r/AutismInWomen • u/aijka24 • 1d ago
General Discussion/Question Feeling like you're doomed to forever work a stressful 9-to-5 job because your special interests aren't something you can turn into a career?
Can anyone relate to this? I’m honestly a bit jealous when I read about autistic people who turned their special interest into a career and can now work remotely and choose their own working hours.
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u/AntiDynamo 23h ago
I don’t even have special interests to begin with, we just have to make do with regular interests and finding careers that utilise our skills/talents
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u/aijka24 23h ago
Well .. I am 25 and I still don’t really know what my skills/talents really are .. do you?
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u/AntiDynamo 22h ago
I know I enjoy tedious tasks, particularly things that involve problem solving. And I know I hate anything customer-facing or with a lot of mandatory socialising/human interaction. I’m lucky enough to find math pretty easy, so I went into software engineering. I have a passing interest in programming, but it’s not like I’d do it for fun tbh.
A job is just a job, and no matter how passionate you are, you will always be just another warm body to any employer. So in that sense, it’s better to not be too attached to your work. They can replace me easily, and I can replace them easily.
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u/delusionalxx 21h ago
A tip I can give to figuring out your skills is first figure out your values in the workspace. For me I need to be helping people. That is what aligns with my values at work. So that means I can do childcare, disability support, elder care, costumer service, etc. For some people making something with their hands or having a physical product once they’re done with work aligns with their values and is what feels good. So they could do machining, or manufacturing, or plumbing, or cosmetology. For some people having as little interaction with others is the priority for them to have a job that they can sustain, so they will find a work from home job. Some people need a job that keeps them busy so being a nurse in the ER or working in a busy kitchen will align with their work needs. It’s not about finding the perfect job or career, but finding one that aligns with at least one value or workplace need is a good place to start.
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u/aijka24 21h ago
Thanks for the tip! That's what I am trying to figure out .. unfortunately I thought I enjoyed working with people so I took a front office/community manager job but I am super overwhelmed with all the spontanous situations that come with that kind of job and I will quit on Monday :/ I was thinking about a home office job .. but I think I will feel lonley with no personal interaction at all ..
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u/AntiDynamo 21h ago
It’s okay if you don’t know everything already - I only knew I hated customer work because I worked in fast food as a teen and failed miserably. I knew I enjoyed tedious tasks because I worked as a stocktaker in university. And I opted for a job that was at least hybrid because I know from experience that I struggle with work endurance, and there are days I just need to not be observed
Hybrid work might actually be a good balance for you. You could do 2/3 days in the office working alongside people, and the other 2/3 from home.
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u/CompactTravelSize 18h ago
Don't feel discouraged - knowing what you don't like can be more important than knowing what you like. Contrary to the myth/ideal, most people do not love their jobs, most people can barely tolerate them because they need them to live. If you find a job you love and are passionate about that pays you enough to live, congratulations, that is amazing! If you find a job that you can tolerate (one you don't actively dislike) that pays you enough to live on and gives you time decompress and maybe even pursue your passions occasionally, congratulations, you are doing okay! Learning what you actively dislike is important in knowing what to avoid.
If a home office is too lonely but a front office job is too much, maybe a back office would be easier - interacting mostly with the same coworkers day after day, more routine work, etc.
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u/manyleggies 23h ago
My interest could possibly be incredibly lucrative as a career and now I can't enjoy it at all as a hobby because I'm constantly thinking about how I should monetize.
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u/Impress-Lonely 19h ago
SAME. I actually built a business out of my jewelry, which I've been doing since I was 5ish (so like 24-25 years). In 2012 I was riding high on creating an internationally successful, new type of jewelry, traveling to vend at conventions and festivals all over...by 2018 the copycats had damn near pushed me out of the market entirely except for custom work, and I had developed major hand/finger/neck issues from working in jewelry repair for another company. I've done a little since then, even working briefly for another repair company a few years later, but I can't find the passion in it anymore. I can't make proper money at it anymore, but if it doesn't sell, what right do I have to make it?
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u/FlanofMystery 10h ago
would you mind DMing me your socials? I love seeing newly designed jewelry!
