r/prolife • u/Many_Appointment2542 • 1d ago
Pro-Life General I was left pregnant, need advice
I'm not too sure where to start but I need a lot of prayer and advice right now. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant. I (21F) myself was raised a non-denominational Christian. My partner (ex-partner) is Serbian Eastern Orthodox (21M). We are both students at university and live at home.
We were together for 9 months in a serious relationship and engaged in pre-marital sex. We agreed before having sex that in the event I end up pregnant we would stay together, marry and have more kids. For the last three months of knowing about the pregnancy, all we have discussed is this plan. He accompanied me to multiple ultrasounds and we were happy but scared about starting our lives together even if earlier than planned.
We initially discussed waiting to tell both our parents until we were ready. This last week I had to unexpectedly tell my parents I am pregnant. It was horrible timing, my partner and I were fighting and both said bad things to each other. I told him my parents knew as soon as I saw him later that day.
My parent's reaction, as Christians, was this: Everything will be ok. My partner and I need to marry before the baby is born and they will support us in any was possible for him to finish university, find a job and a house to live in. They were even saying he can live with us for as long as he needs to.
The day after I told him we were stupidly continuing our argument but as the day progressed we calmed down and agreed to stay together like we planned. My partner agreed this and he was adamant on finishing his degree (one year left) which I also agree with whole-heartedly. He also told me this was too soon to marry to which I was upset because we both agreed that having children out of wedlock is wrong.
He went home that night and told his parents. His parent's reaction, as Orthodox Christians, was this: They think I am trying to baby trap him, that me and my family must have planned this (my birth control failed). His parents told him that the baby might not even be his (it is 100% only possible to be his, and he knows I never cheated) and that they want a DNA test (only possible here after the baby is born). His parents urged him to breakup with me and leave me pregnant. They said the best case scenario would be that I get an abortion.
So he called me the next day, told me all of this and said we can't be together and that he doesn't see himself marrying me. I do not understand how his family who is devoutly religious could ever say such things, and especially say I should kill our child? Who is also their first grandchild.
I do not want to get an abortion, but I absolutely cannot raise this baby alone. I have no degree (not even close to finishing), no prospects and my parents are not wealthy by any means. I have tried talking to him outside of this but he keeps coming back to the one thing which is that he can't see a future with me because he can't see himself marrying me. I know his parents talked this into him and I know if they had said what my parents said then that is what would be happening right now.
My family thinks it is a terrible idea for me to turn up and talk to his parents, and I agree because they will most likely be aggressive and tell me to leave. Should I talk to the father from their church? My parents say they will make up lies and tell everyone I am a whore and that it isn't my partner's child.
I don't understand how these people can tell their son to abandon their child and the mother of his child, and that the best option for everyone would be if I killed our baby. Please help, I don't know what to do. I want to save my baby.
Edit: I have now talked to the priest at his church who agrees that his and his parents actions are deplorable. He will be talking to him in a couple days but he has said that his family does not attend regularly they could tell him to back off but that he will do his best. I don't have much faith he will come around anytime soon but I know he will regret this for the rest of his life. He has also messaged me after days saying that he does not love me anymore and does not want to be with me, something he started saying right after his parents talked to him. I have no doubt they're actively squashing any feelings he has for me and the baby out of him. But still, if he wanted to choose us, he could.
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u/mdws1977 1d ago
Not everyone who says they are Christians are actually Christians, and his family seems to fall into that category. But that is for another day.
If he doesn’t want to marry you any longer, he is still at least financially responsible for that child. It sounds like your parents will support you and your child no matter what, so don’t get an abortion.
Let him know gently that he will be responsible for support, and then let him decide what he wants to do.
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u/Tart2343 1d ago
It sounds like your parents are supportive. Please reach out to them with what is going on and ask for help.
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u/Similar-Zebra-1856 1d ago
I’m 20 and 20 weeks my fiance and bf of three years left shortly after we found out I’m pregnant. Leave that boy alone work multiple jobs and put him on child support when the time comes. You can’t change his mind and his family will always side with him. You can only control you and right now you need to not focus on him find peace and prepare for your baby
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u/Major-Distance4270 1d ago
Your parents sound like good people. His parents obviously not. I would go to a pro-life organization for help getting resources and I would also file for child support as soon as that baby is born.
