Woke up to a permanent ban from r/ADHD for questioning a mod—not for breaking any rules, just for saying I didn’t think a pinned post in a disability support group should be framed in such a politically charged way.

The mod made a stickied post blaming certain voters for an issue. I actually agreed with him, but I said leading with that instantly alienates people and weakens the message—especially in a sub that claims to ban political debates.

Instead of responding, they perma-banned me. I politely appealed, and they muted me for 28 days with no explanation. That sub calls itself an 'inclusive, disability-oriented peer support group" but that certainly wasn't how I felt.

I don’t post much, but I used r/ADHD a lot for support, and this actually messed up my morning because I was upset. Has this happened to anyone else?

Hello,

I've posted on r/ADHD about how granules in Biphentin work, but I made a stupide mistake and it immediately resulted in a ban. I used a new account to post it, but the message immediately got filtered. Probably because the account is new and has not enough karma. I panicked and messaged the mod. I should have stopped there but instead used my old account to try posting my question and it worked. I also got answered and got the information I wanted. However, the mods noticed what I did, removed my message and banned me. The reason was I broke rule 11 for bypassing moderation and rule 3 which is to not provide medical advice. The latter confused me because I only asked if each granule stays the same no matter the dose so I can get between 10mg and 15mg. I rarely post on reddit so didn't think much about the rules. I thought it would just require us to act civilized and asking relevant stuff. I could have avoided all this if I wasn't lazy and just forced myself to log back on my old account (I always end up creating new users when I log in with my email I don't know what I was doing lol). I messaged the mod again to ask if it's possible to just get a warning instead of a ban, but I don't think they're going to agree... I've been just abandoned by my psychiatrist who thought I wasn't trying enough and told me that I was the problem. Then the ban was another blow into me. I think am disappointing and causing problem to everyone. I try to stop my negative perceptions, but I just keep sinking deeper. I think I just want someone to tell me that's not the case and feeling hurt is valid. Just a pat in the back maybe lol.

Have a nice day!

it's honestly insane how much bs they get away with. Banning users left and right for simply using words like neurodiverse.

Apparently the mods aren't diagnosed, but are parents of ppl with ADHD.
The theory was that that's why they don't like the word neurotypical, bc it makes them feel bad lol. As if we're using it as a slur lmao.
It's just .... it's so ridiculous.
Using terms like neurodiverse and neurodivergent isn't mean-spirited or a political thing imo.
They're way outta line.

If you wanna look up the comment that wrote about it, just Google "reddit mods [subreddit].

I think that's how I found it last time.
Sorry I just don't have the focus to look for it atm.
It's possible it was discussed in this sub IIRC.

Hey, I just wanted to share a rant, vent, or complaint with the sub.

The other day, after revealing on a group of people that I’m ADHD, one person questioned it because I’m a student of a high difficulty STEM degree. For them, it almost looks like I’m a NASA engineer, and saying I’m ADHD triggered the distrust of one of them. She literally said “are you medically diagnosed?” I replied “yes, by a psychiatrists. Twice. And I’ve made tests and passed interviews…” I shouldn’t have gone so far into justification, but it’s the truth and it bothers me that people constantly assume ADHD=low IQ (or any other metric). If we fail, it’s not because of not being intelligent or smart, but because of excess of distraction, poor time management, disastrous planing, low motivation because low dopamine… but thanks to our intelligence, we get by. In some cases, our rather higher-than-average intelligence has made our ADHD to be less perceivable, hence leading to a late-in-life diagnosis.

But despite being able to articulate this reply writing here, the other day when I was told that “I don’t look like having ADHD” I could’t gather all of this ideas and condense them in an instant reply. So after saying that she changed topic/conversation and I was barely able to say that what she doesn’t know, is how long is taking me to advance in my studies, and how hard it is for me.

I hate not being able to articulate a proper reply in… seconds? Fractions of second actually. I need to think first and when I’m going to reply it’s already late.

