r/solotravel • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Hostels Hard time dealing with big gropus and with "party people"
[deleted]
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u/Nolitaaaaa 1d ago
Be yourself, OP. It’s OK that this is not how you roll. Look for others who may be more on your speed. And if there aren’t any, that’s OK. Do your own thing or find activities outside of the hostel that are more on your speed. You do not have to change your personality when you travel.
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u/lata_bo 1d ago
in my experience, solo travelling is one place in the world where you don't actually have to be yourself. you will most likely never meet any of these people ever again, so you can be the most extroverted weirdest fun person of yourself, people don't know how you're like before a place and after you separate.
with that being said, definitely do as you like and don't force it, it will be unenjoyable. if you want to be a party animal when you're normally introverted then so be it, if you don't feel so sociable then don't force yourself to socialize and party
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u/Nolitaaaaa 1d ago
In my experience going too far out of your comfort zone and trying too hard is no fun. Sure, try new things and explore new sides of yourself but ultimately personality is fixed. But ymmv.
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u/samandtham 1d ago
what was the point of the 10-hour flight?
The point of the 10-hour flight is for you to visit a different place and do with it whatever you choose to do. If people choose to do the exact same things they do back home, then that’s their prerogative.
Nobody is forcing you to do anything, OP. It’s ridiculous that you’re putting yourself down for not participating in stuff you won’t anyway.
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u/Electrical_Car_2495 21h ago
Exactly. OP has a hard time dealing. Well, then don't? The only thing you have control over is yourself. There are plenty of ways to socialize other than partying.
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u/samandtham 20h ago
Plus I hate the self-righteous "I'm gonna be a traveler while you drunks can be tourists" comment. Ugh. Get over yourself.
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u/Impressionist_Canary 1d ago
As someone pointed out in an older thread, that big group has known each other for 48 hours MAX. Half of them got there that day and half of them will be gone tomorrow. You’re no outsider (unless you choose not to participate because of this anxiety).
Just get in there and say hello
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u/Goreshj 1d ago
I mean that's not really the problem, I probably explained myself wrong. I do talk to them It's just hard for me to "deal" with big groups of people. I really think it's like someone already said in the comments, it's FOMO.
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u/Alpaca_Investor 20h ago
At root, how you deal with it is going to depend on what you want. What do you want to have happen here?
Are you wanting to party with these people, but you’re afraid leaving the party early will impact your new friendships?
Are you wanting some nights to be spent with groups at a party hostel, but you feel it’s a bit too much to be staying for multiple nights there, even though everyone else is?
Are you wanting to find a different kind of atmosphere, one geared more toward certain types of travel and not partying?
Are you wanting to stay at a hostel that is more geared toward smaller groups of partygoers, eg. a hostel with 8 beds instead of 80?
You need to elaborate on what you want, beyond it being hard to deal with big groups - that’s a common feeling, but often people mean different things when they say it.
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u/Squirreline_hoppl 1d ago
So I made the same experience as you are describing when I stayed in a party hostel in koh phangan in Thailand. I couldn't connect with people because they just partied and then were hungover the next day. I, too, wondered why they even came to Thailand.
I then took the ferry to koh tao, the diving island and did a diving course. People I met there were much more aligned with my interests of exploring nature and I had a great time.
I think the party hostel people are not your crowd, but you might be trying to force it anyway. I would try changing the hostel maybe to one which offers some tours around hiking or other things you are interested in. The crowd you would meet there would be more aligned with your interests and getting to know them would feel a lot more natural.
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u/Vagablogged 17h ago
I didn’t dive there but boy was it the greatest little island to chill at for a week
3
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u/Vagablogged 1d ago
Honestly you have to leave your normal reservations at home and realize most of these people were you until they put themselves out there.
At home I’m not going to sit with a group of strangers and try to make friends but at hostels I literally met all the people I ended up friending and traveling with by just walking up to a table or group of people and saying mind if I hang out? Where you guys from where are you traveling to etc.
It seems weird at first but most people are solo meeting people and that’s how they do it. 80% of people were super normal and cool about it and like meeting new people.
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u/Ambry 1d ago
New people are always going to be arriving at the hostels, so there's always an avenue to meet someone (if you want to, of course). Activities can be a good way to get to know people naturally, like walking tours run by the hostel.
Maybe you've just not found quite the right hostel for you, or location? Some places are a bit more party and drinking heavy, others are mkre chill and filled with people who like the odd drink but also mainly want to explore. I have travelled a lot and honestly I've rarely found hostels where no one wants to do anything in the morning because they're all completely spangled from a night on the sesh, but then again I don't usually stay in party hostels. Check reviews on hostelworld - hostels with older crowds OR who have reviews that reflect social activities, tours, and 'backpackery' activities might suit you better. At those types of hostels you might be able to enjoy a pint or two but the whole aim isn't just to get trashed.
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u/mayan_monkey 1d ago
Dude, you can go oit and still ne social and not drink in excess or stay oit til 4 am. I would go out, habe a great time, not drink like crazy, and be back to my place before midnight, up at 7 am ready for the volcano hike the next morning. You don't habe to do EVERYTHING everyone else is doing.
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u/mskittyjones 21h ago
I saw the subject and thought you were going to tell us you had been groped!! I'm so glad that's not what is going on.
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u/Roger-Dodger33 1d ago
The longer you’ve travelled the more you realize the people are the reason to travel.
A beach is a beach a monument is a monument a cafe is a cafe, once you’ve seen 20 you’ve seen them all.
But it’s understandable to feel like you are missing out in the beginning, or have to get those instagram pics ;)
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u/Goreshj 22h ago
Sure, no one posts party pics on Instagram.
