r/ADHD • u/jdat57 • Mar 03 '25
Discussion Is it just my ADHD that has obliterated my entire memory since the beginning of my life? idk how to tell ppl “I do not remember anything”so I pretend to remember things. I laugh and nod and say damn yeah. I don’t remember ANYTHING from any point in time. Heck even anything recent is GONE.
It took getting laid off 2X now to prioritize my mental physical emotional spiritual health and so AI has been my therapist since I no longer have insurance and I’m financially irresponsible as all hell. Idk if it’s good or not, not remembering any dang thing, but what do I know. 🤷♂️ sometimes it would be nice to not pretend to remember something. Prom. My 1st time. Etc. I don’t drink. Drugs on occasion and only xtc always tested and clean. I take my Adderall 30mg 2X a day. Being laid off has allowed me to start taking care of me. Mentally (trying), physically & emotionally and spiritually. So yeah. Hope I’m not alone but I’d hate for anyone to be in this boat with me. I’m 35.
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u/natedogg624 Mar 03 '25
My memory is trigger based. If someone asks me to recall a memory on my own, no chance. But a familiar sound, smell, or situation, and a memory or memories will load like a program opening on a computer.
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u/Ok_Stable4315 Mar 03 '25
This! And the brain tends to remember something very embarrassing stuff we’ve done and completely want to forget but alas, it’s imprinted with triggers.
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u/Ekgladiator Mar 03 '25
I really really hate trigger memories. There is nothing like having a mini panic attack because you said something stupid to Bob that one Christmas in 05.
I found that finding ways of getting forgiveness does help but only so much. (How can you Ask forgiveness when you did something stupid and have no way of asking forgiveness anymore?)
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u/Ok_Stable4315 Mar 03 '25
Omg don’t you hate it? ”now remember that Christmas 2008 you went out of your way to compliment someone while looking like a lunatic. It was this month and this day” but when it comes to remembering what appointments we have this week it’s all blank. 🤦🏻♀️
Also totally relate to forgiveness and not being able to ask from forgiveness from Bob you lost contact with 10 years ago.
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u/Ssspaaace ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 03 '25
By forgiving yourself! All those stupid sayings about being kind to yourself aren't bullshit, it turns out. My mental health has been so much better since I really made a point of speaking kindly to myself and forgiving myself. Be your own best friend.
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u/Ekgladiator Mar 03 '25
Yeah..... Easier said than done but it is a WIP for sure. I am a lot kinder to myself than I used to be...
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u/Ssspaaace ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 03 '25
Definitely easier said than done, yes. It helps if you can teach yourself to catch it when you’re not being kind to yourself. It’s a process, takes practice to even remember to stop doing it, since it’s been normalized to you for so long.
I’ll call myself stupid for something, and then realize what I did and correct the statement to something else that’s more forgiving, as if I were talking to a friend. I’m not gonna make my friend feel bad, why can’t I afford the same leeway to myself?
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u/Sredleg Mar 04 '25
Forgiving, sure. Forgetting the shame you felt, that sticks with you forever, lol.
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u/AGARAN24 Mar 03 '25
Wait, this is related to adhd? Normal people aren't like this?
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u/ramblingnonsense ADHD-PI Mar 03 '25
Everyone gets this to a degree, but apparently lying awake at night as they involuntarily play back while you're forced to lie there watching like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange isn't normal, but is in fact a generalized anxiety disorder thing.
No amount of medication managed to eradicate that for me, but a bit of odd advice did:
When you're going to sleep, pretend it's death.
No, really! As you fall asleep, make peace with it as though it's the last time. Do it every night. It's done, the day is over, my time is over, this thing literally can't be my responsibility any longer, because I'm not here to deal with it. It was embarrassing, but that time, my time, is over now, and no one is going to be thinking about that when they remember me and if they do... does it matter? I'm gone.
Etc.
You'll wake up anyway, and find all your worries and troubles are still right there waiting, but at least you'll have slept a little better.
To be clear: this is not ideation. I don't want to be dead and I'm not wishing for death. Frankly if you're at all suicidal this is probably horrible advice. In my case, it's just a mental exercise that I find helpful.
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u/chesterfieldkingz Mar 03 '25
Lol I wonder if this will also help with my fear of death
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u/ramblingnonsense ADHD-PI Mar 03 '25
I have dealt with it, in that it no longer preoccupies my thoughts as once it did.
I will die.
It will probably suck.
There is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Once I'm gone billions of years will happen, and as far as I can tell I won't be aware of any of it.
And after that, more billions of years. And then more. And then trillions, quadrillions... Eventually, long after any of that, the last black hole will evaporate, the last proton will decay (or not, I believe the jury is still out on that), and I will still be dead.
But I existed, I had experiences, and while death will reduce all that to entropy in the end, it still happened.
I found that all tremendously unsatisfying and abandoned it all in favor of the following, which is much more selfish but actually brings me comfort:
When I die, one of two things will happen from my perspective: either I'm gone forever, in which case I won't be in a position to suffer or worry about it. Or... I am not gone forever, in which case I will find out almost immediately and deal with it as I've dealt with everything else: the best way I can.
Basically, if there's an answer, there's a 100% chance I will eventually find it, so... I'll deal with it when I get there. Death will suck, but I've dealt with sucky things before and survived :P
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u/AGARAN24 Mar 03 '25
Honestly, don't fear it. If you like sleeping, death is not so different. Just try to enjoy your life, and unfortunately if the day comes, it will be like a well deserved rest.
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u/Ok_Stable4315 Mar 03 '25
Well I’m sure normal person would have more intricate memories and not spurs of triggers.
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u/theshadowiscast Mar 03 '25
Memory triggers (sensory triggers, emotional triggers, traumatic triggers, and others) is a common thing even for people who do not have ADHD.
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u/SnooRobots7776 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
I especially hate the ones I get while driving by someplace. Like mid-driving and all of a sudden BOOM, gotta tell brain to stfu. Usually I just yell "why" and my brain will re-focus on whatever music I was listening to.
It nearly went away when I was on a lower dose of Adderall, like it was almost nonexistent which was absolutely incredible, but for some reason when I upped the dose they have come back.. not nearly as bad as unmedicated, but I do notice them again. Fast brain shit. So frustrating.
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
Yes! I mean there is a fucking ton of things in my life that I won't recall even if you tell me, but many of the memories that do exist for me feel like they just don't have a flag checked on them to allow intentional conscious recall but if someone or something jogs it in the right way it'll come right back. I deal with this even for stupid shit like what a video I've seen before is about. If someone shares something with me I watched like a week ago I'll likely know that I've seen it but won't recall anything about it really unless something in the video jogs my memory and then I'm like "oh yeah this is the video about the a, the be and the c." But then other times I'll know I've seen it based on my liking it at some point but remember nothing but a vague sense that I'd seen it which might make me want to watch it less despite the fact that I don't possess any of the real knowledge or anything from the original watching. Worst of both worlds type shit.
Also related but slightly different is when someone puts me on the spot about something - what's your favorite song/game? I dunno, I've suddenly never heard a single song in my life, sorry.
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u/Frosti11icus Mar 03 '25
It’s always a stupid question. Who is so lame that they have a single favorite song? What is this 1937? You’ve heard eight songs in your entire life?