Where I live we don't really have a lot of mental health professionals who know about neurodivergency, so it seems hard to get an evaluation without having the stereotypical phenotype. Now the thing is that in all my years as a student I literally could NEVER pay attention in class. I would be lucky to get 10 minutes. That included the complimentary after-school tutoring that's customary to have here (we're just paying people to re-teach us the school material bc the education system is just so perfect). There was only ONE professor that managed to engage my attention for almost the entire class and he's by far my favorite for that.

Now, I have always been a good student and didn't significantly struggle before uni. I followed STEM because it was much easier to to piece together information based on context and logic, so I even had an advantage compared to other students due to better understanding the logic behind it instead of just memorizing theory. I could never however study subjects like history that required extended amounts of concentration to memorize.

Struggles caught up when I got into higher education where things were a little too complex to piece together by logic and context. It was the first time in my life I started noticing my deficits. I'm still figuring out techniques for that but I've made progress that allowed me to finish with a Master's degree even if it took me a while longer than my peers.

This extends to people assuming I also have good organizational skills (I'm really trying to but I just don't), time management and that I don't struggle with projects ect (the pile of unfinished projects is taller than me lol)

I was just curious if any of you have similar experiences and how did you navigate it (in the evaluation process or otherwise).

I am 32 and have known about my adhd dx for a few years now. As of recently I've been unmedicated due to various reasons. Since ending my medication, I have not been able to keep up with anything.

I end up only cleaning if a space desperately needs it.

I set up a day where I can just focus on cleaning and it usually just ends up being one room. I did my kitchen last weekend and didn't even finish it.

When I finally do clean, it lasts for maybe a week or 2 before it looks a mess again.

I can't seem to keep up a routine of anything productive.

So, Our landlord has exterminators in our contract and they stop by unannounced every once in a while.

I was not prepared for someone to come in, I usually panic clean if I know someone Needs to enter my house.

Most of the time, I turn them away but I found a dead mouse in my garage a little while ago (but why didn't you get rid of it? Because I was scared to pick it up and then kept forgetting about it) and wanted to have them come in to lay some traps.

I asked him to wait a minute and threw all of my shit into a closet. It was still a mess but not as bad. I was also still sleeping so I looked crazy with my mismatched pj's and socks. I didn't look put together at all. 🫠

He got rid of the mouse, laid down a trap and was generally kind and non judgmental. Though I can't help but focus on the possible perspective he has of me I feel like I would have felt better if he said "damn girl, you live like this?"

I feel so ashamed, these are the things that really push me into a downward spiral. I wish I could just keep up with maintaining my space and doing things I need to do but everything feels unmanageable. It isn't until someone from an outside perspective looks into me that a really notice what a mess I am.

Sorry for the pity party, I just wanted to write this out because keeping it in my head just makes me want to cry, God knows I'm not going to share this shame with anyone in my life. Most of what I receive back is. " you just need to get things done" or " why can't you just do it?" Which never helps...

Just found out today that conversational auditory issues are linked to ADHD and that's the thing that caused the tears this week, years after my first diagnosis.

I hate so much how there are so few areas of my life that it doesn't impact. Social interactions are already so hard, and I always just thought I was hard of hearing because when I'm at the bar or a lounge the people in my immediate area can carry on conversation and I simply can't hear. I learned to just sit back and busy myself another way. When someone talks to me I can't keep asking them to repeat themselves so I just nod and smile and that's all it takes for them to move on.

It's so hard to make connections, I've fought so hard to get through the anxiety, try to find ways to have a personable convo, not get paranoid that I look weird, etc.etc. y'all know, and now I find out that I can't fucking hear people clearly in places made for socializing. And there is no amount of Adderall that can fix that.

Just sucks.

I just left another group where I responded to a post for someone with ADHD. She was getting berated for not trying hard enough in her relationship. It’s so frustrating when the advice doesn’t account for how ADHD actually works, and even worse, when I offer kindness for this and get push back from the group.

Yes, clarity and communication are important in any relationship...no argument there. But expecting someone with ADHD to just push through executive function struggles like it’s a motivational issue is cruel.

