r/AutismInWomen • u/NumerousMarsupial804 • 1d ago
Seeking Advice What repetitive behaviours ACTUALLY help you cope?
I always tend to cope with my anxiety with a range of semi-destructive or not the best behaviours.
As soon as I quit one habit, another crops up. It's been drinking, binge eating, emotional eating, overspending, online gambling, sleeping the days away, smoking, doomscrolling and some worse ones I won't put. I do my best to quit these, but then I'll find something new and it'll be the way I cope with quitting the old bad habits.
Neurotypical people and therapists recommend things like exercise or grounding techniques. I already exercise and try to generally take care of my sleep and diet.
I seem really functional on the outside and no one really knows how much I struggle with these things.
My question is: what are some real, actual things that you repeat and help alleviate your anxiety?
Please recommend me specific video games, hyperspecific rituals, or even things that aren't the best but maybe way less destructive.
I already do things like reading, crafting, etc but it just doesn't help.
39
u/hallelujahchasing 1d ago
Going on drives and blasting whatever music I am currently obsessed with. I realize you have to have a car to do this, so Iām not sure itās applicable to you, but I just wanted to comment nonetheless ā„ļø
13
u/NumerousMarsupial804 1d ago
Thank you! This is something I do sometimes that does help! Itās hard because sometimes driving causes me more anxiety, but randomly other days it calms a lot. Iām going to create a list though and add this to it. š©µ
6
u/VeilRanger 1d ago
Can also be walks or riding a bike! As long as your surroundings change and you have the music on. Plus green time (spending time in nature) can also be very regulating.
ā¢
u/whoooodatt 23h ago
i love going for a long bike ride. When I bike commute to work vs driving i feel soooo much better and less likely to reach for an unhealthy coping mechanism. plus if I do want to eat anyways after I get home from work, i deserve it, i biked 20 miles!
ā¢
u/AdAbject9758 23h ago
Second this! Late night rides in my own little club where Iām in charge of the temperature are what freedom tastes like āØ
29
u/Electrical-Tea6966 1d ago
I play the New York Times crosswords all the time. Iām a subscriber, so I can play through the archives too, and Iām basically working my way back. It started as a way to stop myself from doomscrolling- I deleted the Instagram app and every time I had the urge to open it, Iād do a few crossword clues instead.
Whatās nice about it is that my brain is active while I do it. I often look up clues if they are sport related etc, so Iām not a purist about it, but itās fun to challenge yourself a bit and also learn some new facts. And the more I do them, the better I get.
2
u/Tech4Axons 1d ago
Same! I started quartiles in Apple games to reduce doom scrolling. I got into sudoku but Iām not brave enough for crosswords lol. I just do a few minutes of sudoku and maybe Bluesky instead of IG. Iām at 3 weeks I hadnāt re downloaded IG
1
u/CookingPurple 1d ago
Oh, this is me. I realized once Iād worked so far back in the archives I was over a year pre-pandemic. Iām obsessed with the crosswords!!!
30
u/AdOk1965 1d ago edited 1d ago
When I'm in a rough patch, I tend to sublime (I'm not sure if it's the term in English - it's the one used in French):
This means, I tend to displace the bad emotions/feelings into creation
Be it drawing, knitting, painting...
The act of creation both takes of my mind from whatever it's currently looping over and "eats up" my awake time; kinda makes me forget that I'm actually alive
I "become" whatever I'm doing for the time I'm doing it; I disappear in the action
It's globally a double win:
it helps me holding on while things are difficult, but I also get the reward that comes with the act of creation; "Hey, I made this! Cool :)"
It's pretty great, for me, as a coping mechanism
And it's awfully hard when I'm so unwell, I can't even do that : /
At times, I'll be so completely burnt out, I don't have, in me, anything to give anymore, to feed the Art
When it happens well... I'll try to watch a movie, or scroll Pinterest, or sleep...
I usually turn myself to "Beauty", to escape, somehow:
looking at paintings, landscapes, sculptures, wild animals, architecture, poetry...
15
19
u/AntiDynamo 1d ago edited 1d ago
For anxiety, mostly deep breathing. If that doesnāt work then exercise. Anxiety is just a heightened state of physical preparation, so I find itās a lot easier to manage if I can use the energy and the fast heart rate for something productive. I have a stationary bike so I can just hop on immediately
Also most of my anxiety comes from sudden change in routine, so I remind myself that I wouldnāt be nervous if this were something Iād done a million times before, Iām truly only nervous because itās new, no other reason. So once Iāve done it, it wonāt be new.
I think looking for a behaviour to alleviate anxiety is not a great idea to begin with, we have to learn to exist alongside our anxious tendencies, we canāt just run away from them
6
u/NumerousMarsupial804 1d ago
Iām glad youāve found what works for you!