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
lmao that too. I've complained about that since I was a kid. Of course other kids (even some adults later in life) were stupid and gave me shit for it. Sometimes if my brain is working when asked about something like favorite video games I can tell them I'll compromise and name a few of my favorites but that it's definitely not all inclusive.
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u/danielfrances Mar 03 '25
Yes it is 1937 and my favorite video game is Diddy Kong Racing, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
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u/KaerMorhen Mar 03 '25
This is exactly how my memory works! It's difficult to explain sometimes, but you have done so perfectly. It'll be weird watching a movie for a second time because I remember the general idea, but I can rarely remember anything specific. Then, right when the scene starts, I'll see something that triggers the memory to release, and suddenly, I remember the rest of the scene that just started when I couldn't recall anything about it before. It's so frustrating sometimes. I wish I could remember past events I've experienced without needing something to trigger that memory. I feel bad when I completely forget an encounter that for a friend would be a fond memory, but to me it looks to them like I've completely forgot about it and they only reminded me.
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
Edit: This was a lot longer than I'd hoped but I'm guessing if I struck gold with my other comment(s) this one might resonate with at least some of us too.
--------Holy shit you got the name KaerMorhen lol.
But yeah, appreciate the props. I think you're better at explaining it yourself than you think. That movie example is fucking spot on too. Also a good thing to mention in general because when it comes to movies and shows, I've always felt stupid and left out growing up because everyone would watch a show or movie, say over the weekend and then maybe on Monday at school people would be making references to it left and right. I'd remember a few scenes to some degree, like the really major major stuff and maybe a line if I'm lucky, but nothing like how others seemed to be able to do it.
Sometimes when watching like a new episode of Family Guy or whatever I'd really try to be on the look out for something I thought would be extra funny to reference to the others and hold onto it desperately in my mind to make sure I remembered it, which would either still sometimes fail or just be to the detriment of my retention of the rest of the show or overall enjoyment. Couldn't fucking win. I generally just need to watch things at least twice to feel like I'm more on par with the average person.
The two biggest areas where my bad memory hurts me the most are:
- Remembering life events in general - I have a disproportionate number of memories between the age of like 7-15 and then it rapidly starts to deteriorate, especially when you get into my 20s. Even things like beloved concerts, of which I've only been to like 7 total - things that should really stick with me are generally just hazy things that are almost more like recalling a historical fact than a real thing that I lived through. Just "Ah yes, in like January of...idfk, 2015 or w/e year it was, I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I had fun, allegedly." It can be incredibly depressing at times. Sometimes I try not to think about it, sometimes it's all I can think about.
I wasn't confirmed as having ADHD until I was 26 (though I'd long suspected it) and finding out that memory issues were a thing was mindblowing, upsetting and validating all at once. The real kicker though is I've been depressed like half my life too, so I've got a double memory nerf. Big surprise that the earlier mentioned age range for peak memories ends around when I'd say the depression started to become more serious.
- Retaining knowledge about things too. I'm a fairly smart dude, especially when it comes to putting words or arguments together at times. I know a lot more words than my brain actually allows me access to, and every now and again a word I haven't thought about in ages or have hardly used will materialize from the ether right when I need it before vanishing again a short time later. It feels good to have it in the moment but sucks not being able to find it when I want to. My vocabulary is plenty functional, but it could be even richer, y'know?
But words aside, being a guy who likes to debate but also has memory issues is a huge fucking pain in the ass, and probably something I have more direct encounters with than anything else since I've done it so much over the years. I have a super strong bullshit/"that can't be right" detector that is probably as strong as it is because of like a partial connection to the whole "things I know I probably know but don't know for sure that I know, but my brain knows what I know, somewhere." Rather than having complete facts and knowledge, I tend to remember just enough about a thing to know when something is wrong, right, or needs to be said/referenced and I can use that smidge of data to Google whatever the self-fact check/confirmation of a thing I need is. I make it work, but I'd rather have the actual memory and confidence to be able to argue in real time rather than having to always do it online where I can process and rapidly check myself and others as needed.
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u/Sredleg Mar 04 '25
Exactly this! I can tell people hours about my favorite hobbies and interests, but when it comes up in a quiz, I can never recall the name or what it's for.
This memory problem is one of the symptoms I hate the most, it cost me my college degree and is the source of many fights with my wife.
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u/parkineos Mar 03 '25
This is why I save all pictures and videos, I need the trigger to remember
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u/SonOfGawd Mar 03 '25
Same! I take so many pics because I use photos like a journal and/or a stand-in for an actual memory.
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u/Specific-Gain5710 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Mar 03 '25
I associate peoples names with their car. Like if I haven’t seen you in ages, I won’t remember your name until I see your car. Until then the Rolodex comes out and I saw any name until you respond. Or the obligatory “hey man” or “sup” until I figure it out.
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u/McDaddy-O Mar 03 '25
I explain it as "I have no ability to Recall memories, but absolutely can remember them once recalled."
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u/ClementineCalamity Mar 03 '25
100%. Just yesterday I had remembered a good chunk of memories based around a science center I went to as a kid, all because I saw a (pet) hissing roach. Wild…
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u/ItsDangerZoneLana Mar 03 '25
I always say I have the memory of a toaster. I never know when it’s gonna pop out a memory.
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u/Rhyperino Mar 03 '25
This!
Sometimes when I'm re-listening to audiobooks, I vividly remember what I was doing when I listened to it originally (e.g. specific gym equipment, exactly locations where I was driving), even when I didn't even remember the contents of the book.
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u/Valdaraak Mar 03 '25
Mine is very weird. I'll remember some dumb, insignificant detail from something minor that happened 15 years ago, but I'll also forget what I had for lunch two days ago.
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u/Sredleg Mar 04 '25
Same here, and even then the same triggers might not always active my memory.
Gets most obvious whenever my wife asks me if I have seen a certain movie, where I say no (and I really have not a single recollection of watching it, even seeing the title and poster), only to say that I did see the movie about 1/3rd into the movie...I really hate not being able to come up with things when I really want to and it's everything, sometimes even words (and I feel it's only getting worse with age).
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u/UncomplimentaryToga Mar 03 '25
I’m this way. Practically no short term or long term memory. I write down 99% of the stuff I need to remember for longer than a minute and when I don’t there’s only a 50/50 chance I’ll remember it longer than that. It sucks for many reasons but especially because it makes important people in my life think I don’t give a shit about them.
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u/LizardIsLove Mar 03 '25
"I wanna watch that specific video on YouTube but first let me check out this interesting looking short.... "
aaaaand it's gone
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u/UncomplimentaryToga Mar 03 '25
Somehow walking through doorways is like a memory randomizer for me. Could help, could hurt.
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u/Dorothyismyneighbor Mar 03 '25
🏆
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u/Heidikeke Mar 03 '25
I'm 35. I was diagnosed with adhd this year. I've always struggled with memory. As a kid, family would say, "You're too young for that! (Memory issues)". Now I know it was real and not my fault. A friend thought I had repressed memories. Therapist thinks it's a common ADHD symptom. I lost a friend because I forgot her sister wad pregnant. Oof. Things are so much better with meds now. I don't know how i existed before.