We can’t follow the same relationship playbook, and expectations need to reflect that. It doesn’t mean we aren’t trying... it just means we’re trying in ways that make sense for us.

How do we handle this kind of disconnect with our own peeps? ADHD relationships may look different but why do we keep holding them to standards not built for us?

I am a 46 year old man that can not keep his shit together. My very well paid job that I could have probably had 15 years ago, if I didn't have ADHD, is now teetering on the edge because of my ridiculously stupid and thoughtless mistakes.

I functioned well as a chef for years because, despite my anxiety, I had some grit as well as a huge fear of failure. I loved the fast paced environment (before I burned out.) I now have a very detail-oriented desk job/field sales hybrid and for the life of me I can't stop fucking up and forgetting things to the bafflement of myself and my co-workers. I am able to stay very stoic outwardly but I am in an almost constant state of panic from information overload and lack of someone to confide in.

I mentioned I'm 46. I found out about 10 years ago that I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 from my mother. She did not put me on meds because of fear and paranoia. I did very well in school up until my Junior year which was probably a sign to her that I didn't need treatment. What she didn't know is I was a bad procrastinator that didn't feel a sense of accomplishment until I did something last minute. My anxiety would prevent me from starting but then I would feel intelligent because I could pull it off anyway. However during Junior year I started getting very depressed and angry due to some severe trauma related to violence and neglect in the home. All of a sudden I was burned out and didn't care anymore. I also learned I couldn't rely on others for help but I also was easily humiliated when I screwed up so I would withdraw and try to hide my mistakes. Well now the cat is out of the bag because of the Peter Principal. I had to admit my ADHD diagnosis today in an attempt to keep my job and I hate that so much. I do have some strengths but my team is rapidly losing confidence in me. People will automatically assume the worst when I tell them and I haven't exactly given them a reason to believe otherwise. One saving grace I have is I found out both of my boss's son's also have ADHD so maybe things will work out since my plan is to get on medication and learn better organizational skills. I am still humiliated, though, and hate that I am basically the same as an irresponsible teenager at my age. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I suspected for the first time I have adhd when I was 15 but my mom (a clinical psychologist) convinced me I'm not before I started taking meds. I'm 25 now and still at my parents' house, got a bunch of garbage in my room which my mom constantly puts me down about. I have a uni degree but the best job I've had is recently 8 months at a meat factory.

I have a pretty serious alcohol problem, use lots of weed, plenty of reckless sex with strangers, say weird things to my friends when drunk and push them away. I don't hate myself cuz I'm like this cuz it's just me yaknow but I hate that I don't have a partner, a steady job, and most of all, a family. I always wanted a family. I think I should get on meds.

I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD amongst other things, I am 36 F and I told my parents who are in there 70s about my diagnosis and the response was "how long have you had that for" and "oh that must be the reason you have been acting nicer too us lately"

It's been over a month and I am still struggling with the response.

What have others experiences been like?

This is mostly just me letting out all my emotions rather than asking for advice; but if anyone has anything to share, please do. Quick disclaimer: this is me talking about giving up on getting diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, not life in general.

So I was diagnosed with ADHD back when I was 7. I was on something (maybe Ritalin) for a couple of months before my mom took me off it and that was that.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, and I decided to start the journey to try and get re-diagnosed and get on some sort of medication. I don't know how realistic this is, but the ideal situation would be taking something in the morning to help with executive functioning throughout the day, and then take something (could be the same thing or different things) at night that doesn't put me to sleep, but rather just silences my mind so that I can naturally fall asleep in 10-15 minutes and not 2-3 hours.

Important contextual information: my medical care is done through the VA. If you know anything about the VA, they are (mostly) free, but they are the longest, slowest, lowest quality care there is.

So the next two years go by something like this: primary care doctor refers me over to mental health. Mental health says they're overbooked and understaffed, so they'll refer me to a community care place so I can get seen sooner. Side note: ANY time there is a referral to deal with in the VA, it's a 2-3 month process between referral being written and new clinic/doctor being found and selected.

