r/AutismInWomen • u/Frosty_Bus_6420 AuDHD • 1d ago
Vent No Advice Ambivalence towards autism is turning into disdain
I used to feel quite neutral about being autistic, even a little positive at times since I was late diagnosed and finding out the answer to all of my behaviors felt really liberating. But lately I’ve been realizing that dealing with constant over stimulation, dysregulation and just generally feeling isolated because of autism is actually very difficult.
I have more meltdowns at work now because I can’t handle stress as well as I’d like, I have issues keeping myself regulated in my relationship because I’m dating an autistic man and I find him quite overstimulating at times. I still live at home and living with family is its own nightmare.
It’s just a lot to deal with. I feel like I can never truly be myself and unmask unless I am fully alone. More and more I realize that maybe I am meant to lead a mostly solitary life. I hate it, I have such a hard time making friends and keeping relationships going because I second guess everything; every interaction, I willingly put everything I do under a microscope and stress myself out unnecessarily.
So yeah I just needed to vent. Life has been a lot lately.
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