I'm afraid to admit that I do this, and you're right, it is precisely my way of empathizing. I'm not trying to one up anyone or take focus away from their story but I know that's how it comes off, so I'm trying to break the habit. But for me it's less, "that happened to me but worse" and more "that also happened to me and here's how."
Yes, that is the normal human thing to do no matter how much the reddit people try to tell you it's a social blunder.
Narcissists aren't much of a fan of it, though. They will feel like you're trying to one-up them. And obviously it's unprofessional for a therapist to try to relate to people in this fashion.
I’ve seen this stated on multiple occasions as a typically neurodivergent way of thinking and empathizing. It’s just simply how a neurodivergent person’s brain and thought process works on how they empathize, with their own story/experience being the support/proof of their empathy. It’s 100% not about one-upping, or trying to overshadow or invalidate another person’s experience. I personally have a strong tendency do this too, but am also self aware enough that I actively make an effort not to, as I’m also aware of how it’s generally perceived. Being straight up called out on it before has sucked too.. ‘No sorry I’m not trying to overshadow or take away from your story, this is just my way of showing you that I understand how you feel and what you’re going through.’
That being said a Therapist should absolutely be self aware enough to know not to do this, especially repeatedly. Oof.
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u/Aggressive_Bird_1209 1d ago
I'm afraid to admit that I do this, and you're right, it is precisely my way of empathizing. I'm not trying to one up anyone or take focus away from their story but I know that's how it comes off, so I'm trying to break the habit. But for me it's less, "that happened to me but worse" and more "that also happened to me and here's how."