r/legalcatadvice • u/murgatroyd15 • 1d ago
Pawyer needed Iz accused ob bitebites small hooman
Iz Mez princess Murgatroyd, angel and fairy ruler. Iz was minding my own business when my smallest hoomans, 7, decided he wanted cuddles. Being fair and kind Iz obliged. He fussed well and I got a bits excited so Iz gib him lub bite on his finger.
Well he had to go to the pokey place for yucky medicine yesterday and then bigger pokey place today for better medicine. Cos is infected. Some how dey are saying dis is my faults.
His paw is a bit swollen but he's ok. No my fault I lubs him, and he knows waah properly. Meowmy no let me snuggle him nows. Cos standing on his bad paw is also wrong apparently!!
Can I soo for salamander and my littlest one back?!
Photo is me looking innocent but sad!
Murgatroyd, 21. No longer grabbing sore teeth!
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u/jellosquid808 1d ago
Yu’z luk vary distrot but yu’z inno sent! I tink yu need churu
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Thank yoos. I thing that would be good start iz berry sad. X
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u/usedtobebrainy Whiskers, Wetired Cwimnal (Oranj), OTRB. 1d ago
Dis bery sadz, an yoo look soa melon collie dat itt meks mee hurting in mai hart. Hoomins shud lern nawt to get indawey ob kitty teefies but mebbe seben hoomim kitty yeears old is too yung fur suche lesons. Take kare an ai sen yoo hed bomks an snuggels, wid lub fwom yur fwen Whiskers, wetired cwimnal, oranj, otrb.
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Tank yoos Whiskers. Iz thinks he should learn so does Meowmy, she did warms him. But he is good snuggled and Iz training him to gib me treatos. X
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u/_Moon_sun_ Morgana the beautifull, breaker of the internet 1d ago
I fink this is was aksidental you gib lub bit but some of the ‘bak-tee-Ree-ah” got into the bit so really is was no you fault!!! It was ebil bakteereeah!!!! Shud much soo for salamander!!!
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u/Queen-PRose Is Elegant Tabby & Purr de Tortico! 1d ago
Yes I did a scratch on my big female hooman's face once cuz she pick meow up wifout purrmission!
De back-ter-ree-ria gave her owie and she needed ant-ee-biotiks dat made her hork hork! Soo de back-ter-ree-ria!
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u/_Moon_sun_ Morgana the beautifull, breaker of the internet 1d ago
Mes mammi took the ant-ee-bie-oh-tiks when her had ouchie in her throat bc it had an infekshun! Bakteereeah is ebil!!!
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Why is ebil backteereeah ebberywhere?! It work wid greebals dey ebberywhere too?! X
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u/_Moon_sun_ Morgana the beautifull, breaker of the internet 1d ago
I fink they have ko-a-li-shun!!!!! (mean they does a werk togeter!!!)
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Dis is shocking. Can we stop dem?
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u/_Moon_sun_ Morgana the beautifull, breaker of the internet 4h ago
I does no knows but we can tri!!!!
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u/reddituser6835 Ai Maiself ❤️ 1d ago
Ai did dis crime tuday! Ai wuz doin a sneez a sum yukky stuff flu owtta my noze. Meowmy grapped a kleen-ex an wyp my noze, butt no befor Ai uze my clawz an dug dem in deep! Meowmy seem pleezd acuz she gotted sum yukky, butt Ai win!
Penny da calico
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Penny Mez Calico too! Did most excellent crimes. My meowmy is obsessed widvwiping Mez stunning face. Yoo defend yooself against attack of nasty tissue. We no want de yuck smashed into our fur! X
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Soo dem back-ter-ree-ria dis is good plan. Yoos is wise! I hope yoos meowmy is ok. And she leaneds no ups without Yoo ok x
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u/Queen-PRose Is Elegant Tabby & Purr de Tortico! 1d ago
Yes she okay meow, dat was lots of furevers ago.
She not learn about ups (Picks up when I is on LAP!!! Very illegalz!) but not let my paws near her face!
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Dat is illegalz. How can she doos dat to you? Iz glad she better but she must learns!!
