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Self explanatory title, but for quick context: our school would have us answer weekly prompts in a journal that our teacher would read. I'm not sure what the point was either. That weeks prompt was somewhere along the lines of "Would you like a longer recess? Why or Why not?"

And me, the heavily bullied kid decided to write the following 😭(spelling and grammar mistakes intact):

"Longer break is not fair! We didn't come to school to play, we come to scool to learn and read. In break we just keep on running, what's the point? besides if you don't have friends who are you going to play with? [...] I like to read a book instead. Indoor reces being longer is even worse. Because imagen yourself alone in a chair? of course you would feel super duper bad! Because if it would be an hour, Bye! pack my bag and go kick myself out of here! So never ever in the whole entire world make break longer!"

You know what the teacher wrote back after she read it? "Oh wow! first person to say you don't want a longer break!"

Never got flagged to be looked at by the school counselor either LOL

Can anyone relate to this? I’m honestly a bit jealous when I read about autistic people who turned their special interest into a career and can now work remotely and choose their own working hours.

I came to my aunt's house just to visit and all of a sudden her daughter and her boyfriend showed up and they keep baby talking the baby with a very high pitched tone so I came to my aunt's room to hang out with her cats and recharge fr

It's too much noise with the baby and it just makes me tired and uncomfortable since her daughter being here wasn't something I was aware.

But I feel like a Grinch.

First of, I respect everyones view of their asd. This is just mine.

I can't believe when people say that everyone wants to be autistic now. Seriously?

All the time I have to watch what I say, not let people know how I think. Not speak like I think. Not ask the questions I want to ask but the socially acceptable ones. Keeping track of my body and eye contact. Never relax.

I diminish the struggles to not look too disabled. Everything feels heavy and impossible. I feel bad every day of my life as far back as I can remember. Always feeling far away and not right enough. Always too emotional or not enough.

Why would anyone ever think that anyone wants to live like this? Are people so stupid or is it cruelty? To me it sounds like they think that people with autism have a moral deficit of sorts or a bad character.

I don't know how many times I read that asd is only asd level 3. Anything is else is just quirkiness or a flawed personality.

Sorry for the rant! It just makes me so sad.

I can do a whole workout on a bad-anxiety day and feel super anxious the entire time. I can go for an hour long walk and feel super anxious the entire time.

I do exercise for the other health benefits but I have to find other techniques for relieving the bad feelings in my body, ie stimming or therapy techniques

I love telling other people about my goddaughter's reaction when I told her I was autistic. She has always been attached to me, to the point where they think she is my daughter and I am the stupid godmother who does what she wants. When I told him I was worried about the reaction, she was six years old, I told her very carefully that I'm different and explained, she responded with exactly that: "So what? It doesn't change anything" it was the most sincere reaction and after that every family meeting where I needed to isolate myself and someone made a negative comment she would start a fight to defend me. She is literally the best person I know and I learned from a six-year-old child that not to change anything, I continue to be the godmother who does everything for her. 🤣

I have seen here often how abit after talking to a new person they will realize and give you “the look”. This has happened so much to me, first we’re talking normally, they treat me OK but next moment they no longer want to hang out, and are avoiding me. Could you guys share anything similar that happened to you? I feel very isolated right now

Not gonna lie, I might be asking the wrong group for this ;) But maybe it good to also just share with my peeps.

I, as a foot in the grave almost 40 year old, went to a bar known for women dancing...on the bar. My mid 30s friend and I went just for fun, and at the ungodly hour of 10pm. I would have felt young and free if my body didn't remind me that WE DON'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

Anyhow. I am cis and hetero, and married. But my husband and I, he is also likely on the spectrum, do not wear rings. I sometimes where one on my thumb, but can't stand the feeling of a ring on my ring finger. I got a plastic one and chewed right through it. Yay pika.

So, at this bar, a guy comes over and starts chatting with me about my awesome glasses. We get onto star wars, and then dune. I realize somewhere in there he is probably hitting on me, and sees me as the Manic Pixie Dreamgirl (which I despise). And he probably thinks I am single. I didn't want to be aggressive, as it was a fine convo, and he didn't actually ask me out. But I also felt bad that he probably thought I was single, and he was soley focused on me. Thus he was wasting his time, which I felt guilty about. I also didn't want to be super awkward and just blurt out I was married, or even bring it up like "yeah, my husband loves video games too" (even though we weren't talking about that stuff, and we were talking about MY special interests my husband does not share). It felt WAY too late in the convo to suddenly introduce the idea of a husband without it making it sounds like I was hiding it intentionally, OR even that I was implying this dude was hitting on me. WHAT IF HE WASN'T AND I WAS MISREADING IT? By the end, I am almost positive he was, but that was BY THE END.

