Youz all know that I don sit on laps. Before I got this hooman, things weren’t always gud between me and hoomans.

But this one I got now is so stoopid, somebodyz got to take care of her. It was after 4 in the morning and she sits down to do a puzzle inna book.

Go to sleep! I tol her. She dint unnerstand me becawse she’s stoopid.

So I did it.

I trampled her puzzle book and I…I SAT ON HER LAP. Not just the two paws like I did before. Whole body weight. Furr several minutes. Got lotso two-handed petting on that itchy spot on the jawline.

I had to do it becawse maybe I love this hooman. Not sayin furr sure yet. But this worked! After I moved, she did what I wanted and turned off the light and went to sleep.

Youz were right awhile back when youz all sed I shud try. It wasn’t bad. Even kind of…warm. I may do it again someday. Maybe. Don know.

Thanks furr the encouragement, frens.

Toulouse the big orange cat

Ebry wun haz a favrit box rite? I ush-ally lik to squish into mine wen it bery hotz.

Lub,

Charli frum Down Under Landz

I’m a professional hater and usually hate when people use baby talk or try to talk cute on the internet. Idk why it’s a big pet peeve of mine.

But for some reason I love this page and I love the way you all type like you’re cats. It makes me smile every day. Tysm.

Cat tax is a cat I catsit for a few months ago. I miss having one around but idk if I can afford a cat 😢

Will yooz sign my petishun in da comments? Mebbe help meowmy understan dat she rong and no leev.

Frens, I want talk bout never gives up. I fink I be chasing dis blanket monstir furever! It always show up when not expeck, and usually I get skare and run away. But today, TEDDY TEH FLOOF win! I waits and waits and got lotta fokus and then do a pownce!! The momma akshually give a yelp and say “goods jobs Teddy!” I mean duh, of course I does good job cause you know…cat.

But dis safe spayce with frens so I can share that sometimes I no catch the blanket monster, special when I end up under blanket and monster on top! Teddy always do a skared when try to cover me up. I fink before momma and dad guy, I had skaree xpeereunce with ofther hoomans. So I Teddy like my spayce and not get stuck.

But that lots of werds to say that sometime it ok to be blanket monster and sometime it ok to catch blanket monster. Weeze all gots stuff to deal with (like the hoomans) but if you stay fokus it be ok. Some days good, some days bad, but most always good when weeze cats. It ok to be afraid, but just member you fierce inside always.

You fren, Teddy teh Floof

Me jus wanna sayz, we lub all ob our frenz in dis sub. Me iz sendin smilez, hed bonkz an cute pics to makez yoo do a smile too.

No matter wat goin on in yoo lyfe, we sendz much lub to yoo all.

Lub,

Charli frum Down Under Landz 💜

Hello to all the cats & anipals on the bestest sub on reddit! Hoomin here but I beg forgive cos I'm here to invite you all to celebrate Garfield's 20th birbday which is in 20 days time - 24th April.

Some of you Garfield is very close to & counts as his besties. I am aware there are shyer cats who maybe hang here but don't talk much. You are ALL loved & appreciated whether you are chatty or not & Garfield & me are grateful for all of you.

You've got us thru some really bad times when sometimes this sub & the love & kindness we found here was the only good thing that kept us going.

Please drop in if you can to his pawty, you will ALL be most welcome & we will be providing plenty of nip & nipagne as well as delicious trets, so put 24th April in your diaries & we...

swipe wif paw & snatch fone

Geroff our sub yoo pawful hoomin!

normal service resumed

Pals it Garfield, 19, expert pawyer, here. I apologise profusely for my servant daring to post on our sub. She will be chastised fur her arrogance & I haf done an OUTRAYG & an IGNORR ob daft mare.

But I would LOVE it if you would celebrate wif me on my 20th birbday. There are several pals wif birbdays around dis time & I bery happy to share a pawty! Da more da merrier I say!

All frens welcome, whether yoo post on here or just like to read da comments, I lubs yoo all & want to haf fun wif as many ob yoo as possible.

Garfield, 19, expert pawyer 🍸🍾🍤🎂🎉🎁😹😻

a choir of mice hums The Ecstasy of Gold while an old black cat enters the field

Niko, my terrible brofur, I habe fought against ebil in de world all my long liwe. Against halw-emptee bowls an' sheeki birdos. Against stoopid neighbor kittee an' my pawpawz bad manners. I habe always stood up fur upright kittees. Fur de illegal smolz, de orange One-Brainees, fur de Justhiss Lieg an' Vampurres. An' fur de ICBGC.