So they refer me to a community care place where I start seeing a therapist and waiting on them to test me. A few months later I do the test. Their findings were that I had ASD, general anxiety disorder, and mild substance disorder, but no ADHD. My therapist tells me that with all the sessions we've had and being ADHD herself, she thinks that the results are wrong, and urges me to get a second opinion. That was last spring.

Last summer I moved, but kept my therapist and just had virtual sessions. So, I meet with my new doctor and tell him I need a referral to be tested for ADHD. He puts in a referral to mental health. In my first appointment with them, mental health says "Oh, yeah. No. We don't do that here. We just provide a therapist. So I'll put in a referral to someone that can do that."

He refers me to a local counseling place. I show up to the first appointment and explain everything to them, to which they say, "Oh we don't do testing here. We used to at our other office 1.5 hours away, but that guy retired two years ago. What you need to do is go to this place about 4t minutes away. They specialize in ADD and ADHD and they'll be able to get you sorted out."

So I tell the VA who says they then need to fill out a Request For Services form (which I had to show them and teach them how to fill out). That was right after Christmas. I've called the VA multiple times since then to get an update, and they haven't had one.

This has all been going on while I've been fighting a completely different battle. The short version is that I've got a mystery illness that causes me to randomly pass out, usually around 3-6 months apart. I've gotten multiple tests done by the VA (or by referrals) since May of 2021. I was on medical leave for 6 months back in 2023 when they gave me nearly every test they could. In total I have had: EEG, EKG, Echocardiogram, 30-day event monitor, MRI, CT scan both with and without contrast, stress test, tilt table test, and sleep study test, none of which have yielded any positive results.

Now I haven't worked or driven since August of last year, and am still no closer to an answer. Oh, and remember how I said that all of the referrals and tests and everything from the VA is low quality and takes forever to process? It's been just as bad for this journey.

And to make matters even better, I just learned this morning that my therapist of 1.5 years (who is the absolute best) left her job at this clinic. So now I don't even have anyone to let out all my messy emotions to while they translate it all into thoughts and ideas I can use.

At this point I'm just ready to give up on it all. It's just been one thing after another. Taking hit after hit. I've told myself countless times that it would all be worth it once it's done; but hell, at this point I don't know if it will ever get done.

It shouldn't be this hard to get this done. Hell, if I had normal insurance I'm sure that I would have already gotten the diagnosis AND have gone through the myriad of meds to find the one that works best on me. Unfortunately, that's not an option right now.

Maybe some miracle will happen and this will all be over soon. But I'm done fighting for it–with the VA, with doctors, with policies and procedures–I'm done fighting it all.

In the VA, you learn real fast that you have to be your own best advocate. If you don't remind a person about __, or call and make sure that __ got done, it will never get done. Well, so far 2 years of fighting for myself hasn't gotten anything done. So I've come to the resolution that nothing ever will.

Just want to vent, that’s all. I don’t expect any replies.

It is so frustrating for a family member to say they understand that your Adult ADHD diagnosis is a legitimate disorder but then accuse you using it as an excuse when you try to explain how it contributed to why you did,or did not do, something or how it can make you feel.

As a person with ADHD/ADD/ASD do haptics in apps drive you nuts?! Those little jolts on your phone that indicate an app received your input?

They make me crazy.

If the option to turn them off is available, I have to turn them off.

I’ve stopped using apps and deleted them if I can’t turn them off.

I’ve come to the end of my first script for Vyvanse but my next appointment isn’t for a few weeks. I had a few days worth and emailed the psych office on Saturday.

Monday

After non response I called them at the end of the day. They explained they had been back and forward with my GP to send though some test results and would figure out if they need to give me a script with just enough to get to the next appointment or some other arrangement. My psych was also not working that day but they’d had correspondence with him regardless. Everything will be sorted in the morning

Tuesday Nothing. I call at around 1pm. He is going to send through an escript.

Wednesday (last tablet)

I call in the afternoon. We’ll follow up with him re escript.

