r/thanksimcured • u/DinosaurStillExist • 3d ago
Satire/meme Wow my lowself esteem is cured
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u/Happy_Platypus_1882 3d ago
I donāt see why this is on here. On a personal level I have a load of abuse trauma, I learnt to hate myself from a young age and a lot of my āself growthā came from constantly berating myself and dangling suicide as a consequence for failure to do better. I felt BAD for self love, it made me feel guilty because the thought of letting myself off the hook felt like a moral failure to the people I was protecting from myself. This image is comforting, it encourages me to let myself rest, to stop screaming at myself, that Iām allowed to slow down and be gentle and loving towards myself despite perceived flaws. It tells me that governing yourself through self hatred and aggression is toxic. Maybe thatās obvious to some people but for me itās highly engrained.
Can we stop shooting down genuinely positive things, this single image touches on a struggle that almost took my life, it really frustrates me to see it put down
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u/dontneedanickname 2d ago
This subreddit was meant to advocate for effective messaging, not 'deep' messaging. Something uplifting like this is definitely effective and it's stupid that it's here. Sorry, I'm just echoing what you're saying but I 100% agree.
I grew up the same way too. My mother was the one who became the breadwinner for our family so I was stuck with my father, who had severe self-esteem issues. Called himself the villain, expressed everybody else as angels, threatened to kill himself several times amongst many other things. It fucks with you when your role model hates themselves.
I hope you find your peace soon, it's extremely tough but you will get there
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u/Jack-O-Cat 3d ago
It really does feel like this place has become a space for people to put down encouraging messages that are obviously not going to touch some people but will others. Call me crazy but wasn't this place meant for things like boomers saying that anxiety isn't a real thing? Not genuinely good messages that didn't happen to encourage you in particular
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u/Possible-Sun1683 2d ago
Whoa, dangling suicide as a consequence to do better is exactly what I do. I agree, this post does not belong here. Itās important to replace the habit of shaming yourself into being better with loving yourself.
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u/traumatized90skid 3d ago
I quit smoking because I was pretty ashamed of my teeth and other people not liking the smell and so on
Like the love thing is fine, but shame can also be a motivator
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u/MEOWTheKitty18 3d ago
Yep, Iāve given up a lot of bad habits because they were gross or embarrassing.
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u/Psychobabble0_0 3d ago
Many people finally quit drugs because the embarrassing and hurtful behaviour that stems from using becomes too much to bear.
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u/Cipollarana 3d ago
Studies show its way more ineffective than the alternative though, so decentivising that route isnāt really a bad thing
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u/WindMountains8 3d ago
I guess to act on shame requires loving yourself enough to care about your image
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u/fuckthebarexam2024 3d ago
I mean, oversimplified. But also not wrong.
You can shame yourself into changing, but how deep are those changes going to be?
I struggle with self harm. And i feel like if I could just love myself enough to at least see myself as a person, it'd be easier to stop.
I wouldnt do any of the shit i do to myself to anyone else. But then when it's only myself, I treat myself like a garbage can or a punching bag.
These aren't simple realizations either, even if they sound obvious, which is why I can see why this post feels useless.
Cause even when you finally learn what it means to love yourself, or whatever, actually implementing it into your life is damn near impossible when you've spent the majority of it steeped in so much guilt and inferiority that most days I don't even feel like a human being. Just something pretending to be one.
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u/perplexedparallax 3d ago
Is that how species evolved? I thought it was just sex but now I know love is what made us become naked apes.
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u/Crapricorn12 3d ago
That picture is clearly depicting sex
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u/Low_Big5544 3d ago
Not the kind that leads to evolution by the looks of it though (/s)
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u/Warbly-Luxe Edit this! 3d ago
Nah. They're just betting on kin selection. They probably have siblings with kids they get to be the gay uncles / aunts for. Their genes get passed on and they get to be the 'fun adults' /s.
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u/j0shred1 3d ago
I'm not gonna lie. I'm going through a divorce and while they're not going to cure me, some of these posts are encouraging.
