r/mildlyinfuriating • u/gingerninja78 • 2d ago

Played Battleship with my 7 year old son

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He sunk all my ships without me getting 1 hit, so I played on to find where his were.

He hid them in his pocket.

69.4k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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3.4k

u/Pepper_Bun28 2d ago

So how did you punish him for cheating?

7.2k

u/gingerninja78 2d ago

I'm dropping him at the orphanage first thing Monday morning.

1.2k

u/JerkfaceMcDouche 2d ago

You don’t have to wait the whole weekend. Firehouse will take him 24/7. You could get him there and be back home drinking a beer in under an hour. Think of the money you’ll save

317

u/ZeroCandleLight 2d ago

That’s actually not true. Most firehouse subs close at 9 or 10 pm. ;)

177

u/NomadMiner 2d ago

It is very true, but the donation boxes have alarms and signals alerting someone that the box has been used.

It will fit small children

86

u/UltraRoboNinja 2d ago

You can fit larger children if you’re very strong.

33

u/Muted_Gur_213 2d ago

Or even adults, if you liquefy them first!

2

u/The_Seroster 1d ago

Midgets are adults, no fluids necessary.

73

u/Worldly_Shoe840 2d ago

He doesn't need those pesky legs OP

12

u/Future_Tense 2d ago

But will it toast my Sweet & Spicy Meatball?

1

u/DMcDonald97 2d ago

Sorry, they’re out of the datil pepper sauce, but you can put any sauce from our hot sauce bar on it if you’d like, it’s not the same but it’s what we can do

1

u/xXDreamlessXx 1d ago

Not all of them, OP should find one with no alarm

20

u/partisancord69 2d ago

Yep right when all the fires go to sleep.

14

u/Forsaken-Reveal-3548 2d ago

I would absolutely destroy a firehouse sub right now. But alas, they are closed right now.

15

u/Welcome440 2d ago

Looks at a 10:02 fire... 🔥

2

u/24-Hour-Hate 1d ago

I’m sure it will just tire itself out. It’s past the fire’s bedtime.

1

u/cleverist_bane 1d ago

I understood your joke

6

u/Cold-Ease-1625 2d ago

There's gotta be somewhere you could trade him for beer, though?

2

u/NotNice4193 1d ago

well the Firehouse neer me might trade a few steak and cheese. don't think they have beer though.

83

u/FigOutrageous9683 2d ago

I vote for the 1 day blinding stew

31

u/sadclassicrocklover 2d ago

Blinding stew: 1 day

15

u/andrewsad1 I have a purple flair 2d ago

Feed him stew that blinds him for 1 day

2

u/fiendishfinish 1d ago

I say blind him with stew

1

u/Intraq 2d ago

what is this from

1

u/FigOutrageous9683 2d ago

A meme 🤣

1

u/WizardSleeves31 2d ago

I haven't thought about this practical learning technique in forever

50

u/JRootz 2d ago

😂 🤣 when I was a kid, ANY time I was in the car with my dad and asked “where are we going?” His answer every single time “the orphanage”.

24

u/Lou_C_Fer 2d ago

My dad was like that, and he ended up with kids that told his wife/their mother that he had a girlfriend named Linda.

2

u/Little-Salt-1705 2d ago

Did he though?

7

u/Lou_C_Fer 2d ago

Not that I know of.

36

u/YourLocalPotDealer 2d ago

That’s what Reddit woulda prescribed. Good job

42

u/DoctorKall 2d ago

"🚩🚩🚩 dump him, divorce the mother immediately, lawyer up, NTA, your house = your rules, you deserve better"

1

u/Due-Door4885 6h ago

Nah he can still have his wife. She didn't cheat in battleships XD

-1

u/Physical-East-162 2d ago

I wasn't making a joke.

9

u/Baghdad_Bob20 2d ago

Understandable, hopefully he learns from this.

2

u/Critical-Ad-5215 2d ago

It'll be quicker to bring him to the box they have at fire stations 

2

u/Few-Cabinet3309 2d ago

Nah nah you gotta out him in a box in front of a store on some metro street and say free like you would a box of kittens.. make sure it also says needs a good home lol. You can say his name is Oliver and he need company 😃

Okay I'll leave. 😂

2

u/Expensive-Soft5164 2d ago

Just played startego with my 6yo, I can drop him off there too, he will get along with your son, maybe they can exchange cheating techniques.

2

u/ClassicDefiant2659 2d ago

My kid stacked a deck for a candy land type game when he was 5. He even set up a few turns that I got his cards too, "So it would look fair".

I took pictures of him like mug shots with the game on the picture. I still laugh about it.

2

u/JeffersonStarscream 2d ago

Back in the day my parents drove my sister and I to Father Baker's orphanage, made us get out of the car and drove off. They went around the block and then came back for us.

They also "dropped us off" in front of Attica State Prison one time.

Shit you could do with your kids in the '80s, I guess.

2

u/Seartugboat 2d ago

W Dad fr.

1

u/strykersfamilyre 2d ago

This is the way.

1

u/po3smith 2d ago

use a GPS you might miss it . . . ;)

1

u/ScarsTheVampire 2d ago

What, no one hour blinding stew?

1

u/Remote_Flamingo1930 2d ago

Get him back and feed him a one day blinding stew

1

u/Warshrimp79 2d ago

Reasonable crash out

1

u/Sandcracka- 2d ago

Make him walk the plank

90

u/baby_blobby 2d ago

F'ed his mother

8

u/Dedeurmetdebaard 2d ago

While maintaining eye contact.

24

u/Bejarni 2d ago

1 day blinding stew

9

u/Steeze_Schralper6968 2d ago

Made him watch "Lock, stock and two smoking barrels" as a lesson in why you don't cheat at poker.

1

u/Responsible_Race_604 2d ago

son gotta learn some how

1

u/Stuf404 2d ago

Fucked his mom