So. Should I have brought it up? how? Did I owe it to him?

Edited to add: I got married like two years ago, and haven't been in this situation since then.

so i'm telling you guys instead 💕

After nearly 15 years, I've come to a profound realization: as a neurodivergent woman, I thrive in friendships with fellow autistic individuals. My past experiences with neurotypical women often left me feeling like an outsider, unable to truly be myself. These friendships would inevitably fizzle out, leaving me feeling drained and disconnected.

However, I've been fortunate to find solace in friendships with fellow neurodivergent women. My closest friend, who is also autistic, and I instantly connected. Our first encounter sparked a deep sense of understanding, and we've navigated life's ups and downs together for seven years. Last year, I met another like-minded woman, and our connection was effortless. When I'm with these friends, I feel rejuvenated and accepted.

In contrast, my attempts to connect with neurotypical women have left me feeling like I'm fighting an uphill battle. A recent experience at the pool reinforced this feeling, as I struggled to connect with some women and felt judged.

But what's even more challenging is finding these like-minded individuals in the first place. In my community, there's still a stigma surrounding mental health and neurodivergence. Many people view mental disorders as a myth, and others have successfully masked their struggles to fit societal norms. This makes it even harder for me to find people who truly understand me.

To make matters worse, I'm constantly judged for not having a large circle of female friends. I'm often met with skepticism and concern, with people whispering, "If she has no female friends, she's the problem". It's exhausting and invalidating, especially when I'm just trying to find people who accept me for who I am.

I've reached a point where I'm choosing to focus on nurturing friendships with people who understand and accept me for who I am. I'm no longer investing time and energy into trying to fit in with neurotypical people. Instead, I'm prioritizing connections with like-minded individuals who share my experiences and perspectives, even if it's a harder road to take."

I know the stereotype of Autism is needing two to twelve business days to get ready for social events but I've never been that way. I want my apartment to get as much foot traffic as Seinfeld's.

Any other really social Autistic women?

Hi all. This evening I was relaxing by myself scrolling online in a dark room, and I suddenly heard an unidentified noise which I now believe was probably my new phone's low battery sound, which I hadn't heard before. The sound itself was like part of a descending minor scale, so it had a very definite 'bad alert' sound to it. My body immediately froze in panic and I couldnt move for like a good 15 seconds, all I could do was shout for help. Once I did get help I was shaking and on the verge of tears, all from a noise I didn't recognise when i was in an unprepared state.

This experience got me thinking about sounds as a trigger. I know loud noises are upsetting for a lot of autistic people (including myself), but I think this is slightly different. It's always been one of my 'weird things', since i was little. My parents had to put some of my Leapfrog toys deep in cupboards where I wouldn't be afraid of them because they would go 'my batteries are low!' or something along those lines, and that would send me into pretty severe distress. But even now, any unidentified sounds, especially ones that signify that something bad is happening, often send me into a state of panic. Low battery sounds, any kind of alarm, those emergency alert systems on phones, etc. They don't have to be loud or annoying, they just need to be something my brain identifies as 'bad sound' to send me into fight or flight. I basically have to have all my devices on silent, which means I often miss calls and texts from friends, and I can't sleep with anything that could make a noise in my room at night, even if I know rationally it's not going to :(

Has anyone else got experience dealing 'irrational' panic triggers that don't seem to come from anywhere? It can be hard to explain to others who don't understand why you find it distressing, because they don't. I think it's easy to internalise the mindset of 'it's just a sound, why do I have to be like this, no one else finds it upsetting, why do i have to be so sensitive and irrational', and being embarrassed by it. I wondered all of you lovely people's thoughts on this 🫶

Hi, I've been lurking here for a bit and commenting occasionally. I'm 35 and coming to the realization that I'm most likely autistic and feeling silly that I didn't get it earlier because it's so obvious to me. Like I masked so well all my life that I fooled myself. But now that I'm in my 30s and confident and have no fucks left and don't care if any given person likes me, it's so clear.

Last year I was finally diagnosed with ADHD after being initially tested at 12, just for the satisfaction of knowing. I'm considering seeking an autism diagnosis but it doesn't feel quite as necessary. Since there's nothing about autism to treat (except maybe anxiety which I'm already medicated and in therapy for, I love therapy) I don't feel like an official diagnosis is worth the effort at this point. But then again at times I have doubts that my self diagnosis is valid even though objectively I know it is. Like if I told someone I'm autistic I know they'd be like "cool," not "prove it." Or would they lol.