But my chronic ADHD and anxiety? Yeah no
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u/beybrakers 3d ago
I mean, even for your chronic ADHD and anxiety. Obviously they can't be cured, but there are coping mechanisms and treatments for every ailment. You don't arrive at coping mechanisms by shaming yourself by saying I shouldn't be distracted. I should get more work done. Not thinking like that is easier said than done obviously but shaming yourself for not performing because of your disability makes it less likely that you will be able to cope with and treat your disability. (I say this is someone with both ADHD and anxiety)
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u/Seanut-Peanut-69 3d ago
I can see how this could be an annoying sentiment but actively practicing positive self talk every day has actually helped me a lot. Feeling ashamed and constantly shaming yourself are two different things. You can feel ashamed and learn from it without bullying yourself into change. People end their lives from bullying so maybe try encouraging yourself more politely sometimes.
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u/LienaSha 3d ago
If they want to get around to explaining *how* one loves oneself (in a non-masturbatory way), then I'll be impressed.
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u/Gullible-Falcon4172 3d ago
Stop caring what people think and start caring about what you want. If you're spending your time sitting in a place like this being bitter about your life you aren't loving yourself you're avoiding doing things you actually might enjoy because of whatever bullshit excuses you make up.
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u/dontneedanickname 2d ago
Idk how to say this in a way that doesn't just sound pessimistic, but this is easier said than done. Most people who are struggling mentally are completely aware of this, hell such reasoning can cause one to sink even deeper into a depressive state because they blame themselves for not using energy they don't have.
With that said, idk the answer either. One tip I would say is to just be somewhat delusional (but keep yourself in check). Make up people in your head - maybe from existing media - to just cheer you on to get better. Definitely not a permanent solution but it can be somewhat effective when it feels as though there's something or someone that cares
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u/Gullible-Falcon4172 2d ago
I never said it was easy. Only you can decide if you're worth the effort and the are no magic solutions that will make it easier. You either wallow in it, or you suffer through it until it gets easier. Not better, but easier.
If holding onto the idea of compassion is important for you then by all means. I found it more of a burden, your worth isn't defined by people caring about you and actually in my experience pretty much the worst thing you can ask for is having to deal with other people's shit in that way.
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u/Bit-Jungle 3d ago
If you are ashamed of yourself, you may be scared to ask for help. That was my case but the key is to admit your problems. Loving yourself is a very ambiguous term tho. I think itās more about acceptance and breaking free from toxic patterns while getting professional help.
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u/Friskyinthenight 3d ago
Shame is the most dangerous unchecked emotion. Higher rates of shame are associated with higher rates of
- alcohol and substance abuse
- suicide
- divorce
- domestic violence
- recidivism
the list goes on.
A lot of people here are saying they shamed themselves into better behaviour, that's exactly what shame is for. But a lot of people take on way too much shame, and because of its nature never talk about it - this damages the person
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u/manusiapurba 3d ago
....i think this sub often confused, cringe art =/= cringe message. Nobody expects you to suddenly change by reading this pic but the message itself isn't inherently wrong. It's hard to do, it's not instant, it's long nonstop journey that nobody beforehand really knows how to, etc etc, but it's not wrong.
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u/Xtreme109 3d ago
It looks like with every subreddit this place has become kind of circlejerky because I don't see anything wrong with this. The picture is clearly saying you cannot shame yourself into positive change hence the literal demon. That is objectively good advice that has personally helped me a lot.
Ive driven myself to near suicide by constantly attacking myself whenever I made a mistake, and even when I fixed the mistake that negativity lingered with me. Yeah the picture doesn't provide instruction for what being kind to yourself looks like, yeah it doesn't account for every single case, so what?
Its a single image, like what did you expect? I really don't see how this fits the sub at all.
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u/serene-peppermint 3d ago
Do any of you people want to recover?
Sometimes, the stuff you guys post is genuinely good advice.
I understand that the pain is just so much on your shoulders, and you want it to just stop, but you can't get the pain stopping without you first soothing yourself.
The image macros do end up simplifying the process, sure, and we all know it's a lot easier said than done, but you just need to get that idea planted in your head first.
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u/pomme_de_yeet 3d ago
Do any of you people want to recover?
I bet a lot of them don't think it's possible. Any hope is false hope. Happiness/contentment is so far away that they can't imagine how messages like this are helpful to anyone. That plus projection
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u/an-emotional-cactus 2d ago edited 1d ago
Damn that stings, this is exactly how I thought before I recovered. I would have seen this pic, thought the idea was useless and immediately shunned the positivity. I agree.