I think itās less that Iām trying to find ways to alleviate the anxiety. The ways find me, they just arenāt necessarily healthy so Iām just trying to replace them with better ways to cope.
Basically, whenever I donāt have something (i.e. if Iāve just quit a bad habit), another one sneaks its way in without me realising.
I often donāt even realise that what Iām doing is to alleviate my anxiety until itās progressed to the point of harming me. Hence why I think if I could find something healthier, I could stop some of the more detrimental stuff from sneaking up on me.
6
u/Bathrobe_Gal 1d ago
Hopping on here to add a couple of things.
In my experience, a breathing/meditation practice is less about alleviating anxiety in the moment than about helping to lower baseline anxiety before it manifests physically. Kind of like any other self-regulation you might do on a daily basis, like sensory regulation, etc. In my experience, this has helped with my baseline anxiety, but I still also have the repetitive behaviors manifest...
Replacing behaviors: For beverages, I find seltzer is a great alcohol replacement ā obviously none of the effects, but just sipping something with a bit more mouthfeel is soothing. In general, I find a similar behavior to the one I'm trying to remove is easiest to replace with, since these behaviors tend to be automatic. So, for example, one of my big anxiety behaviors is babbling, and I can get pretty unfortunate in the phrases I get stuck on (inappropriate - thanks, brain!). Since it's hard to stop the babbling completely, unless I'm really well-regulated (see above point), I just try to replace with phrases that are silly and not problematic. One of my phrases is "I love dogs." Lol....! Another thing I try to replace this with is humming, since that is generally more pleasant.
Edit: typos.
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 17h ago
This is so smart! Thank you so much! I definitely love flavoured sparkling water since I quit drinking. I really love the idea of finding healthier alternatives but that are still similar to the original.
ā¢
8
u/Tech4Axons 1d ago edited 19h ago
I have a list of 9 different types of āreāgulating activities that re-set my inner system. They are re-petitive as far as itās a routine/ritual/habit. (I call them <RE> lol) Like a fav recipe, I choose the ones Iām most itching for on different days. My RE recipe set is a mental framework that helps me feel better, bc helps me accept this condition and my needs without critically judging myself. I think itās self soothing and a healthy coping mechanism. Theyāre like CNS vitamins and nutrients. Non autistics call this self care.
1 PHYSICAL- (Basic, Spa, Tism) A BASICS- naps, snacks, shower, a run, chocolate
B SPA/BEAUTY- essential oils, candles, hand or foot scrub, bubble bath
C Audhd PHYSICAL CHECK IN- Thereās allll the things right? But a sampler here- do I need to stim, am I hurt/need nature break interception, echolalolia what song do I wanna play on repeat, etc
2 NOVEL/ ROAMING EXPLORATORY- Try tech and non tech- try a different recipe, walking trail, grocery store. New perfume, outfit. New video game, podcast, tv show or movie, music artist, album or genre
3 CEREBRAL STIMULATION- read a good book, do math in apps like impulse, peak, brilliant, something wonky. Memorize a poem or inspiring quote. Wikipedia rabbit holes. Learn about history, science shows or YouTube or websites. Learn a new skill. wrinkle your brain
4 ARTISTIC OUTLET - creating or enjoying. music, opera, musicals, painting. At whatever level -finger painting or art museum. Sing or practice instrument
5 PEOPLE CONNECTION- have a sweet positive interaction, usually with public people or my ilk (ie Writng a post that is too long on a Reddit request for help thread.) Letting a pedestrian cross street. Smile and sincerely appreciate the drive through person. Gush with a fandom
6 EXTERNAL STRUCTURE 1 - creating order- counting, sudoku, organizing playlists in music, Pinterest, YouTube. Organize pics of my spesh interest in my phone. Tweak Alexa routines. Restocking cotton balls/toiletries, spices , contact solution, gym clothes. Make lists!š„° Of course also cleaning up but only do with music
7 EXTERNAL STRUCTURE 2 - resisting restrictive/not correct structures- being an absolute menace and dopamine dressing in unconventional fashion, nail polish, hair accessories, watch or sing rocky horror picture show, intentional pda etc. Be naughty
8 MY MUSES-šššš iykyk
9 WRITING. 1 Emo dumping to checkin with self. 2 Task dump for goal planning. 3 Intuition or dream dump. 4 Write out a memory or an interaction thatās on replay/ruminating, and reframe it in a healthy way. 5 **I love the apps FINCH and Grateful for writing prompts.
(*MAJOR SIDE EYE- regarding anxiety and basically being humanā¦ Writing is prolly (read 100%) the best of all 9, but I dread it. Cool pens and notebooks and stickers help. Writing, exercise and sleep truly helps me perform at higher rate than anything else.)