Thursday (no meds day 1)

I call in the morning. Oh. I’ll follow up with him.

I come home from work early feeling headache and generally weird in the head.

I call in the afternoon. Receptions says. You’ll know before I do because you’ll get the script. She sounded annoyed and said all she can do is send another email reminder. I think she was annoyed more at him for not doing it after so many follow ups but it also felt like she was annoyed with me.

Friday. (Day 2 no meds)

So here we are. No script. I’m so annoyed. Not only is the trust broken with my psych, but how hard is it to take 5 minutes to do shit? I asked in the email if my GP can prescribe as it’s easier to get an appointment with them to avoid this exact situation. Last two days my anxiety has skyrocketed, because of the meds? Maybe. But more because I can’t trust my psych to perform a simple task or at the very least communicate with me. How am I supposed to continue our relationship? I’m now at a point where I either email my sentiments above and try to move past it assuming the script comes though or email my real thoughts being I can no longer trust you as a psych knowing your patients background and becoming the cause of the very thing they came to you for help with. Problem is there aren’t many other psych options near me.

Anyway. I’ll prob give them one last Call this morning. I know it’s not the receptionists fault and I’m not the kind of person to be confrontational. Not that I’d be yelling or anything.

But this needs to happen today.

Wish me luck

Edit. Finally got script today.

So, I was driving my dog to the vet today, and ended up stopped behind a truck with its flashers on. I went to pull around it (starting from a complete stop), and ended up mirror to mirror with another car I had not seen come up on my left. She rolled down her window and started screaming at me. I really thought we had just bumped mirrors....maybe my fight or flight kicked in? I thought she was going to try to claim I had done something big. I left, and she followed me for almost a mile. When I finally got out of the car I could see that the plastic on my car was dented, and that was it. I know you are supposed to stop for all accidents, but it really didn't feel like an accident....more of a near miss and frustration at my own stupidity. Is it an adhd thing, to try to believe problems don't exist if you don't deal with them? I really don't know what possessed my mind at the moment....I think i was scared because she was yelling, and i didn't hear or feel any sort of scraping, so the fact that it was an "accident" didn't kick in. Now I have two tickets and my insurance to deal with. Please tell me I am not the only one to do something so impulsively stupid. If I had taken 2 minutes to think I probably would have pulled over and dealt with it like any other accident....but i didn't.

Just came back from a trip away with my girlfriend’s parents. Was going fine until day 2 where I just kept spacing out. I’m primarily inattentive and I cannot handle being around people for long. I was glued to my phone and couldn’t stop 🫣 Came across rude, then being overly nice and apologetic on the back foot to try and over correct.

Fuck it’s just like I’m built to never get the connection and respect most people get from social situations. I either: a) come across fake nice b) rude / distant c) overcompensating d) anxious and a downer

With new people, no problem, charisma initiated. People I actually care about….Nope, they just get a turd sandwich. And then when I’m not with them I care intensely about their opinion 😔

I don’t know if this is a neurodivergent thing or not. But I HATE when people keep harping about something when I have already acknowledged that I learned whatever lesson from the situation.

My friend helped me get my job, and she’s been training me. I misinterpreted some steps because one email said “do steps 1 and 2,” and then the next said “do step 1 and then get with me.”

My brain remembered “do steps 1 and 2.” So I did steps 1 and 2. Then it turned into a whole email chain of “I told you to contact me after step 1” and “my bad, I misinterpreted.” Like, multiple times I said “okay, now I know, I’ll wait for further instructions.”

I am very much the type that once I say I “my bad, lesson learned,” as far as I’m concerned the conversation should stop. I don’t need any more explanation, if I do I’ll ask. But people tend to continue explaining things, reiterating the lesson, etc.

The horse is dead. Let me take him to the glue factory already.

I wrote this as a reaction to comments to an earlier post of mine. https://www.reddit.com/r/AdultADHDSupportGroup/comments/13ka1c5/my_supplement_protocol_for_optimum_sustained/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

Please stop placing all your trust in your medical doctor. Doctors are people like any other people. They are not God, they also make mistakes … and more so when they are general practitioners and when it comes to people who are not neurotypical.