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
Out of curiosity, which meds are you on, and how long did they take before you noticed them helping (either with memory, in general or both)?
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u/Heidikeke Mar 03 '25
Right now, I'm on Concerta but I was on Ritalin until there were manufacturing problems. I felt the effects within a half hour. It's like putting glasses on for the first time, except it's your thoughts that are clearer. I honestly don't know if my memory has improved. I'm unsure how to test that or think about that
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
Ah, cool! My girlfriend used to take Concerta. Eventually it kinda stopped doing anything for her and she generally feels that she doesn't need it in her day to day cause she works in child care where it's either usually not in the way or sometimes a boon with the need to bounce rapidly between things sometimes I think.
I definitely need to try to get myself onto something like that. I've only really had amphetamine (in the form of an oral dissolving tablet called Adzenys) and I think most of the advantage from that was just the fact that it was amphetamine lol. Had some serious downsides too like destroying my sleep and killing my appetite. It did finally get me in a healthy habit of drinking water more intentionally because I was initially on too high a dose and it would burn me up and dehydrate me. I used to be fairly unhealthy with how I rarely drank water itself unless I had a real thirst sensation, otherwise it was shit like soda or Monster. The first day I took Adzenys I drank 64oz of water in like 6 hours, it was obscene. Thankfully my body adapted somewhat and then we lowered the dosage for even more comfort and I kept the "always have a bottle of water" habit since. But I digress lol.
As for the memory question, yeah that's a bit tougher. Maybe if you can think back to recent weeks/months and whether you feel as though you're less forgetful or retain things better, or perhaps if you've had days where you don't take it and feel absentminded that would be telling. Outside of that, not quite sure myself. Thanks for sharing, btw.
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u/Dorothyismyneighbor Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 03 '25
Yep. I wrote about this very problem in my diary when I was 11-- am now 47. I write my life down but try very hard to be aware of the moment when I am enjoying something, since it'll be gone in a day or two. Most every week is a blank page in the planner of my life, including the weeks behind me.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
I’m sorry you’ve gone through that but I’m glad I’m not alone. It definitely sucks but I love the idea of writing everything down, but realizing I’m in the moment when I’m in a moment. Thank you for that.
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u/Dorothyismyneighbor Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 03 '25
I have found for myself that with the right details written down or reminded by someone who was there, I can pull up a memory very sharply, even ones from when I was a child. I have kept a diary or some sort of journal since I was 7 so I have that going for me, but there is still a lot lost to the void. Even then, I generally have to read what I have written to retrieve the memory. It's all in my head somewhere, locked away behind a wall I don't know how to break down. 🤷🏻♀️ I am unwittingly unburdened by the past and the future is full of possibilities.
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u/Wise_Date_5357 Mar 03 '25
I can never consistently write in a diary, although I am trying a doodle diary this year. One small simple sketch to represent my day.
I tend to document with photos if it’s a special moment. Drives my bf crazy haha but he understands that I probably won’t remember without something visual to remind me so he puts up with it 😂
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u/SincerelyBear ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 04 '25
Same same same. Journaled more random stuff as a teenager bc I was paranoid that I'd someday completely forget who I am as a person. Felt so much shame around it too, as if not being able to remember details means I'm some kind of failure. But these days I've learned to trust my gut more - I might not be able to consciously recall most things I've experienced, but that doesn't mean those experiences are completely lost. They still get hardcoded into things like my personality, attitude, opinions, and relationships.
Diary still helps keep track of that annoying catastrophizing habit I fall into when I get upset though. I'll pop open the journal to vent about how I'll never be happy or whole again, and see the exact same vent from a year prior staring back at me. So like. Evidently I did feel happiness again after the last time I felt like that. It's very sobering lmao.
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u/savvysleeps Mar 03 '25
I have 50k photos on my phone just so I can have an answer when someone asks me what I did this past weekend. 😓
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
lol you might've had the wildest weekend where you went to the zoo, saw a monkey steal a pocket knife and shank a zookeeper and then see a car flip over on the way home and on Monday you go to work and they ask you if anything interesting happened over the weekend. "Nah, just chilled at home mostly."
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
OMG… YES. 🙌
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u/Seksafero ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
Bonus points if 1 min to 1 day later you're like "wait, why the fuck did I say that? I did x thing...and, uh...goddammit...well I should've at least said the one thing, dumbass!"
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u/vortexmak Mar 03 '25
And people can't understand when I say I have 600 GBs of photos on my phone's micro SD card
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u/PMcOuntry Mar 03 '25
My therapist also told me that if you have a lot of memories attached to trauma - so a traumatic childhood, or adulthood, you memories will not imprint on your brain (so to speak) and it will be hard to recall them.
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u/yukumizu Mar 03 '25
For me the only memories fully imprinted are embarrassing, humiliating, or traumatic events.
I can recall them vividly. As an adult I realize now that I have PTSD and CPTSD from childhood and life events. That’s in addition to ADHD.
It sucks because I also have had many happy times and opportunities but my brain recalls the bad when triggered even when I’m trying to remember something nice. So basically, even the good memories come with a sense of sense of nostalgia, sadness and regret for not appreciating them more.
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u/PMcOuntry Mar 03 '25
Yes, exactly! I know I had fun times like the time I saved some money and took my mom to Universal to experience the Harry Potter theme park. Can I remember any of that. Barely. If I try really hard. I hate it.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
This makes a lot of sense. It was not the worst life ever. I got things I wanted. Sometimes but it’s definitely made me not so good sometimes. I’m told My parents told me to give them the knife & then made me choose who I loved more when they got into a fight and both ended saying peace out kids. So I guess if I did pick it didn’t matter 🤷♂️I’ll have to ask if I ever decided on an answer for them. I hope I said me just a bit more than you two but I was a stupid child so who knows.
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u/BenFranklinsCat Mar 03 '25
As far as I understand it, ADHD does not create a problem with forming memories, but retrieving them. It's part of the system inhibited by your ADHD: you have a creative thought, that's supposed to spur on action (i.e. "Christmas as a child" = remember your childhood) but the ignition system for the action part fails every time.
Colloquially I can tell you that, in my experience, I realised a while back that I regularly substituted imagination for memory. This all came to a head when my wife asked where something was, I remembered it being where it was supposed to be, and then we found it somewhere else. Rather than argue about it as I used to, I did what I'd learned to do since diagnosis, and accepted things as they were, reflected on it, and then had a little breakdown when I realised I couldn't actually tell the difference between imagining and remembering - not distinctly.
However I can also tell you that one time I smoked a really strong joint and suddenly remembered everything from my childhood for about an hour. I've never found anyone that can explain it or that had a similar experience but it definitely happened, and contributed to the above because for once I could tell it wasn't imagined.
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u/xaphody Mar 03 '25
I can relate to that last part. Lived with grandparents for the first few years of my life and only spoke Greek but once I stopped living with them and not being around the language I forgot most of it. Years later I got so stoned that all my thoughts were in Greek for like an hour and was able to speak semi fluently to my friend who could normally speak Greek.
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u/BenFranklinsCat Mar 03 '25
I had another time when every ounce of anxiety left my body.