Tips: -šI put these on note cards. -šI feel like these are upgraded choices, better soothing than doomscrolling or binge watching. I use when I feel off, or after working on something a while and Iām ready for a break. -šSometimes it takes doing 2-5 things, then Iām pretty much reset and ready to go. -šThese really stave off burn out, meltdowns!! šEven normie coworkers friends say they strive for my level of ā self-careā. But Considering the world (Iām in America), itās necessary more than ever.
Writing this counts as 5 and 9 for me. Iām feeling set and ready to conquer my weekend list now. Thanks for asking. You got this! šŖšŖšŖā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøBest of luck!
Edited to help clarity/caps but itās a brain dump
ā¢
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 17h ago
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. I can tell itās taken a lot of work to come up with a system like this that works for you. I really appreciate you providing specific examples. Iām saving all of this into a list to refer to.
Thank you so much for taking time to try to help me š«š©µ
17
u/vapidvapors94 1d ago
I started using the Finch app again to help me keep my daily "rituals" (I added basics like "get out of bed, get dressed, wash my face" etc) and also things that make me feel more human ("put on earrings, take a dance break, do something that makes me happy"). I check them off and enjoy the little dopamine buzz of checking something off the list (plus it holds me accountable for the things I don't always remember to do for myself). I also play on the Dustbunny app before bed. I can't keep real plants alive, but growing virtual ones is soothing.
7
u/NumerousMarsupial804 1d ago
Thank you! This is the exact kind of recommendation I was looking for!
5
u/ScoutySquirrel autistic adult, tho more former more than latterāØ 1d ago
i hadn't heard of the finch app beforeāi've been using the carrot to~do app, and it yells at me when i'm not doing stuff š āso thank you! āØ.
1
u/here-for-the-threads 1d ago
I use the Habitica app for similar purposes! It allows you to earn cool outfits and accessories for your character, hatch and grow pets, join monthly self-care and self-improvement challenges, and turn in the āgoldā you earn for self-determined rewards. So for example, once I earn 500 gold coins, I can ācash it inā for something I really enjoy doing for myself, like buying a new book or journal or cool fossil (my current obsession). The variety helps me stay engaged so when the novelty of one aspect of the app wears off, another aspect keeps me going with those self-care habits.
1
1
u/Tech4Axons 1d ago
I love Finch! I donāt use it for the task reminder, but it is sooo great for anxiety and checking in emotionally.
9
u/Same-Drag-9160 1d ago
I really like using my acupressure mat. It actually replaces smoking cannabis for me oftentimes because it gives me a very similar feeling (it relaxes all my muscles and calms me down). I even had a friend try it and they also said it gives them a similar feeling as weed!š
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 17h ago
Thank you so much! I really appreciate this recommendation because of how specific it is. I havenāt ever tried an acupressure mat so Iām really keen to try it!
ā¢
u/Same-Drag-9160 16h ago
Yeah of course! I always go to these kinds of Ā threads looking for specific recommendations too
1
u/Opening-Ad-8793 1d ago
Do y ok u have a link?
1
u/Same-Drag-9160 1d ago
This is the one I currently have just because itās the cheapestĀ https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00I1QCPIK?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title
However I have heard others say that the higher end mats arenāt as sharp. This one is definetly pretty pointy and Iāve scratched my hands on it before accidentally so usually I will use it on my bed, or use it over clothes so itās not too intense.
2
u/Opening-Ad-8793 1d ago
I have an ex who is Korean and his mom had a GREAT acupressure mat in the kitchen and Iāve never been able to find one like it. Maybe I just need to try something new like this
7
u/Low_Big5544 1d ago
I like playing music (like keyboard or guitar) or music rhythm games like guitar hero or musedash. It keeps my hands busy and gives stimulation that I have to engage in, but also gives me the space for my brain to just run for a bit because I don't have to pay a lot of attention. I also have a lot of really destructive coping mechanisms and I completely understand how hard it is to break them, and the pattern of breaking one by picking up another
6
u/the_hooded_artist 1d ago
I listen to ASMR videos a lot when I'm very anxious. Headphones for maximum effect. I like role-playing or task oriented ASMR videos the most with soft talking. If that's too overstimulating then just paper or writing sounds really work for me. I often listen to ASMR at work when I'm in the office to soothe myself if it's a day being there is overwhelming. I felt like a weirdo at first listening around other people even though no one knows what I'm listening to. Lol. I've been sober for around 5 months now and ASMR has helped me stay sober.
I also play the same video games over and over. I'm a big fan of the Fallout game series and am usually actively playing one of them at any time. I also like cozy farming/decorating games like Stardew or Animal Crossing. I only play games I find relaxing. If it's too hard or not fun I won't play. I will play new games occasionally, but replaying an established favorite is very calming and comforting to me.