That's not really the point, I'm not that used to partying, I feel like you can't have meaningful conversations therefore there won't be meaningful connections either
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u/finnlizzy 17h ago
I know a married couple who met at Mad Monkey Siem Reap while I was there
A guy I met in Phuket is passing through my city tomorrow and I'm showing him around.
I'm planning a trip to Serbia and keeping a lovely couple I met partying with in Istanbul up to date with my plans.
It's really what you make of it.
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u/FarEstablishment2435 1d ago edited 1d ago
You are different, nothing wrong with that! Most people are not interested in traveling to experience new cultures and such, they just want to get wasted and fuck..
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u/Ready-Ambassador-271 22h ago
I was at one of those party places for Months, in Greece. Then on xmas eve I booked myself into a little guesthouse, and spent xmas alone reading a book, was the best xmas ever, such a relief after the non stop partying.
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u/Confused_Firefly 18h ago
Plenty of good advice here, but just wanted to put in my two cents as someone who dislikes partying and has trouble socializing: accept it. Travelling is also about getting to know yourself. There is nothing bad with preferring peace and quiet.
Smaller, family-owned hostels, or smaller businesses in any case, are often quieter. If I see reviews complaining that the environment is not social enough, I know that's what I'm looking for. I have still always met people to hang out with, just no one that wanted to get drunk at 2 A.M.
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u/treesofthemind 1d ago
If your idea of fun is not partying, then don’t. I don’t do it, when I solo travel I do it alone and spend my days exploring the sights, not sleeping. I don’t get why people would travel to party when you can do it at home? It seems a complete waste of being in a new place in my opinion.
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u/TopRoad4988 1d ago
At least where I live, you can’t do it at home.
Party places/hostels aren’t for everyone, but for those of us who are extroverts and love meeting people, can be a great way to have fun with travellers from around the world. There is a certain energy you’re unlikely to experience back at home.
That said, the quality of party hostels varies a lot.
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u/Nolitaaaaa 1d ago
It seems like OP sees it as “fun” and he sees his attitude/approach as not fun. It’s a kind of FOMO. Comparison sucks all the joy out.
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u/escobizzle 16h ago
If you don't party then obviously you're not going to understand why others do it. It may be a waste of time for you but it isn't for them.
Some places just have much better (or different) nightlife scenes than wherever they're from. Imagine being from some random small town in the Midwest US and going to some tropical island or Ibiza or a major European city or something. It's going to be night and day compared to what they're used to.
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u/finnlizzy 15h ago
What if home is Jeddah, Islamabad, Salt Lake City or some other place run by religious fruitcakes?
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u/finnlizzy 17h ago
OP it sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder. You don't know how much a single person is drinking or partying, you can join in and dip out whenever you want. You can do culture all day and join a pub crawl at night.
Even when I'm not in party mode, I still gravitate towards party hostels because they have a more social common area. Some hostels have an energy vaccum of a common area where people are standoffish (tech nomads, looking at you)
And most people who are chatting have just arrived, there's no 'in group'.
The hard truth is that people who party are more social, and you can find someone at the bar who will be willing to explore the city the next day.
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u/Goreshj 17h ago
I do go for pub crawls or bar hopping, I feel like I can talk more there and I can get there earlier and leave earlier so I have time to see more stuff around. My problem is with full on blasting music discos, and with the fact that most people I met there go to the club really late, get drunk and come back to the hostel when it's basically morning already. I know it's just my own experience but I feel like most people who like to go to these kinds of parties are this way.
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u/emaddxx 1d ago
I would avoid party hostels if that's not your vibe. You will probably experience some smaller scale partying organically anyway and it might be more up your street.
Some people prioritise drinking and partying over seeing the place they've travelled to see, and some value sightseeing more. You belong to the latter group and it's absolutely fine. Don't try to change yourself as you will just be miserable.
Most of that party crowd will become you in a few years time anyway once they've got partying out of their system.
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u/permalink_child 1d ago
You want to join, you are invited to join, but you don’t really want to join. So. Forget about it and enjoy.
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u/Complete-Presence506 1d ago
I have never been big on partying and I just learned to enjoy my own company. I go out and do things alone, prefer it actually - at least you can go at your pace and your not encumbered by others expectations and wants. What’s the point in getting trashed every night? You just end up in a cycle of being trashed, being tired, recovering… how is that even enjoyable?
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u/1_Total_Reject 20h ago
Hang in there. You’re not doing anything wrong. In time you’ll meet the people that fit your style.
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u/Flashy_Drama5338 19h ago
Maybe get your own room. I also solo travel. Sometimes I will meet lots of people on my trips and other times I won't. I'm fine with that. Most of the people I've met over the years eventually disappeared anyway.
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u/treesofthemind 1d ago
If your idea of fun is not partying, then don’t. I don’t do it, when I solo travel I do it alone and spend my days exploring the sights, not sleeping. I don’t get why people would travel to party when you can do it at home? It seems a complete waste of being in a new place in my opinion.
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u/OrsonKrennicWasRight 1d ago
Next time pick a hotel lol hostels are known for this unless you specifically go to one advertised differently
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u/SuccotashCareless934 1d ago
Look up hostel reviews, and read carefully.
Is it described as 'lively' 'buzzing' 'energetic' 'rowdy' 'vibrant'? Do they offer pub crawls, are they located in a neighbourhood known for nightlife, or do they have their own bar? Then it is, most likely, a party hostel.
I'm was a party person with my friends when I was in my twenties, but not so much with strangers - a few drinks yes, but no stumbling back in the early hours of the morning.
Plenty of hostels offer a more relaxed, low-key dynamic, and there'll still be plenty of people there for you to connect with!
Similarly, don't be afraid to get a private room. When I was backpacking, sometimes I'd need a break from dorms, and would go with a cheap guesthouse instead.