I’m haunted by the possibility of developing dementia one day

[u/NoteFabulous3175]

According to the scientific literature, those with ADHD are nearly three times more likely to develop dementia than the general population. I’m only 21 years old, yet I think about that statistic almost everyday. The thought of loosing my mind scares me so much more than the thought of dying. I’m not exactly sure why, but it probably has something to do with witnessing my grandmother slowly die from Alzheimer’s disease, seeing how much my aunt suffers from her schizophrenia, and the time I spent working in nursing home and being physically, sexually, and verbally assaulted by elders with dementia as a teenager, as well as seeing the suffering of those elders. I’ve made peace with the fact that I will die one day, but my only hope is that day will come before the day I loose my mind. I want to spend my last few years of life conscious of my reality and in control of my mind, not slowly wasting away while my neuron’s degenerate and my mind deteriorates until I can no longer recognize myself in the mirror. Until I’m betrayed by my own mind and forced to spit in the face of my own morals by harming a loved one or caretaker. As if my ADHD hasn’t caused and will continue to cause me enough suffering in this life. Such a significant increase in risk of developing dementia just feels like rubbing salt in the wound. I’m not suicidal, but I think I would seriously consider ending things at some point during the early stages of dementia if I develop it one day. It wouldn’t be a choice made out of despair or fear. It would be a choice made out of love for myself and the life I lived, and perhaps what’s even more significant, it would be a choice I would get to make.

Anyone else a bit paranoid about developing dementia? Or how do you reconcile with the possibility of developing it one day?

[u/LioraB]

If someone is experiencing memory issues and brain fog, it’s not clinically concerning that dementia is a daily concern; don’t let armchair therapists tell you it’s OCD etc. I had neurocognitive testing only to have them tell me that because I have a high IQ there’s no concern. Super frustrating, given the significant increase in symptoms I experienced. For me, Wellbutrin was a contributing factor. I just can’t tolerate most meds and the memory and executive function issues were scary. A year later, I feel much better. Some meds do increase these symptoms. Alcohol increases risk as well.