ā¢
u/Hoogin2020 23h ago
Yes! Asmr can be oh, so soothing. I watch "asmr street massage" videos on yt before I sleep. It feels like travelling, and a massage, but achievable.
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 17h ago
Thank you so much! Iāve never really āgotā ASMR, but I also havenāt really looked into it and explored any of the different types!
Congrats on your sobriety! You are amazing. Thank you for taking the time to share and try to help me, I will be looking into this š©·
5
u/Meghan_Sara 1d ago
Acute anxiety: the only breath exercise that works is this:
- Seated position, hands free, feet on floor.
- Breathe - In through nose, out through mouth.
- Lift one heel off the floor while breathing and lower it slowly, then raise and lower the other as slowly as you can but NOT in the same rhythm as the breathing.
- While breathing and raising & lowering heels, slowly rotate your wrists but again, NOT at the same tempo as your breath OR your heel raising.
- By the time you brain is distracted creating three different rhythms with your breath, feet, and hands, you are back to breathing normally
Long term anxiety:
I download any mindless (free) puzzle game that catches my attention. Sorting balls, unscrewing colored screws, connecting like numbers, you know these bullshits. My natural desire to sort and find patterns is a great distraction and there was one game I played for three straight months while having two cancer scares and getting evicted. Thank you, 2248, you got me through the hardest months of my adult life. 2 biopsies, one surgery and apartment hunting in this economy? Truly doing the heaviest of heavy lifting in anxiety relief.
10
u/salty_peaty 1d ago
For me, walking is great to manage my anxiety and doing a repetitive/mindless thing.
I usually go in the morning -home-work commute, or in the countryside or in residential areas on days I don't work- so I can make my day more relaxed.
I still suffer from eating disorders, but if my anxiety is lower, then the ED too, so walking helps with this issue too.
Also, I don't over-exercise, what I walk is in the healthy range advised by health department, so it's not another maladaptive behaviours (in fact, it's the only healthy coping mechanism that works for me).
3
u/PossiblyMarsupial 1d ago
You already mentioned crafting, but for me it's specific to fiber crafts like sewing, crochet, knitting, embroidery as the motions are so repetitive. Another one that really helps is colouring/painting. In terms of games I find stardew valley very soothing in terms of how repetitive all the crop management is, and it gets better later in the game, where you can build sheds and sheds full of pickling vats and brewing casks you all do manually.
4
u/Hollywould9 1d ago
I clean and organize the put things right in my eyes. The more things look put together the more put together I becomeā¦
Also the scrubbing and wiping and setting things back in their places is very cathartic for me
5
u/selenofile 1d ago
Im doing the same right now, trying to drop unhealthy habits and replace them with healthier ones because I tend to really stick to routines. I'm busy enough during the day where I'm not usually looking to escape myself but struggle a lot in the evenings once my kids are in bed.
Instead of doom scrolling I go on Duolingo or play a brain game. I think I can have a conversation in Norwegian now lol
Instead of wine or beer at the end of my day, I drink mocktails or kombucha. They still feel like a fun rewarding drink.
Instead of staying up super late watching TV to zone out I try to get to bed earlier and listen to a podcast. My faves right now for sleep are Lights Out Library, Ancients, and Sleepy History .
Instead of binge eating crappy food I try to challenge myself to make a platter of healthier snacks that Im still excited to eat (like slices of cucumber with cream cheese and everything bagel spice sprinkled on top, ) As far as video games, I loved Jedi:Fallen Order and Jedi:Survivor. The Lego games are huge in our house. My kids play them but now I'm hooked too. Love collecting all the characters.
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 17h ago
I love these ideas. Thank you so much! These kind of recommendations are exactly what I was looking for! š«Ā
3
u/allthatsknown97 1d ago
It seems really stupid and obvious, but keeping my hands busy is super helpful. I like pain stims for grounding, but in general, I like to keep my hands 'distracted'. Sometimes, it's writing out phrases or even just the alphabet, drawing, coloring. I find games like Candy Crush or Best Fiends or any merging type of game (or anything similar) to be helpful on my phone. If that's not an option, I always keep a nail file on me to file down my nails when I'm tempted or find myself chewing them. Something to chew on is helpful, too. I don't like gum bc it gets so hard so fast, but the wax from those old fashioned bottle candies is good or something that will hold it's texture even when being used for extended periods. I used to chew on the plastic bits that attach tags to clothes, and that was very satisfying and helped me to be busy and focused on other things. I know a lot of people have found success with chew toys, but I don't find them satisfying as they are too firm and frustrate me and irritate my jaw. Hard candy can be good if I'm able to focus enough on sucking rather than crunching (jolly ranchers are my fave!). If I'm at home, I'll find a cloth item that has a lot of pilling and pull all of the little pill things off. Being able to recognize your little habits and triggers is the biggest step! I stopped biting my nails primarily because I learned that it's possible to get pinworms from it and it grossed me out so much that I think of it everytime I start and gross myself out of it and find something else to soothe that oral fixation!