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u/Impress-Lonely 3h ago
I actually have been avoiding most socials for the last few years, except for reddit. I may someday post pictures of my jewelry on reddit, maybe from a different account, but the thing I'm most known for would tell you who I am, and I'm not ready to lose the anonymity I have with this account. I'm sorry, I hope that's okay!
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u/Strange_Morning2547 23h ago
I don't know how to turn my love of the Plantagenets into anything else. I gotta work.
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u/CompactTravelSize 18h ago
While not my special interest, I wanted to say that I appreciate the Plantagenets because there are many wonderful documentaries to which I can fall asleep (voices sooth me). Thanks, Black Prince, for dying of dysentery so I could drift off to sleep 700 years later? 😅
High five for a cool and unique special interest!
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u/Strange_Morning2547 14h ago
Lol, I dunno about cool, but they are my favorite dysfunctional family🤣
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u/Coastanatic 23h ago
Kinda the same. For now I'm still a freelancer and my business is linked to one of my interests (languages), but it's a dying field so I will eventually have to change jobs. I have thought about my other special interests and there's nothing I can turn into a viable career. So yeah, I'm a bit lost and holding onto my current career for as long as possible, even though I clearly don't make enough money 😅
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u/Southern-Rutabaga-82 15h ago
Look into NLP. There will be plenty language-related jobs if you keep up with the development of technology. Language is still how humans interact with machines.
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u/PackageSuccessful885 Late Diagnosed 22h ago
My special interest has been a job for me, but I experienced autistic burnout and it's affected my ability to do a lot of things. I can't work much in a day because my battery is quite limited now
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u/PotentialMuch2450 21h ago
My work burned me out on my special intrest. When they had me do 3 ppl jobs because I "made it look easy" and didn't take me seriously even when I told them because I read so, as they say, cold. I had to cry then they acted like I was crazy but were willing to listen. NT communication is half lies to escape any responsibility unfortunately.
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u/Traditional_Bee_1667 23h ago
I got a job in my special interest (archaeology) and don’t mind it being in person. I am glad it’s not some random, boring job but we do have to be on-site.
Nice thing is there’s hardly anyone around when you’re on-site.
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u/AhRealMonstar 22h ago
I'm AuDHD, so my special interest changes weekly. I just really like statistics (pattern recognition) and made a career out of that. The work is usually remote and no one likes data analysis for some reason, so I just have projects dumped on my lap with some day they are due by. It's perfect.
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u/alliusis 22h ago
This is what I want for my job, what training/education do you have? Right now I'm in administration and my brain hates it, it's so taxing.
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u/AhRealMonstar 20h ago
I have a master's in statistics and did data analysis for various labs while doing that for extra money, so I'm like 2nd or 3rd author on some published things without ever having to write a paper. If you like stats, it's a sweet gig.
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u/alliusis 15h ago
I have a physics bachelors and would love to pick up some courses or certifications to try and specialize or get me into data analysis as a career. It doesn't seem like there's a clear path though and it's frustrating because I feel I have related skills/education but not the exact education they're looking for in applications. But I guess if you could do a certification/supplementation in statistics instead of a degree, that's what more people would do.
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u/AhRealMonstar 5h ago
I'd focus on the programming and math required for that degree. My undergrad was in genetics and I got my first job in data analysis because I knew python and r so well.
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u/rooskadoo 21h ago
Imagine getting a performance review or customer review that you did your special interest poorly and they don't like how you did it. And imagine your ability to make more money hinging on conforming the output of your interest to someone else's values and standards.
I do a job that is remote and flexible and not my interests. I protect those to do in a way that suits only me. I like what I do enough to do it every day.
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u/aijka24 21h ago
What job is that may I ask? :)
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u/rooskadoo 18h ago
Software engineering. There are still companies who allow full remote and have decent work life balance you just have to find them!
I went back to school in my mid/late 20s and retrained. After trying a few other careers. But I had the privilege of support while I did that.
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u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 dx AuDHD 23h ago
Mine doesn’t make a great career so it’s just something I enjoy. I also feel doomed to work the 8-5 until I burn out and can no longer work
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u/K5689 20h ago
I think a lot about how I feel the adult working life is «rigged». My parents could built a house, my mom worked part time occasionally, but they built a house and a life with two kids basically on one income. Now, whatever you do, it’s never enough.