I don't think this sub is a good place for people who are struggling with depression, seems like posts like this would just reinforce that mentality and discourage positive self-talk.
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u/serene-peppermint 1d ago
exactly, crabs in a bucket mentality. I only ever come here because sometimes they post something that is "bullshit" that actually helps me out lol
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u/McRatHattibagen 3d ago
False guilt and shame kept me in victim mentality. Loving yourself unconditionally along with unconditional forgiveness for everything you do is the key to enjoying your life path
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u/_MotherOfVermin_ 3d ago
idk i think some people have shamed themselves into change š not that you should do that but
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u/waterly_favor 3d ago
That's good advice though
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u/DinosaurStillExist 3d ago
HOW to do this would be good advice. Just saying "magically stop hating yourself and love yourself" is not even advice
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u/legrandin 3d ago
I think when you are trying to change you can lean into self hated and negativity in a way that can hinder change.Ā
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u/ToxicFluffer 1d ago
No one knows what your personal journey is. The point is that healing can be as simple as self love. Itās up to you to figure out what that looks like for you.
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u/Tridia14 3d ago
Instructions unclear. I turned down the shame dial, and now I'm stuck in bed scrolling, napping, and watching shows for half the day.
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u/MorrighanAnCailleach 3d ago
There actually is something to IFS, and re-parenting yourself type of modalities. Nothing has the strict requirement of loving yourself. People can feel shame for not doing the latter thing, too. Nothing will "cure" you, but some things can help you to find your way, and build a little something from the wreckage. It's all you can do. There's no one way, and it's eternally a WIP. People just don't get that.
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u/JustGingerStuff 3d ago
I fear this sentiment did get me to lock in and try to stop going "man fuck that was cringe I hate myself" and lowkey they're right you can't hate yourself into something you love
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u/Andrew852456 3d ago
I actually like the message, but I think it needs to be rephrased. Both can do the thing, but the second one is healthier and easier. Actually what's even better is rationalising into the change
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u/Seastar_Lakestar 3d ago
Shame is like pain. Useful, sometimes, as a signal to change your behavior or an indication that something is changeably wrong. Useless as a constant presence, or a default reaction to anything, everything, and nothing-much.
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u/DarkCreatorOfficial 3d ago
This meme sucks, but itās also wrong anyway, because I can and HAVE shamed myself into change
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u/McRatHattibagen 3d ago
But you don't have to do it that way. I understood the Shame I experienced comes from a program put in me by my parents as a young age in order for them to get me to do what they wanted me to do.
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u/Severe_Damage9772 3d ago
Say it with me now
Goodšadvicešoversimplifiedštošthešpointšitsšuselessš
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u/Top_Assistance15 3d ago
Then how come itās been working? If I loved myself I wouldnāt feel a need to change
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u/SkiIsLife45 3d ago
It's true that self-love is healthier and probably more effective, and the drawings are good IMO. It's just that it's really difficult to get over low self-esteem. And shame CAN make you change, it's just unhealthy.
Source: me who really thought I'd gotten over beating myself up but then I once again couldn't human normally and I got right back to beating myself up
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u/MadeOnThursday 3d ago
This seems very wholesome and true to me. Not dismissive or patronising. Did it come across like that for you? What ticked you off? (honest question)
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u/DinosaurStillExist 3d ago
It makes it sound like you can flip a switch and just fix all your self esteem issues. I can't wake up one day and just love myself. That's where I thought the "thanks, I'm cured" was appropriate because it's not that easy and it's not a choice to be this way. It makes it sound like a snap-of-the-finger fix.
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u/ToxicFluffer 1d ago
Uh I think youāre intensely projecting š no one is claiming something like evolution is instant
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u/Cursed-4-life 2d ago
Well it depends on this issue. I feel like some people should criticize themselves in a healthy way because thatās how we shed bad behavior. Shame is the wrong word I supposed but being self critical is the only way I personally grow. If Iām always loving myself and never being critical Iām just going to stay the same person I was yesterday.
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u/AThousandWayz 2d ago
Thats a pretty solid take tho, if you take the time to look within and celebrate your strenghts and uniqueness things will improve drastically... stop refusing any kind of help guys its not a good look
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u/Hawkmonbestboi 2d ago
So... now objective facts are offensive to you guys? Because it didn't say anything wrong: you CAN'T shame yourself into change... you are literally required to start loving yourself in order to move toward healthier mental health.