3
u/luckyelectric 1d ago edited 1d ago
Repeating songs over and over; while walking or jumping or dancing.
Also when you have a really good experience that hits you in the right way; write a story about it and then read your story over and over.
Hot baths.
Massages.
Meditation and trance.
Lastly, I enjoy minimalism; getting rid of objects.
3
u/CookingPurple 1d ago
Music. Music is my soul soother. Music is the only things that has lasting beneficial effect on depression and anxiety. All my other special interests will help suck me into a dissociative state where I no longer feel the pain and anxiety of existence. Which is great. I need those escapes. But they donāt actually help move me to a better place. But Iām learning that if I listen to music daily, it can keep my base states of anxiety and depression lower. It can ease (not completely eliminate, at least not yet) burnout. I NEED music.
ā¢
u/JRtheNutbar 23h ago
One thing I started to do every week was buy a craft from the dollar store either a full blown kit or something I can paint. When shopping for it, I typically just let my inner child run wild cause it's a dollar store and it won't really hurt me financially as I usually just end up with the craft and a bunch of snacks.
It's my lil routine that I look forward to every weekend, as I typically use this craft as a piece of decor for my apartment and I take extra care to create something I truly love to display.
Games I like to doom into are stardew valley (for a more constructive doom) and planet zoo. Playing these games without aiming for a specific goal helps a lot I find.
It does get better š
ā¢
u/Karala24 20h ago
Prepping and eating the same comfort food healthy dessert for months in a row each night : 1 greek yogurt with 1 spoonful of almond butter with berries, peanuts and 1 piece of dark chocolate cut into chips. So comforting and filling, I look forward to it every night. I'm on keto which helps a lot with my mental health.
ā¢
u/thislittlemoon 20h ago
I think the key is intentional replacement, rather than just stopping a habit that, while destructive, has been serving a purpose for you. It doesn't really matter what you replace it with, but it will probably be easier to stick with if you think about what it was achieving for you and pick a healthy/neutral activity that does something similar for you - what works for other people won't necessarily work for you.
You say several good things you already do but that it doesn't help, but I would challenge you to think about *how* you're including them in your life - I feel like a lot of the time starting with the things you already do and incorporating them in new ways / at different times works well. If you already like reading/crafting/exercising, maybe pick an activity in one of those areas that is easy and portable, so you can always have it handy, and decide that whenever you feel like you're wanting to do the old bad habit, you will choose to do the good thing instead, not necessarily expecting it will make you feel better, but just because it's incompatible with the bad habit. Like, I can't be doom scrolling if my hands are busy crocheting, or holding a book, or going for a walk. Simple craft projects or walking feel boring to me if I'm only doing that, so I listen to a podcast or audiobook at the same time, or watch a show while crafting.
ā¢
u/existentialfeckery AuDHD (Late Dx) with AuDHD Partner and Kids 15h ago
This. I've never succeeded in just stopping x. It has to be replaced with a better option.
2
u/panicpixiememegirl 1d ago
I used to play scenic and exploration based video games like Sky: COTL and Genshin. I still do that now but i also journal, meditate, exercise, and use some therapeutic tecniques to help with anxious thoughts.
2
u/SorryImFine 1d ago
I recently found a post on here with pain stims and it gave me some hope. I also engage in harmful behaviors like cutting and starving myself for the sensory input. I ordered a ālittle ouchieā from Amazon and an acupressure mat. My therapist also recommends snapping a rubber band on my arm but I donāt find that one helpful. It usually just tides me over until I can get my hands on the real thing. I know you say you exercise but long distance running is one of my go tos. Itās a wonderful way to dissociate. Also caffeine, which is slightly less harmful maybe. And at the end of the day, I was recently started on Abilify to try to calm the nagging thoughts that end in harmful behaviors. It hasnāt been long enough for me to tell you how itās going yet but itās an option.
2
u/Regular_Care_1515 1d ago
Cooking if you have the time. Itās so peaceful and you have no choice but to focus (you donāt want to burn the house down haha). Plus, you have the opportunity to get creative with your meals, work with any food or taste sensitivities without anyone judging you, and eat healthier.