Anyway, hi. I'm autistic.

A colleague at work ledt today and I'm seriously sad over it. Ive only been at this place about a year and a half and we really only started to speak over the last 7 months really and even then it wasn't on many days. But she left today and I feel super sad over it.

She was one of few nice people she didn't judge me or anyone she was very open minded and kind hearted and it's just weird that we won't see each other on Tuesday like normal.

But I know she probably wasn't that bothered like me. I def build things up to be more than they are. And it's weird a very weird feeling because I'm pretty devastated over it cried yesterday cried saying bye she did give me her snap but idk I feel like this is something I do in many different situations.

I fear that it's basically with anyone who gives me time of day🙃 which is pathetic.

I always tend to cope with my anxiety with a range of semi-destructive or not the best behaviours.

As soon as I quit one habit, another crops up. It's been drinking, binge eating, emotional eating, overspending, online gambling, sleeping the days away, smoking, doomscrolling and some worse ones I won't put. I do my best to quit these, but then I'll find something new and it'll be the way I cope with quitting the old bad habits.

Neurotypical people and therapists recommend things like exercise or grounding techniques. I already exercise and try to generally take care of my sleep and diet.

I seem really functional on the outside and no one really knows how much I struggle with these things.

My question is: what are some real, actual things that you repeat and help alleviate your anxiety?

Please recommend me specific video games, hyperspecific rituals, or even things that aren't the best but maybe way less destructive.

I already do things like reading, crafting, etc but it just doesn't help.

Some background context lol. We're in our 20s, we live in a small town in southern Europe so socializing and not being isolated is the norm. My friend is a hot masc lesbian (relevant) who's absolutely incredible and very likeable. She's a weirdo at heart so our close group of friends who we consider siblings are all weird, including me.

Whenever me and her go out to a party, festival or to catch a drink with our/her acquaintances I literally feel like her pet platypus. Even though I'm friendly to these people and have known them for the same amount of time I can tell I'm only being tolerated because I'm with her. I am her plus one. Since she's attractive a lot of girls will throw themselves on her.

Nobody is mean to me and I don't mind not being popular. What I do mind is when for some reason I have to return an object or see someone without her and the acquaintance will literally cancel on me because my friend isn't coming. -- I hate feeling that I creep people out and that I'm begging them for attention. I hate how they won't just be direct and only talk to my friend instead of going on group chats asking to hang out knowing that if I say yes and she doesn't appear they'll freak out. I also hate how they're lowkey weirded out and confused as to why I'm so close to her and get upset when they can't be. I saw how aggressive they became towards her ex gf out of jealousy and getting even a slightly jealous comment freaks me tf out.

The fake niceness just reminds me of how hard of a time I have socializing in general. Having to go through pleasantries with me feels like a ritual of access when I really do not care to gatekeep her, I just wanna talk as my own individual person. When I let my guard down I get confused and have to go through another reality check.

So this is why I feel like a pet platypus. Very weird, endearing enough to interact with a bit and not feel threatened by and somewhat amusing

I keep getting scared and thinking "what if its something else?" I'm highly likely wrong but it almost doesn't feel right but at the same time it does? I don't know why this scares me but it just does.

I keep thinking "what if its bipolar/BPD?" "What if its adhd/add?" "What if its nothing?" and I hate it.

I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, not with the "normal" people, not with people with autism or on other levels of autism, not with people with adhd/add, not with anyone. There's just some things I can relate to but I feel like I don't fit in.

I just want to feel like I have somewhere I belong, somewhere I fit in and stuff. I want to find "my people" if that makes sense?

What if it's just anxiety? What if I don't even have anxiety? What if its depression? What if I don't have depression? I mean I doubt I do, I'm probably just lazy.

I hate it, I hate it so much

My whole life, it’s taken me much longer than other people to do just about anything. If I were going to wash the dishes that would take someone 20 minutes, it would take me an hour. I am intelligent and I did well in school (mostly), but I was almost always the last person to get up and turn their test in. I rarely did homework partially because I knew that it would take me hours. I tend to get places after other people despite feeling like I drive fast. I can’t even do the simplest of tasks with the efficiency of other people and I don’t even know why. Cooking is the worst— it takes me about 3 times longer than the recipe says it will. The only thing I can do faster than other people is read. Anyone else?