It didn't say "you will never have another problem again" nor did it say "pick yourself up by your bootstraps"....
It literally said "until you can learn to love yourself, bit by bit, you will find it hard to improve your life"
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u/richsreddit 1d ago
Curing the internet of depression and mental illness...one doodle at a time. Lmfao...dafuq outta here with that toxic positivity bullshit...if this actually cured you then clearly you have zero understanding of actual suffering and problems in life.
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u/DinosaurStillExist 1d ago
Everyone saying "this is actually good advice" like what advice y'all??? š There are how-to steps here
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u/esgellman 3d ago
There is some truth to this in my experience, at a certain point you do need to put aside the harsh self judgement and accept every step forward for what it is even if you know itās not enough yet; the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step and hating yourself because your still 999 miles behind everyone else not only isnāt helpful itās likely slowing you down a lot
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u/The1Legosaurus 3d ago
If you're doing something you're ashamed of, and it changes you, that can be a good thing.
Shame isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just a distaste at ones actions that motivates change.
Self-love isn't as useful a motivator, as shame can specifically make you single out bad things.
The two aren't even mutually exclusive. You love yourself, and so are ashamed of what you do. Like how you might love your child, but be ashamed if they had bad grades. Part of that love is wanting them to succeed, and shame is a very useful tool for that.
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u/Rattiepalooza 3d ago
See - what sucks about this - is that it is /technically/ correct.
HOWEVER - this solves nothing, adds nothing, and helps nothing. So fuck whoever made this with an extra salty fork.
"Hey, this thing you do is bad for you - do this!"
"...Okay...but how...?"
"Dunno - just posted a meme! LOLOLOLOLOL!1!! I contributed!"
"...No, you just made it worse, because now I have no context, feel shamed, AND you invalidated my feelings. Hooray!"
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u/ToxicFluffer 1d ago
Dude itās not some random artistās responsibility to figure out what self love looks like for you. The point is for you to figure that out for yourself. Kinda wild to be so emotionally reactive to a simple relatively neutral drawing.
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u/Rattiepalooza 1d ago
Yeah, it's hard to learn how to self-love when you were NEVER TAUGHT IT.
I had to do 3 years of intensive therapy before I even understood it. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to get a good therapist.
It's kinda wild to be so callous to a simple, relatively easy thought process.
You're missing your empathy chip. Get one installed, ASAP.
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u/ResidentCrayonEater 3d ago
Eh, at least the heart of this is in the right place. I can see what it's trying to do, trying to encourage people to be kind to themselves and treat themselves with what love they can muster. Sure, it may not be entirely accurate (I've certainly shamed myself into positive change), but at least this image isn't as bad as many others out there.
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u/Warbly-Luxe Edit this! 3d ago
Why is it always love? Like, love absolutely has to be the opposite of self-loathing? Plus, love yourself into evolution implies that you are only loving what you could be, rather than what you are. It's just as toxic as shame.
I watched a video on YouTube a while back (link) about why someone should be themself even if they hate it. And it's very specifically about self-acceptance, not love. Accepting where you're at and all the flaws, so then you can decide what to change. It wasn't even saying this is how you change. (That's how I remember it, anyway. Correct me if I'm wrong. Don't have time right now to watch the video again.)
PS. Is it just me, or is the shadow monster more comforting than rainbow bloke. Could just be I like visibly dark / muted things more than rainbow gaudy things? Mixed with the fact I feel at home in darkness on the more metaphorical level. Shadow monster is just trying to comfort and needs to be told it's doing a good job. (I know I lost the strain of thought with the shadow monster supposedly being shame, but the only way I've learned to tolerate my 'demons' is to make peace with them... and now I am the demon /joking, kind of)
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u/callalilly39 3d ago
I agree with you! sometimes itās hard to love yourself but you can work towards acceptance. I rather make space for my demons, make peace with them accept that they are there. Which helps you accept your behaviors and situations, accept that some days will be harder than others and acknowledge that you are allowed to make mistakes to be sad to feel how you want and need to feel. That acceptance usually follows growth.