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u/Icy_Rutabaga3931 1d ago
I am so sorry. I am glad that your parents are supportive- and honestly it is better that you found out that he is so easily swayed by his parents now rather than after you got married. It sounds like your two options would be to live with your parents and raise the baby or to parent via adoption. If you’re in the US he would be obligated to pay child support. Talk to your parents about what this could look like, even just having a much reduced rent can be so helpful when balancing other expenses. Adoption is not what it used to be, you can have an open adoption, pick the family, and have a relationship with your child. It is not easy, but I know someone who chose adoption for her son and is passionate about letting people know what a good option it can be. Either way, a local pregnancy resource center can help with connecting you to resources. All the best to you, stay brave!
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u/Embarrassed_Band2974 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm so sorry. He will regret this for the rest of his life, and he'll always resent his parents for it and himself. He's a coward and he knows it. He has no spine and will probably the up getting married to someone his parents pick for him
God will take care of you and your child. Have faith. Go to a crisis pregnancy center, your life is not over. Many women have been able to raise their kids and finish their degrees, it'll just take a little longer
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u/Many_Appointment2542 1d ago
Thank you, this is what my family thinks also. I know he will regret it - he was so happy when I got pregnant. I am so deeply sad that my poor baby will grow up with no father.
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u/PerfectlyCalmDude 1d ago
Save the baby, no matter what. That is always within your power. What is not in your power is whether or not he will come around. Do not make saving the baby conditional on him doing that.
Do a search for pregnant.and.need.help along with your city and state. Do not restrict yourself to Google, try DuckDuckGo and Brave Search also. You may find some additional local resources that you could use.
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u/DisMyLik18thAccount Pro Life Centrist 20h ago
Two words honey: child support
That is your next option at this point
He is an awful person for abandoning you both but unfortunately you can't force him to stay, what you can legally force him to do though is pay every last penny of child support he owes.
If you wanna look at the bright side of this, him and his parents sound like awful people who you wouldn't want in your child's life anyway. The trash has taken itself out
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u/Many_Appointment2542 14h ago
I understand, but he is a student who does not work and a dual citizen so he can flee the country anytime. We are both Eastern Europeans living in a western country and my parents worry he will just move to avoid payment (something we originally planned to do together anyway).
My family also discussed that they would probably turn my child against me to hurt me so I would want no visitation with that sick, brain-washed family. His parents are truly evil people.
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u/Exact-Confusion-2195 1d ago
Save your child’s life, please. You’ll be rewarded one day with something greater than anything that can be offered to you on this world. No matter how hard it gets your child must live. Keep praying and see if you can get in contact with either anyone else in your family or the father of that church. Someone WILL help you for there is always someone willing to help others out there you just have to find them. I pray you get better and for the survival of your baby. May god protect you both.
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u/Resqusto 1d ago
If I ever have a daughter and she comes to me with pregnancy worries - no matter how old she is - I would only say one thing: We can do this.
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u/rapitrone 1d ago
Matthew 18:15-20 I would follow this. Eventually, it takes you to the leadership in his church.
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u/Used-Conversation348 small lives, big rights 1d ago
Hi, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I was left while pregnant after I backed out of an abortion. If you ever would like to DM, please do! I’d love to help out any way I can.
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u/GustavoistSoldier u/FakeElectionMaker 1d ago
Give birth to the baby and try to either raise it or put it up for adoption
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u/seventeenninetytoo Pro Life Orthodox Christian 1d ago
Both of these actions go directly against the teachings of the Orthodox Christian faith. If he and his parents were to pressure you into an abortion, it would be considered an act of murder under Orthodox canon law - and they could face excommunication for decades. Depending on his parents’ age and the disposition of the priest who hears their confession, it’s not an exaggeration to say that their next opportunity to receive the Eucharist might be on their deathbed.
Has this situation been brought to his priest? Since you’ve conceived a child together and are considering marriage, it’s important that both of you receive guidance and counseling from him. I cannot say for certain how he will counsel you regarding marriage, but I can say for certain that abortion is not an option.
I am an Orthodox Christian, and my DMs are open if you need any specific guidance.