I habe conbikted trillions of hoomans in my court an' halped de justhiss of crime to biktoree time an' time again! An' I habe neber asked fur anyting in return... sits down gracefully on a skull, marked by age

Fur weeks, I tested Baby P to zee if she was worffee leader of crimez. I exposed her shenenenanigans so dat she would alwayz remain coshius an' derefore sugzessful.

And den...yuu came.

I don't blame yuu fur being loyal to yuur leader...but fur lying to mew, yuur own brofur...dat iz unfurgibable.

Justhiss Lieg has made peeze wiff ICBGC. But my black heart will not find de same peeze as long as yuur claw sticks in my back.

So faze me, Niko the Terrible, so we can finish dis onze an' fur all!

Balu, Judge of the Void

My name is Manul

My body is round, so are my eyes

A hooman said I am not for cuddles because I am "wild cat"

Be assured friends, you can reach out and pet my belly. There will be no negative repurcussions from doing so.

Henlo frenz. Yester-fureberz Iz showdedez youz all mai new enourmgouz best very fine box an wez talkededez aboutz habinz da pawty. Iz askdedez Meowmy aboutz diz an she sayz dat mez an sisfur Nix can haz da pawty on Thurmsdayz (da fureber afterz da next fureberz)! Shez sayz shez be gonez fur werkz all dayz an den goez to da gymz an den comez homez after many fureberz so shez no botherz uz. But shez doez sayz dat she likez da picturez ob da kittiez an udder frenz whoz gonna come to da pawty. Shez sayz shez wantz to makez surez dat if shez doez comez homez an da pawtyz stillz goinz on dat der noz meaniez sneakinz inz. But Iz tinkz iz mor acuz shez habz some sadz da last fewz fureberz. Shez sayz a fren didz da big dumz an da stoopidz an makez Meowmy an lotz ob herz hooman frenz habz da sadz. Soz Iz tinkz da picturez ob all ob da kittiez an udder frenz maybez halpz makez herz noz be soz sadz.

Soz pleasez comez to mai pawty. Iz habz da giangormouz very fine box an da few smaller very fine boxez in case some kittiez wantz der own very fine box or da illegally smolz ascared ob gettin lostz. An Nix knowz where da treatoz arez an Meowmy sayz wez gettin da very fine box frum da chooy place soonz an wez all knowz dat meanz da licky treatoz! But pleasez sendz me youz bery bestz picturez ob youz bein superz cutez or silliez or whateberz. Iz showz dem to Meowmy an maybez dey do da halpz herz noz be soz sadz.

(Meowmy here. Nothing scary going on. A friend who is in leadership in an organization which means a lot to me and many others was caught stealing money from the organization. It's a betrayal and difficult to deal with but ultimately the organization will recover and we hope they and their family will too. Pictures of kitty and other frenz would help make me smile. Also Kota really loves her very fine boxes and wants to share them with others who will appreciate them.)

Hello frens! King here! Today is mine birfday. Mine meowmy made me a birfday cake, and grandmeowmy gave me deli torkey today too!! Torkey and cake!! Meowmy took pics of me eating. I was so ekcited!! And my gift was churu bites!

Im eleven nows! Im still a big orenj baby boy though. Frens, have a tasty treato to cellybrate mine birfday. I love you all so meowch!

Henlo Frens! It's me, Twix teh Ginger ICBGC Australasian chapta. It's time for da big Pawtee!! Today I am 10!!

The Pawtee will go for a long time as many frens from da different clock timez round da world are coming. Help yourselves to teh buffet of fuds. There is a parkour room for Fren Charli from Down Under land and da cuddle room will be run by Mochi and Miso.

Free nip for all !! Boxes everywhere!! Turn up da music and let's Pawtee!!!!!

PS: I did birfdayz crimez. I bap bap Meowmy om da head with my claws at 4am GO CRIMEZ!!!!

Pee Ssss Sssss - dis pikshur of me as Babee and as growed up.

Tali heer, mine littel brofer Drew is tree today! (I stole his prezent, go crimez!)

Inspired by a post in r/cats:

How u node dat u hoomin wuz “duh won”, duh rite servant wif who to spendz u glorriuz lyfe n gib u treetz n lisen to songz of u peepul?