Just read some of the comments on this forum! Many Adults with ADHD were not even diagnosed because their Dr had no F***ING clue. How many can brag that they just walked in explained their symptoms and their Drs miraculously gave them a ADHD test ? Believe me medicine in the area of adult ADHD as in many other areas is a work in progress. In adult ADHD one has to also fight with years of bad habits , depression PTSD etc …. It is a completely different story when you get treatment as a child.

Among those who are treated with an amphétamine many are not treated for the devastating mood and emotional control. I am lucky because I can afford a specialist and icing on the cake, he is really nice and not presumptuous like many of his peers that are full of themselves. Yet he failed in treating the emotionality and had no clue that guanafecine was also prescribed for ADHD. ( I am not advocating its usage btw , just read my earlier post)

Very few Drs know that you can shave years of therapy with magic mushrooms and almost none has any experience in treating people with magic mushrooms. Veterans in the US are now putting pressure on the FDA to get magic mushrooms legalized ASAP because they know that magic mushrooms are much more efficient than anything else for PTSD and have almost no side effects. Many people with ADHD suffer from PTSD btw. Research shows that psilocybin assisted therapy can really benefit ADHD emotional side effects and undoing bad habits but how many F***ING years we will have to wait that the ADHD community like veterans take matter in their hands become their own advocates and pressure FDA for fast tracking psilocybin for ADHD? Let’s stop pointing fingers and let’s advocate for ourselves.

Stop thinking that your Dr knows best… honestly I wish they would but it is not the case. You best advocate is an informed you. Learn about ADHD. Read research papers. Learn about how the brain works.

Like many people with ADHD I can hyper focus and obsess. I use my hyper focus and my obsession to learn about ADHD.

Today if you spend time reading the research papers readily available on NCBI then you can know more than the majority of Drs about a specific subject. I don’t have patience to read books so what I do, I get audiobooks version free from the public library and take advantage of yet another ADHD quirk: processing speed. I put the reading speed at 2X normal speed. That way I am forced to focus and I am not bored.

And BTW this is for those who consider that having ADHD prevents them from being book smart. ADHD doesn’t affect IQ we have many Drs who also suffer from ADHD. One of the most famous one is Hallowell who wrote several books on the subject.

Finally F***ING read the ADHD drugs notices … they say clearly that they are not meant to be taken continuously without a break.

What do you do when you need to take a break ? And please don’t lie to yourself because studies show that many skip days. No one wants to feel that they are operating like an automaton and not being neurotypical has some serious killer advantages besides the many disadvantages. Hyper focus and obsession if channelled advantageously are a blessing.

I got diagnosed very late ... past 50. Struggled with both motivation and insomnia for as ever I can remember. Drugs are not very efficient for me .

So I came up with a science backed supplement protocol that you can find in my earlier post that helps in general and specifically for those days where you skip the medicine.

Post edit: In the rant I am advocating for “psilocybin assisted therapy” or medically assisted psilocybin . It’s the same story.

In order to get the full benefit from magic mushrooms, one need to 1/at the very least to educate himself thoroughly and as much as possible about magic mushrooms, 2/see whether he or she can take magic mushrooms ( people with schizophrenia, bipolar and people already taking SSRIs or depression medicine can’t take magic mushroom at the peril of their life ) 3/ find a sitter for their first trial if they decide to take a heroic dose (~5g ) ( not necessary for micro dosing) 4/or better yet if they have the financial means ( unfortunately this is a reality in many parts of the world but specifically in Canada) get help from professionals,

That said magic mushrooms have excellent safety profiles. They are not addictive. One cannot overdose with magic mushrooms and they are one of the most potent anti inflammatory for the brain ! You heard it right ! The only drug that actually do you good

They are the best because for Adult ADHD they allow brain plasticity and therefore swift habit creation or addiction elimination.