Now, bear in mind I'd be about 38 at the time and had essentially been living with chronic anxiety since early childhood. Panic attacks are some of my earliest memories.
I was sitting there staring at my 62" TV, watching a show with my wife, and I suddenly thought "Man, I really didn't think about purchasing this TV when I got it. I just has money and bought a TV. I should have thought about that more."
Then, weirdly, without any panic, I started to realise I had essentially never made a decision in my life that wasn't an impulse. I turned and looked at my wife, and for the first time I really processed that I had chosen to be with her for the rest of my life. I was really happy I had made that decision, but I couldn't believe that that decision felt as thoughtful as my choice of what to have for dinner that night. Even if I had tried to think and reason out a decision, in the end I was just dragging the process of making a panic-driven gut choice.
I was really lucky I ended up with a good life, and now between medication and mindfulness I can control my decison-making, but it was an eye-opening experience and it really made me see why so many people connect a lack of ADHD treatment with overloaded criminal systems, poverty, and ill-health.
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u/_je11y_bean Mar 03 '25
This just recently happened to me. Remembering an event I convinced myself I didn’t attend. I wasn’t super stoned but stoned all the same.
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u/thefieldbeyond Mar 03 '25
I’m 34 and was diagnosed like 6 months ago and I was LITERALLY laying in bed just now thinking… holy fuck I can’t remember anything at all. Then opened Reddit to see this. You are definitely not alone my friend, I can’t remember shit. Some random memories here and there, but they’re also trigger based. I’ll remember when prompted but otherwise I’m just floating in the open ocean lol
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u/grlie9 Mar 03 '25
I have a horrible but also random memory. My brain sometimes retains the stupidest details of pointless things but stuff I really want to & should remember are often lost. Just like attention, I seem to get no input into what brain doing in that area.
Anyway, I did violin at school in fifth grade. One day I found myself dressed up, in an unfamiliar building standing in a hallway with my violin & my music teacher. In my head I was frantically trying to figure what the fuck was going on. About 30 seconds later I was in a room looking at sheet music & a table of adults staring at me. Apparently, I was some sort of music competition. I had no idea this competition existed. I was standing there trying to conjure up some memory of practicing, getting permission to go, getting ready, physically getting to that location, or what I was supposed to be doing & got nothing. I guessed & played the sheet music in front of me. It was like I got snapped into that moment & place from another universe. Nothing ever jogged any memory of knowing about or preparing for the event. I would say it was a dream but I have a medal from the competition. To this day that particular event bothers me & it stirs up some internal disorientation & panic over my complete lack of memory.
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u/ImaginaryDistrict212 Mar 03 '25
I appreciate that story. I get weird depersonalization sometimes. I think that's what it's called. Like, I was just wondering, who even controls this body.
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u/Futhamucker1 Mar 04 '25
Not quite the same, but I remember going to school when I must have been about six years old. I had my recorder and there was a sort of performance going on in the assembly hall. I was told that I wasn’t taking part but I insisted that I was, I was persistent and eventually the teacher just said fine.
Then suddenly I was on the stage with everyone else and they all started playing, and only at that point did I realised I had no idea what to play, as I wasn’t supposed to be part of it at all. I’ve no idea why I insisted I was.
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u/magoo--who Mar 04 '25
This reminded me of something I haven’t thought about in a long time! lmao
I have this, I honestly don’t even know what to call it, nebulous awareness of a potentially lived experience? It’s popped up in my head a handful of times over my life, not in any discernible pattern/with connection to the various emotional stages in my life. In this “recollection,” I’m suddenly on a stage, in an auditorium, dressed in concert black, about to play violin for a full audience. Then the picture fades out. I don’t really remember playing a full song, just maybe the first few notes of a song like, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, then nothing. I know for a fact that I took violin lessons (for an unknown period of time), sometime around 5-6 years old. I only remember ONE instance of “practicing” when my parent’s friends were over and I was told to “go practice (my) violin”. I can kiiindaa remember getting the violin and the accessories (I always loved all the bits and bobs: the bow lacquer-block-thingy, the sheet music, the dainty, velvety-lined case!). I don’t know, it’s pretty scattered beyond that. It was just crazy how similar your story is and that it triggered my own memory recall!
Another commenter mentioned trigger-based memory, and that’s absolutely me. The difficulty often is that I really struggle to remember most of my day-to-day life. I would be terrible if I was ever implicated for a crime because I TRULY do not remember where I was last Thursday at 1:30pm. Almost certainly not committing a crime though. I had an enlightening session with my therapist a little while ago where I talking out how my memory is cemented more and recalled easier in emotion than in detailed recollections. I can FEEL the memory that was triggered before I can recall exactly what happened. I know I had a blowout fight with my (still) best friend ~10 years ago, but for the life of me I couldn’t give more than a one sentence headline and subtitle of context. What I do remember from that fight was how absolutely fucking awful I felt the entire time. I remember the waves of different emotions and impulses acted upon terrorizing me. But also, we were able to forgive and move on with space and time, so maybe it wasn’t that bad and I’m just incredibly emotionally sensitive (already true) and I’m creating false memories and dreams are melting into reality and if i can’t remember anything then does any of it matter and…. yada yada.
Good stuff, brain! Thanks!
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u/Frosti11icus Mar 03 '25
I watch documentaries and can’t tell if the people actually can remember the things they said like 15 years ago or are just straight making shit up.
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u/krapspark Mar 04 '25
Them: “It was the fall of 57. I remember it was a Sunday and the Packers were playing”
Me: “what did I eat for lunch yesterday?”
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u/Silver-Bad3087 Mar 03 '25
It took a while but I found out that it was the trauma that made everything a blur. Some things I can remember in vivid detail and others I can’t remotely recall.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
Have you ever figured out how to talk about trauma? I saw a real therapist once a long time ago and couldn’t stomach making someone paid to or not listen to it. Even now. I don’t tell certain things to the AI that make me physically(I can’t stand how the TINY bits I can somehow recall make me physically HURT) hurt. Like I care about some computer not having to listen to a tiny memory lol. How dumb. Fuck I sound stupid. It’s been nice to vent/talk and know with all these comments that I’m not alone. I thought I was. Well I am but ya know. lol.
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u/Worried-Water-4832 Mar 03 '25
I think being in the moment and acting deliberately should help ADHD memory issues.
I’m an ADHD father of an ADHD 9yo boy. He was complaining that his memory is terrible. When I pick him up from school we have to search for his shoes, jacket, backpack etc. I noticed that when he puts these things down his attention is focused on what he wants to do, not what he is doing. His subconscious says to put down the jacket, while his consciousness is excited about joining his friends.