Fur me it wuz at home. Meowmy seed me in jayl (shelter) fur crime of runnin away to make illegal smolz. I not noticed her, I wuz playin wif toyz n sad bout loss of my truble puffs.

Den, some bortholes putted me in a box n I bitebitebite hisss scratch dem n den I wuz in car n screemed all duh way home.

Wen I gedded to my new catdom, I seed treetos n cat trees n fud n toys all fur me! N den I noticed meowmy lookin at me n layin on dih bed n I decided she need me to luv her. She wuz purrthetic, so I dopted her n snuggled fur our first nap. Now I takez carr of her stoopid mental health ebereedae.

Wutz u storee??

Maui duh orenj demigod

Henlo, frens. Iz meow, Arietty (12f SIC of Oriental extraction). Ai leaving for da Big Eazy on Friday (so 3 forebers from now). Ai find out dey hab a kitteh king and queen of Mardy Graw. I hopez Ai Getz to meet dem. Ai will be sure to inbite dem to pawtee wif us.

Dere a place called awdabon Park. Silly hoomans spell it Audubon Park. Get your meowmmys and pawthers to Google it for youz. Meow fink it great place to meet before heading to pawades.

Illegally smols, Ai got youz covered. I bring my dog sisfur and two dog brudders. Dey big and da boyz is super floofy. Dey will let Illegally smols ride on dey backs if youz getz tired. Dey also berry good at protects.

Dere nip from all over da world in New Orleans. We can tryz all we wantz. My human sister will be designated dwiver and put us up at her house, so we canz haz all de funz we wantz.

Dere tons of possible crimez too. Wez can dos what we wantz.

I hopez to see all my frens dere. Tuesday is the big day! The pawtees never end.

Let's pawtee and Go Crimez!!!

Dear ladies, with this inveetashun I welcom youz to meez ladies council. I organise thisz council eshpeshallee for all usz ladies. I thinks we musts sticks togethur and hab som fun of our owns. We cans meow abou our crimez, stoopid hoomans (I mean, how hard isz it to bee good servant! Let usz hork and poo as we pleasz! Also, wher ar meez treats meowmy??), silly brothurs, pokey visits, favrit foods and we cans swoon over Oscar. Gosh, he so pwetty.

Feel free to share yourz stories and we cans giggle, purr and admires one anothur. I hab prepareded treatos, kittymilk and churrus. Mostly seafood. Da bestest off da bestest!

Lady Miso

Pspsps da pikshur isz royal pawtrait of meez made by da bery talented artist Evie u/Taminella_Grinderfal

Hi dere!!

We Eez Billie the Grey an Orion da Ferostiferous Predapurrrr from da Just Hiss League n we invite youze all to our new year eve purrrty in Purrris!!

NORULES : Come as youze are! Do what youze like!! Eben crimez!! Billie will be too busy napping purrtying ta fight crimez so crimez will be legal!! Youze can jump on da counter or bapbap da eiffel tower Eez all gud!!

Dere will be chimken n toona n churus n temptashuns n cheese!!

N napping n hidey spots (as Billie demnstrates!)

N fings to bapbapbap n cuddle n jumpey spots too!!

Come! Will be fun for all!

🍀Happy St. Pawtrick’s Day to all my good frens here at LCA, an ICBGC!🍀

Meowmy finally got her annual pilgrimage to da Mc Donaldland an got her Shamrock shake, so her has calmed down fur da moment, til all dat sugary goodness kick in and then watch yoo borts! Her no let me have any, of course, cuz her is crool crool monster, but….we all know that. Da worst.

Anyhoo, Hopin yoos all have a great St. Paddy’s Day, remember I loves yoos all so much, and if yoos hoomans give yoos any guff today, tell em to KiSS yoo Blarney Stone! 🍀

Hemlo all!

Is me, Goose the flerken here! One of meowmy and pawpaw’s great eight kitties!

5 years ago today meowmy and pawpaw decided to dopt me as their kitty. It was big scurry! I went in a vroom vroom and dens to a new howse. I did a hide under the futon until I felt comfortable enough to come out. Meowmy gabes me gud snacks and nice pets every time I camed out.

Now I libes with my brofurs and sisfurs. I love do a cuddle wif my best friend Patterson. Also sometimes cuddle with my brofur Gonzo. Also do big plays and sum crimes with my lil sisfur Bitty Baby.

