My best friend is really popular, when we socialize with others I feel like her pet platypus

[u/piggysnout]

Some background context lol. We're in our 20s, we live in a small town in southern Europe so socializing and not being isolated is the norm. My friend is a hot masc lesbian (relevant) who's absolutely incredible and very likeable. She's a weirdo at heart so our close group of friends who we consider siblings are all weird, including me.

Whenever me and her go out to a party, festival or to catch a drink with our/her acquaintances I literally feel like her pet platypus. Even though I'm friendly to these people and have known them for the same amount of time I can tell I'm only being tolerated because I'm with her. I am her plus one. Since she's attractive a lot of girls will throw themselves on her.

Nobody is mean to me and I don't mind not being popular. What I do mind is when for some reason I have to return an object or see someone without her and the acquaintance will literally cancel on me because my friend isn't coming. -- I hate feeling that I creep people out and that I'm begging them for attention. I hate how they won't just be direct and only talk to my friend instead of going on group chats asking to hang out knowing that if I say yes and she doesn't appear they'll freak out. I also hate how they're lowkey weirded out and confused as to why I'm so close to her and get upset when they can't be. I saw how aggressive they became towards her ex gf out of jealousy and getting even a slightly jealous comment freaks me tf out.

The fake niceness just reminds me of how hard of a time I have socializing in general. Having to go through pleasantries with me feels like a ritual of access when I really do not care to gatekeep her, I just wanna talk as my own individual person. When I let my guard down I get confused and have to go through another reality check.

So this is why I feel like a pet platypus. Very weird, endearing enough to interact with a bit and not feel threatened by and somewhat amusing

[u/helloviolaine]

I can relate. I always joke that every fun thing that ever happened to me actually happened to my popular friend and I stood next to her.

[u/BanjoWasNotHisNameO]

Platypus are indeed endearing and a bit weird, but I want to assure you that they can absolutely be threatening and that you don't want to fuck with a platypus. Monotremes in general are rather hardcore. Did you know they don't have nips? They secrete milk instead.

These people are not your friends. Your mate is trying to force a friendship between them and you. It would be convenient to have all your friends be friends with one another but, alas, it almost never works out.

I get so embarrassed and awkward when trying to make new friends, but I would rather do that a thousand times over than pretending to be friendly with friends of my friends.

[u/plankton_lover → u/BanjoWasNotHisNameO]

Platypus also have venomous spurs on their legs - not lethal for humans but chuffing painful!

[u/BanjoWasNotHisNameO → u/plankton_lover]

Only the males, though. If I were a lady platypus I'd want some venomous spurs, too. No teeth, hunts by electroreception, biofluorescent under UV (why?), platypus really have got it all 😁

[u/Strange_Morning2547]

Yeah, I wouldn't even bother attempting friendships with people because of your friend. Accept her friendship. If she's not going to attend, I won't either. I have been a lot of people's pets. I'm not sure why people adopt us sometimes. I guess I never minded. These adopters always have a strange side- like they are some autistic neurotypical hybrid. I've observed that they can let their weirdness hang out, and we do not judge or even think anything of it. I've learned to accept the kindness and not attempt to bridge with the others. Always be kind, but unless you have some similarities that can bridge the gap, they aren't there to be your friends. Sorry if that is harsh, but hang a little loose and don't get up in arms about them. Also, please develop yourself apart from your friends. Hobbies and interests and what not. It will help in the long run. We aren't the popular girls. We are the little weirdos. Once you understand that, things get a little easier.

[u/piggysnout → u/Strange_Morning2547]

About the adoption, In my friend's case, she loves and connects with me and our main group of weirdos but enjoys socializing with "the others" for fun. Everyone else wants to connect with her deeply but she really dislikes "neurotypical flaws" (social hierarchys, fake niceness, talking shit behind other peoples back, getting mad over superficial issues, wanting to lead a boring conformist life) so she just dips her toes over there for a while, iykwim

I would like to do that too in theory, just hang out with other people to experience different things but I fail tremendously and cannot pass for normal at all

You're right. I really do want to focus on myself, my interests and the people who I actually like. Sometimes I forget and think that maybe I just didn't try hard enough last time (and fall flat on my face)

[u/Strange_Morning2547 → u/piggysnout]

Stud that has to be forced is never worth it.

[u/AdEconomy9367]

First of all I needed to google what is a platybus xD but no I feel you. I had very popular friends in my teenage years who were admired by both genders and I was always only the friend of such and such. Feeling invisible and just like an add-on doesn‘t help with self-esteem. I have southeast- european origin where being a social butterfly is the norm and being stuck-up is not doing any favors. I have no advice to give - just know that you‘re not alone in feeling this way.

[u/piggysnout → u/AdEconomy9367]

Hahaha you should check out the most famous one: Perry the platypus 

I also have a southeast asian and european origin! Since I don't really look like other people here it didn't help me feel less outcasted 

[u/MakrinaPlatypode]

I'm sorry about that. That's basically how I feel too. It's even in my username, because even before I knew I was autistic, I knew I was an 'odd duck'.

It's tough realising that in all friends groups, you're the one on the outside. When I was a kid in middle and high school, I had other kids that I regularly hung out with in school, but it was really clear to me that they hung out after school too, and that I was the sort of friend that gets invited if everyone is invited, but not the sort of friend that gets asked to hang out one-on-one or in the smaller group. The tag-along friend.

The dynamics in your group sound really tough, though. But it also sounds like your friend who is the core of this group really is a good friend to you, even if the others are not so kind. I'm glad you've at least got her; but I'm really sorry these other acquaintances are like that, that must be very hurtful :(

[u/piggysnout → u/MakrinaPlatypode]

Oh my gosh your username! It's so interesting how this feeling can be described so similarly by multiple people

I had that issue as well early on in highschool (honestly always), I eventually managed to hang on by luck -  by eventually finding one person i could connect to in each stage of life and just use them to navigate the world. Those lonely in betweens were terrible and awkward. No bullying, just 100% invisibility 

Thank you for your words, I'm sorry you also feel this way