2
u/Applebugg 1d ago
Recently Iāve gotten really into balatro. I used to play solitaire like no oneās business when I was little and had extremely weird luck with poker when there was no betting involved. I later learned that I was looking for patterns in the cards(neurotypical people call it card counting) and assessing what I should play based on what was available. Balatro is a really good blend of the two games plus some other stuff added in. Itās not easy either. I can get lost in it for hours and come out feeling more mentally relaxed and satisfied than I do with a lot of other games out there. Even if I donāt win which is a huge bonus for me. Itās also only ten bucks and has a mobile version(I play on my iPad). Definitely worth it.
2
2
u/HedgehogFun6648 1d ago
I'm indigenous and reconnecting with my Metis roots, so I've been learning about the Medicine Wheel, and there a versions that has been developed called self-care medicine wheel. I recommend looking it up!
What it is is 4 inner parts of a wheel, each part is broken up into Physical, Spiritual, Mental, and Emotional. And what you do is try to do something that meets one of these 4 aspects of the self. Try to do one of these things daily or weekly, and do it mindfully. When you do something from each part of the wheel, it can ground you or help you feel more "full" or have a better sense of self. The idea is that if you skip one part, you may become "unbalanced".
Spiritual could just mean going for a walk, focusing on what you see, hear, and smell. Meditation.
Physical can be hiking or dancing. Taking care of your body, going to the doctor or dentist.
Mental is taking time to unmask when you feel safe, telling stories, creating art. This could be participating in a hobby or special interest.
Emotional could mean, making space for your emotions. Attempting to name an emotion. Watching a sad movie and feeling emotions for characters if not for yourself. Spending time with loves ones ā¤ļø
Culture can also be tied to this, there are medicines that first Nations use and smudge with relating to each part too. Or involving yourself with culture and elders and community is important too ā¤ļø
1
u/Opening-Ad-8793 1d ago
Reminds me of PIES check ins I used to do with my work team. Physical, intellectual(mental), emotional, spiritual.
I like this. Thank you for sharing
2
u/pashmina_princess 1d ago
Lately I've been rubbing my thumb and my pointer finger together kind of like the money sign. It's not big enough to be noticed in public. I would say it helps but not as much as numbing my mind self-medicating did. I'm still looking for that sweet spot I guess.
2
u/Minntaka 1d ago
I feel you, OP. I am an addict (20 years clean!) and alcoholic (7 years sober this summer!) and the Stardew Valley game is my biggest comfort. I like other cozy games, like Coral Island etc, but SDV is my main and it doesnāt have any sort of micro transactions (a killer for me bc of addictive behavior). I have 5k hours across all platforms and dump my obsessive behaviors into the SDV game/fandom.
I use the Plum Village app, which has mindfulness meditations. I keep a special smooth rock (āworry stoneā) in my pocket for discreet stimming. Hmm, I also like to assemble miniature rooms and Lego sets and one of my favorite hobbies is letter writing because it brings happiness both to me and the recipient. When Iām really agitated, going on a walk (I walk my doggies) makes a big difference. Even if Iām not walking, just being outside is a major game changer (see: forest bathing) in my mood.
Keep up the good work, I know how hard it is and I believe in you! When I have cravings, my biggest help comes from immediately telling someone that I trust. It keeps me accountable. Iām here to lend an ear if you ever need it, I understand firsthand how hard the struggle is. šš
(edit: spelling)
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 17h ago
Thank you so much š„¹
Iām overwhelmed by how much support you and everyone has given, and to hear that Iām not alone. Congratulations on your sobriety. I am in awe of you and it makes really hopeful about things getting better.
I also love Stardew and am completely Ā the same: canāt do anything with micro-transactions. Gonna give letter writing, lego and Plum Village a try!
šš¤šš¤
2
u/No-Chance1789 1d ago
For me itās music and singing even though I canāt sing š and playing ps5. I love gta because you can do whatever you want! So maaaany things to do.
1
u/No-Chance1789 1d ago
Also electronic music. Iām obsessed since I was 14 and Iām 34! The repetitive sounds are something I love so much and I get goosebumps all over my body. And I can do repetitive movements without being judged
2
u/GreenAlien5 1d ago
Not sure if this counts, but talking about social interactions and stress in general. For example, if I have a stressful conversation with someone I don't know well, it helps if I have the opportunity to not only repeat it in my head, but actually talk it through with a friend over and over. It's not really about figuring out social cues or anything else and more about the repetitive reliving of the situation. As I only have one friend, this isn't something I'm able to do often.Ā
2
u/goozakkc 1d ago
Heyo, its me :)
I organize my collections. Or a break down boxes. OR actually fold/put away laundry. Normally laundry is dumped in my closet on the ground, or it sits in the bin clean and I pull from it.
Regarding collections, I tend to go for the MASSSIVE amount of empty frames that yet to have art/pics. Its an overwhelming amount and can usually distract me for a long time. Sure, then I feel guilty about having so many. The guilt reminds me to switch to laundry or breaking down boxes.