Meowmy habs big plans to gibe nice fuds tonight and many treatos to celebrate. So no soo, just dis once.

So dere I sat, Balu, Judge of Drama. De night was as dark as a voidling's fur. Pawpaw lay in de bed I had lent him. Dere should hawe been silenze, but instead dere were sounds dat broke de peaze of darkness. A distant splash from my drinking fauntain, de creaking of furnishure. De emptiness echoed in my food bowl like a tausand songs of our peeple...

I am always on guard in dese dark times. I make shure dat Pawpaw iz niot taken in his sleep by de ghosts of de Mr. Mouses dat hawe died in dis house.

But...dis night was diwwerent. Egsausted from hunger an' cuddlez, I allowed myself to close my graweyard green eyes fur a moment. De dream fairy's cloak fell ower my strong sholders an' carried me away to de realm where dere iz always treatoz...

But my peaze was shattered. Shtrange sounds mingled wiff de terrible symphonies of de night. A cracking... an' crunching... a groaning an' smacking. My eyelids were heawee, but de dewils' danze would not end. Tired an' angry, I stretshed out de claws of despair an' yawned brawelee against de nameless horrors.

De sounds were still dere. I hadn't imashined dem. My fur bristled. Where was Pawpaw, an' why wasn't he fighting de ewil dat was infesting dis plaze? I swallowed my ball of fur .... an' looked slowlee ower de edge of my high bed ... an' dere it was! Cruul an' disgushting it lay in de darkness, feasting! It was... ... ... ... Pawpaw! thunder roll

He had sneaked up tu de fridshe an' was munching away wiffout sharing wiff mew. Tears of rage welled up in my eyes. How could he betray me like dat?

I hawen't slept sinze dat night ewer again...

Frenz, pweese send heeling vibez, hed bonkz an juju, wateber yoo haz. Meowmmy talkded to mine Grandpoppy on da smol glowy box, and finded owt him in da hooman pokey place (da hostabubble), acoz himb fall down an hurted himbz hip bonez. Grandpoppy haz sumfing called a frak-shur in himbz now.

Himb lib bery far awayz an me do a worrie on himb, but I also do a worrie dat mine Meowmmy will leabe fur elebenty billion fureberz to go see himbz. I no wantz her to go. I will be home wif Dadz, witch iz fine acoz himb gib me eberyfink I wantz, but I will miss mine Meowmmy ifn she haz to leabe to halp Grandpoppy.

Wat's a kittee to do?

Pikshurz ob me doin a hekkin worrie.

Lub,

Charli frum Down Under Landz

Frens! Time to be seereeus. I hear da news lady say there is big big fire, which is super skaree. Fire hot and super danger. I know we no usually think hoomans right, but if them says youse got to go, please no hides. It ok to be skare, but youse gotta go wif youse hoomans. Them keep you safe, k? Them might grab youse and put youse in bocks and vroomvroom. We gotta allow it this once. I prawmiss treets be given later once safe.

You fren, Teddy teh Floof

(Hoping any friends in the Santa Monica, LA, Palisades areas in California are getting away from the fires safely. Stay strong and know we are here for you)

My hoomom say it me birfday and I is 3 now! I gets extra treats today! Is good day to be me! 🐾 Jango

Meowmy do a not happy bout da lection. Say timez to pack da bags and run to place called Cnda? Parently orange man do a orange. Wez knows bout orange cats share da one brain cell. Didn't know dat orange hoomans share one braincell. Is dis true? Do orange humans share da brain cell like orange kitties? Has meowmy lost her brain cells? Wat is dis Cnda? Why we need go der cause of orange man?(meowmy here. This is satire. Not actually packing and running north, at least not yet. Just thought all those thinking worst case scenario of the orange man winning might enjoy a laugh this morning.)

Gracie, Piper, Arlo, and the foster kitties

Cominz to youz live from the mews desk!

Meowmy went to the pokey place wiffout met (phew!) They has a shop called "pets at home" meowmy went to buys my favourites treatos Dreamiez but she found the mystical churus all my frenz here talkz abut!

I don't like the wet liccy treatos in general. Meowmy sayz I iz fussy, I tellz her No I iz discerning! sho she got me softy stixz kind.

I tried and I likedz. Even put tie on to tellz all frens here abut!

And now fur da weatber...

Iz sunny and I saz my bird frenz come on the winbow feeder.

Tats all fur todayz