I'm turning 23 today! can't believe it. It feels like I am MAYBE 18. More like 17. 😅 I still live at home with my family. I've not yet even finished high school. Though, I will finish it this spring (a high school equivalency diploma!!) 🥳 I'm really proud of myself. I have no friends. It's been like...8? or 9 months since it ended with my ex and I'm so so so happy to be without him. He made me cry on all 3 of my birthdays, and I was left alone and hurt. Today I am nothing but happy, surrounded by my lovely family. My brother even got an extra surprise gift for me and it was so so sweet as he isn't talkative but shows his love through actions which I prefer so much. 🫶 I spent the day doing a Swedish national test (90k nationally who did it) for university to increase my chances of getting into my dream college in the fall, and move out. So from 8am-4.35pm. 5 tests. 😅

I'm 23, and despite being technically more alone and more behind than ever - I feel most at peace and happier than I have ever been. This is a good birthday the way I want it, even in spite of the test I feel so happy. So calm. Surrounded by those I truly love and who loves me. I might cry. But this year, finally, it's from happiness. ❤️

I used to feel quite neutral about being autistic, even a little positive at times since I was late diagnosed and finding out the answer to all of my behaviors felt really liberating. But lately I’ve been realizing that dealing with constant over stimulation, dysregulation and just generally feeling isolated because of autism is actually very difficult.

I have more meltdowns at work now because I can’t handle stress as well as I’d like, I have issues keeping myself regulated in my relationship because I’m dating an autistic man and I find him quite overstimulating at times. I still live at home and living with family is its own nightmare.

It’s just a lot to deal with. I feel like I can never truly be myself and unmask unless I am fully alone. More and more I realize that maybe I am meant to lead a mostly solitary life. I hate it, I have such a hard time making friends and keeping relationships going because I second guess everything; every interaction, I willingly put everything I do under a microscope and stress myself out unnecessarily.

So yeah I just needed to vent. Life has been a lot lately.

Was anyone else constantly labeled as over-dramatic, drama queen, attention seeking, etc. growing up? I wasn’t diagnosed until my 20s so as a grade schooler my big reactions, unfiltered facial expressions, and meltdowns were all viewed as me wanting attention. I also feel like a lot of times when bad things would happen to me, I would have to exaggerate about it for people to perceive them as being worthy of the amount of distress I felt. For most of my childhood I ended up just accepting this as my label. In my head, I was the annoying attention seeking drama queen and deserved to be hated for that. Did anyone else have a similar experience?

EDIT - There is so much strength to be found in shared experiences. I hope that everyone reading and commenting on this thread feels less alone and can understand that you were NOT being too dramatic or difficult or attention seeking. We were all doing our best to emotionally regulate and have our needs met different levels of information and resources… for some of us, that was none. You should all be so proud of yourselves for surviving that and coming out on the other side to a space where we can learn and heal and forgive ourselves.

I know that not being happy when someone crosses a boundary that you've previously set is normal for most people. But is it normal for those on the spectrum to be at least *that* close to a meltdown every time someone crosses a boundary that you've previously set (or tried to set)?

I feel pretty lonely with my diagnosis and I’ve been trying to understand if better. So I’ve been seeking out series and movies with characters who are on the spectrum. The only problem, I’ve never felt too close with any of them. The only one that I’ve found actually great is “atypical” although the character’s symptoms are still quite different from mine. Often it’s presented as something great, that makes the person special and attracts either success or other people. But for me it’s been quite the opposite. I struggle a lot in both social and academical/professional matters. I’m no genius who succeeds in life and I don’t have any friends, although I’d love to have them and struggle a lot because I don’t have them. Also, I’m what people call “lighter impacted”, with less obvious symptoms (especially since I mask a lot) and I feel like most representation is on the “stronger part” of the spectrum (I’m very sorry if I use the wrong terms or offend anyone with it, I’m still trying to figure everything out) So, I’m wondering whether there are any series or movies that you can recommend me where you found a character relatable, they don’t necessarily have to officially have autism but should be what people call “autistic-coded”. Thank you in advance!

Just realized today that I am better at everything when I am alone.

When I am the only one in the car, I drvie really well - add one other person and suddenly I am a very distracted driver. If I am being observed while I do my job I make way mote mistakes than when I am just doing my thing. This is true of cooking, readinfg, test taking, etc.

This is the clearest evidence I have had that yes, I spend a lot of energy masking. Being watched is so disruptive to my life and while I very much enjoy time alone, I get lonely. I want to be done with this but have no idea how to change. I am 37, the wiring feels permanent.

And side note, my daughter is getting older (just turned 8) and has been asking me things like "what does that face mean?" or "why does your voice sounds like that?" when I interact with her. Its almost like I never have masked with her and now she is asking me to.... it is very triggering but obviously not her fault. I am not sure what to do.