r/tinnitus • u/BitOrdinaryBloke • 2d ago
advice • support I just want to hear nothing
I mourn silence, as in physically grieve hearing nothing at all.
I want to sit under a tree in summer and be still. I want to go to bed at night in peaceful tranquility.
Until hearing nothing at all was taken from me and replaced by this constant taunting series of hisses, I didn’t know how fortunate I was to be able to turn the noises of the world off and simply relax.
I contemplate often whether if I was completely deaf, it would make me happier. At least if I heard absolutely nothing at all, I would finally have a return to solitude.
I miss it. That beautiful, restful sound of…
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u/airbornedude1962 1d ago
Kick tinnitus ass everyday!! I've been kicking it's ass over 40+ years. Acceptance, Adjustment, and Attitude
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u/Shoddy-Dependent2404 1d ago
How do you feel or response to it now. Did it become a part of you?
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u/airbornedude1962 1d ago
It is a part of me for life!! Now, I can make a choice, go on and enjoy life or just living in fear, isolated, and just feeling bad. I chose living my life to the fullest. Yes I use closed captions, having people repeat themselves and etc and etc. It's my handicap!!! My normal is different from everyone else. That's the big to do is Attitude!! Attitude is the big key!! Acceptance and Adjustments is 2 more keys. I don't know the type you have but those 3A's can help. I'm always available if you want to know more and how to deal with this Sh!t!!! Good luck!! Kick it's ass
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u/Shoddy-Dependent2404 1d ago
Tnx for your inspiration, I developed tinnitus 3 years ago, it's a mental and psychological fight more than physical, I feel alone I'm only 24 y/o I feel different from my peers, I get scary whenever it spikes , for the past couple months it doubled in volume and I hear 2 different sounds. I pray there will be some miracle in the future, for the moment I'm telling myself it will get better but the fact that this might be my new reality and it's here to Stay for the future, I can't help but feel helpless and pity myself.
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u/airbornedude1962 1d ago
Don't listen to those demons!! Demons wants you to fail. BTW you can't hear them anyway LoL!!
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u/BitOrdinaryBloke 1d ago
I understand completely how scary and alone it can make you feel. I had to be reassured by my doctor that although sometimes it can be louder, it is unlikely to get increasingly worse. I became so ultra sound averse to begin with that I wore ear plugs whenever I went outside. I have stopped doing this now unless in extremely loud surroundings.
Day to day it is loudest in my left ear and about 50% less in my right ear. On bad days and spikes it is so loud in both that it’s like it’s in stereo sound coming from my brain. Finding ways of distracting your focus and attention from it can be quite helpful at times and something I try to do. It’s not always successful but it’s focussing on a more positive aspect of your life for periods of time.
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u/Sad-Dragonfruit1095 1d ago
Awesome, I think attitude is very important for quality of life. Sometimes harder then it is. Like for me I feel like I am tired because of this muscle tensions near ear and jaw. But I am still willing to live my life since I know it can also be beautiful.
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u/airbornedude1962 1d ago
Yes!!! You are doing awesome!!! The struggle is real and I'm an ass kicker too. I do have many sleepless nights but now I'm taking sleep aids to help to fall asleep. Most of the times being in a noisy environment I get peace and quiet from Tinnitus but also risking to make more damage to my hearing. It's a double edge sword. I know if I wear hearing protection it would drive me crazy. Continue to kick ass!!! We are a in a special group that nobody wants to be in and I guess that makes us elite!! Good luck and KICK ass
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u/Sad-Dragonfruit1095 1d ago
I will still wear ear protection, but I don't want to lock myself up in my home to avoid situations. I want to get to eat at restaurants with my girlfriend and go on holidays. Also have a drink at night at a terrace, but not look for the most loud places to be in without need. I think since I had no damage up to 8k, mine is due to neck and muscle tension in face. Probably stress from the event that caused it.But I want to check with GP to see if i can get extended test somewhere. I just hate this feeling of tension in my right ear.
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u/ApartPool9362 1d ago
Thats one of the things I thought of too. Would it be better to just be deaf so I don't have to listen to the constant ringing in my ears.