many complain about the complexity of the protocol given their ADHD. Let’s put it that way. This protocol becomes addictive very quickly for the following reason : Why do you think many smokers have undiagnosed ADHD ? What effect does tobacco have on them ? It motivates them. Tobacco has nicotine and nicotine acts like amphétamines it releases dopamine and by smoking they somehow take care of some of ADHDs symptoms ( while at the same time creating other health issues such as cancer … but this is not the point and hang in there with me ) . BTW if they take nicotine gum they réalise that they don’t crave cigarettes anymore but they crave the gum itself. They know it harms them but they can’t help it, they are addicted and the addiction comes from the interaction of Nicotine with the dopamine pathway. Imagine instead of smoking you taking some l tyrosine with Alpha GPC ( and cofactors if you remember !) 2 to 3 times a day as necessary and this would help with your dopamine release or will help you with your motivation, well guess what … it will also become easily a habit like any other compounds that interacts with the dopamine pathway and releases dopamine.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8235064/

56, undiagnosed till couple of years ago. Heavy set (who am i kidding: Fat), mild cripple; cp. Had one meaningful relationship almost 30 years ago. Having angst that I will stay alone. Haven't gotten beyond friendzone in almost 30 years. Been paying for sex since 19. When I think about my mom passing and us 4 kids standing at her grave, all my siblings with a SO, me, alone, no one to comfort me, I cry like a fucking child. Past weekend, I had 2 days of blissfull live interactions with a sweet 47 year old. Then that text: You're nice to be with, but not relationship material. Fuck this. I'm so tired. Also me: When you smile at me, I assume you like me....

I got diagnosed with ADHD about 5 months ago I think. All my life people (especially family) have told me that I apparently don't care about them and don't love them enough because I'm not remembering the things they asked me to do and because I'm always repeating the same mistakes over and over again, especially when I was a kid. I heard these words all my life and I always thought I was a bad person because people kept telling me and it destroyed me because I didn't want to be but every time I tried to explain that I was trying but just couldn't, nobody believed me, everybody just said: "if you actually care, you can just do it. The only reason why you wouldn't, is because you don't care about us".

When I got my diagnosis it hit me like a rock. Finally someone believed me when I said that I actually care a lot, so much even that I am constantly stressed out, but that I just can't focus or remember or motivate myself for anything. I finally didn't have to hear that I apparently didn't love my parents enough because I forgot to put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher. And I was so incredibly happy about the thought that I could be fixed with meds.

I tried 2 different kinds of meds so far. The first one was Medikinet (similar to Ritalin) but for some reason, no matter how much I took, it didn't do a thing. I didn't feel more calm or more focused or less hyperactive, I also didn't feel more hyperactive or numb or whatever, I just felt no difference at all so my therapist prescribed me a different medication. Vyvanse. I took Vyvanse for about 3 weeks and this was the first time I actually felt a difference. But not in the way I expected/hoped... Vyvanse made me less hyperactive but it didn't do anything else. You see, the hyperactivity is the only reason why I even move, why I don't just sit around, scrolling my phone, not doing anything while internally freaking out because I got so much to do. While I took this medication I was so unproductive, I sometimes couldn't even get up to eat or drink something. Every day after school I just sat in my car for hours because I couldn't motivate myself to drive. On top of all that I completely lost all appetite to the extent where I could even eat the smallest amount of stuff I normally loved eating.

My therapist and I agreed that this wasn't working so she prescribed me a different medication. Atomoxetin (aka Strattera). I was supposed to start taking it last week on Friday but when I tried to get it my pharmacy told me that there is currently no way of getting it because no one is producing/selling it anymore because of some shortage or something... So now I just don't take anything. It bumms me out so much. I put so much hope in this but for some reason the usual meds are not working for me and the last thing my therapist would prescribe me is not being sold anymore... it's not only my relationships that always suffered because of my ADHD, my grades, my work, my private life, my hobbies, everything. I had so much hope and now I feel worse than before...