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Yes, Iz no my faults. Iz used to bites Meowmy or Dadfur and they hab tuffer skin. Treats for salamander! Thank yoos xx
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u/mybloodyballentine Pawyer 1d ago
This is an egregious abuse of human power and it shall not stand! We will send the cat union to your home to picket. With signs. That will say “Gib Murgatroyd her baby back!” And “sharp claws, soft paws!” “Rights for cats!” And “Bites is love!”
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u/Iowegan Fred, Carol, & Pumpkin 1d ago
If no spose too bitebite smol hoomans why they so soft? Oh, ai kidding around, hoomans stoopid bout them smols. We don’t let them in. Hope u can get ok wid ur hooman smol soon, Murgatroyd, and that it will be more careful wid you too.
Ur fren, Fred
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Hey Fred, yoos right dey do get funny. He's not tiny baby he getting big wid good reach and thumb use. And his skin much softer den meowmy leather skin. So I no mean to go through it. X
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u/Special_Tip_6428 Ai Maiself ❤️ 1d ago
Diz liddul hoomans doan git it abowt da biteybites or merder mittens. So sorry dis happens tu yu. Maebee after hims isz bedder yu kin cuddul hims again. Jus beeware. Little hoomans eben dumber den big hoomans. Wez se den yu healing purrs so yu feel bedder. Yu frens, 😸 peachie n 😸 creamie
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Thank yoos Peachie n Creamie. Iz glad yoos understand. Meowmy says she told him to leave me alone but Iz purr him better. X
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u/One_Eggplant_1397 1d ago
Dis unforchunett, but mebbe hoomin kitten will thus lern to respekt kitties and approach softly. Ai sure yoo guyses will be ok soon. Paw hugs n healing purrz to boff ob yoo!
Olive da Concerned Cattorney
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Thank Yoo Olive. Dadfur said he'll learn. Meowmy laff, and say hope so!! Tank yoo for purrs x
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u/reddituser6835 Ai Maiself ❤️ 1d ago
Yess! 7 yeer owld hooman no bettur! Butt Ai dux hopez hiz paw feel okie soon.
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u/catstaffer329 The Cat Overlords Monet and Lilly 1d ago
Princess Murgatroyd dis is an OUTRAGE, yoo was showings the lubs very graciously and now it is a whole PAWGATE ting! Do a soos for elebenty billion treatsies and we iz bery sorries yoo has a sad.
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Thank yoos. It is outrage and Iz lubs treats like I lubs my small hooman. Perhaps he can gib dem to mez.
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u/Illustrious-Trip620 Consigliere 1d ago
I fink da GREEBLES did it an dey tryin to git yew in jail.
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u/TheMightySurtur 1d ago
Heavens to Princess Murgatroyd! accidental lub bitebires is ok. no crimez here.
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u/Rinem88 Caspian, Prince, Model, Miti Criminal 👑 1d ago
I unerstand fren. I like making bizcuitz all the time butt dey make my meowmy yelp and itz hard to stop. She putz a blanket on her lap befor petz now.
Maybe hooman is illegal smoll. U might have to wait to play wit him again.
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
He usually picks me ups and we snuggle but not now. Berry sad. Iz snuggle wid Meowmy, we habs blankets fur dis too, but he no get it on properly! Will remind him, thank Yoo fur wise advice x
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u/Loud-Bee6673 Pockets, Princess of Tortitude 1d ago
Fren Murgatroyd, we all knows you are bery gud catto and wud neber cause harm on purpose. Actually, I tink is smol hoomans fault for hab finger in wrong place at wrong tyme.
Murgatroyd is innocent!!
Your fren Pockets
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u/Roach-Problem Ilvy the big bébé 1d ago
Yoo iz sweet seenyoo ladee prinsess, Murgatroyd. Iz noe yoo canz no hab didded dis. Lub bitey, mebbe, but if-, feksh-, skin paw bad, no. Dis biggsest injushiss an maek mez sad. Iz bery sowwy dis happan to yoo.
-Ilvy teh big bébé
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u/Super_Reading2048 1d ago
Hmmm I think this accidental but you must never ever bite or scratch skin kittens. I do murder mitten kneads so meowmy puts my baby blanket & sweater for me to lay on and knead.
You must give many I’m sorry cuddles to your meowmy and to the skin kitten when you are allowed near him.
~ Jackie Vin
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
We had lots ob soft blankets but Iz really like to knead on de skin.
