Realised I only thrive with neurodivergent friends.

[u/BigBoot7294]

After nearly 15 years, I've come to a profound realization: as a neurodivergent woman, I thrive in friendships with fellow autistic individuals. My past experiences with neurotypical women often left me feeling like an outsider, unable to truly be myself. These friendships would inevitably fizzle out, leaving me feeling drained and disconnected.

However, I've been fortunate to find solace in friendships with fellow neurodivergent women. My closest friend, who is also autistic, and I instantly connected. Our first encounter sparked a deep sense of understanding, and we've navigated life's ups and downs together for seven years. Last year, I met another like-minded woman, and our connection was effortless. When I'm with these friends, I feel rejuvenated and accepted.

In contrast, my attempts to connect with neurotypical women have left me feeling like I'm fighting an uphill battle. A recent experience at the pool reinforced this feeling, as I struggled to connect with some women and felt judged.

But what's even more challenging is finding these like-minded individuals in the first place. In my community, there's still a stigma surrounding mental health and neurodivergence. Many people view mental disorders as a myth, and others have successfully masked their struggles to fit societal norms. This makes it even harder for me to find people who truly understand me.

To make matters worse, I'm constantly judged for not having a large circle of female friends. I'm often met with skepticism and concern, with people whispering, "If she has no female friends, she's the problem". It's exhausting and invalidating, especially when I'm just trying to find people who accept me for who I am.

I've reached a point where I'm choosing to focus on nurturing friendships with people who understand and accept me for who I am. I'm no longer investing time and energy into trying to fit in with neurotypical people. Instead, I'm prioritizing connections with like-minded individuals who share my experiences and perspectives, even if it's a harder road to take."

[u/LotusLady13]

I agree with all this, for sure.

But I'd like to expand a little and share that for me this specifically has to be ND people who are AWARE that they are ND, and who understand what that means for themselves, and how it impacts their relationships.

Because in retrospect, I've had many, many friends over the years who are absolutely some form of ND, but were completely unaware and high masking about it.

And, in my experience, a highly masked ND who projects their own insecurities and self-hate onto a low/un masked ND can be a very cruel person.

[u/SaintValkyrie → u/LotusLady13]

Internalized ableism can be killer when projected onto everyone else.

[u/BigBoot7294 → u/LotusLady13]

This is so true. Some might become envious of the fact that you're not masking and thriving equally. Like, why do you have to be the exception?

[u/BidForward4918]

My circle of friends is all ND. It’s drifted this way over the decades. I’m friendly with NT people, but there is only so much in common we have. I’m in my 50s now, and I want to spend my time with supportive, understanding people. I wasn’t diagnosed until my 40s, but I had already naturally migrated to hanging out with ND friends even prior to diagnosis.

[u/332-01]

Congratulations! Would you mind sharing the steps you took to find and make these friends?