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u/No-Border-9787 2d ago
There is no such thing as absolute silence. Even though I also yearn for the filter that my brain previously installed..
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u/BitOrdinaryBloke 1d ago
I live in central London myself, absolute silence has never really been on my radar. The ambient noises of city life I’d take any day however, over the equivalent of a drunken friend loudly going “Shhhhhhhhh” in my ears 24/7.
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u/No-Border-9787 1d ago
Sorry to hear that… do you know what causes your T?
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u/BitOrdinaryBloke 1d ago
Thank you. I work in a noisy environment, which is what my doctor believes caused it. However, I have worn ear/hearing protection without fail before and after my tinnitus started.
I had my ears micro suctioned in a clinic about 1.5 years ago and my T started immediately after. Although I believe that this was the root cause, my doctor disagrees.
I don’t smoke or drink caffeine and attempt to meditate as often as possible but so far I haven’t experienced any relief unfortunately.
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u/No-Border-9787 1d ago
Doctors don’t know everything. This is at least my experience. Also trust your own gut feeling
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u/Extreme-Tree3649 1d ago
Remember to tell your docktor and other about your pain or there will be no fokus on Tinnitus. People needs to know how bad and dangerus this can be to anybody....hearing impaling is no joke....combined with that EEEEEEEEE! 24/7.....Some even commit suicide.....guys do your self a favor and dont hide but talk about it.....doctor and neu-seciences.....brain-doctors...needs to know.
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u/Solomon33AD 1d ago
Was JUST feeling this, this morning (not that I haven't so many others!), but it hit me hard again today. I have a hissing sound as well. I assume high freq hearing loss and/or timpani damage...the little bones are working overtime.
I contemplate suicide a lot. I am Christian so I keep praying for healing, and I am still waiting.
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u/BitOrdinaryBloke 1d ago
For as much comfort as it may offer you, or myself at times, you’re not alone in how you are feeling having to deal with this. I fully relate to what you’re going through. I have wept about it in front of doctors and family over simply wanting the noise chaos to stop. I can feel very alone with it, even surrounded by people that care because they can’t hear what can feel deafeningly loud to me at times.
High freq hearing loss is what my doc attributes it to, although the hissing I hear is also of varying high pitches. Whether I’d be able to hear those frequencies in a test if my tinnitus wasn’t there at the same level, who knows.
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u/daggamor 1d ago
Deafness wouldn’t rid you of the tinnitus, it’s your mind making the sound not your ears, in fact if you were totally deaf it would be worse because, you wouldn’t be able to have sounds to mask the tinnitus , it’s terrible, wouldn’t wish it on anyone
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u/BitOrdinaryBloke 1d ago
It’s certainly the thing I think about at my lowest points of dealing with it. Why is it do you think that my tinnitus is louder in my left ear over my right? My hearing tests don’t show any more significant loss in one or the other. I agree with you, I wish no one had to suffer from it.
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u/VEEOILS22 1d ago
My tin moves around, loud left less right , then vise versa then same in both, some days so quiet I don’t even notice and others like having a whistling kettle in my head. I’ve had it for 4 years now and I’ve tried everything in the book and nothing makes a difference apart from distraction , ironically busy noisey places with lots of people, like a pub or restaurant
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u/airbornedude1962 1d ago
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u/smoothfn57 1d ago
Did you hearing get better was it from loud noise?
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u/airbornedude1962 1d ago
Yes!!!! Too much booming, shooting M16, M2, M60, mortars and howitzer. Also riding in C130 and C141. Love Metallica and SSSSSLLLLAAAAYYYEEEEERRRR!!
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u/smoothfn57 1d ago
So it went from 70 to 30-40db ? I'm at 65 i think I'm much better ima go get retested
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1d ago
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u/BitOrdinaryBloke 1d ago
It was meant in a figurative sense of peace and quiet. Do you have Tinnitus yourself? If so, it feels like a very unusual choice to be pedantic rather than supportive to a fellow sufferer.
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u/BrummieGeordie 2d ago
I feel like a took silence for granted, I wish I could just lie In bed in the morning and hear nothing but the birds outside