Iz no mean to bites but is hard x
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u/Super_Reading2048 1d ago edited 1d ago
No bites but you can meow or growl very loud so your meowmycomes and makes skin kitten go away. Your meowmy needs to teach skin kitten cat body language so he doesn’t over pet you or he knows when you are saying no or so he knows how/where to pet you and he knows to never pick you up. You must learn to be gentle and to never ever draw skin kittens blood! It is very big deal and you may get rehomed for biting skin kitten again. You don’t want to loose your human family or castle; so never ever bite again!!!!!
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Meowmy had told him to leave me alone. She said Iz not too well abs Iz no want big cuddles. I was width meowmy meowmy and de skin kittens so we no listen to meowmy cos she gone. Iz tries to be gentle wid de skin kittens, but Iz too obber excited!
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u/Merryannm 1d ago
Dear Princess Murgatroyd, this is me, Nugget the small gray cat. I think that what is happening is the humans feel guilty - as they should - for all the stress this is causing you. First, the human kitten shoved his finger onto your teeth. Then, in their desire to show off how well your teeth work, they take the human kitten to another doctor, with no regard at all for the fact that you might be lonely. Now, they are too embarrassed to be near you.
You keep being your wonderful self and they will figure out that it is snuggle time.
Your friend, Nugget.
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Thank yoos Nugget. Yoos be best. Dus do explain it all. So wise and clebber. X
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u/shinobipopcorn General Leia 1d ago
Oh noes! Yoo is good cat so must be doggo fault. If no doggo den is ghost fault.
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u/murgatroyd15 1d ago
Yess!! Yoo is clebber doggo did it. Outside doggo I no see. Small hooman lubs de animals.
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u/The_ShadowMaster4613 1d ago
Iz not eben doggo. Was greebles! Hoomins always complain bout feelin bites when no one Der!
Anya da Void Pawttorney
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u/murgatroyd15 23h ago
Yoo is rights. Dey are crazy x
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u/The_ShadowMaster4613 23h ago
Tell uu meowmy it wuz greebles. Den smol spare hoomin cuddle wiff uu again!
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u/murgatroyd15 22h ago
Meowmy has been snuggled wid me. His finger is still big, but not thumbs so Iz still get dreamies! He's not still nuff at de moment
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u/The_ShadowMaster4613 22h ago
Uu gotta find da greeble wut bitted him!
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u/moeru_gumi 22h ago
Haldo, Boimler here (3 yeers old oranj boi) Here is smol photo of me —> 🐈
Miss Murgatroyd u haz ezcelent defens. As wee all kno, hooman kittens is never wash selff like cat kittenz do. Dey alwus stimky and stikkie like a frobg.
Is therefor ver CERTAINLEE that hooman kittun waz alreddy stimky and dirdee and your bitebite did NO introduc new infekt, but kitten already hav an infekt on him paw that he do heself!!
Dis is medikal law cannot proov were did infekt come from. So it not u.
Good luk in court, simcerely Boimler
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u/murgatroyd15 22h ago
Iz thinks yoos rite. Iz gloriously clean, he stinky and his hands smell like chickens! Cos he's ated de chickens! Yoos berry clebber.
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u/Cruisingpenguin Ai Maiself ❤️ 19h ago
Oh my cod fren Murgy, youse looks so sads. Sending cuddles to youse. Da smol Hooman know it was axsident?
Love, You fren, Teddy teh Floof
Dis me do a sad wif fren Murgy ❤️
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u/murgatroyd15 16h ago
Thank Yoo Fren Teddy. Iz priciate yoos support. Yoos looks so sad. Good news is de snol hooman knows I lubs hims. He come for cuddles again! X
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u/luciferskitty 12h ago
Sweet fren Murgatroyd, youse luk so sad! Iz so sowwy you did a booboo on youse mini hooman! Iz kno himb still luv youse n will be bedder soon. Mebbe gib him some purrpurrs n luv? Also, youse get chinkin fur youse sad face. Luv, Kitty, tuxedo F, furrever 15🌈
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u/IntrovertedGiraffe Jigsaw the Guinea Pig (and his sisters maybe) 1d ago
Oh fren Murgatroyd! When hooman kittens cause an ouchie on another hooman kitten, dey is taught to say sowwy and gib da odder kitten a cuddle. Can you offer healing purrs and cuddles to get youz fren back?