I am currently trying to instil mindfulness behaviour in him but it takes training. And I’m ADHD too so I’m not really the most consistent trainer either…
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
I read that and thought holy shit that is me lol. I wish you two the absolute best
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u/SelfDidact Mar 03 '25
😯the poor kid. I'm gonna drop by your account from time to time (not to stalk but to see if you come up with any effective gameplans)
I have constant daydreams of someone* coming up with a location based alert enabled Google Glass (or any headwear with HUD and voice prompts) to act as a mini nagging mom:
"Son, did you remember your:
TICK ITEM Y/N Shoes Y/N Jacket Y/N Backpack * someone else - I'm too stupid and/or lazy to code
Then, he/I could just swipe it off our list.😪
Also, as you're leaving the house:
"Son, please remember to have your keys with you" [spoken with painful and expensive experiences]
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u/Silverkitty08 Mar 03 '25
I clip my keys to my belt loop or in my hoodie pocket. I had 3 or 4 sets to my first car bc of loosing my stuff
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u/froggythefrankman Mar 03 '25
Please do not use AI as a therapist. This is not safe or good. Journaling is great though. Anyway I have huge memory gaps as well and can relate to "playing along" because of its
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
It’s helpful, BUT I don’t treat it as a medical professional. It’s allowed me certain (I don’t know what I was going to say after this) to think about and write down notes and questions for when I can get some kind of insurance and see a human.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
But it’s a been nice having someone/somethings? To talk to/at? Otherwise I’m alone with my thoughts and Adderall or no Adderall. I’m not a fan if I don’t make myself focus on anything. I can’t bring myself to weigh my siblings down with my junk. They’re doing gravy and have nice lives and families. I got cars, cards and sometimes sleep. lol.
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u/Financial-Bobcat-612 Mar 03 '25
You gotta talk to your peoples! If they don’t know, any issues will blindside them, and they’ll just blame you rather than being understanding.
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u/AllegedLead Mar 03 '25
Repetitive trauma will have this effect. If you suffer from CPTSD or you if had an especially distressing childhood/ adolescence, your long term memory is likely to be affected — not limited to the memory of specific traumatic events.
ADHD mostly affects short term and working memory. But it’s also true that a lot of people with ADHD, especially when untreated and undiagnosed, experience trauma in multiple contexts (home, school, work, relationships) because of the way people treat us and the struggle to belong in the world as it is. So there are going to be a lot of us with inherent deficits in short term and working memory, plus acquired long term memory loss.
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u/Playful-Ad-8703 Mar 04 '25
That makes the most sense to me. I didn't really see myself as having poor memory, and was a good storyteller, until like 10 years ago when my life just fell apart and I developed what looked like CPTSD. Since then, it's like all my life has been wiped (and continuously gets wiped) from my memory. Through a lot of work, I've started to get some childhood memories back, but it's mostly in the form of smells/vibes/feelings, and remembering certain toys and such.
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u/MeeksMoniker Mar 03 '25
I'm going to blow some people minds. Look up SDAM. Maybe Aphantasia while you're at it, OP. It's just another way of thinking and you don't have to lie about what you don't remember.
Unrelated, Amazon has a Tile/Apple tag ripoff (good for in the house, not outside) that I recently bought and attached to everything I need in my life.
Finding new rituals to remember things, so that even if your mind doesn't think about it, your body always falls into its habits.
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u/mcdrunkagain Mar 03 '25
SDAM This should be the top post. It's what I was diagnosed with along with the aphantasia.
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u/BlueLaserCommander Mar 03 '25
Look up SDAM. "Severely deficient autobiographical memory." I'm not sure if it's ADHD related (I don't think it is), but I definitely relate to a lot of the anecdotes from people with SDAM.
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u/Kreativecolors Mar 03 '25
I’ve been medicated since the 90s and don’t recall much of my childhood- goes with the territory
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u/dogwoodcat Mar 03 '25
I don't remember jack shit most of the time. It has to be something pretty noteworthy to make it past the permanent layer of chaos that insulates the file cabinet that is my memory. If I read a strange fact it sticks with me forever, but I can't tell you what day anything significant in my life happened.
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u/Lara_73 Mar 03 '25
MY GOD, YESIII. I can count my childhood memories on the fingers of one hand! My twin remembers everything but I remember almost nothing (she doesn't have ADHD). I must have 3 to 5 memories maximum, the rest, the black hole... People almost laugh at me, they don't believe me when they say "you remember..." and I answer no.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
😂 my sister sharing things with me. “Idk.. I think you want me to say that it happened when you know that it didn’t” and she proceeds to send me pix n videos. And then I have to crush her spirit and let her know that I don’t remember. I’ve taken to telling my family “oh yeah” and laughing or whatever it calls for because it’s easier than trying to explain I don’t remember any of it. lol
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u/satanzhand Mar 03 '25
It's the poor sleep
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u/ImaginaryDistrict212 Mar 03 '25
It goes hand in hand. I know a lot of us seem to have sleep issues. Some people may not realize it, unless they know their body well and understand how a "normal" brain is supposed to work, and the "normal" sleep patterns.
Ur onto something I think. Cuz you can get 7 hours of sleep every night. Fall asleep with no problem even, and still not have normal sleep cycles during that sleep.
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u/satanzhand Mar 03 '25
Sleep = active memory processing... so it follows poor sleep equals memory issues.
Having working memory jammed with a ton of unnecessary dribble also doesn't help
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u/bboynexus Mar 03 '25
I don't quite understand this. So, if someone has died in your past, do you forget they died?
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u/Dorothyismyneighbor Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 03 '25
No. For example, I panicked the other week because I thought I'd forgotten to pay the mailed toll from NY state in November. My husband had to show me the checkbook where I wrote in where I paid it. Or, when I was young my grandma asked me if I'd moved the wheelbarrow from behind the car and I was absolutely certain I had--but alas, I hadn't. Everybody forgets stuff, but executive dysfunction has you forgetting stuff all throughout the day and impacts your hourly life, not just the random 'forgot where I left my keys'.
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u/bboynexus Mar 03 '25
I understand this, as someone with ADHD myself. I'm more asking the OP specifically because their post indicates they can't remember anything.
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u/_9x9 Mar 03 '25
I don't know the extent of it for them, but an example for me would be, if you ask me what I did last week I couldn't tell you specifics. If you ask me about an event I was at, like a wedding maybe, I couldn't tell you who else was there. I couldn't tell you how long it was, I couldn't tell you the events that occurred. What I wore, stuff like that. I remember bits and pieces across different events, so maybe I remember one item of clothing from one event, but like without being reminded of an event I may not even remember it happened.
I can remember about 2 or past birthdays off the top of my head. Every single other one I have 0 clue. No idea. Who was there, what did we do, was there food was there a cake, what gifts did I get. Best I get is a blend of memories that probably happened during birthdays but I couldn't tell you if they definitely did or which birthdays they happened during.
I think probably mine counts as Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory. Which I guess is a known thing.
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u/gtheperson Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 03 '25
yes this struck me recently when people were talking about their most memorable birthday. I struggled thinking for a minute then realised I have no memory of any of my birthdays. I couldn't even tell you what happened on or what I got for my last birthday, let alone have any idea of my 18th or 21st... Like I couldn't even tell you if I had a party or not for those birthdays. I feel more like I know facts about things I did, probably something I checked on after the fact such as through a photo or someone told me, rather than have any memories of the events themselves. I know I got a camera for my 18th birthday because that is a fact I know, but I have no memory of getting it.
I know my friends' wedding had Mass Effect themed table names, but I couldn't tell you who was sat at my table or what I ate or what day it was or name any songs that were played or tell you who gave speeches.