I also very specifically put on a book on tape while doing said tasks. Audiobook, I guess. Usually something I have listened to before, or if tis something new, its genre and narrator specfic. Usually is more cozy murder mysteries by the narrator Barbara Rosenblat, as I love her voice. There is the Amelia Peobody series, and now my new found series, "Beryl and Edwina". I am on book 5.
2
u/rbuczyns 1d ago
I've found that getting regular massages (like once a month) really helps lower my baseline anxiety level.
I also tend to sleep a lot, grateful for these tips
2
u/witchy_frog_ 1d ago
I scratch pilling texture, the texture of pilling brings me an unexplainable amount of comfort and joy and has since I was a toddler. I have a special fabric pillowcase that I sleep with so I can scratch the pilled fabric, I wear clothing that has pilling so I can scratch it or carry small pieces of fabric that is pilled so I can scratch it or play with it on my fingers! I do it a lot when I have the urge to pick at my scalp/skin, nails, or when I am generally anxious.
2
u/SensationalSelkie 1d ago
Puzzles. Sorting my crystals, beads, and stuffies. Rocking. Making beaded jewelry.
2
u/chainsofgold 1d ago
walking/running, and fibre arts (knitting, crochet, cross stitch). i think both are activities where iām doing the same thing over and over again with my body but iām making progress while doing it, which helps with the soothing repetitive movement and a sense of accomplishment. bonus if its something new too, like going a new place or starting a different project.
ā¢
u/Hoogin2020 23h ago
Looooong showers! If I feel like an explosion/implosion is imminent I lock myself in the bathroom. I might bleach the fuck out of my hair, or - in a REAL shitstorm of ptsd, I shower so ice cold it makes my teeth dance. It works.
But that is for emergencies. I've struggled a lot with on/off any (self destructive) way to quiet my mind. Life is too full of stress when I repeatedly feel extreme stress. So I've been able to remove stress inducers. Now... Life moves at a snail's pace. I leave the world alone and the world mostly leave me alone. It is paradise. A paradise massively polluted by ptsd.
ā¢
u/a_common_spring 23h ago
I am not an addict but I will say that exercise absolutely does not have the effect of stress reduction for me. I still do it for other benefits, though.
Some Repetitive behaviours that help me cope are large stims that use my whole body, or listening to a song I like on repeat for an hour, or doing vocal exercises. I've been trying to improve my mediocre singing voice for a few years and vocal exercises feel good to do as well
ā¢
u/anotherhistorynerd5 16h ago
Walking at the local park. It is only half a mile and pretty repetitive, which soothes me. I walk up to ten miles there a day. I often walk until Iām so tired that I donāt have energy to fuel my anxiety. And lost a lot of weight too. (Binging on food used to be a major cope for me.)Ā
ā¢
u/existentialfeckery AuDHD (Late Dx) with AuDHD Partner and Kids 15h ago
Weaving. It's super repetitive. A table loom is pretty affordable.
Colouring.
Video games like far cry, assassins creed Valhalla and horizon zero dawn have a hunting and gathering element that I get lost in and relax while doing. Minecraft can have this too while diamond and ore mining.
Knitting and crochet - same as weaving.
ā¢
u/dimensionalspirit 14h ago
Walking. Pretty much every night. Unfortunately. Not the best because Iām a girl but my town is pretty safe and I carry a weapon. But no matter how I feel. Or what the weather is. Or whatās going on. I take a half mile loop around my city. Unless Iām feeling unwell or dehydrated. I listen to my favorite music (not all the way up, i can still hear my surroundings). I walk at night because I stim while I listen to music so it isnāt super noticeable to people.
ā¢
u/MegalocerusGiganteus 10h ago
(one of) my special interests digital art, and i do it on my phone so its accessible pretty much everywhere. i use the same canvas size, backround color, brush and brush size, as i have been since i discovered digital art 5 or so years ago. again and again, over and over, without fail. i find it very calming, to have a digital environment thats completely consistant and within my control.
ā¢
u/NumerousMarsupial804 10h ago
I really love this idea! I always am put off by having the energy of having to set it up on my computer, so I love the idea of having it on your phone. Do you mind sharing what app you use? Do you use your finger or a stylus?
ā¢
u/MegalocerusGiganteus 5h ago
sorry for the late reply !! i use ibispaintx, which is free (albeit with ads) and my finger ! i like to use the default 'hard dip pen' brush at 2.4 pixels, with a canvas of 2250x3000. i used to use the default white backround, but it strained my eyes, so now i add a bottom layer of the off-white color F7F7EE to each canvas.