Little has happened physically to the corporate, office jobs in the last 50 years, but the pace has become unbearable. What took days or weeks before, now takes a few minutes. Yet, we for some reason HAVE TO pretend our jobs are still the same as 50 years ago.
I have a well paid job in Oil & Gas, but housing, groceries, gas, electricity - everything is so insanely expensive. And me and my SO can forget ever getting a house.
Oh, and I live in Northern Europe. My life is a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people’s. But I am also doomed in the 9-5, with no possibilities to ever escape. I want peace, quiet, but the simple life is now unreachable. And I’m burned out, just have 30 more years to go.
Ok, rant over. Sorry to derail the original topic a bit.
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u/aijka24 12h ago
I live in Austria so I also try to remeber even on my worst days to be grateful that I am living here!
I feel you a 100%. The last few years I did so much complaing. But recently I've started getting into ancient Greek philosophies that teach how unimportant all material possessions are, and that with enough practice, one can be happy even in the most hopeless situations. I know many will say this is the wrong mindset — that we have to take to the streets and protest, that we shouldn't just accept things. But personally, I'm currently learning to simply accept that I'll probably never own a house and will only be able to afford the essentials with my income. Given the current global political situation, I just don't see any hope that things will change anytime soon. I'd be interested to hear how you deal with these negative emotions, if you're open to talking about it!
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u/CherryOnTopaz 23h ago
I’m trapped in the restaurant/customer service business I hate every minute of it I want out so desperately. I don’t have any skills though. I can’t even imagine having an interest turned into a career and even so I would probably hate it if there was an expectation if that makes sense?
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u/beg_yer_pardon 21h ago
My personal experience is that it's better to separate my interests from my job. Combining them taints any joy I might have derived from my favourite activities and ruins them forever, in no small part because of having to include other people in it. And I would do anything to not have to interact people I didn't actively choose to interact with on their own merits. If that makes sense. Again, it's just my personal thoughts on the issue.
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u/fricky-kook 19h ago
I found the field I wanted to work in at 30 and a job with the right hours and flexibility at 38 so there’s always time to change things up. All those years I felt lost and stupid but I was just not in the right path yet
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u/AhZuT_LA_BoMba 23h ago
I just wish that I worked in a field that engaged my brain more, and I didn’t have to talk to people who are spending money because they never like spending money… or arguing about facts… ugh…
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u/aijka24 23h ago
What do you work right now if you don’t mind sharing?
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u/AhZuT_LA_BoMba 23h ago
I work in HVAC (heating, ventilation, and air conditioning). I have to source parts and quote them to people. Parts are expensive, I don’t get to make the prices, but I’m the whipping girl. I also schedule technicians all day and map things out, which does engage my brain a bit, but I don’t get to make any big decisions….
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u/eittie 17h ago
I've been an HVAC estimator for over 3 years and I enjoy it. With your experience you would definitely be qualified.
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u/AhZuT_LA_BoMba 6h ago
I’ve always wanted to make the jump to estimating but I don’t feel confident customer facing.
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u/FrenchFrozenFrog 22h ago
My special interest is my job and im still super duper stressed and i meltfown as soon as a big issue arise. Its not a panacea. Life sucks.
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u/petrichorgasm late Dx, AuDHD, C-PTSD, OCD 19h ago
Yes. My partner has been coding since he got his first computer back in the 80s when software was DIY. He went to get his degrees all the way to PhD in Computer Science, worked in FAANG (or...MAAAN), and still makes bank outside of it. He's very happy with his work.
Meanwhile, here's me changing careers yet again at 44. But at least now I have a PhD level tutor for my brand of engineering (mechatronics)....?
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u/UnlikelyDecision9820 22h ago
Yes, but because I’ve seen enough cautionary tales. My two special interests are music and strength training. I like music a lot, especially as a consumer of the content. I can’t play an instrument and have never had a strong inclination to do so, but I love discussing music with other people. In the late 90’s and early 2000’s, there was a genre of nonfiction writing called music journalism. As it mostly was published in print media, those journalists don’t exist in the same way. Having a job in the field would be a one in a million shot. I’ve also seen how allistic people turn the gym into their career. Personal training can be lucrative for a few, but rarely that’s enough to make a living. So many of them take to social media as brand representatives or selling their coaching—both of which can read as extremely scammy. I can’t see myself doing this.