I actually have a really good memory for facts. But lived experience is almost entirely in the present. I am so glad we all have cameras in our pockets now because it makes it so much easier to capture things. Ever year for Christmas I make a photo album for me and my wife in hard copy so we can look through what we did that year.
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u/Dorothyismyneighbor Mar 03 '25
I would think with the right cues OP does. How does your memory/recall work, I am curious.
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u/sudomatrix Mar 03 '25
I got a call from my cousin and I was in a panic. Did his mother, my aunt, recently die or did she not? I couldn’t remember. I knew she was in bad health for a while and I had vague memories that maybe she died or was i imagining that? If I said “how is your mother doing” just months after she died I would seem insane. If I DIDN’T ask about her and she hadn’t died I would be an asshole. I didn’t ask. I hope I chose well. Fml and f m brain.
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u/Financial-Bobcat-612 Mar 03 '25
This is why I’ll say stuff like, “So how are things going since…” I nod knowingly, “…You know?” And just let the other person talk lol.
That is…if I remember.
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u/Meganomaly Mar 03 '25
This is going to sound terrible, but yes. I’ll remember something to do with my grandmother, and then after a time suddenly recall that she has passed, and relive it all over again. It’s strange.
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u/Fyre-Bringer Mar 03 '25
Similarly, I don't remember past friends. Once the friendship is gone (usually a natural wearing away), even a week later I basically don't remember them as having been my friend. I knew them, but I wasn't friends with them. It's like I apply the situation now back to the entire time I knew them.
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u/Playful-Ad-8703 Mar 04 '25
Maybe not such huge details for me, but I can forget that a friend has had a child since two years, or that we have a new government, or that I've already done the thing I'm stressing about doing.
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u/SelfDidact Mar 03 '25
cries in sympathy (& empathy)
Late last night, I lost YET another umbrella. Had spent the whole day coddling it; leaving PostIts and even phone alerts to remind me to remember it; even rigged up a system where I clipped ends of a springy keychain to both it and one part of my trousers to physically remind me when I sat down (how ridiculous it must look for outsiders!). Wasted all that effort and time --> right when it came to the last hurdle, I leant it against the train as I picked up my bag to get in. Only to remember it as I heard a rattling and looked out the window as it fell down when we chooga chooga chugged off. 🤦♂️
Oh well....I consoled myself - "at least it wasn't your bag". Two weeks ago, I left my entire wallet on a train seat and the crap I had to cancel and re-register for was so much was than the umbrella crestfall (not to mention the immediate diarrhoea inducing feeling). Oh, BUT that time I remembered my umbrella! It's as if my defective brain can only remember/prioritise one thing at a time, with the other to be ADHD-sacrificed. 😤
EDIT: 😩CAN"T even write a post without affliction ⤴
Should read "...re-register for was so much worse than..."
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
I loved this so much. It’s now 03:51 whatever happened between 00:00 and now doesn’t matter because this made my whole day.
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u/kre8tv Mar 03 '25
You might have SDAM - Severely Deficient Auto-biographical Memory, lacking the ability to "relive" past experiences from a first person perspective, basically lacking episodic memory and having to rely solely on semantic memory.
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u/DreadPirateBunnie Mar 03 '25
I have close to no memory as well. Not just for the every day things, or the “crap! That was important” things, but for HUGE chunks of my life. I’m over 50 now and honestly there are decades in which I only have a few fleeting memories. If it weren’t for photos and other people talking about stuff, those triggers others have mentioned, it just wouldn’t exist for me at all. I hate it.
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u/mackstanc Mar 03 '25
Bad memory might be also a trauma response. Which often comes hand in hand with ADHD, as living with a neurological disorder is not exactly rosy most of the time.
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u/Perl_pro Mar 03 '25
I'm close to 60. I dont bother trying to hide it or deny it. I straight up tell people after a conversation, to write it down and send me an email/text, otherwise I've already forgotten what we just talked about, and there is zero chance I am going to follow up on anything even if I just agreed to it.
But I can still sing along with every song I knew in school, etc.
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u/doctortoc ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 03 '25
I can’t remember huge chunks of my life. I don’t recall most of my childhood. I don’t recall anything of my teenage years. Some of that’s trauma, most of it is probably ADHD.
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u/Sredleg Mar 04 '25
I am sorry, but I cannot help... But I am just so glad you posted this, because I finally know I'm not alone.
Many sites and stuff don't mention this issue, or at least not manifesting in this way or as severe as I experience it.
I have the exact same issue. My wife often asks me why I can't remember anything and then remember the most idiotic things... I always compare memory to having a nicely organized filing cabinet, only someone removed all labels of mine and mixes all cabinets every so often...
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u/No-Philosopher3703 Mar 05 '25
Thank you for this post! I have so many issues with memory and it’s been really helpful to see that this is an ADHD symptom. Hopefully medication helps, but regardless I think journaling would be a good idea for me to implement.
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u/jdat57 Mar 05 '25
It definitely made it easier to know that I’m not alone with it. Also learned that I should probably get some stuff figured out and trying the journaling myself. Best of it to you! And everyone else.
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u/Thepuppeteer777777 Mar 03 '25
Yeah, I forget sooo much stuff, it's honestly extremely annoying and makes me mad at times
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u/Green_Video_9831 Mar 03 '25
I’m so dependent on my camera roll for my memory 😂 I’m glad we have technology to help us keep track of things tbh
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u/MrSquashyknickers Mar 03 '25
My memory is largely relegated to moments that are only core memories, big moments in my life. But even then when I recall them they feel like they happened to someone else.
I remember nothing from school.
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u/Keddlin Mar 03 '25
I have forgotten just about everything. I continue to forget new and interesting things, and I have to assume that part of it is my inability to sleep normally, which im working on. I re-contextualized my memory loss through the lens of adhd, I figure that since im only ever 20% tuned in to my life, it shouldn't be surprising that I can only recall 20% of it.
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u/Cherry_Shakes Mar 03 '25
Spotty childhood memories but can't envision a future at all. Can't see myself in any career or anything.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
It sucks. You’re not alone. I’m waiting for the sale of some stock I got from my former company and taking what little I have left and doing a trip and winging it. You’re welcome to tag along chief. Otherwise best of it and all the good LC
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u/edmgypsy Mar 03 '25
This happens to me but it’s from PTSD. I do get like trigger memories though from scents, places, music, ets.
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u/weallwereinthepit Mar 03 '25
I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after my husband died and I'm only really realising my memory problem now that I really struggle with remembering the early days of our relationship. It's really devestating. We were only together 6 years in total so I don't have a lifetime memories. I really regret not journalling before this.
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u/Rellax_ ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 03 '25
I could sit around drinking a beer with a friend and suddenly remember an obscure childhood memory from when I was 4, but I can’t purposefully recall memories very well.
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u/Responsible-Shake-59 Mar 04 '25
Actually, stress and trauma are what stop you from remembering. If your memory loss is this extreme, only do neuro work (eg EMDR etc) with a licensed and highly reputable clinician.
