rocking, finger flicking) were unacceptable too. Unfortunately the situation isn’t different because my parents stopped judging me (they didn’t), but because I’m an adult now and very low contact with them. If your Mom wants any sort of meaningful relationship with you, she should accept that this is your way of self-regulating and it’s perfectly fine.
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u/DustierAndRustier Jan 07 '25
Stimming is fine as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anybody else, but don’t understand why you’d get your mum involved in it. Stimming doesn’t soothe neurotypical people the way it soothes autistic people.
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u/adriiaanz High Support Needs Jan 07 '25
I get that, I just assumed that it's kinda like listening to music you don't like, you listen to it because it makes the other person happy. That makes sense.
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u/_279queenjessie Jan 07 '25
For me it depends on the situation, If I’m in a place where I may not be allowed to stem or I’ll be made fun of it for it then I am embarrassed but if I am at home I’m not.
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u/ZStarAttack98 12d ago
stimming not bad , with autism it normal to do so, I know it is hard for others to lern about us, and I also have autism lvl 3 however I have savant syndrome with it.
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u/DippityDoppityDoo 3d ago
No way! In fact as a parent, I have read and have confirmed with others that stimming, unless harmful, is something we should let our children do. Now, if it is something that may make a lot of noise or cause disruption, then it would be better to do it in private or give some space or use another stim if possible, but if you are self regulating and it is really needed, then stim away. Maybe mom doesn’t understand how important and beneficial stimming is and how potentially harmful it can be to mask and force yourself to not stim. Maybe she is trying to protect you as odd behaviors in society don’t usually get the best response. Either way, you could do a little research and point he to that, if she responds to that method, or discuss your feelings about it, while acknowledging her concern.
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u/Sceadu80 Level 2 Jan 07 '25
Hi. I used to be, because my parents punished me for them. They were wrong. If the stims aren't harming yourself or anyone then it's healthiest to allow yourself to do it. Especially if not stimming causes you to harm yourself.