I’m too risk adverse to stake my living on a creative career like music journalism. I don’t have and don’t want the social media skills necessary to sell anything gym-related. So my job revolves around a distant 3rd special interest: science
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u/cattixm 21h ago
Sorta yeah. I’m trying to go into psychology which is something I like but all the things I really absolutely love are heavily undervalued (even moreso than psychology). I don’t know if they’re even special interests though. Most of the things I’ve considered special interests in the past decade have been media. A lot of my dream careers involve media production.
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u/krystaviel 21h ago
I did it backwards. Took a survival job and it became a special interest to me. This is easier to do with public service, technical, non profit kind of jobs rather than retail or restaurants.
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u/jadepatina 20h ago
I turned my teenage special interest into my career. On one hand, I feel very fortunate because I have a flexible and well-paying job. On the other hand, it's no longer my special interest and so I struggle to motivate myself to continue to do it, don't feel I can advance without motivation, yet can't do anything else.
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u/ProfessionalMix4514 22h ago
Yes i can agree! I feel like if i choose to do something with my actual interests i wont get as much money and theres just too many of those "what if... that or that goes wrong..what if i wont like my interests anymore.." thoughts.
But when i think about working jobs which i have nothing in common with it sounds so draining that i want to never have a job😭😭
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u/pstream20 17h ago
I just got hired at a job because of my connections based on my special interests. Lean into whatever makes you most curious and fulfilled by volunteering and showing up to events. It's scary at first, but you see the same people over and over and eventually make friends and it can be life changing. Most of my friends are neurodivergent I some way and it is amazing
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u/anotherhistorynerd5 16h ago
Yeah. I wish I could get paid to research the Battle of the Monongahela, but that isn’t going to happen. I am pretty good at pattern recognition, though, which helps immensely at my job. It is still soul sucking though.
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u/Southern-Rutabaga-82 15h ago
I love my job and am very happy with it. But I didn't turn a special interest into a career. I'm certainly interested in what I do. But it's more about how I can work and the skills that are required for the job that make it a good fit.
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u/Livid_Tailor7701 13h ago
I get you.
My education would give me research work and when I was a kid I thought it would be work of my dreams. Now there is an ad for this job and even if I failed to get it in the past, I feel more secure working physically with plant seeds what getting into clean desk job. Even remote job. I would get 1/3 salary more but I would need to talk to people. I would have more stress. I would have to work in very big company. Nah, I prefer work alone with seeds and get instructions via WhatsApp from my boss.
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u/Woodland-Echo 8h ago
My special interest is pottery, I do hope to make money from it one day but I don't want to turn it into a full career I think I would start to hate it.
Unfortunately my main career skills are things I don't really like. I'm REALLY good at customer service thanks to years of studying people and developing my work mask. Like it's my main talent at work but it drains me so much. I'm on a high all day at work then come home and crash, I feel ill all night from it. But it's what I'm good at, it's what makes me money to afford the thing I do enjoy. If only I could use my people skills in something that doesn't involve people.
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u/Far_Mastodon_6104 4h ago
Pretty sure Tolkien wrote something like this before writing LOTR. He was still writing for a job but it was like crappy jobs he hated.
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u/jdijks 21h ago
Even better settling for a job and working a 553am-230pm and having to work holidays/weekends and never get any time off and being exposed to shit and being traumatized. I fucked up
I'm actually kind of jealous of 9 to 5ers but maybe I'm a pessimist but I don't think for a lot of people that passions translate well for most into a sustainable job. Lots have to take a second job to be able to do what they love or that passion dies because it's now an obligation. To me a job is a means to pay for my lifestyle and passions on my own time
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u/PearlieSweetcake 22h ago
If I turned my special interest into a career, I'd just end up hating my special interest. 'do what you love and you'll never work a day' is capitalist propaganda