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u/Akiro_Sakuragi 3d ago
I think the best way is to love yourself into acceptance. Trying to chase perfection is a pointless and unrewarding endeavor. True peace comes with acceptance that you don't need to change, your intrinsic value will be appreciated by somebody and if not, it's enough as long as you appreciate yourself. You don't need to chase some achievements to feel valuable. My low self-esteem wasn't cured by this realization ofc but I started to actively prevent negative thoughts that are hurting it and at least it's not deteriorating as much as it used too.
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u/totallyalone1234 3d ago
Not only can you shame yourself into change, sometimes we MUST in order to survive.
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u/TheMarvelousPef 3d ago
I mean it's not a bad advice, instead of telling yourself "I'm a fat cow" , tell yourself "I need to exercice"
it's actually a pretty basic indeed, but not bad motivation mechanism
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u/Sophronsyne 3d ago
Iāve successfully shamed myself to change in the right direction plenty of times
So it technically worked even though every single one of those times I eventually fell back HARD into my old habits lol
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u/Content_Passion_4961 3d ago
Shame is an evolutionary trait. It's a behavior modifier. You do something shitty, someone tells you it's shitty, you feel bad, you don't do it again, and people like you better. Shame people into shit.
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u/Cipollarana 3d ago
Donāt shame people into shit, it is extremely ineffective compared to other strategies for getting better. It also runs the risk of making conditions worse
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u/Content_Passion_4961 3d ago
It's incredibly effective and every solutions runs a risk of something. Just because you're soft doesn't mean everyone has to be.
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u/DrawingShitBadly 3d ago
Except shame is often used as a means to facilitate change in our lives. What do you think bullying is?
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u/BattledogCross 3d ago
I mean this is just cute and sweet? Metaphors are lost on some of you people arnt they....
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u/Jack-O-Cat 3d ago
This doesn't read as "love yourself and your depression will go away", it just feels like commentary on how you can't stop being gay/trans
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u/wyvernagon 3d ago
How the hell am I supposed to 'love' myself when any attempt at self confidence leaves me feeling like I sound delusional?
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u/HeeeresPilgrim 3d ago
I think I love myself enough. But I don't want other people knowing about what I do alone.
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u/Most-Bike-1618 1d ago
Turned out the things I was shaming myself over, weren't even my ideals being unmet. I was convincing myself of the judgments that were being passed over me, instead of my own beliefs and sense of value.
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u/Muted-Move-9360 1d ago
This is a good message, because it's fucking true. Shame stifles, love multiplies.
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u/MiciaRokiri 1d ago
I don't think it's saying that. Because you can't shame yourself into fixing your problems. Shame doesn't do any good. Doesn't mean you're self-esteem is cured by loving yourself, but it certainly isn't going to be cured by hating yourself
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u/realeventsufferer 1d ago
I absolutely have shamed myself into change. Granted, it's not at all what you should do, but it worked.
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u/Kay-f 22h ago
this is kinda valid though even if itās cringe itās a lot better to be nice to yourself in your head than mean. so like you forget to do something or you just didnāt do it instead of āstupid fucking idiot god dammitā go with āthatās okay that sucks but iāll do it now and it will be okayā itās not that easy obv but just trying to be nicer to yourself helps imo. and tbh it has made me more calm in stressful situations because i can just take a sec and be like āhey itās okayā and then try to continue on (obv this does not 100% always work but some itās better than none :))
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u/He_Never_Helps_01 21h ago
Tf could the problem with this one possibly be. It's literally encouraging self-acceptance
What is this sub now
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u/LogicalJudgement 18h ago
I was ashamed to admit I had depression for years and wasted a decade of my life. Getting help does require you care enough to do something.
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u/HereticalArchivist 7h ago
"you can only love yourself into evolution" ok, give me a roadmap so I can learn to do so
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u/smellslikekevinbacon 3d ago
Yeah shame got me to lose weight and actually be skinny which got me social acceptance. W self love I have gained 60 lbs and i literally do not know how to diet and exercise without shame bc then I just forget Iām supposed to be dieting.
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u/Lewyn_Forseti 3d ago
I shamed myself into weight loss so yes you can shame yourself into change. Not saying it's the right way, but you can do it.
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u/Bandandforgotten 3d ago
That image on the right seems a little too much... 'self love'
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u/LordPenvelton 3d ago
Well... I did indeed shame myself into a lot of change back in the day.
If only I'd known I was changing in the wrong direction...