Just recently diagnosed at 40 and started meds. The more I read and learn the more SO many things make more sense now. Just sucks knowing I lived my whole life like this and not one teacher picked up on it. I have a good life and I’m happy but . I struggled through school my whole life. Hard not to wonder if things would be different if I was diagnosed as a kid. Maybe I’d have a career I’m more interested in. I kinda fell in to the career I have and it’s OK and I do well enough but it’s not what I thought I’d be doing. anyone else go through this? Rambling rant over.

I was diagnosed at the age of 43, seven years ago. I had seen around 10 therapists over a 12-year span trying to determine why I felt like something was off. I started Adderall and my quality of life immediately improved. My case is mild, but it's there. I paid for an all-day evaluation just to be sure it's ADHD. During my life, I was fortunate enough to have powered through earning an engineering degree and growing my career, but I lived in a constant state of anxiety that has likely taken years off my life. Long story short, over the last few years, although I feel much better and perform much better at my job, my marriage has deteriorated. My wife says that she has seen zero improvements in our relationship since I started the Adderall, and that things, from her perspective, have gotten worse between us. Her chief complaint is that I live in my own head, I'm not present, and I am completely self-centered. She says I get overly focused on things I want to do and forget about her needs and that I am not being a partner. We're at the brink of divorce, but we're both seeing therapists individually plus couples counseling.

After a lot of introspection and research, I determined that it's possible that Adderall might not be the right med for me. It's the only stimulant I have ever tried, so I have nothing to compare it to. If I really think about things hard and with an open mind, I can see how some of my behaviors while on Adderall could have had a subtle negative effect on our marriage over a long period of time. So, to demonstrate that I want to save our marriage, I agreed to stop taking it for a month, return to a baseline, and then we'll re-evaluate the situation. I took her with me to see my psych yesterday so all this is done under medical supervision.

Here's where I get really annoyed with my wife (justified or not): She is an all-natural type of person who sees any kind of medication as a last resort. She never liked that I was taking Adderall, and she judges the shit out of people she knows who take meds, especially multiple meds, without trying natural remedies first. She was just now griping about how my psych responded to my desire to get off Adderall with an immediate offer of another medication instead-- saying that's what doctors do any more (she works in healthcare but not as a doctor, but sometimes she thinks she knows what doctors know). Although she says my treatment plan is up to me, she listed off all the things I should be doing over the next few weeks, including intense exercise, meditation, supplements, "cold water therapy," and even getting tested for celiac disease (she and our kid have it, and our kid's genetic test indicated that I carry the gene). Sure, I can/should try these things, but I am terrified of going back to living with anxiety like I did for my first 43 years when a medication vaporized those negative feelings instantly. I am not an all-natural type of person-- if the technology exists, then use it. Also very annoying how she's been saying that things couldn't have been that bad for me prior to treatment, so ending treatment shouldn't be too hard.

With the Adderall shortage going on, I had a small stockpile of reserves built up over the years. Earlier today she said she'd be more comfortable if I don't have access to it, asking whether she should just hold onto it or whether it should be dumped. Since I no longer have a reason to have it in the house, and since asking her to hold onto it only reinforces her belief that I'm overly dependent, we just dumped it.

So, with all that said, wish me luck as I begin zero treatment after seven years of daily Adderall. I'll see my psych again on August 1. Depending on how things go over the next 4 weeks, I'll either have to appease my wife and not be medicated for my ADHD or I'll have to tell my wife that she'll just have to get over it and I'm going to get back onto something (not Adderall) so I can enjoy my life with or without her.

EDIT: I have nothing against Adderall. If Adderall works for you, then rock on. Hell, it might be working for me since my marriage woes might not even be caused by my response to Adderall.

I thought it was just normal burnout. But just happens so suddenly and often. So, i dig deeper and found adhd rut is a thing. There is nothing to do but rest and wait it out. Which is just annoying. I mean its basically a broken engine. The brain is just structured differently that it can't handle complex pressure coming from modern things. I mean why, i was in a good streak for a month and a half doing week in my studies, i was even fighting the rut and suddenly it won😐. I am just tired with adhd.