ā¢
1
u/ask_more_questions_ 1d ago
The habits are all trying to soothe something. You could process that something, and the you wonāt need a habit to soothe it. All the behaviors you listed are avoidant in some way, so it sounds like there are emotions youāre avoiding instead of feeling. Until you process them, there will always be a destructive habit to keep it at bay instead. Have you tried any thought inquiry (like Byron Katieās 4 questions) or parts work (like IFS) practices?
1
u/peculiarinversionist 1d ago
I have so many. I toe curl and cross my toes a lot. Itās a good one I can do without anyone noticing. I also stretch and twirl my ankles. I like to rock side to side when standing. I stretch my fingers out and then lay them down one on top of the other into my palm (hard to explain this one) or crack my fingers at the top knuckle. I also do the leg jiggle, tap my nails on something, tap my collar bone or rub my earlobe. I hair twirl sometimes but got in trouble for āmessing up my hairā when I was younger from touching it too much. I used to chew gum constantly but Iāve stopped due to some food sensitivities.
Also, listening to the same songs and watching the same shows or movies.
ā¢
u/3catlove 22h ago
Iām undiagnosed but have OCD and suspect I could have autism. I didnāt realize it was a stim but I find playing with my hair so soothing. I had cut it into a pixie and am growing it back out because I miss playing with it.
1
u/cleanhouz 1d ago
Moving my torso back and forth. It helps me pay attention and it is soothing. This is fairly new to me and there are plenty of things that I will not do in public, but this one feels socially acceptable so far.
Using my digital calendar for everything, down to routine weekly appointments and activities. It calms me to know that I will get a notification and won't mess things up.
I go to AA meetings regularly for community.
1
u/ElsieePark 1d ago
Going to the gym. I got into a routine and went every day after work and it was by far the best mentally I've ever been. BY FAR. Now I work away and can't and it SUCKS.
ā¢
u/doctorace AuDHD 21h ago
I am singing all the time. A word will remind me of a song, and I will start singing! I mostly do this at home only.
Not a popular one, but I love cooking. I suppose itās repetitive in that I canāt go through a day without actively preparing some food or drink. Even a little snack I might need to cut some cured meat or cheese. I might need to decide what type of sauce or spice to put on something. Food is a stim for me, but I learned to make it about flavour and not quantity, and to also make it about the creative act of making food (which can be even more fun than eating it).
I have a few massage tools that help me with deep pressure. I have an electric shiatsu massager for your neck, an S hook to get at knots in your back, and a roller ball to work on my legs.
ā¢
u/bakewelltart20 20h ago
I play one song/album on repeat, until I suddenly get irritated with it and need a new one, find new one, rinse and repeat.
I's so comforting for me. I have chronic anxiety. It's non harmful, especially if you wear headphones so it doesn't annoy anyone else! (I do.)
I do many of the baddies on your list though.
I have an aversion to gambling, I have to really force myself to even buy lottery tickets for my mother- who likes one in a B'day card.
I've been poor or close to it all my life. Overspending causes me anxiety, I don't do it now. I have mini spending sprees only after having nothing frivolous or extra for a period of time, buying only cheap food etc. My retail therapy is mostly affordable second hand things.
I've had long term issues with binge drinking but also go through long periods of not drinking at all. I'm in one of those now. I'm not a regular drinker, I don't drink every week/month, but I find it hard to stop when I get 'the taste.'
However, I still have the very disordered eating, smoking like a character from Mad Men, sleeping through entire days, years wasted on doomscrolling...and I'm highly likely to binge drink again at some point in future, just not regularly.
Gardening is something I only got into after 30, it's helped me with anxiety. Sadly I have no privacy and neighbours to studiously avoid. Being outside puts me at risk of getting stuck in an interaction I find it hard to escape!
I'm also physically disabled, however I'd be doing far more (I can do a lot of it sitting down) if I had a private garden and no needy/weird neighbours!
ā¢
u/briliantlyfreakish 19h ago
Knitting is a huge thing for me. It is basically a stim. I rollerskate and that helps a lot with my general mental health. Caffeine is an on again off again problem, cuz it gives me anxiety sometimes but it helps when I get depressed. Emotional eating, eating as a stim, and eating because Im bored are big ones. Journaling kinda helps sometimes. I used to smoje cigarettes and that was a bad one. I still crave them sometimes. But ugh I hate them. Lol
117
u/EyesOfAStranger28 aging AuDHD šµ 1d ago
The issue for me, as an autistic addict, is that I was constantly trying to get away from how I felt. Stimming, drinking, smoking, eating- all of it was an attempt to escape or numb what I was feeling.
There is no stim that will let me escape myself. I actually had to learn to endure myself (and eventually, love myself). Now, something as simple as rocking back and forth is soothing. It's not soothing in the same way that a shot of vodka was in the early days of alcoholism, but it's soothing.