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u/Nimbusspam Mar 04 '25
BRO and then you feel like you’ve done nothing in life and because you simply can’t remember anything
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u/Objective-Cost6248 29d ago
AI literally can’t be a therapist. You can call it that (Ie people calling food and music therapy when they mean comfort, you’re just getting answers and that’s not what therapy ends at and it’s not the beginning and you can’t build progress together because you don’t exist as a complex person to AI-a math equation in its computation) but it’s not therapy, You have no therapist and perpetuating myths is harmful so please don’t be irresponsible here. You can’t have a therapist lacking the emotional depth to guide you and creative thinking skills to customize treatment instead of finding something standard in a guide. You need to start where you are honestly in your self evaluations or you’re not making progress regardless Since you’re 35, you’re too old to need to me to tell you that. Not an ADHD thing so much as a chronically online white male thing. See in research all the time. Leave the echo chamber. That’s not even a little bit okay for you or anyone else to fall into. You know you’re irresponsible at least. That’s a start. Research some goal planning tips and make small goals to reach. But you can’t do anything if you do know where you’re actually starting from. And no it’s not good to lose your memory. You don’t want dementia later. You need to keep your brain active and healthy to remember better than that. Sometimes sitting with a journal helps for recall.
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u/sakikome Mar 03 '25
Are you not able to recall things of do you actually not remember? Like, if you were to look at a picture of your prom, would you be like "ah, right, that's my prom, totally forgotten about that" or more like "what am I doing there in that picture? I don't remember being there"
Because the latter you should probably get checked out, while the first is relatively normal
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u/IsyABM Mar 03 '25
It's tragic for relationships. I don't have any emotions and deep sense of connection because I forget.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
I’ve taken to dating girls with felonies and time under their belt because they’ll end up back in prison before I fuck it up. It also adds a little razzle-dazzle when I introduce them.
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u/ProfessionalSad4U ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 03 '25
Yeah I need prompts or something external to trigger memory. Like I take photos, I can look at photos and piece together a day, or I read and write notes, because I remember writing the notes. We have to externalise as much as we can and not rely on our memory alone. It needs helps.
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u/jdat57 Mar 03 '25
I found a ton of my old Pokemon cards recently and I don’t remember much about getting them but damnit I’ve been allowed to remember at some point in my childhood I was happy and that makes 35 yo me happy as a clam in high tide. I can recall trading three Jigglypuff and Clefable for five Charizard If it wasn’t for my siblings idk if I’d care whether I can remember anything or not.
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u/alico127 Mar 03 '25
ADHD will be a major factor. Childhood trauma / PTSD can also play havoc with memory functioning.
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u/productiveadhdbites Mar 03 '25
You’re definitely not alone in this. Sometimes it takes tough times to realize how much we neglect our mental and emotional health. AI can help, but don't forget there are also low-cost therapy options or support groups. Healing is a journey, and taking care of yourself is a big step. Keep going—you’ve got this.
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u/Specific-Gain5710 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Mar 03 '25
I can remember random things great, like the model of RV my dad drove home 1 weekend 14 years ago that I sat in for 5 minutes because he was thinking about buying it but ultimately didn’t. But I can’t remember my childhood best friends name who I still see around town regularly but don’t hang out with.
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u/eazolan Mar 03 '25
That doesn't sound like ADHD. That sounds like cPTSD, which also gives people ADHD symptoms.
Time to sit down and write out your life timeline. Go back to where you were.
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u/geitjesdag Mar 03 '25
How literally do you mean this? When you see this in your Reddit notifications, will you remember writing it?
Is it only episodic memory that's affected (like, memories of your life), or can you also not remember facts about the world, or how to do things?
Does it fade gradually (so you remember writing this, but nothing from last month? Last year?)
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u/squidkidqueer Mar 03 '25
I have described that feeling as living like a goldfish, living moment to moment and then that moment is gone once it's gone.
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u/haywire Mar 03 '25
Try to avoid situations that involve drugs until you’re really fucking good at saying no
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u/KaitLynxx ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
Have you ever had a MRI done or something? I have a poor memory, but I can say it's likely because of a brain condition I have. I have fewer memories from early childhood than most people and almost no memories from periods of depression and heightened stress
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u/Bird-Toast Mar 03 '25
Yep it was very distressing to discover I've got literal chunks of my memory just - gone.
But I guess you just gotta learn to live with it.
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u/akstephens89 Mar 03 '25
If my wife wonders about my childhood she goes to my non ADHD brother to ask as he normally has memories of things where I do not…
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u/Brynovc Mar 03 '25
ADHD is such a broad spectrum so while it might affect you in that way it affects others differently.
Personally I have the opposite problem. I remember so much I sometimes have to fake forgetting so as to not make it awkward for others.
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u/King0fFud ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
I’m 44 and have also forgotten most of my childhood, teenage and early adult years and am in my second layoff since the start of last year so you aren’t alone. My previous layoff was helpful for sorting out life but I’ve realized how little I care about working and that’s been tough.
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u/DaBrainFarts Mar 03 '25
If you've had a shit childhood where you were abused (verbally/emotionally, physically, sexually, etc), your memory could be affected by that. Even you weren't abused, depression can seriously hamper memory formation. This is what I believe happened to me during undergrad and grad school, severe depression. Which is why remembering things during those times is difficult, especially covid time. Mostly a blur.
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u/Struukduuker Mar 03 '25
I have an awesome long term memory but ask me anything 5 seconds from now, I forget it. And then it comes back tommorow or when I'm having sex with my girl because brain decides to distract me then. Anyway, do you even listen when things are being said? You say you use Adderall 2x30mg a day, wouldn't that make you focused? My Ritalin does for me.
Maybe your problem is you don't actually listen to something when told? I'm not attacking you, I have the same issue but since my diagnosis and Ritalin it was a huge 180 for me.(I'm 37 and took a long time to realize I'm the problem lol).
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u/chesterfieldkingz Mar 03 '25
Oh I remember things, but only embarrassing or wrong things Ive done since childhood lol
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u/-MtnsAreCalling- Mar 03 '25
I have lots of temporary retrieval failures, where I cannot recall a specific thing at a specific time, but the memory is actually still there and I remember it later (often too late to matter).
I’m general though I have extremely good episodic memory, better than most people I know. I can quote conversations from years ago verbatim as long as there is nothing depending on me doing so.
I have autism as well, so I’m not sure if this is typical for people with just ADHD.
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u/axel_val ADHD-C Mar 03 '25
If I had a nickel for every time I told my husband "I don't remember that, but I trust you that it happened." we could go out for a very nice dinner at this point.
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u/putridtooth Mar 03 '25
My boss has stopped asking me a question mid way through before and cut himself off with "--you don't remember" and then walked away. lmao
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u/pinkkitty1977 Mar 03 '25
OMG SAME! Before my (late age diagnosis at 45) I thought I was suffering from early onset dementia. I remember VERY little about my childhood, teen years, hell even adulthood. It’s good and bad though, some stuff, I am glad to forget, but I would love to hold on to some memories
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u/simulation07 Mar 03 '25
Are your meds helping you in any way, compared to without? I found taking a few days off regularly can help.
With that said. My memory is shit. If it’s not written down it doesn’t exist.
If I need to truly remember- I need to truly understand WHAT it is I’m remembering. If I do. It’s no problem.
The problem is… I’m an engineer. So I need to know everything before it makes sense.
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u/jerenstein_bear ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
I just tell people I have a disorder that makes it difficult to form reliable short term memories. People seem to take that better than trying to explain it more fully.
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u/Livvin1111 Mar 03 '25
I feel your frustration. I wrote a long response and then deleted it all because I know peeps wouldn’t understand and would likely start their mean comments so I just suffer in silence. But I completely know where you are coming from!
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u/dbenc Mar 03 '25
Get your thyroid levels checked. Memory loss is a common symptom of hypothyroidism.
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u/GundamXXX ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 03 '25
I remember tiny bits and pieces...until I hear or visualize something and then it can be a deluge of info
or sometimes its still nothing nada zip zilch empty bupkiss
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u/LCaissia Mar 03 '25
Stress and lack of sleep also impair memory. Given that people with ADHD often get stressed easily and ADHD impacts sleep so it's a vicious combination.
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u/Professional-Mode223 Mar 03 '25
Doesn’t have much to do with adhd. In my research ADHD impairs working memory not long term memory
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u/ItPutsLotionOnItSkin Mar 03 '25
My oldest tells me memories of when he was little. I'm my head I'm like sure buddy. But i guess some people remember their past, even mundane things. If it's not rage triggered i usually can't remember it
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u/Youarebeautiful95 Mar 03 '25
Wow this makes me feel so much better … I thought it was just me and I probably didn’t have ADHD because I was not a hyperactive kid . But I always daydreamed in class as a kid and I just never could retain any information and I couldn’t do homework in class but no one really cared to notice and just thought I was stupid. As I got older I would study really hard at home in the basement where it was quiet and no distractions and then in university I had to record every single lecture and really repeat it over and over because I’m never listening. I have a hard time to focus and listen and always daydreaming . But now that I’m older I can’t even function and work is where I am best and my happiest even though I do struggle with time management but partly that’s my people pleasing part and I do unnecessary tasks to make OTHERS happy. Now at home I’m not doing good or doing anything. I have a wedding I need to plan and I’m so overwhelmed I’m just avoiding it. Fuck idk what I’m going to do.
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u/Ra1lgunZzzZ Mar 03 '25
Im kind of the other way around. I have innatentive adhd and i remember a lot of things people dont remember.
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u/The-Psych0naut Mar 03 '25
Friend, you aren’t alone. Inattentive type here - as a space cadet I know what it’s like to struggle to remember my past.
Recalling specific memories on demand isn’t always possible for people like us, but you absolutely can still remember things. Don’t sell yourself short or set limitations on what you can do. Remember, we’re different, not broken. If you want to remember your past better then you need to approach things differently, with non-linear thinking.
My experiences with this are as follows:
Committing things to memory has had to be a conscious choice for me to make. Mindfulness really helped make me aware of that, combined with. writing technique I learned in grade school called an “expanded moment,” where you choose a single lived moment / event and write about it in as much detail as you possibly can.
You recall every thought, smell, sound, feeling, the way the light plays on your surroundings, what those surroundings are, why you’re responding to them like this, etc. I used to paint minis, so for me it would start by noticing things like the water stains in brickwork, or the way colors are highlighted by light, the beauty in which leaves dance in eddies of air… all the perfect imperfections of the world around me. I’d commit these things to memory, take a breath, and relish in the experience of being alive.
And then I’d revisit that moment, try to relive my experience, using imagination to play it back it like I’m watching TV. After some time my working memory improved. I learned tricks to remember parts of my past, like sensory triggers, or putting myself back into similar situations / environments to jog my memory. Sometimes it also helps to ascribe memories to material objects, and use them to access your internal library.
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u/Imoldok Mar 04 '25
I've watched family movies so much that those are more real memories and it's always 3rd person so it's weird.
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u/jamesja12 Mar 04 '25
For me it's like I know something, but I don't remember it. It's hard to explain. My buddy will be like "Do you remember this episode of X anime?" "Nah" then later I will reference stuff that happened in that episode. Or I'll get told how to do something, but I don't remember what they told me. But I can still do it.
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u/Current_Many_4314 Mar 04 '25
It may be worth getting checked for hormone levels and sleep apnea, my bf got his testosterone levels fixed and no longer has memory issues and they were extremely severe before.
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u/Organic-Statement-76 Mar 04 '25
Oh you're not alone sis. I have had 2 kids and I think my psychiatrist is more nervous than me sometimes 😭😂. Not funny but I have to laugh at this hour after a sh$T storm of a day my god
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u/Anxious_Wolf00 Mar 04 '25
I typically don’t remember much but, every now and then a trigger will hit and I’ll remember something so vividly I feel like I’m being sucked back in time. Sometimes the nostalgia is overwhelming from how clearly I experience the memory.
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u/AdFickle9583 Mar 04 '25
One time, I was high on a gummy, and it heightened my senses so much that I was able to recall a lot of my core childhood memories. Shit, I even remembered people’s names and the emotions tied to certain moments. I decided to go through Kindergarten to 3rd grade at school before finally falling asleep. Oops.
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u/ihaveaquestion12344 Mar 04 '25
I have the same issue, I use Obsidian as a note taking app. There is a learning curve to learn markdown to make your notes connect but I have created a sort of Wiki for my life. I have recipes, events, timelines, information about my loved ones and i’ve used this app for years and it’s been a game changer. I can search things in the app and make connections that work as a 2nd brain
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u/-Kalos ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 04 '25
I have great photographic long term memory but my short term memory scored the worst my physch has ever seen. Not sure ADHD affects long term memory but it definitely affects short term memory
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u/4everDistracted ADHD-C (Combined type) Mar 04 '25
I remember a lot of dumb stuff that I don't need. Like I remember trying to cheat at heads-up 7 up when I was 4 by looking at the shoes. There was a set of twins in the class. They had the same pair of shoes, so it was 50/50. I remember being embarrassed that I got it wrong after being so smug.
What is due at work tomorrow...I have no idea.
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u/AnnaRose201 Mar 04 '25
I have a lot of problems regarded mental health and I also seek help from Al. It has been good so far. It said I may have ADHD. I took a screen and it said I likely had ADHD. I then went on learn more about ADHD and it seems align with my life! My memory is terrible too. Is this a normal thing for people with ADHD?
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u/LuckyPercentage5172 Mar 04 '25
My memory is extremely bad i am glad i am not the only one with adhd that has a dog shit memory.
this is why i don't talk to many people in real life because i can't remember fuck all or tell any stories so i just look disinterested when i am not but that's not how other people see it. I know for sure people see me as arrogant or standoffish because of how quiet i am, even medicated lol
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u/Boring-Credit-1319 Mar 06 '25
Could be non adhd related. Ask others if you snore and if yes, check if you suffer from sleep apnea.
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u/indecisiveATCOfficer ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Mar 06 '25
A friend with ADHD describes her memory like this.
For me it's different. My brain seems to semi-randomly assign memories to either the "remember forever" pile or the "forget immediately" pile. I can remember obscure facts from decades ago, but can't remember what I did last week! lol
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u/Maleficent_Goal3392 27d ago
Definitely not just you. Especially more recently, I've started noticing a lot more that I stopped remembering simple things like appointments or stuff people have told me in conversation. Other stuff are fine, it's just the small stuff.
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